De Turkey and De Law, Page 3

not to be outdone here he go trying to shoot turkeys--wild turkeys

  mind you, 'ginst Dave.

  JOE CLARKE

  I God, I hope he finds 'em too. If he get to killin turkeys maybe

  he'll stay way from my hen house. I God, I done lost nine uh my best

  layin' hens in three weeks.

  (General Laughter)

  WALTER

  Did Jim git em?

  CLARKE

  I ain't personatin' nobody but I been told dat Jim's got uh powerful

  lot uh chicken feathers buried in his back yard. I know one thing if

  I ever ketch his toe-nails in my chicken yard, I God, he's gointer

  follow his pappy and his four brothers. He's got to git from dis town

  of mine.

  (Enter a little girl right, very neat and starchy. She runs up to Rev.

  Sims.)

  GIRL

  Papa, mama say send her dat witch hazely oil she sent you after right

  quick.

  LINDSAY

  Whuss matter wid Sister Sims--poly today?

  SIMS

  She don't keep so well since we been here, but I reckon she's on

  de mend.

  HAMBO

  Don't look like she never would be sick. She look so big and portly.

  CLARKE

  Size don't mean nothin'. My wife is portly and she be's on de sick

  list all de time. It's "Jody, pain in de belly all day. Jody, pain in

  de back all night.

  LIGE

  Besides, Mrs. Simms ain't very large. She wouldn't weigh more'n two

  hundred. You ain't seen no big woman. I seen one so big she went to

  whip her lil boy an' he run up under her belly and stayed up under

  dere for six months.

  (General laughter)

  WALTER

  You seen de biggest ones. But I seen uh woman so little till she could

  go out in uh shower uh rain and run between de drops. She had tuh git

  up on uh box tuh look over uh grain uh sand.

  SIMMS

  Y'all boys better read yo' Bibles 'stead of studyin foolishness. (He

  gets up and starts into the store. Clarke and the little girl follow

  him.) Reckon Ah better git dat medicine. (The three exit into store)

  HAMBO

  Well, y'all done seen so much--be y'all ain't never seen uh snake big

  as de one Ah seen down round Kissimnee. He was so big he couldn't

  hardly move his self. He laid in one spot so long he growed moss on

  him and everybody thought he was uh log layin' there; till one day Ah

  set down on him and went to sleep. When Ah woke up ah wuz in Middle

  Georgy.

  (General laughter. Two women enter left and go in store after

  everybody has spoken to them)

  LINDSAY

  Layin' all sides to jokes now, y'all remember dat rattlesnake Ah kilt

  on Lake Hope was 'most big as dat one.

  WALTER

  (Nudgin' Lige and winking at the crowd) How big did you say it was, Joe?

  LINDSAY

  He mought not uh been quite as big as dat one--but jes' bout fourteen

  feet.

  HAMBO

  Gimme dat lyin' snake! He wasn't but fo' foot long when you kilt him

  and here you done growed him ten feet after he's dead.

  (Enter Simms followed by the girl with an all day sucker. Simms has a

  small package in his hand.

  SIMMS

  (Gives the package to the child and resumes his seat.)

  Run 'long home now. Tell yo' ma to put on uh pot uh peas.

  (Child exits right trotting and sucking her candy.)

  WALTER

  They's some powerful big snakes round here. We was choppin' down de

  weeds in front of our parsonage yistiddy and kilt uh great big ol'

  cotton mouf moccasin.

  SIMMS

  Yeah, look like me or some of my fambly 'bout to git snake-bit right

  at our own front do'.

  LIGE

  An' bit by uh Baptist snake at dat.

  LINDSAY

  How you make him out uh Baptist snake?

  LIGE

  Nobody don't love water lak uh Baptist an' uh Moccasin.

  (General laughter)

  HAMBO

  An' nobody don't hate it lak de devil, uh rattlesnake an uh Meth'dis.

  (General laughter. Enter Joe Clark from store. Stands in door)

  SIMMS

  Dis town needs uh cleanin' in more ways than one. Now if this town was

  run right, when folks misbehaves, they oughter be locked up in jail

  and if they can't pay no fine, they oughter be made to work it out on

  de streets--chopping weeds.

  LINDSAY

  How we gointer do all dat when we ain't got no jail?

  SIMMS

  Well, you orta _have_ uh jail. Y'all needs uh whole heap of

  improvements in dis town. Ah ain't never pastored no town so way back

  as this one here.

  CLARKE

  (Stepping out before Simms) What improvements you figgers we needs?

  SIMMS

  A whole heap. Now for one thing, we really does need uh jail, Brother

  Mayor. Taint no sense in runnin' people out of town that cuts up. We

  oughter have jails like other towns. Every town I ever pastored had

  uh jail.

