Talullah's Choice, Page 2
M.J. Ferguson
do with my parents wanting to see me and their first grandchild. Also, I’m not stupid. I know Daddy is helping us financially and probably held that over his head. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is I got to see you again. I can’t believe how beautiful you looked. Our kids were so cute playing together. Who knows, maybe one day your son and my daughter will meet as adults. How wonderful would that be? I love that we each used the names we picked for ‘our’ children when naming them. The best part was being able to sneak away with you, if only for a few hours. It was like we’ve never been apart. The feel of your lips on mine, your hands on my skin was the most amazing thing. I’d forgotten how soft your skin is. I don’t know how I was able to get in the car and drive away from you. I cried for three days. I can’t wait until we can see each other again. I don’t know if I can live without you.
All my love, Bernadine
Talullah blinked back tears as she absorbed the heartbreak in those written words. She went on to the next letter. Each letter was more of the same. Bernadine expressing her love for Erin and how much she missed her and wanted to be with her. Since the letters continued and Mrs. O’Briain kept them, Talullah could only assume the sentiment was returned. Her phone was on silent since she was working so she looked at it again. Still nothing. Talullah was surprised to see three hours had passed since she’d started dusting and cataloguing the books. Considering she’d spent more time reading than cleaning she shouldn’t be surprised. Talullah skimmed through another couple of years of letters when one stopped her.
May 5, 1927
My Dearest Erin,
I’m pregnant. He forced himself on me again. When I tried to fight him off, he hit me repeatedly until I lost consciousness. When I came too, he was just finishing. He looked at me with such contempt. Told me this is all I was good for and since I wasn’t too good at it he pleasured himself another way. He then spit in my face and walked away. Luckily my daughter was playing at a friend’s house and didn’t see or hear anything. All I could do was curl in a ball and weep as my stomach cramped. I hurt too bad to move at first. I may have dozed off. When I was fully aware of what was going on around me, I noticed wetness between my legs. It was my blood. I hurt in places I never had before. I got up to go to the bathroom but the pain drove me to me knees. I realized from where the pain emanated he had violated me in a way he never had before. Eventually I was able to get up and clean myself up. I hurt for days after. I don’t know how much more I can take.
All my love, Bernadine
Tears tracked down Talullah’s face as the impact of what she read hit her hard. Her heart broke for Bernadine and what she went through. How she wished things had been different for the two ladies. She grabbed a tissue to wipe her tears.
Things are different now.
Talullah jerked around startled at words she could have sworn were whispered in her ear. Of course a quick look around confirmed what she already knew. She was alone in the room. However, she was unable to get those words out of her head.
Things are different now.
While Talullah acknowledged the fact, it didn’t mean she was ready to be out and proud. But it wasn’t as if Mykel was asking her to shout it from the rooftops or even march in any parades. Mykel simply wanted to be able to hold Talullah’s hand or kiss her without worrying one of Talullah’s friends or family would see them. It wasn’t too much to ask in the grand scheme of things, but Talullah was scared of the repercussions. She was nowhere near as brave as Mykel. Her strength was one of the things Talullah loved about her so much. She didn’t want to lose her. She couldn’t. But she was on the verge of losing her for good, if she hadn’t already.
There was still no response from Mykel.
December 14, 1931
My Dearest Erin,
I simply can’t do this any longer. I got pregnant again and he was so mad at me, he pushed me down the stairs. My kids saw it. They thought I was dead. Needless to say I lost the baby. As hard as it was, I consider it a blessing in disguise. At least this child won’t have to grow up in such an abusive environment. I have to get out before he kills me. He’s also started smacking the kids around. The worst and what scares me the most is the way he’s starting to look at Lola. She’s only nine years old. I will kill him and happily spend the rest of my life behind bars if he dares to touch one of my kids. If things come to that, I want you and Harold to take the girls and raise them. Promise me.
All my love, Bernadine
The thought of what Bernadine went through and suspected what her husband intended to do sent Talullah rushing from the room. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet just as she started to lose her lunch. She heaved into the toilet until nothing was left. She shuddered in revulsion at the thought of Bernadine’s husband touching their girls. She knew how devastating something like that could be. She had a cousin who had been molested by a teacher. Debbie was still dealing with the aftermath and it happened over a decade ago just after she turned eleven. After flushing, she slowly made her way to her feet and went over to the sink. Talullah splashed some cold water on her face. Then she rinsed her mouth out several times. Her legs unsteady, Talullah stumbled back over to the toilet and collapsed onto the seat. She remained there for several minutes until her legs stopped shaking. Knowing her shift was over soon and anxious to find out what happened next, Talullah got to her feet and made her way back to room and the letters.
January 13, 1932
My Dearest Erin,
I’m so overwhelmed at the moment, I can barely write this letter. I can’t believe Harold is willing to take us in. I can’t believe you told him about us or that he accepted it. I know you said he loved you and would do anything for you, but this is more than I would expect anyone to deal with. He leaves in three weeks for a business trip. He’ll be gone for five days. I’ll pack up me and the girls and we’ll take the train. Oh, I can’t believe I’m coming home to you. Even though we’ll have to be careful, just to be in your presence again will be miraculous. I will write you in a few days with our itinerary. Thank you and thank Harold for me and the girls.
