Without Care, Page 3

CHAPTER THREE

  For the last three days my mother has been acting very weird, everyday when I get home from school or work, she has been here – cooking! She has also been asking me about my friends and how I feel I am doing in school.

  The other constant thing in our house has been Ted. He's stayed over every night, and I am not actually finding him a problem. He seems to have a calming effect on my mother, and he doesn't drink, which is a good bonus.

  Friday, for the first time ever, my mother stayed in. As a family which strangely includes Ted, we ordered a pizza and watched a DVD. Lacey has taken a shine to him too, and he is actually good with her. I am no longer allowed to read her a story at bedtime. Apparently, I don't do voices, and Ted does.

  The night of the party fast approached, and I even allowed my mother to help me choose something to wear. Becks has been excited all week, Ali, not so much. She's not really into crowds or loud music. I have to agree with her, I am over anxious about this party.

  I have this thought at the back of my head that Chase is having a joke at my expense. After a long debate with my mother, I settled on wearing black skinny jeans, a white lace blouse and my leather jacket. I straightened my hair and even allowed my mother to apply make-up. My way not hers!

  The whole ride to the party in Becks car, my stomach churned in anticipation. This is the first party I have ever been to, unless you count the tea party when I was six. This is a teenage party. I am expecting drink and people getting together.

  This is what scares me. I have never been kissed. I almost freak out as Becks pulls in the long drive away, which is filled with cars. As I exit the car, music pumps out of the house, and the whole atmosphere feels energetic.

  “Can you actually believe we are going to this party?” Becks says, as she takes in the surroundings of the house. A big smile spreads across her face, and her eyes are wide with happiness. I feel as like I am walking towards a danger zone. Ali has remained quiet, and I know she is feeling just like me.

  I don't know what to expect, will the cool kids laugh at me because I don't drink. Or will someone mention anything about my mother. I know there must be a lot she hasn't told me. Before I know it we enter the house.

  The hallway is packed with people from school. As we walk past a room, I take a sneaky peak and everyone is dancing with a drink in hand. We end up walking further into the party, squeezing past people, and some actually smile at me. I can see another doorway and we have now ended up in the kitchen. It's not so crowded in here and I can hear Ali give a breath of relief.

  All three of us stand there looking awkward. Becks has now lost her confident persona and her eyes are darting around.

  “What are we meant to do now?” She tuts, I and Ali shrug in response. Becks makes a face and rolls her eyes. “Great! This should be fun.”

  “Hey, you came” my head turns to the kitchen doorway and there stands Chase. He's dressed in blue baggy jeans and a light blue shirt. He is smiling at me and instantly my heart flutters. His attention turns to my friends. “Becks and Ali, why don't you head into the next room. Grab yourselves a drink.”

  Both my friends look at me, and I nod giving them approval. Without a word they disappear leaving me alone with him. He grabs hold of my hand and leads me out a door and outside. My mouth is dry, I have no idea what is going on.

  The garden is massive. All decked out in flower beds, water features and tiny lights that light up the large space. We walk past a pool, styled in a Greek way, the water shimmers in the moonlight and yet we keep walking through trees. I turn, and the house is further away than I expected.

  My heart is beating fast as I have no idea what is going on. Every now and then he turns and smiles, which doesn't put me at ease. Finally we stop, and I can hear running water, my eyes swipe over a lake.

  “Sorry” Chase quietly murmurs. “I should have explained where I was taking you.”

  I am speechless, this is beautiful. I sit down on the grassy bank and just stare out at the view. The lake looks like it goes on for miles. A waterfall tickles down a side of a cliff. I feel envious that he has this wonderful escape at the back of his house. I would die for something like this, I feel him sit down beside me and we sit there in silence listening to the water, the birds and taking in the fresh breeze of salt water and the great outdoors.

  I have completely got over my anxiousness now, and the party seems far away. His hand takes hold of mine, and the feeling is luscious, tender and perfect. For the first time in a while, I feel calm and at ease. Chase takes his hand away from mine, stands up and walks over to a tree. My hand now feels empty, I am not sure if it was his gently gesture or the place that’s affected my mood.

  He quickly returns with a rucksack and once again sits down next to me. “I brought us a few things, so we could spend a while out here.”