  CLARKE

  (Angrily) Now hold on uh minute, Simms! Don't you reckon uh man dat

  knows how to start uh town knows how to run it? You ain't been here

  long enough to find out who started dis town yet. (Very emphatic,

  beating of his palm with other fist) Do you know who started dis town?

  (Does not pause for an answer) Me! I started _dis_ town. I went to de

  white folks and wid _dis_ right hand I laid down two hundred dollars

  for de land and walked out and started dis town. I ain't like some

  folks--come here when grapes was ripe. I was here to cut new ground.

  SIMMS

  Well, tain't no sense in one man stayin' Mayor all de time, nohow.

  CLARKE

  (Triumphantly) So dat de tree you barkin' up? Why, you ain't nothin'

  but uh trunk man. You can't be no mayor. I got roots here.

  SIMMS

  You ain't all de voters, tho, Brother Mayor.

  CLARKE

  (Arrogantly) I don't hafta be. I God, it's my town and I kin be Mayor

  jes' as long as I want to. (Slaps his chest) I God, it was _me_ dat

  put dis town on de map.

  SIMMS

  What map you put it on, Brother Clarke? You musta misplaced it. I

  ain't seen it on no map.

  CLARKE

  Tain't on no map, hunh? I God, everytime I go to Maitland de white

  folks calls me Mayor. Otherwise, Simms, I God, if you so dissatisfied

  wid de way I run dis town, just take yo' Bible and flat foots and git

  younder cross de woods.

  SIMMS

  (Aggressively) Naw, Ah don't like it. You ack lack tain't nobody in de

  corporation but you? Now look. (Points at the street lamp) Tain't but

  one street light in town an' you got it in front of yo' place. We pays

  de taxes an' you got de lamp.

  CLARKE

  I God, nobody can't tell me how to run dis town. I 'lected myself and

  I'm gonna run it to suit myself. (Looks all about) Where is dat

  Marshall? He ain't lit de lamp?

  WALTER

  Scorched Daisy Blunt home and ain' got back.

  CLARKE

  I God, call him there, some of you boys.

  (Lige steps to edge of porch left and calls "Lum! Lum!" Lum's voice at

  a distance: "What!" Lige: "Come on and light de la
mp it gittin dark.")

  SIMMS

  Now, when I pastored in Ocala you oughter seen de lovely jail dey had.

  HAMBO

  Thass all right for white folks. We colored folks don't need no jail.

  WALTER

  Aw, yes we do too. Elder Simms is right. We ain't a bit bottern white

  folks. (Enter the two women from the store.) You wimmen folks been in

  dat store uh mighty long time.

  MRS. LULU

  We been makin' our market.

  HAMBO

  Looks mighty bad for some man's pocket. But y'all ain't had no treat

  on me. Go back and tell Mrs. Clark tuh give you some candy.

  LINDSAY

  Have somethin' on me too. Money ain't no good lessen de women kin help

  you use it. (Hollers inside) Every lady in there take a treat on me.

  MRS. JENNY

  Ain't y'all comin' in tuh help us eat de treat. Come on, Elder Simms!

  HAMBO

  (Getting up quickly. Lindsay and Joe Clarke also get up. They go

  inside laughing.) Here, lemme git hold of somebody. (Grabs one of the

  women by the arm as they exit into the store.)

  LIGE

  (Pointing his thumb after the women) Ah wouldn't way lay nothin' lak

  dat. Too old even tuh chew peanuts if Ah was tuh buy it.

  WALTER

  Preach it, Brother. But they's all right for mullet heads like Lindsay

  and Hambo. (Sings)

  When they git old, when they [Note: corrected missing space.] git old

  Old folks turns tuh monkeys

  When they git old.

  (Looks off right) Lawd! They must be havin' recess in heben! Look at

  dese lil ground angels! (Yells off right) Hello Big 'Oman, an' Teets

  and Bootsie! Hurry up! My money jumpin' up and down in my pocket lak

  uh mule in uh tin stable. (Enter three girls right, dressed in cool

  cotton dresses. They are all locked armed and giggling)

  LIGE

  Hello, folkses.

  BOOTSIE

  (Coquettishly) Hello yo'self--Want uh piece uh corn bread look on de

  shelf. (Great burst of laughter from inside the store)

  LIGE

  (Catching Bootsie's arm) Lemme scorch y'all inside en' treat yuh.

  BOOTSIE

  (Looks at the other girls for confirmation) Not yet, after while.

  WALTER

  Well, come set on de piazza an' les' have some chat.

  TEETS

  We ain't got time. We come tuh git our mail out de postoffice.

