needs
communicating, 206–208
figuring out, 204
healthy, 43
neighbors, 157
gaslighting behavior of, 169–173, 177
responding to, 175
new religious movements. See cults and extremist groups
New York Times, 109
Newell, Debra, 57
nice, urge to be, 52
Nicholas II (czar), 101
Niebuhr, Reinhold, 214
nonapology, 12
nonparticipating provider, 220
nonverbal communication, 209–210
North Korea, 102–104, 106
NPD. See narcissistic personality disorder
NPR. See National Public Radio
NRA. See National Rifle Association
online dating, 46, 48, 60
protection for, 57
scarcity and, 47
optics, 98, 100
Oreskes, Michael, 109–110
overgeneralizing, 224
Parent Adult Child Model (PAC), 210–211
parent coordinator, 190, 196, 198–199
parentification, 8, 18
parenting plan, 194–198
parents
abuse by, 138
attention craved by, 140, 144
caregiving for, 144–145, 148–149
catastrophizing by, 224
competing with children, 138–139
cutting off, threats of, 141
death of, 145–146, 149
distress tolerance and, 226
fleas of, 8, 141–143, 146, 205
of gaslighting children, 149–153
as gaslighting friends, 164–166
golden children and scapegoats of, 9, 15, 140–141, 147, 149
with grandchildren, 143–144
healthy, gaslighters contrasted with, 136–137, 139
inappropriate boundaries of, 139–140
against individuation, 137–138
living through children, 139
siblings and, 140–141, 146–149
stonewalling by, 137–138, 143
passive communication, 208
passive-aggressive behavior, 21, 204, 208
Patrick, Wendy, 48
Peace Is Every Step (Hahn), 234–235
Penn State, 74
performance evaluations, 72–73
personalizing, 225
pets, 92
ending relationship and, 42–43
gaslighters watching, 175–176
phone, 90
placating, 134–135
play therapy, 200
Pol Pot, 98
police, 39–40, 59
political gaslighting, 7, 95, 236
attention desired in, 103–104
common characteristics of, 96–106
in Cuba, 106
failure of, 107–108
of Hitler, 100–101, 104
lying in, 103
in media, 108–109
in North Korea, 102–104, 106
optics in, 98, 100
projection in, 102
propaganda in, 101
reaction formation in, 103
responding to, 106–107
in Russia, 101, 105, 108
social media and, 109
in US, gun laws and, 99
in US, media and, 109
in USSR, 102, 104–105
in Venezuela, 97, 108
voting records and, 99
Politkovskaya, Anna, 105
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 92
powerless, mistreatment of, 14–15
present, being. See mindfulness
presidential election, of 2016, 2, 111–112
pro bono legal services, 41, 75, 90, 181
programming, 123
projection, 21
anxiety and, 102
gaslighting accusations and, 211–212
in love-bombing, 36
in political gaslighting, 102
in relationships, 28–29, 32
promises, 22
propaganda, 101
protection
for dating, 6, 57–59
in workplace, 6–7, 76–80
psychological first-aid kit, 227–228
Psychology Today, 4–5
PTSD. See post-traumatic stress disorder
punishment, 18–19
Putin, Vladimir, 105
rape, 53, 86, 93
Rasputin, Grigory, 101
reaction formation, 103
red flags, 5, 31, 35, 90–91, 93
of attorneys, 181
of cults, 121
in dating, 45–46, 48–58, 60–61
of fake news, 110
of fatal violence, 91–92
on first date, 6, 48–52
infidelity as, 32, 49, 51
narcissism as, 50–51
pushing alcohol as, 51, 53
social media and, 52, 58
of workplace gaslighting, 64
relationships, 6
ending, 38–44, 89–91, 179, 213–215
gaslighting friends and, 161–164
healthy behavior in, 43–44, 206
hoovering in, 35–36
infidelity in, 28–33, 88, 163–164
LGBTQ, 28
projection in, 28–29, 32
sex in, 29–30
stonewalling in, 34–38
responsibility, refusal of, 19, 23
restraining orders, 40–41, 59, 176–177
right of first refusal, 185, 195, 197
right to sue, letter of, 70
righting wrongs, 212–213
Russia, 104–105, 108
bots of, 112
czarist, 101
hacking by, 111–112
See also USSR
Sandusky, Jerry, 74
scapegoat, 9, 15, 140–141, 147
scarcity, 47, 120
secondary gains, 235
self-care, 201–202
self-concept, 38, 222
self-preservation, gaslighting behavior as, 205
self-talk, negative, 223
Serenity Prayer, 214
sex
in hoovering, 37
in relationships, 29–30
sexual assault and abuse, 29, 51, 53, 93
in cults and extremist groups, 118
domestic, 85
by parents, 138
sexual harassment, 63–64
definition of, 65
#MeToo and, 7, 81–83
at news outlets, 109–110
under Title VII, 67
sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), 33
siblings
as gaslighters, 8–9, 20, 146, 148–149
parents and, 140–141, 146–149
signs. See red flags
slander, 177
social media
advertising on, 111
bots on, 111–113
gaslighting friends on, 177
gaslighting in, 96, 110–113
media gaslighting and, 109–110
political gaslighting and, 109
red flags and, 52, 58
sociopathy. See antisocial personality disorder
solution-focused therapy, 10, 216, 219, 231–232
SOPs. See standard operating procedures
space, giving, 212–213
special treatment, 14
splitting
by friends, 9, 159–161
triangulation and, 12–13, 132
Spock (fictional character), 227
Stalin, Joseph, 102, 104–105
standard operating procedures (SOPs), 80
STDs. See sexually transmitted diseases
stepchildren, 191–193
Stockholm syndrome, 92–93, 123
stonewalling, 206
dealing with, 38, 143
by parents, 137–138, 143
in relationships, 34–38
suffering, pleasure in inflicting, 22
supervisors
ganging up by, 72
poor reviews by, 6, 72–73
for protection, meeting with, 78
watching by, 71–72
swastika, 104
Taliban, 102
talk therapy, 10, 218
teasing, 20
temper, 18
term, gaslighting as, 2–4
terrorist groups, 116–117
therapy. See counseling
Title VII. See Civil Rights Act of 1964, Title VII of
Today Show, 83
Transactional Analysis, 210
trauma bonding, 92–93
Treisman, Daniel, 107
triangulation, 12–13, 132
Twitter, 111–112
unconditional positive regard, 221
unhooking, 230
United States (US)
gun laws in, 99
political gaslighting and media in, 109
2016 presidential election of, 2, 111–112
universalization, 233
university, harassment at, 73–74
US. See United States
USSR, 102, 104–105
values clarification, 229–230
Venezuela, 97, 108
video conferencing, 233
violence
domestic, shelters for, 41, 90
fatal, signs of, 91–92
gun, 18
risk of, 53, 59
workplace, 75–77
voice tone, 209
weakness, 15
wearing down, 19–20
Weinstein, Harvey, 81–82
wellness check, 127
white supremacists, 104, 113–116
The Wizard of Oz (movie), 42
women, gaslighting by, 28
workplace
code of conduct, SOPs in, 80
gaslighting in, signs of, 64
protection in, 6–7, 76–80
quitting or changing job for, 79–80
sexual harassment in, 63–64, 67, 81–83, 109–110
supervisors in, 6, 71–73, 78
violence in, 75–77
Wuest, Judith, 90
yenta (busybody), 158
YouTube, 112