  I can't help but smile. “You planned this?”

  “Yep. Although I was a little unsure you would come or not.” He opens the rucksack and pulls out a bottle and some glasses. To my surprise it's only soda and not alcohol. “I asked Becks yesterday and she said you don't drink.”

  He asked Becks and she didn't tell me, there’s a first. I doubt very much she kept that to herself. This whole thing has taken me by surprise. Looking at Chase you wouldn't think he could put so much thought into something like this. He looks like your typical jock, only thinking about sports and himself. Tonight I have seen him in a different light.

  “I really want to get to know you better, Jen” his words bring a smile to my lips. “I know I should speak to you more in class, but I get nervous.” he turns his face from me and in the moonlight I swear I can see him blushing.

  I reach out and take his hand again. This is such a bold move on my part, I normally shy away from this sort of thing. His eyes move from our interlocked fingers up to my face and my breathing escalates. I want him to kiss me, desperately.

  I feel my heart pounding in my chest, my lungs gasping for breath. I feel myself moving towards him, his breath is now against my lips. My eyes fling open, and he is just smiling at me, why isn't he kissing me?

  “Jen,” he sighs, his finger brushes across my cheek. “I promised Becks I wouldn't rush anything with you. She explained about you being new to all of this.”

  I raise an eyebrow in confusion. Becks? A promise to Becks? I didn't realize Becks had some sort of control in my life and what I did. I am feeling a mixture of embarrassment and anger. I snatch my hand away and just glare at him.

  “What exactly did Becks say?”

  “She just explained you’ve never had a boyfriend before.”

  “I wasn't asking you to be my boyfriend, Chase. It was just going to be a kiss!” I can't stay here a moment longer. I need to keep some pride, and I need to tell Becks to keep her mouth shut. I stand up and walk away from him. I can hear him calling my name, but I can't bear to look back.

  I'm back at the house before I know it, I race in and storm across the kitchen. I need to get out of here. I feel suffocated and not to mention stupid. It was a bad idea coming to this party. Why did I put myself out like that?

  I must have looked needy. Somehow my mother has rubbed off on me. I can see Becks in a room, holding a bottle of beer and flirting with someone from school. How could she? How could she tell my secrets and pretend nothing has happened. The bile is creeping up my throat and I want to explode. I trusted her, never again, I will never trust people so easily again.

  My eyes are filling up to the brim. There is no way I am going to cry. I carry on walking through the hall and to the front door.

  My escape is welcoming, finally I can breathe. I am never putting myself out like that again. The air is now turning colder, as I walk down the gravel driveway. I wrap my leather jacket around my body. The humiliation radiates through my body. I could see myself – eyes closed, lips puckered, and waiting for him to kiss me, only to be rejected.

  As if to match my mood, the heavens open and surges down as I
walk alone through the dark streets of Summerton. The party is now a distant memory, I will not get over my foolishness. I knew it was too good to be real.

  An engine growls behind me, and I hear the vehicle stop directly in my path. My eyes slowly focus and it’s a blue truck. The passenger door swings open, and I freeze on the spot.

  “Get in” yells a voice, dark eyes locking with mine. “Come on,”

  I enter the warmth of the truck and close the door behind me. He gives an a little nod and drives off to god knows where. My body shivers with the warmth, I am suddenly aware how heavy it was raining and how drenched I am.

  I decide to focus on the music playing, the truck cabin stinks of stale tobacco, and I wonder if he is a secret smoker.

  “So,” his voice cuts through the music. “Why are you walking alone in the rain?”

  “Don't want to talk about it” I snarl, returning my attention back to the music. “What are you listening to?” I like the low, depressing voice it calls to me.

  The words it sings sum me up in one, 'Stranded in this spooky town '. Am I stranded? I guess yes, I have nowhere else to go and I can't turn my back on Lacey. This town is spooky, no one ever leaves and everyone knows everyone. Nothing is a secret, which means right now, what I tried to do, everyone is talking about.

  I place my hands over my face and let out a little cry. It was just a moment of weakness, mainly on my part. I assumed, I must never assume anything again and I shell never trust another living person ever.

  “Hey” says a caring voice. I feel pressure on my leg. Through my fingers I look down and see his hand on my leg. “What happened?”

