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INDEX
abuse, domestic, 7, 81, 83
children and, 85, 92
coercion and threats in, 85, 86
cycle of, 87–89
economic, 84, 86, 90
emotional, 86, 86–87
hotline for, 94
leaving, 89–91
physical, 30–31, 84, 86
rate of, 54
sexual, 85, 86
shelters for, 41, 90
Stockholm syndrome in, 92–93
trauma bonding in, 92–93
verbal, 84, 85–86
See also violence
abuse, false allegations of, 9
abuse, of children, 138, 188
ACCEPT acronym, 227
acceptance, 229–230
acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), 10, 216, 219
mindfulness in, 229–230, 234
process of, 229–231
accomplishments, 16
ACOAs. See alcoholics, children of
ACT. See acceptance and commitment therapy
active shooter, 76
addicts, 175
family members as, 133–134, 143
minimizing by, 224–225
advertising, 111
Affordable Care Act, 220
aggressive communication, 208, 210
Ailes, Roger, 110
alcohol, 143
gaslighters pushing, 51, 53
at office parties, 78–79
alcoholics, children of (ACOAs), 143
Alexandra Feodorovna (czarina), 101
alternative facts, 2–3
American Psychiatric Association, 2–3
Amin, Idi, 105
ammunition, weakness as, 9, 15
Angelou, Maya, 61
antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), 226
anxiety, 4, 119
ending relationship and, 38–39
medication for, 233
projection and, 102
reaction formation and, 103
apologizing, 12, 212
ASPD. See antisocial personality disorder
assertive communication, 208–209
attention, need for, 36, 43, 158, 161
of gaslighting parents, 140, 144
in infidelity, 33
in political gaslighting, 103–104
attorney, 127, 149, 151–152, 171, 220
coparenting and, 183, 188, 192, 196
in divorce, 181–183
for gaslighting friend, 176–177
for gaslighting landlord, 174
for harassment, 68, 70, 74–75, 79–80, 93
hiring, 181
pro bono, low bono services of, 41, 75, 90, 181
background checks, 76
bait and switch, 23
baiting, 160
Bamiyan, Buddhas of, 102
Boeckel, Mariana, 92
bonded labor, 125
borderline personality disorder (BPD), 3, 142, 180, 225–226
bots, 111–113
BPD. See borderline personality disorder
Branch Davidians, 116
broken record technique, 160
Burke, Tarana, 82
burner phone, 90
busybody (yenta), 158
caregiving, 144–145, 148–149
Carlson, Gretchen, 110
Castro, Fidel, 106
Castro, Raúl, 106
catastrophizing, 224–225
CBT. See cognitive-behavioral therapy
Ceauşescu, Nicolae, 102
charge of discrimination, 70
children, 8
abuse of, 138, 188
of alcoholics, 143
counseling for, 91, 150–153, 187–188
in cults and extremist groups, 117–118, 122–123, 125–126
discussing gaslighters with, 193–194
in divorce, 182–202
domestic abuse and, 85, 92
ending relationship and, 42, 89–91
exchanging, in coparenting, 180, 186–187, 195–197
exes influencing, 9, 187, 198
friends of, gaslighting parents with, 164–166
as gaslighters, 149–153
gaslighting friends watching, 175–176
gaslighting grandparents with, 143–144
as golden child or scapegoat, 9, 15, 140–141, 147, 149
murder of, 91–92
parents competing with, 138–139
parents living through, 139
as wedge, 185–186
See also golden child; parents; siblings
Civil Rights Act of 1964, Title VII of, 67–68, 70
client-centered therapy, 10, 219, 221–222
clients, harassment by, 74–75
closure, 215
Cluster B Personality Disorders, 3–4, 18–19, 142, 180
code of conduct, 80
codependency, 8
cognitive diffusion, 229–230
cognitive dissonance, 24–25, 124
cognitive distortions, 224–225
cognitive empathy, 19, 162
cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), 10, 216, 219, 222
cognitive distortions in, 224–225
negative self-talk in, 223
collaborative divorce, 182–183
commitment, 6, 235
committed action, 229–231
communication
aggressive, 208, 210
assertive, 208–209
in coparenting, method of, 190, 195, 198
nonverbal, 209–210
open, healthy behavior of, 206–209
passive, 208
comparison, 15–16
complisults, 21
conditional apology, 12
congruent and incongruent behavior, 209
conning, 17, 56–57
consistency, 6
coparenting, 25, 179
attorney and, 183, 188, 192, 196
child abuse in, 188