  LIGE

  Youse uh Got-dat-wrong! You come after Dave an' Jim an' Lum. But Daisy

  done treed de las' one of 'em. She got Jim and Dave out in de swamp

  where de mule was drugged out huntin' her uh turkey. An' she got Lum

  at her house. Thass how come de light ain't lit.

  BIG 'OMAN

  Oh, Ah ain't worried 'bout Lum. Ah b'lieve Ah kin straighten him out.

  WALTER

  Some wimmen kin git yo' man so he won't stand uh straightenin'.

  LIGE

  Don't come rollin' yo' eyes at me an' gittin' all mad cause y'all

  stuck on de boys and de boys is stuck on Daisy. (makes a sly face

  at Walter)

  TEETS

  Who? Me? Nobody ain't studyin' 'bout ole Daisy. She come before me

  like a gnat in a whirlwind.

  WALTER

  (in mock seriousness) Better stop dat talkin' 'bout Daisy, do I'll

  tell her whut you say. I think I better call her anyhow and see

  whether you gointer talk dat big talk to her face. (Makes a move as if

  to call Daisy)

  LIGE

  (keeping up the raillery, grabs Walter) Don't do dat, Walter. We don't

  want no trouble round here. But sho nuff, [Note: corrected missing

  space.] girls, y'all ain't got no time wid Daisy. Know what Lum say?

  Says Daisy is a bucket flower--jes' _made_ him to set up on de

  porch an' look pritty. I ast him how 'bout de rest an' he says "Oh de

  rest is yard flowers jes' plant them any which a way.

  BOOTSIE

  I don't b'lieve Lum said no sich uh thing.

  LIGE

  You tellin' dat flat--Ah knows. (Looks off left) Here come Lum, now,

  in uh big hurry jus' lak he ain't been gone two hours.

  BIG 'OMAN

  Less we all go git our treat! (They start up on the porch. At that

  moment Hambo, Lindsay, Clarke, Simms, and the two women enter from

  the store.)

  CLARKE

  (to Lige) Looks here, I God! Ain't Lum lit dat lamp yet? (Enter Lum

  left hurriedly. Clarke stands akimbo glaring at him. Lum fumbles for a

  match, strikes it and drops it. Gets another from his pocket and goes

  to the lamp and strikes it.) Somebody reach de numbskull uh box.

  (Walter hands Lum a box of the porch and he gets up on it and opens

  the lamp to light it.)

  LUM

  (to Clarke) Reckon Ah better put some oil in de lamp. Tain't much in

  it.

  CLARKE

  (Impatiently) Oh, that'll do! That'll do. It'll be time tuh put it out

  befo' you git it lit, I God.

  (Lum lights the lamp. The men have resumed their seats and the women

  are on the ground and near right exit. Walter and Lige and the three

  girls are at the door about to enter the store. Lum has the box in his

  hand and is still under the lamp. He walks slowly towards the step,

  box in hand. At the step he looks off left.)

  LUM

  Here come Dave. (All look left. Walter and Lige and the girls abandon

  the idea of the treat and wait for Dave)

  HAMBO

  But ah ain't seen no turkey yet. Dat ole gobbler's too smart for Dave.

  (Enter Dave with gun over his shoulder and holding his head. A little

  blood is on his shoulder. He pauses under the lamp a moment then comes

  to the step)

  HAMBO

  Whuss de matter, Dave? Dat ole turkey gobbler done pecked you in de

  head? Whut kind of a huntsman is you?

  (General laughter)

  DAVE

  Naw, ain't no turkey pecked me. It's Jim. Ah wuz out in de woods and

  hand don squatted down before he got dere. Ah know jus' where dat ole

  gobbler roost at. Soon's he hit de limb an' squatted hisself, Ah let

  'im have it. He flopped his wings an' tried to fly off but here he

  come tumblin' down right by dem ole mule bones. Jim, he was jus'

  comin' up when Ah fired. So when he seen dat turkey fallin', whut do

  he do? He fires off his gun an' make out he kilt dat turkey. Ah beat

  him tuh de bird and we got tuh tusslin'. He tries tuh make _me_ give

  him _mah_ turkey so's he kin run tuh Daisy an' make out he done kilt

  it. So we got tuh fightin' an' Ah wuz beatin' him too till he retched

  down an' got de hock bone uh dat mule an' lammed me over de head an'

  fore Ah could git up, he done took mah turkey an' went wid it. (to

  Clarke) Mist Clarke Ah wants tuh swear out uh warrant ginst Jim

  Weston. Ahm gointer law him outa dis town, too.

  SIMMS

  Dat wuz uh low-down caper, Jim, cut sho nuff.

  CLARKE

  Sho its uh ugly caper tuh cut. Come on inside, Dave, an Ah'll make out

  de papers. He ain't goin' to carry on lak dat in _my_ town.

