Talullah's Choice

Talullah’s Choice

  Talullah started back to the public library her heart heavy, her feet dragging. Taking a deep breath, she choked back a sob. She knew she was going to be late for work if she didn’t hurry, but she couldn’t work up any enthusiasm for what faced her when she got there. She should have just gone in earlier, but after Mykel’s refusal to even listen to her, she had to get away and clear her head before she saw her again. Talullah raised her hand to wipe away an errant tear. She glanced at her watch and winced when she saw the time. She was late. Talullah took a deep breath and prepared herself for the griping she was going to get from that old biddy, Mrs. Burns. Talullah trudged up the steps and through the revolving door. Her only hope was to slip past when Mrs. Burns wasn’t looking.

  She almost made it when she heard Jonquinette call out, “Hey, Talullah.”

  “Hey, Joni,” she answered weakly, raising a limp hand in greeting.

  Talullah’s shoulders hunched when she heard a strident, “Miss Fairchild, you are late.” Each word enunciated in that precise, superior manner Mrs. Burns adopted when she was annoyed with you. It could be as grating as nails across a blackboard. Unfortunately, it was a tone Talullah heard all too often.

  Great. The last thing she needed was a run in with Mrs. Burns. Granted she was late, if only by a few minutes, but there were extenuating circumstances. Not that it would matter to the old biddy. She was a stickler for punctuality.

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Burns--,” Talullah began only to be stopped when Mrs. Burns raised a frail, liver-spotted hand cutting off her words.

  Mrs. Burns slowly tottered her way over until she stood in front of Talullah.

  “I don’t need nor want your excuses,” Mrs. Burns said somehow looking down on Talullah with her pointy little nose even though she stood almost two heads shorter. “Three days ago we received a shipment of rare first editions from an estate sale. They are located in the basement in the room adjacent to where we store the books needing repair. Your job today will be to go through the books making sure there is nothing in between the pages as well as giving them a good dusting. Take a library cart with you so can place the ones you finish into proper categories.”

  Talullah opened her mouth to protest. Mrs. Burns raised one imperious silver brow.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Talullah said, shoulders slumping in defeat.

  She headed in the direction of the carts.

  Talullah put her back pack on the cart and started pushing it towards the elevators.

  *********

  Ah-choo.

  “Damn it,” Talullah griped under her breath. All of the dust from the books was seriously messing with her allergies. Talullah grabbed her back pack and found her allergy medicine. She left the room where she was sorting through the books and walked down the hallway to the small bathroom. She locked herself in and took one of her pills from its bottle. Since there weren’t any cups or anything in the bathroom, Talullah cupped her hands under the running water and drank enough to wash the pill down. She dried her hands and left the bathroom. A noise drew her attention. She walked over towards the door leading to the stairwell when she heard it again. It sounded like a moan. She peaked in the window in the door leading to the stairs, but didn’t see anything. She listened for a minute squinting to see better, but didn’t hear anything more. Thinking it was just her overactive imagination, Talullah started to turn away when movement from the shadows caught her eye.

  Though the stairwell was unlit, there was just enough light coming in for her to make out a flash of color in the darkened corner. She heard another groan and watched as a pale arm snaked out knocking the hat from the head of the person pressed against them. Seriously? Talullah thought. Knowing she should turn away but unable to, Talullah watched as Jonquinette’s prosthetic emerged from the shadows, the colorful skirt covering it sliding back as she wrapped it around Asher. She saw Asher’s hand come up and grip Jonquinette’s thigh above her compression sock holding her steady. Another moan, louder than before got her moving. She hurriedly turned away and went back to the dusty books.

  An hour later Talullah sat there grumbling to herself about blue-haired old biddies as she pulled the last book from the box she was working her way through. Talullah put the book down and pulled her phone from her back pack. She checked her messages and was disheartened to see her text to Mykel was still unanswered. She didn’t know what to do. Talullah didn’t want to lose Mykel-if she hadn’t already-but she wasn’t ready to step out and publicly claim her. Realizing she wasn’t going to come up with a solution right then she decided to finish with the books and deal with things when she got off work.

  She felt a sense of accomplishment seeing the book she held was the last one. Then she looked across the room and realized she was still only half way done. I’m going to be here forever, Talullah thought with a disheartened sigh when she sneezed again. She put the book down to blow her nose. When Talullah retrieved the book to clean it, she noticed it had a clasp with a faded lavender ribbon wrapped through it and around the book tied in a bow. She started to yank the ribbon when she realized how fragile the material was. Not wanting to destroy the ribbon, she carefully untied it and laid one end on the table. She slowly worked the other part of the material through the hole. She laid that piece on the table. Talullah then lifted the metal piece up and used it to open the book.

  Talullah’s eyes widened in surprise at what she saw. The center of the book had been hollowed out and was filled with papers bundled together with another lavender ribbon. Not knowing what she was about to discover, Talullah reverently lifted the bundle. She noticed there was something else below the wrapped papers but she left it there. She closed the book and set it aside before turning back to the papers. Talullah carefully undid the ribbon and turned the papers over. She unfolded them and saw she was looking at letters. She flipped through them and saw they were written from the early twenties into the early thirties. Looking at the names on the envelopes, it appeared the letters were all written by a Bernadine Leffingwell to an Erin O’Briain.

  Intrigued, Talullah pulled the first letter from the envelope and opened it up.

  July 7th, 1922

  My Dearest Erin,

  I never would have agreed to marriage had I known he would take me away from you. I miss you so much. I’m so unhappy without you. I don’t know anyone here and no one if friendly enough to try and make me feel welcome. My wedding night was horrible. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was nothing like what I had with you. I found no joy or pleasure in the act. I could only lay there and endure. It hurt even more than I thought it would. I don’t know if I can do this until death do us part. I want to leave him, but where would I go? I wish we could have run away together. I would give anything to see you, to hold you in my arms again. Please say it will happen again. I don’t know if I can live my life without knowing that I will see you again.

  All my love, Bernadine

  Talullah sat back in the chair trying to figure out if she just read what she thought she did. She read to letter again and came to the same conclusion. This letter seemed to be about two women in love with each other. Well at least one was in love with the other. Talullah couldn’t begin to imagine what it must have been like. She was struggling now when acceptance and tolerance were better than they had ever been. Those poor women. Talullah checked her phone again. Still nothing.

  December 12th, 1922

  My Dearest Erin,

  My heart is heavy to know that I will probably never be able to get away from him now. I’ve just learned I’m pregnant. This news should have brought great joy to us, but instead he sees it as another burden to bear. He even blames me. Like it’s my fault. I don’t want him touching me, much less
inside my body. It doesn’t matter what I want. It never does. He didn’t show his true colors until after we said our vows. My parents didn’t believe me when I wrote to them. My father said it’s a woman’s duty in life to live for her husband and do as he wants and says. I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I need you so much. I miss you. Maybe when the baby’s born things will get better, but I don’t really believe it will. My heart aches with wanting to see you, to hold you, to kiss you again.

  All my love, Bernadine

  Talullah could feel the helplessness of Bernadine in her letter. It was heartbreaking to read. And she had a whole stack of letters to go through. Well, she didn’t have to go through them, but Talullah’s innate curiosity wouldn’t let her not read them. She scanned the letters one by one. Some she read in full others she just skimmed because there was no way she could get them all read before her shift was over. And her honesty would not allow her to spirit the letters away either. She was skimming a letter when she realized it was about Erin and Bernadine meeting again. She went back to reread the letter carefully.

  June 26th, 1925

  My Dearest Erin,

  It was so wonderful to see you after almost three years. I still can’t believe he brought me home for it. I think a lot had to