All my love, Bernadine
Wiping tears from her eyes, Talullah sat back in the chair, clutching the letter to her chest. A smile graced her lips as she let the knowledge that things were going to work out for Erin and Bernadine wash over her. Her heart felt lighter and she was so glad Bernadine and her girls were able to get out safely. With a sigh of relief, Talullah reached for the next letter only to realize that was the last letter. No, no, no. There has to be more, Talullah thought. The story couldn’t end there.
Talullah went through each letter looking at dates checking to see if she’d missed any. She was disappointed not to find anymore. Talk about fate. What were the odds she would find these letters and they’d be about two women in love in a time women had no real rights much less the freedom to love while she herself struggled with the same issue. Talullah wasn’t a big believer in fate, but the feeling she was meant to find these letters wouldn’t leave her. As she sat there contemplating what their life, once they were together again, was like the text tone for her phone went off. Talullah’s heart started racing. Finally. Talullah lunged at her phone almost dropping it in her haste. The elation she felt quickly turned to despair when she saw the text wasn’t from Mykel as she’d wished but from her mother reminding her of the family dinner planned that evening.
It took every bit of self restraint Talullah had not to hurl the phone across the room. As angry as she wanted to be with Mykel, she couldn’t be. She knew the whole situation was her fault. Except for a few close friends, everyone thought Talullah and Mykel were only roommates and best friends. While they did start as roommates their freshman year of college, by their junior year they were lovers. They were fighting because Mykel was tired of Talullah’s refusal to come out, at least to her family. Talullah promised her she would, but every time Talullah tried, she couldn’t say the words to her family. She was afraid of disappointing them. It wasn’t l
ike her family was homophobic; she just knew they had certain beliefs and ideals. They wanted certain things for their children. She didn’t think they would be very accepting of her relationship with Mykel even though they knew Mykel and liked her as Talullah’s roommate and best friend.
Talullah answered her mother’s text and tossed her phone into her back pack. She sat there lost in thought. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to lose Mykel, but she didn’t want to lose her family either. Unable to come up with an answer, Talullah went to get another box to start dusting off more books when she saw the book the letters were in and remembered seeing something else in there. She opened it up and peered inside. She lifted out the paper she found there. Upon closer examination, she recognized the yellowed paper as old newspaper and it was wrapped around a picture. The paper was old and somewhat fragile, so Talullah was careful removing it. She laid the paper aside in favor of looking at the picture. The picture was weathered by time and showed two women dressed in typical twenties garb. They had their arms around each other and their smiles were brilliant. Talullah couldn’t help but smile while she gazed at their images. One was about a head shorter than the other.
All my love, Bernadine
Talullah blinked back tears as she absorbed the heartbreak in those written words. She went on to the next letter. Each letter was more of the same. Bernadine expressing her love for Erin and how much she missed her and wanted to be with her. Since the letters continued and Mrs. O’Briain kept them, Talullah could only assume the sentiment was returned. Her phone was on silent since she was working so she looked at it again. Still nothing. Talullah was surprised to see three hours had passed since she’d started dusting and cataloguing the books. Considering she’d spent more time reading than cleaning she shouldn’t be surprised. Talullah skimmed through another couple of years of letters when one stopped her.
May 5, 1927
My Dearest Erin,
I’m pregnant. He forced himself on me again. When I tried to fight him off, he hit me repeatedly until I lost consciousness. When I came too, he was just finishing. He looked at me with such contempt. Told me this is all I was good for and since I wasn’t too good at it he pleasured himself another way. He then spit in my face and walked away. Luckily my daughter was playing at a friend’s house and didn’t see or hear anything. All I could do was curl in a ball and weep as my stomach cramped. I hurt too bad to move at first. I may have dozed off. When I was fully aware of what was going on around me, I noticed wetness between my legs. It was my blood. I hurt in places I never had before. I got up to go to the bathroom but the pain drove me to me knees. I realized from where the pain emanated he had violated me in a way he never had before. Eventually I was able to get up and clean myself up. I hurt for days after. I don’t know how much more I can take.
All my love, Bernadine
Tears tracked down Talullah’s face as the impact of what she read hit her hard. Her heart broke for Bernadine and what she went through. How she wished things had been different for the two ladies. She grabbed a tissue to wipe her tears.
Things are different now.
Talullah jerked around startled at words she could have sworn were whispered in her ear. Of course a quick look around confirmed what she already knew. She was alone in the room. However, she was unable to get those words out of her head.
Things are different now.