  I cringe again as the memory comes flashing back, something feels like it hits my chest and I can't breath. I can feel my heart beat pounding in my ears and no matter how I try to regain my breathing it doesn’t help.

  “Okay” I heard his voice, but it sounded distorted. A hand rubbed my back softly and I focused on the touch. Slowly I began to come back to reality my breathing more even and aware the truck had now stopped moving. I looked up at him curiously, his dark eyes staring down at me.

  “It was just an anxiety attack.”

  “Oh,” I murmur, feeling slightly embarrassed. My chest still hurts and I was still soaking wet.

  “Where do you live?”

  I couldn't reply. I was stunned by this caring behaviour. He wasn't like this the first time I introduced myself, so what was up with the dramatic change of personality.

  “On other thoughts” he began, tilting his head as he eyed up my drench clothes. “You shouldn't go home in this state. You're pale, cold and you need a change of clothes.”

  He started up the truck and drove off. I know I should been asking questions or demanding he took me home. Truth be told, I would much rather stay with him, than have to explain everything to my mother.

  I closed my eyes as I rested my head back on to the seat and listened to the music once again. This time the voice was singing about crawling. I didn't understand what the words meant, but at least the voice was making me forget.

  After a little while the truck comes to a halt, I look out the window to see a little run down house. A few windows are boarded up, a little porch with a swing and the paint looks like it is falling off.

  “It’s not much, but its home” he shrugs and climbs out of the truck. Before I realize the passenger door is open, and his hand is reaching out towards me. “Come,” when I refuse to take his hand, he gives a throaty laugh. His hands reach around my waist and he lifts me out of the truck.

  “Do you think you can walk?” He asks as soon as my feet hit solid ground, I just nod. “Are you going to talk at all?” Out of habit I nod again. “Good.” He turns round and heads towards the house with me following behind.

  We enter the house, and he begins to switch lights on. The inside matches the outside, a shabby sofa is on one side of the room, an old fashion TV set is on the other, and a card table with two chairs is placed against the wall. The wall paper is beige and peeling off the wall. It hardly screams home to me, and I feel sorry for him.

  “Take a seat” he points to the sofa. “I'll go find you something to wear.”

  He disappears into the darkness, and I remain standing, my eyes swooping across the room again. I can't hear voices of anyone else, which is strange. Surely his parents should be home or another relative.

  I can only see his school bag dumped next to the table. There are no pictures or anything that suggests a family lives here. Is he alone? My heart breaks for him. Surely there is no way someone would allow their 17 year old to fend for themselves?

  “Hey” his voice fills the room. “I have a few things which are all going to be too big, but at least you'll be warm.” He hands me a pile of clothes. “Bathroom is just in here” he opens a door to his left. I once again nod and take the short steps to the bathroom.

  “I'll make you a hot drink” his dark eyes meet mine. “Then you will tell me what happened. I'm your friend, Jen. You can trust me.”

  I don't reply and enter the bathroom. His words actually bring a smile to my face, he is my friend now? I thought he had a problem with me and me being nice to him. Now I've seen his home, I can understand why he wouldn't want to get close to someone.

  I quickly get out of my wet clothes and change into the sweats and t-shirt he has kindly lent me. The sweats have to be rolled up as they are too long and the t-shirt almost hits my knees. I step out of the bathroom and he is sat on the sofa drinking from a cup. I am suddenly overcome with anxiety again. He wants me to admit what a stupid thing I did back at the party.

  I sit down on the opposite side of the sofa, my fingers locked together in my lap and my lip gripped in between my teeth.

  Trust that was the word he used. I have this strange feeling that I can absolutely, hand over heart, trust him. Tonight he has shown me a kinder side, and I wonder how many other people have seen him like this.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I take a sneak peek at his angular profile. His dark hair, when in the light, has a red tint. His expression is soft and friendly. Still, I know nothing about him. Why is he here? Why alone? And why did he come to my need? Was it a coincidence or was it intentional?

  “What happened?” His tone is flat.

  I cough and for the first time in a while I find my voice. “I did something stupid!”

  His whole body turns to me and he gives a little smile. “What did you do?”

