DON’T COME IN MY ROOM
okay
okay I won’t
I’m sorry honey
Hamlet?
honey?
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
what if the moon was haunted
by women who had sex with demons
what
what if kubla khan made a whole dome
just for pleasure
and put an ocean underneath the ground
with no sun in it
wow
i don’t know
and rivers flung boulders up out of the earth at people
haha
flung ’em right up at people’s stupid faces
i guess that would really be something
you’re damn right it’d be something
caves of ice
and ancestral war voices prophesying about damsels
and sacred rivers screaming beware
and your hair would float
and
ugh hang on
two seconds
there’s a guy here
ok
be right back
you still there?
uuuuugh
that guy
who was it?
some asshole from Porlock
what did he want
to talk to me for like
a million hours
about nothing
apparently
anyhow
what was i saying
fuck
what was i saying
something about a river
no
that wasn’t it
fuuuuuck
hey do you have any opium
Hamlet
Part IV
your friends are here to see you
do you want me to send them up?
they’re not my real friends
if they were really my friends theyd leave me alone
your girlfriend’s here with them
should she leave you alone too?
first of all
she’s not my girlfriend
second of all
denmark is a PRISON
maybe if you left your room
it wouldn’t seem so much like one
maybe if you went outside
or just came down to dinner maybe
stop telling me what to do
you’re a fascist
everything is such bullshit
men
women
animals
the sky
you
such bullshit
Part II
Jane Eyre
JANE
MY LITTLE SUNBEAM
WHERE ARE YOU
I NEED YOU BY MY SIDE
I’m taking a walk
be back for dinner
AH YES MY CAGED SPRITE
COMMUNE WITH NATURE AND UPON YOUR RETURN
RELATE TO ME THE VAGRANT GLORIES OF THE
RUINED WOODS
do you really want me to describe my walk to you
MORE THAN ANYTHING YOU POCKET WITCH
it is fairly cloudy out
looks like rain soon
AHHH TO THINK THAT MY LITTLE STARLING JANE
SHOULD RETURN
TO PERCH ON MY BROKEN MALFORMED SHOULDER
SINGING A SONG OF THE GREY AND WRACKING SKIES
MAKES MY HEART SWELL TO BURST
all right
JANE
JANE I BOUGHT YOU A DRESS MADE OF TEN
THOUSAND PEARLS AS A BRIDAL PRESENT
where on earth would I wear that
YOU COULD WEAR IT ON THE MOON
that seems impractical
how would i even breathe on the moon?
I WOULD BREATHE FOR YOU MY JANE
JANE WHERE HAVE YOU GONE
I AM BEREFT AND WITHOUT MY JANE
I SHALL SINK INTO ROGUERY
i am with my cousins
WHICH COUSIN
IS IT THE SEXY ONE
Please don’t try to talk to me again
IT IS YOUR SEXY COUSIN
“ST. JOHN”
WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS ST. JOHN
I’m not going to answer that
I KNEW IT
DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT
yes
Absolutely
BECAUSE MY HOUSE IN FRANCE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE AN ATTIC
IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT
IT HAS A CELLAR THOUGH SO YOU KNOW
DON’T CROSS ME
HAHA I’M ONLY JOKING
I hope you’re packed for India already
I’m not going to India with you, St. John
That’s not what these TWO TICKETS TO INDIA say
You know I don’t want to marry you
Why don’t you marry Rosamond instead?
Take her with you
Marry her?
MARRY HER?
Don’t be ridiculous
I’m attracted to her
That’s disgusting
You are disgusting, Jane
So you’re really not coming then
I’m really not
I would be an amazing husband
you know that?
I know
I taught you Hindi and everything
That’s basically the same as getting engaged
for missionaries
And I really appreciate that
It will be terribly useful in my career as an English governess
See?
That
There.
that is exactly the kind of tone I mean
One round of cholera in the tropics would sear
that sarcasm right out of you
guess I really missed out
Guess so
Sherlock Holmes
this is quite a puzzle, Watson
damned right, Holmes
hell of a puzzle
what I want to know is how did the vicar know the archbishop’s
Pekingese had developed an immunity to snake bites?
there’s only one thing we’re missing
only one thing we need that will help us solve this case
we need to question Lady Emily again
no, Watson
oh
it’s not
…
COCAINE, WATSON
ah
we’re going to need loads of cocaine
SCADS of it
Sherlock, the others are already on their way
We’ve got to meet them at the museum
I yes
yes yes yes definitely for yes will be there
just give me five minutes for an errand
to do
five minutes
Sherlock please don’t
Sherlock?