While Talullah acknowledged the fact, it didn’t mean she was ready to be out and proud. But it wasn’t as if Mykel was asking her to shout it from the rooftops or even march in any parades. Mykel simply wanted to be able to hold Talullah’s hand or kiss her without worrying one of Talullah’s friends or family would see them. It wasn’t too much to ask in the grand scheme of things, but Talullah was scared of the repercussions. She was nowhere near as brave as Mykel. Her strength was one of the things Talullah loved about her so much. She didn’t want to lose her. She couldn’t. But she was on the verge of losing her for good, if she hadn’t already.
There was still no response from Mykel.
December 14, 1931
My Dearest Erin,
I simply can’t do this any longer. I got pregnant again and he was so mad at me, he pushed me down the stairs. My kids saw it. They thought I was dead. Needless to say I lost the baby. As hard as it was, I consider it a blessing in disguise. At least this child won’t have to grow up in such an abusive environment. I have to get out before he kills me. He’s also started smacking the kids around. The worst and what scares me the most is the way he’s starting to look at Lola. She’s only nine years old. I will kill him and happily spend the rest of my life behind bars if he dares to touch one of my kids. If things come to that, I want you and Harold to take the girls and raise them. Promise me.
All my love, Bernadine
The thought of what Bernadine went through and suspected what her husband intended to do sent Talullah rushing from the room. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet just as she started to lose her lunch. She heaved into the toilet until nothing was left. She shuddered in revulsion at the thought of Bernadine’s husband touching their girls. She knew how devastating something like that could be. She had a cousin who had been molested by a teacher. Debbie was still dealing with the aftermath and it happened over a decade ago just after she turned eleven. After flushing, she slowly made her way to her feet and went over to the sink. Talullah splashed some cold water on her face. Then she rinsed her mouth out several times. Her legs unsteady, Talullah stumbled back over to the toilet and collapsed onto the seat. She remained there for several minutes until her legs stopped shaking. Knowing her shift was over soon and anxious to find out what happened next, Talullah got to her feet and made her way back to room and the letters.
January 13, 1932
My Dearest Erin,
I’m so overwhelmed at the moment, I can barely write this letter. I can’t believe Harold is willing to take us in. I can’t believe you told him about us or that he accepted it. I know you said he loved you and would do anything for you, but this is more than I would expect anyone to deal with. He leaves in three weeks for a business trip. He’ll be gone for five days. I’ll pack up me and the girls and we’ll take the train. Oh, I can’t believe I’m coming home to you. Even though we’ll have to be careful, just to be in your presence again will be miraculous. I will write you in a few days with our itinerary. Thank you and thank Harold for me and the girls.
All my love, Bernadine
Wiping tears from her eyes, Talullah sat back in the chair, clutching the letter to her chest. A smile graced her lips as she let the knowledge that things were going to work out for Erin and Bernadine wash over her. Her heart felt lighter and she was so glad Bernadine and her girls were able to get out safely. With a sigh of relief, Talullah reached for the next letter only to realize that was the last letter. No, no, no. There has to be more, Talullah thought. The story couldn’t end there.
Talullah went through each letter looking at dates checking to see if she’d missed any. She was disappointed not to find anymore. Talk about fate. What were the odds she would find these letters and they’d be about two women in love in a time women had no real rights much less the freedom to love while she herself struggled with the same issue. Talullah wasn’t a big believer in fate, but the feeling she was meant to find these letters wouldn’t leave her. As she sat there contemplating what their life, once they were together again, was like the text tone for her phone went off. Talullah’s heart started racing. Finally. Talullah lunged at her phone almost dropping it in her haste. The elation she felt quickly turned to despair when she saw the text wasn’t from Mykel as she’d wished but from her mother reminding her of the family dinner planned that evening.
It took every bit of self restraint Talullah had not to hurl the phone across the room. As angry as she wanted to be with Mykel, she couldn’t be. She knew the whole situation was her fault. Except for a few close friends, everyone thought Talullah and Mykel were only roommates and best friends. While they did start as roommates their freshman year of college, by their junior year they were lovers. They were fighting because Mykel was tired of Talullah’s refusal to come out, at least to her family. Talullah promised her she would, but every time Talullah tried, she couldn’t say the words to her family. She was afraid of disappointing them. It wasn’t l
ike her family was homophobic; she just knew they had certain beliefs and ideals. They wanted certain things for their children. She didn’t think they would be very accepting of her relationship with Mykel even though they knew Mykel and liked her as Talullah’s roommate and best friend.
Talullah answered her mother’s text and tossed her phone into her back pack. She sat there lost in thought. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to lose Mykel, but she didn’t want to lose her family either. Unable to come up with an answer, Talullah went to get another box to start dusting off more books when she saw the book the letters were in and remembered seeing something else in there. She opened it up and peered inside. She lifted out the paper she found there. Upon closer examination, she recognized the yellowed paper as old newspaper and it was wrapped around a picture. The paper was old and somewhat fragile, so Talullah was careful removing it. She laid the paper aside in favor of looking at the picture. The picture was weathered by time and showed two women dressed in typical twenties garb. They had their arms around each other and their smiles were brilliant. Talullah couldn’t help but smile while she gazed at their images. One was about a head shorter than the other.
