WHAT IF ALL THESE THINGS DON’T WORK?
Sometimes enough damage has been done by gaslighters and gaslighting behaviors that it can feel like you are stuck and things aren’t going to get better. It’s important to remember that getting better takes time. Your all-or-nothing thinking may be telling you that because a treatment didn’t work right away that there are no more options. That is simply not true.
If you feel that you aren’t making any progress, ask yourself the following questions:
Have I fully committed to getting better? (Sometimes people hold on to old behaviors because they get secondary gains from them. You might be getting attention when you cause drama among your friends and family. You might be feeling a sense of power over being able to manipulate others.)
Have I gone into the treatment with a positive attitude? (Studies have found that if you go into therapy with positive expectations, you are more likely to have a good outcome.)
Keep in mind that treatments aren’t “one size fits all.” A treatment that worked for a friend of yours may not necessarily work for you. It can be frustrating, but once you find a treatment that is a good fit for you, things move along at a pretty good pace.
YOU MADE IT TO THE END
So, you’ve made it through the gaslighting maze. Congratulations! Hopefully you have gained a lot of information on how to cope with people that make your life very difficult (even if that also includes yourself).
One of the best ways to extract yourself from gaslighting is to limit or stop contact with gaslighters. However, in some situations, such as coparenting, this is not an option. In cases where you can’t get away from the gaslighter, it’s important to maintain healthy boundaries, seek out support, and consult mental health and legal professionals for additional help. If you work with or for a gaslighter, remember that there are laws that can protect you if you are harassed.
Gaslighters can wield a lot of power—not just in your family, but also on a national and international level. You learned how gaslighters can quickly turn into dictators and cult leaders, making it virtually impossible to know what is truth and fabricated truth. Having citizens that think independently is the bane of gaslighting leaders, so keep as educated about current events and gaslighting as possible. Gaslighting can be perpetuated by the media—if a news story seems biased or off, it usually is. It is your right to speak out as a concerned citizen, and also make your voice heard through voting.
Hope is eternal—there is always something you can do to make your life circumstances better, regardless of the severity of gaslighting to which you are subjected. Making positive changes—such as getting away from the gaslighter, setting boundaries, and speaking out—may not be easy at first, but the benefits of greater peace of mind, happier children, and better health are worth it.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
THANK YOU TO MY FAMILY, HUMAN AND CANINE—R. MICHAEL SITZ, William Moulton, Claude Moulton, Esq., Christine Whitney, Esq., Lucy Sarkis, Scamp Moulton, and Rocky Moulton. A very special thank you to editor Caroline Pincus, who made my writing make much more sense. Thank you to Renée Sedliar at Da Capo Press, who acquired the book and has been its champion, and to my agent, Carol Mann. Thank you to Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA, Roberto Olivardia, PhD, Jeremy S. Gaies, PsyD, Karl N. Klein, Esq., and Valerie Theng Mattherne, Esq., for consultation and support.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD is a bestselling author and therapist specializing in gaslighting. She is a Diplomate and Clinical Mental Health Specialist in Child and Adolescent Counseling with the American Mental Health Counselors Association. She is also a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family and Circuit Mediator. Dr. Sarkis is the founder of the Sarkis Institute, and is a blogger for Psychology Today and The Huffington Post. She has a PhD, EdS, and MEd in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida. She is also an expert in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, chronic pain, and anxiety disorders. She is in private practice in Tampa, Florida. You can visit her website at www.stephaniesarkis.com.
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RESOURCES
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K. Roth and F. B. Friedman. Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications Inc., 2004.
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Thomas Harris. I’m OK—You’re OK. New York: Harper Perennial, 2004.
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