before i knew it
my hands were on her thigh
her skirt beginning to rise
with no desire to rush
i inched my fingers
a bit closer to her flower
as i preferred the act
to unfold organically
i then touched her in a way
that caused a weakness
within her spine
ever so apparent by the way
she lay down on my mattress
like rain, falling from a cloud
“it’s been a while,” she whispered
as i proceeded to take her
January 10th.
this craving to explore
the unfamiliar places within you
has overtaken my mind
i’d like to get lost in you
i’d like the opportunity
to make you feel things
you’ve never felt for anyone else
9:29:13 a.m.
i woke up with the taste of her
still lingering on my tongue
erotic visuals burned into my mind
her skin slightly wet
from the activity we engaged in
“it’s yours,” she whispered
muffled moans became screams
as i explored the deepest parts
of her existence
9:29:38 p.m.
i’m addicted to this idea
of your legs wrapped around
my waist
holding me in place
as if to say
you’ll never let me go
wet walls.
can we pause for a second
and thank the heavens for angels
with strong wings
and soft skin
inner thighs like pillows
legs that bow like oval shapes
wrapped around my face
like blindfolds made of silk
i stopped wishing for moments like this the very moment you allowed me
to live it
completely, explicitly
your openness as wide as your spread eagle
your wet walls
like the insides of our mouths
warm and waiting
i’ve been anticipating you just as much
as you’ve been wanting me
6:16 p.m.
utilizing my tongue
as a stress reliever
pressing pressure points
creating a climax
provoking pleasure
with ease
opening you right up
because my tongue
is the key
guide me.
i’d like to get lost in you
mind, body, and soul
travel the avenues that lead me
to a greater understanding of you
show me your fears, the horror
the pain, the struggle
reveal your thoughts
as you overthink
show me the flaws
you try your hardest to hide
the sadness that sits beneath your smile
i’d like to know the real you
the you that you’re afraid
to show the world
the girl behind the shade
of a fake smile
i want to see the things
that you think will chase me away
i’d like to understand
and later learn to love you
for who you truly are
profess, encourage.
teach the many possibilities
to a child
never make a child feel like
their dreams are impossible
to achieve
a healing.
when i open the book
i turn off the pain
the reader.
the girls who love books
have the sweetest love to give
a rare find, love.
give me something
that can’t easily be found
help me rediscover
new reasons to smile
the carving of.
you’ve written your initials
on my soul
let us begin, love.
i want you wildly
and recklessly
i want you here
right next to me
i want the adventure
in your heart
so take my hand
and we can start
wanting, afraid.
you are everything i want
you are everything i’m afraid of
this craving for love
met with the fear of getting hurt
but i’ll risk it all
for a moment on your mind
and a place in your heart
7:22:22 p.m.
i see love in those brown eyes
i see warmth in your embrace
i feel a forever whenever i’m with you
memory museum.
i relive all of the moments
we’ve shared
and all of the memories we’ve created
every time my lips touch yours
the broken meet the broken.
a love between two broken people
can feel whole and complete
maybe we’re puzzles
and you were holding the piece
i needed the entire time
i just had to find you first
scary in the beginning
as your pain matched my own
both hurt and burned by love
we met one another
we held one another
then fell for one another
both of our scars visible
and yet the vision of us together
still remained beautiful
feeling, hiding.
you ever get so sad
that you laugh
you ever feel so hurt
that you smile
we’re so good at hiding
behind what we wish to feel
we’re so good at pretending
to feel nothing
when we feel everything
behind hate, behind pain.
i finally realized
that love hides itself
behind the people who hurt us
meaning,
you have to look beyond the pain
to find the love you deserve
it’s always there
you just have to stop letting
certain people distract you from it
no shame on the broken.
broken people need to understand
that being hurt is nothing to be ashamed of
and just because you’re broken
doesn’t mean you’ll never find a pure love
aware, mindful.
depression has eaten its way
to my heart
there’s a sadness that lingers there
my mind overrun by painful thoughts
sometimes i hate being this aware
harsh lessons.
the one person
who was supposed to help me
fix this shit
was the first person
to leave when i needed them the most
this was one of the harshest lessons
i’d ever learn
sometimes the only person
you need is yourself
the mental freedom.