children as wedge in, 185–186
communication method in, 190, 195, 198
counseling for, 187–188, 190, 193, 199–201, 217
exchanging children in, 180, 186–187, 195–197
exes in, 187, 191–193, 197–198
first refusal in, right of, 185, 195, 197
gaslighters in, discussing with children, 193–194
gaslighters in, refusing argument with, 188–191
gaslighters in, traits of, 184–185
parent coordinator in, 42, 190, 196, 198–199
parenting plan for, 194–198
respectful talk in, 198
self-care in, 201–202
stepchildren in, 191–193
See also divorce
counseling, 91, 212–213, 215, 236
ACT in, 10, 216, 219, 229–231, 234
CBT in, 1
0, 216, 219, 222–225
for children, 91, 150–153, 187–188
choosing MHP for, 218–220
client-centered therapy in, 10, 219, 221–222
commitment, positive attitude in, 235
for coparenting, 187–188, 190, 193, 199–201, 217
counseling (continued)
DBT in, 10, 219, 225–229, 234
discussing with others, 220–221
group versus individual therapy in, 10, 232–233
medication in, 233
PAC in, 210–211
paying for, 219–220
after relationship ending, 214
solution-focused therapy in, 10, 216, 219, 231–232
video conferencing in, 233
crazy, accusation of, 22, 77, 218
in domestic abuse, 81, 88–89
by family member, 134
crowd psychology, 72
Cuba, 106
cults and extremist groups, 7, 113–114, 236
characteristics of, 119–126
children in, 117–118, 122–123, 125–126
cognitive dissonance in, 124
healthy groups contrasted with, 119–120
isolation in, 8, 115, 118, 121, 125, 128
leaving, 127–129
loved ones in, 126–128
red flags of, 121
sexual abuse in, 118
types of, 116–117
unhealthy behaviors of, 117–119
currying favor, 14
cyberstalking, 29
cycle, of abuse, 87–89
dating
early signs in, 6, 44–46, 48–58, 60–61
first date in, red flags of, 44, 48–52
list for, 60
online, 46–48, 57, 60
protection for, 6, 57–59
rape in, 53, 93–94
scarcity in, 47
DBT. See dialectical behavior therapy
deep breathing, 229
Defense Department, 220
dementia, 149
depression, 4, 119
ending relationship and, 38–39, 214
medication for, 233
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) (American Psychiatric Association), 2–3
dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), 10, 219, 225
ACCEPT acronym in, 227
deep breathing in, 229
distress tolerance in, 226–227
mindfulness in, 234
psychological first-aid kit in, 227–228
See also cognitive-behavioral therapy
diaphragmatic breathing. See deep breathing
distress tolerance, 226–227
divorce, 179
attorney in, 181–183
children in, 182–202
collaborative, 182–183
high-conflict, 180–181
mediation in, 182
pro se, 182
domestic abuse. See abuse, domestic
domestic violence shelters, 41, 90
Donatone, Brooke, 142
double bind, 16, 138
DSM. See Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
economic abuse, 84, 86, 90
EEOC. See Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
ego-syntonic personality, 4, 19, 33, 203
Ellison, Sarah, 83
emergency bag, 90
ending relationship, 44, 179
anxiety and, 38–39
children and, 42, 89–91
closure overrated in, 215
counseling after, 214
depression and, 38–39, 214
flying monkeys and, 41–42
gaslighter response to, 89–91
grief stages in, 213–214
letting go in, 214–215
moving out and, 39–41
pets and, 42–43
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), 78, 80
filing claim with, 70, 79
harassment defined by, 65–66
right to sue letter of, 70
steps recommended by, 68
exes, 197
children influenced by, 9, 187, 198
of spouse, 191–193
Facebook, 52, 111–113
fake news, 2, 109–110
See also alternative facts
false claims, of harassment, 63, 93
family members, 131
addicts as, 133–134, 143
bad news not changing, 136
confronting, 132
flying monkeys used by, 134
forcing by, 133
holidays ruined by, 132–133
never happy, 135–136
placaters of, 134–135
responding to, 153–155
fawning, 16
fear, 17–18
First Amendment, 119–120
first date, red flags on, 6, 48–52
fleas, 25
of parents, 8, 141–143, 146, 205
siblings with, 146
Florence Nightingale, fake, 148–149
Florence Nightingale fantasy, 192