  I turn my head away from him, I can't look him in the eye as I confess, and it’s too embarrassing.

  He will laugh, that I'm certain about. God, if it was anyone but me, I would laugh too. Then Monday hits me, what will happen at school? Does anyone else know? I place my head in my hands and let out a weak cry.

  “Hey,” his hand is on my shoulder. I like it when he touches me, the pain almost disappears for a second. “You can tell me.”

  I remove my hands and sit up straight. “I tried to kiss Chase Walker!”

  He waits a second before he replies. “Tried? Exactly how does that work?”

  I look at him and roll my eyes. He is seriously going to drag this out. “As in I leaned in, eyes closed and he did nothing.” I let out a sigh and shiver in remembrance.

  “Is that all?” he laughs. “The way you were acting I thought someone had died.

  “It did, my pride”

  “Or your ego”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I get it, poor old Jen never gets rejected...”

  My jaw drops in shock. I knew his kindness wouldn't last long. How dare he see me in that way, he knows nothing about me? He just stares at me without blinking. I’m going to have to tell him my secret, just to clear my name. I don't like him thinking of me like that. Once again Jennifer Hopkins is eager to please.

  “Just to let you know, I've never kissed a man” I hiss, my eyes moving away from him.

  “What? Never!” I can hear the shock in his voice, but I don't dare lo
ok at him again. I shake my head, I have lost my voice. “Oh,” he swallows loudly. “Well, I guess I should be saying sorry.”

  “Mmm” I shrug, its getting a big of habit him saying sorry. I look around the living room again and decide its time to get this conversation away from me. “Are your parents working?” It’s the first thing I can think of asking. I can see him flinch a little and his mouth twists to one side.

  “I have no idea” he laughs. This catches my attention. I spin my body round to face him. His hands grip the cup, and he is staring into it.

  I tuck my feet under me and get comfy as I want him to open up to me and I won't let this rest. “What do you mean?”

  “I don't know what they’re up to?”

  “You mean you live alone?”

  “Yes.”

  I take a longer look at his profile, and I have this weird sense he maybe older than me. He's frowning. The lines around his eyes and forehead are deep.” How old are you?” The words just leave my lips.

  “Eighteen” he confidently replies. He looks over at me and smiles, a big hearty smile that sends my pulse racing. “You think it’s strange for someone to live alone?” He raises an eyebrow and turns to face me. “We can't all have a happy home like you.”

  “I don't have a happy home” I snap back. “I only live with my mother and baby sister. We came to Summerton seven months ago.”

  His smugness drifts away and now I smile. “I didn't know.”

  “No, of course you didn't. You just keep assuming you know things about me.”

  He takes in a shape inhale of breath. “I know, I know” he sighs. “I am really sorry I keep doing that.”

  “And sorry you keep having to say sorry?” I joke.

  “Yes” he says firmly. For half a minute our eyes lock, and not one of us turns away. I am suddenly overcome with affection for him. He lives alone, doesn't seem to get on with people and has looked after me during my little drama.

  He jumps to his feet, almost spilling his coffee. What did he manage to read my mind? He now looks flushed as he debates to weather put the cup down or take it with him. This puts me on an edge, I am pretty sure I didn't say my thoughts out loud. He decides to put the cup down and walks over to the card table and sits down in a chair.

  That's not good. Why he putting distance between us? Just when I think I have him figured out, he does a whole 360 degree turn on me. I decide to get back to the conversation we were having before he had to say sorry again!

  “How come you live alone?”

  “My grandmother died and left this house” he looks around the room. “My parents didn't want it and I didn't want to live with them. So...” he casually shrugs. “I thought why not get out now, and I came here.”

  “I see. Where are you from?”

  “Seattle.”

  My jaw drops open, oh my god! “Me too” I say happily, finally I have met someone who has the same connection as me. I am too happy about this and I can't stop smiling. This feels too good to be real. I miss home like mad, and now there is someone in Summerton that might actually understand me.

  “Wow” he smiles back. “Would you look at that?” He jumps up again. “I think I should be getting you home.” I just nod in reply. “I didn't think we would have so much in common.”

  The second the word common leaves his lips, I feel my stomach flip. I like him, really like him, and I am going to do everything in my power to make him my best friend.