Christ
at least tell me where you are
so I can come get you
I’m sorry Lestrade
I don’t think he’s coming
I’ve tried calling him but he’s not picking up
it’s snowing
and I don’t think he took a coat with him
JOHN
JOHN
DID YOU KNOW
THEY MAKE COCAINE
THAT YOU CAN SMOKE
good god Sherlock where have you been
you can just smoke it
it’s incredible
tell me where you are and I’ll come get you
they call it crack and it’s marvelous
just tell me where you are and I’ll come get you
I’M NEVER LEAVING
do you have any idea how much cocaine they have here
I imagine quite a lot
QUITE A LOT
and my hat
do you want anything else?
no
just the violin and my hat and a b
ig old mess of cocaine
that’s all I need
what about the mystery
hang all mysteries
the only mystery I want to solve
is how much cocaine I can fit in my face
the mystery of how much face cocaine I can have
that’s the mystery for me
Emily Dickinson
I saw –
Today –
a Cricket Man,
okay
he did not stop to Chat —
is that it
did anything else happen
No –
let’s go out tonight okay
we don’t have to do anything big but I think we should go out
just for dinner or something
I think that would be a good idea
Go out, Again? -
I went Out to Mount Holyoke
for college
you went there for college thirteen years ago
And now I must rest.
have you seen –
my Shawl
which shawl
the White shawl
I thought you were wearing your white shawl
a person can have more than one white Shawl
a person cannot be content with but one white Shawl
i think i saw it downstairs
Alas
just on the couch
You know I do not go downed Stairs
I will knit a new one
that’s ridiculous
when I die
I wish to be buried in that Shawl
I wish to be buried — in ten Thousand Shawls –
you’re not dying
you’re just afraid of the stairs
No Coward Soul Is Mine
I fear no Step’d Floor
do you want me to just bring it to you
if you are already going to be coming Upstairs
will you also grab my slippers by the Door
and also –
yes?
some — Tea
okay
also there are four more Shawls on the stairs
bring those too
A narrow Fellow in the Grass
Occasionally rides —
do you mean Harris?
the caretaker?
You may have met Him —
That’s Harris
His notice sudden is —
have you been hiding in the yard again?
he is snakes
He is not snakes
he is definitely Snakes
you know it scares the maids when you hide in the yard
A Burdock – clawed my Gown
Emily
A Bird came down the Walk
A Rat Surrendered here
Emily none of this is true
Fame is a Bee
I can see you from the window
nothing’s clawing at you or surrendering
a soft Sea is washing around the house
I haven’t told the Garden yet
Emily why don’t you come inside
A Toad can die of Light, you know
I know
why don’t you come inside
I’ll get your white shawl
which white Shawl
whichever one you want
I want the one in the library
okay
will you come inside then?
Toads can die of light you know
I believe you
Kills them right up
Emily
Emily, dearest
will you please let me in?
I just want to air out your room
Air has no Residence
no Neighbor
Emily, it’s been an awfully long time since you came out
can I please come in?
When can I come in?
After a hundred years
Emily
will you give me a real amount of time, please?
After all Birds have been investigated and laid aside
do you have birds in there?
After the Sun comes out
Emily
answer the question
At Half past Three
how many birds are in there
A single Bird
this is why people don’t visit us
the bird thing
Back from the cordial Grave I dragged him
is the bird still alive, Emily?
do you know what the Best witchcraft is?
Emily
Geometry
just tell me if the bird is still alive
COCOONS ABOVE
COCOONS BELOW
I’m coming in
COCOONS
Oliver Twist
please madam
it being Christmas and all
might I
if you would not object
might I be allowed to eat the cheese the rats have
left behind in the traps?
the rat-cheese?
you impertinent boy
that’s the most important cheese of all
and later tonight
for asking the matron a question on a Sunday
I shall have you soundly killed
I understand
after you are killed I shall expect you to scrub the stairs
yes ma’am
then you shall clean out the grease-pans and report back
to Chumsley Fezzlethroat
and he shall kill you again before bed
does this mean i shan’t have to sweep out the chimneys
with my own hair tonight ma’am
how dare you ask such a question
you dreadful, grimy boy
of course your head will be used to sweep out the chimneys
now go stand out in the rain until you have melted
yes ma’am
and no supper until you are thirty-five
yes ma’am
and after that the sixth-form boys will seize you about the ankles
and dip you into the electric loom at the mill
until you are torn to shreds
yes ma’am
then the shreds will be sent to work for a family of twelve
in Coventry
the family lives in an old boot
and you shall have to keep the boot spotlessly clean
and if I hear that any of your shreds have displeased
the household I shall ride a sledge of furious dogs
into your bedroom and read the book of Lamentations
aloud until you have been eaten alive
by the furious dogs
yes ma’am
Merry Christmas to you, then
run along, you little scamp
Merry Christmas, matron
I spoil you, you know
I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it
my heart’s too easily touched
yes ma’am
thank you ma’am
Lord Byron
uuuuuugghhhh my life
what is it?
what’s wrong?
uuuuuuuugh
is there something specific that’s the matter?
or anything I can do to help?
uuuugh
my liiiiife
do you want me to come over?
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughghghghhhhh
oh my god
what
this guy
this publisher guy
is asking me about my favorite canto in Child Harolde
that’s like asking someone to pick who’s hotter
his half-sister or his cousins
it’s literally impossible
hey
do you think we could just stay in tonight maybe
i’m so wiped out from last night
we could just stay in
get in our jammies and not see anyone
maybe build a fire
&nbs
p; oh wow