  (Exit Dave and Clarke into de store)

  LINDSAY

  (Jokingly to Sims) See whut capers you Meth'dis niggers'll

  cut--lammin' folks over de head wid mule bones an' stealin' they


  turkeys.

  SIMMS

  Oh you Baptist ain't uh lot better'n nobody else. You steals an'

  fights too.

  LINDSAY

  (still bantering) Yeah, but we done kotched dis Meth'dis nigger an' we

  gointer run him right on outa town too. Jus' wait an' see. Yeah, boy.

  Dat Jim'll be uh gone gator 'fore tomorrow night.

  WALTER

  Oh, I don't know whether he's gointer be gone or not. We Meth'dis got

  jus' as much say-so in dis town as anybody else.

  LIGE

  Yeah. You Baptis run yo' mouf but you don't run de town. Furthermo' we

  ain't heard nothin' but Dave's lie. Better wait till we see Jim an'

  git de straight of dis thing.

  HAMBO

  Will you lissen at dat? Dese half-washed Christians hates de truth lak

  uh bed-bug hates de light. God a' mighty! (rising) Ahm goin' in an'

  see to it dat de Mayor makes dem papers out right. (He exits angrily

  into the store. Simms and all the men rise too)

  SIMMS

  Come on Walter, you an Lige. Less we go inside too. Dat po' boy got

  tuh git jestice. An' 'tween de Mayor an' dese Baptists he ain't got

  much chance. (They exit into the store)

  1st WOMAN

  Come on you young gals, whut y'all wanta be hangin' round de store an'

  its way after black dark. Yo' mammies oughter take an frail de las'

  one of yuh! Come along! (The girls come downoff the porch and join the

  women. Loud angry voices inside the store)

  2nd WOMAN

  Lawd, lemme git home an' tell my husban' bout all dis. Umph! Umph!

  (The women and girls exit as the men all emerge from the store. Lum

  comes first with the warrant in his hand. Clarke emerges last.)

  CLARKE

  Can't have all dat fuss an' racket in my store. All of you git outside

  dat wants tuh fight? (He begins to close up)

  SIMMS

  But Brother Mayor, I said it, an' I'll say it agin, tain't right--

  CLARKE

  (turns angrily) I God, Clarke [Hand written correction: Simms], Ah

  don't keer whut you say. 'Taint worth uh hill uh beans nohow. Jim is

  gointer be 'rested for hittin' Dave an' takin' his turkey, an' if he's

  found guilty he's goin' way from here. Tain't no use uh you swellin'

  up neither. (to Lum) Go get him, Lum, an' lock 'im in my barn an' put

  dat turkey under arrest too. I God, de law is gointer be law in my

  town. (Exit Lum with an important air.)

  WALTER

  Where de trial gointer be, Brother Clarke, in de hall?

  CLARKE

  Nope, it's too little. It'll hafta be in de Baptist Church. Ah reckon

  dat's de bigges' place in town. Three o'clock Monday evening. Now,

  y'all git on off my porch tuh fuss. Lige, outen dat lamp for Lum.

  (The stage goes black. The crowd is dispersing slowly. Angry voices

  are heard. The curtain is descending slowly. Off-stage right the voice

  of Lum is heard calling Daisy.)

  LUM

  Oh Daisy! Daisy!

  DAISY

  (at a distance) What you want, Lum?

  LUM

  Tell yo' mama to put on de hot water kittle. I'll be round there

  before long.

  _CURTAIN_

  ACT II

  Scene I

  SETTING: Village street scene. Huge oak tree upstage center. A house

  or two on backdrop. When curtain goes up Sister Lucy Taylor is seen

  standing under the tree trying to read a notice posted on the tree.

  She is painfully spelling it out. Enter Sister Thomas--a younger woman

  (in her thirties) at left.

  SISTER THOMAS

  Evenin', Sis Taylor.

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Evenin'. (returns to the notice)

  SISTER THOMAS

  Whut you doin'? Readin' dat notice Joe Clarke put up 'bout de meetin'?

  (approaches tree)

  SISTER TAYLOR

  Is dat whut it says? I ain't much on readin' since I had my teeth

  pulled out. You know if you pull out dem eye teeth you ruins yo' eye

  sight. (turns back to notice) Whut it say?

  SISTER THOMAS

  (Reading notice) The trial of Jim Weston for assault and battery on

  Dave Carter wid a dangerous weapon will be held at Macedonia Baptist

  Church on Monday November 10, at three o'clock. All are welcome--by

  order of J. Clarke, Mayor of Eatonville, Fla. (turning to Sister

  Taylor) Hit's makin' on to three now.

  SISTER TAYLOR