thinking about you
sucked me further
into darkness
and as hard as it’s been
i’ve been working harder
to free my mind of you
the slow burning of regret.
i hope the memory of me
burns through your mind
and in times of desperation
i hope you reach for me
then realize that i can no longer
be found
you’ll feel what i felt
you’ll sit with your face
in your hands
and your heart on the floor
because you lost the greatest thing
to ever happen to you
me . . .
silent night.
sometimes you just need
to be alone with yourself
and the silence of solitude
in order to figure everything out
a stillness.
be still and conquer
again, all over.
if i could do it all again
i would’ve loved me more
instead of waiting on you
all of me.
my personality is a secret
and i can only share it with you
once you’ve earned my trust
small and great.
so much power
in one little woman
the anti.
no tolerance for drama
no room for fake individuals
i keep to myself
because i prefer peace
books, therapeutic.
she sat in the corner
with her face in a book
hiding from anxiety
trying not to panic
connect to.
while others were searching
for wi-fi
i was searching
for a soul connection
she, in wonderland.
where do you go
when you daydream
wherever it is
i imagine
that you’re happy there
smiling into the distance
beautiful while getting lost
steel curtain.
protect your energy
understand that not everyone
who wants you
deserves you
protect your peace of mind
understand that most people
don’t even deserve to be a thought
introvert I.
i am more myself
when i am alone
empty, emptier.
empty people
filling themselves
with people
who fill them up
with more emptiness
more sadness
more pain
it lives there.
silence is a home
and it houses everything
i’ll never say
introvert II.
sometimes i don’t want to be
around too many people
sometimes i just don’t feel like talking
sometimes i dread
human interaction
and i’m not ashamed of that
sometimes, the silence.
silence for those
who either aren’t ready
to listen
or don’t deserve
to hear your thoughts
oh, shy soul.
the most intriguing soul
belongs to the shy human
introvert III.
in silence
i listen
i observe
i see all
i know all
i understand
and can’t be fooled
the trying.
watching all the people
trying to fit happiness
into shopping bags
noses buried in liquor
trying to forget
drowning out the pain
with loud music
trying their hardest
to be content with being hurt
from heartache.
let pain inspire
your power
let heartache
inspire your heart
to grow stronger
introvert IV.
i am rarely alone
when by myself
i am more alone
with others
staying in tonight.
say “no” more often
tell them you’re just not interested
no more doing things
that you have no desire to do
for the sake of other people’s feelings
the introversion.
people are draining
i find fullness in being alone
outgoing, introvert.
she, a chameleon
capable of fitting in
but made to stand out
an outgoing introvert
if something like that could exist
but even in a sea of people
she still felt alone
don’t talk to me.
a phone or a book
some headphones might do
all of these things
which prevent me
from having to talk to people
all of these things
to help me appear
uninterested
spring.
break me open
and roses will grow
between the cracks
k–12.
i’m tired
of being tired
of being around
people
start here, with self.
real love arrives
when we’re ready
real love arrives
when we love ourselves
hell in mind.
we carry around hell
in the form of memories
moments shared with people
who no longer mean anything
to our lives
more substance, more life.
i’d go out and party
then come home to the moon
an empty home
and cold bed
this was no way to live
i needed more
one-sided vow.
being married
doesn’t save a marriage
loving someone
doesn’t make them
your soul mate
trying harder
doesn’t mean
they’ll try just as much
going to therapy
won’t help a person
who doesn’t think
they need to change
your denial
is your own
personal prison
all talk without action.
he’d say anything
to make her stay
but never did enough
to keep her from leaving
jealousy, all-consuming.
you see
they want you
to do well
just not better than them
the support begins to fade
the more successful you become
heart filled with envy
jealousy consumes their souls
fake family and friends
and you’ll have to let them go
never anything more.
you were never
what i needed
you never became
the person
you promised to be
no end.
a happy ending is not enough
i deserve
i require
i demand a happiness
that doesn’t have to end
reality says.
we do too much
for those who don’t do enough
we give our all
to those
who do nothing
we’re searching for peace
in relationships
overrun with hatred
over all else.
i care more about
my own happiness
than the hatred
that people feel for me
i am a priority
within my own life
i choose me
every time
arm raised.