flying monkeys, 21
common statements of, 42
ending relationship and, 41–42
family members using, 134
forced labor, 125–126
Fox News, 110
frenemy, 9, 157
friends, 157
acting bored, ambivalent with, 176
attachment lacking in, 166–167
of children, parents of, 164–166
cutting contact with, 174–175
as emotional vampires, 9, 158
fear of losing, 169
gossiping by, 158–160
healthy, gaslighters contrasted with, 167–168
inauthenticity of, 168–169
legal remedies for, 176–177
loaning, borrowing and, 175
on social media, 177
splitting and lying of, 159–161
spouse or partner and, 161–164
watching children or pets, 175–176
See also neighbors
Gaddafi, Muammar, 103
Gas Light (Hamilton), 2
Gaslight (movie), 2
gender, of gaslighters, 3, 27–28
ghosting, 59
Goffard, Christopher, 56
golden child, 9, 15, 140–141, 147, 149
Google, 110, 112
grandparents, 143–144
grief, stages of, 213–214
group therapy, 10, 232–233
gun laws, 99
gun violence, 18
Hague Convention, 196
Hamilton, Patrick, 2
Hanh, Thich Nhat, 235–236
harassment, 1
attorney for, 68, 70, 74–75, 79–80, 93
behavior not constituting, 70–71
claim of, 68–70, 79
by clients, 74–75
definitions of, 65–66
false claims of, 63, 93
lawsuit of, 6–7, 70
sexual, 7, 63–65, 67, 81–83, 109–110
subtle, 66–67
supervisors and, 71–73, 78
under Title VII, 67–68, 70
at university, 73–74
See also workplace
Harris, Kira, 127
healthy behavior, 25–26
of apologizing, 212
of friends, 167–168
of giving space, 212–213
of open communication, 206–209
PAC in, 210–211
of parents, 136–137, 139
in relationship, 43–44, 206
healthy groups, 119–120
healthy needs, 43
healthy values, 44
Heaven’s Gate, 116
high-conflict divorce, 180–181
Holocaust deniers, 114
Homeland Security, Department of, 76
hoovering, 35, 89
narcissistic injury and, 36
sex in, 37
human trafficking, 125–126
Hussein, Saddam, 99
“I feel” statements, 207
image, obsession with, 17
individuation, 137–138, 188
infatuation, 55–56, 60
infidelity, 28–31, 88
ego-syntonic personality and, 33
gaslighting friends and, 163–164
history of, as sign, 32, 49, 51
insurance, 219–220
integrated personality, 168–169
intensity, ramping up, 54–55, 162
interpersonal relationship violence (IPV). See abuse, domestic
intuition, trusting, 52
IPV. See abuse, domestic
ISIS, 113
isolation, 21, 59, 71
in cults and extremist groups, 115, 118, 121, 125, 128
splitting and, 161
Jaffe, Peter, 92
Jang Song-thaek, 106
jargon, 121
journalistic integrity, 109–110
Kim Il-sung, 102
Kim Jong-il, 102–104
Kim Jong-un, 102, 106
Knopp, Kayla, 51
Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth, 213
landlords, gaslighting, 173–174, 177
Lauer, Matt, 82–83
LGBTQ relationships, 28
libel, 177
Lincoln, Abraham, 111
Litvinenko, Alexander, 105
love-bombing, 27, 35–36, 55, 88
low bono attorneys, 181
loyalty, not reciprocal, 22
lying, 20, 24
by friends, 159–160
in political gaslighting, 103
as symptom, 204
Maduro, Nicolás, 97, 108
manipulation, 3, 5–6
habitual, 23–24
types of, 12–23
Mao Zedong, 98, 105
McDonald, Shelby, 92
media gaslighting, 96, 236
journalistic integrity and, 109–110
political, 108–9
social media and, 109–110
mediation, 4, 182
Medical Information Bureau, 220
medication, 233
meditation, 10, 234–235
Meehan, John, 56–57
men, gaslighting by, 27
mental health professionals (MHPs). See counseling
Merritt-Gray, Marilyn, 90
#MeToo, 7, 81–83
MHPs. See counseling
Michigan State, 74
mindfulness, 229–230, 234–235
mind-reading, 225
minimizing, 224–225
moving out, 39–41
Mussolini, Benito, 97
narcissism, lure of, 50–51
narcissistic injury, 24, 36
narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), 2–3, 226
Nassar, Larry, 74
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 54
National Domestic Violence Hotline, 94
National Public Radio (NPR), 109–110
National Rifle Association (NRA), 99
National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 93
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 41, 215
nature, nurture and, 24
Nazis, 104