Without Care, Page 2

CHAPTER TWO

  Although in spite of my prep talk the night before, the morning was the same events as yesterday. She sat there doing her make-up while I attended to getting Lacey ready for school. During the walk to school, I had planned exactly what I was going to say to him. I had rehearsed it in my head word for word. As I entered the school grounds he was just getting out of a blue truck.

  I took in a deep breath, squared out my shoulder and marched towards him. He was going to get it both barrels and he was going to learn not to mess with me, Jennifer Hopkins. As I approached, he turned to face me, a slight smile flashing across his lips and I forgot everything I was going to say.

  “Well, if it isn't Jen again,” he said, still smiling. The smile never reached his dark eyes. I swallowed hard, my brain slowly turning to mush. “And what can I help you with?”

  “I... I,” I coughed back the lump in my throat, he was staring at me intensely that I had a sudden urge to cry. “I want to know what your problem is.”

  “If I say it's you, will you leave me alone?”

  “Maybe...” my hands were beginning to shake and legs felt like jelly. Seriously, this had never happened to me before. I didn't even feel like this when I sat next to Chase in maths and I had a huge crush on him.

  He tilted his head to the side, his dark hair drooping over his forehead. “Then yeah, it's you.”

  His words seemed to trigger some reaction in me, my jaw clenched. “I have only been trying to be nice to you” I snapped.

  He stepped a little closer towards me and I stepped back in fright. His eyes were narrow and his eyebrows almost meeting in the middle. “And I told you I didn't want It.” he looked me up and down, and then gave another half smile before walking towards school.

  My heart was racing and my hands were now clammy. My eyes still focused on him, I didn't dare to move just yet as I couldn't risk falling head first on the floor. What was wrong with him? The more he pushed me away the more I was intrigued to find out why.

  A minute past and I felt stable enough to walk over to my friends. Ali once again had her nose in a book and Becks was enjoying the sunshine. I sat down next to them, still feeling a little dizzy from the not-so-worth it chat.

  “I see you had the pleasure of talking with Ayden Forbes” Becks said, my head whipped in her direction with a puzzled expression on my face. She gave a little laugh. “The boy you were talking to by the truck.”

  “Ayden,” I replied. “Is that his name?”

  “Yep,” she pushed her sunglasses on to the top of her head. “I had the delight of meeting him yesterday in Spanish. Not much of talker is he!”

  “I don't think he likes me” I admitted, although seems as Becks had the same treatment. My mind began to wonder, why would anyone have a problem with making friends? Why wouldn't my mouth work? He intimidated me and I allowed him to. I should have stuck with my first decision and just completely blanked him. He obviously wasn't going to warm to me and speaking to him was just a waste of time. At least I knew his name now, not like that made any difference, but it would stop my mind from being intrigued.

  I sat down at my desk in maths, Chase was already there playing with his phone. His books were unopened and he didn't even notice as I sat down. This was my favourite class as you probably guessed. Even though he barely spoke to me, at least he was nice to me.

  Our teacher, Miss Daniels walked in and began to teach. She handed out our worksheets with a few problems that we had to work out. I instantly got to work on mine as Chase sat staring at them.

  “Do you get this?” He asked, leaning towards me, I froze as I inhaled a whiff of his aftershave. Out of the corner of my eye I could see he was giving me his boyish grin, his blue eyes sparkling. I just nodded, my mouth, unable to work. “Can I copy your answers?” I gave a little laugh, this was our routine and I nodded again. “Thanks.”

  He shifted his seat towards me and began to copy away. I didn't actually understand how he was getting away with this. Surely Miss Daniels would have caught on to the fact that our work was always exactly the same. I concentrated on my work again. I always made extra effort when Chase was copying mine. I didn't want him to think I was stupid.

  “I'm having a party this weekend” his voice broke my concentration. This was a first. He never spoke to me about anything else but maths. For the first time I actually looked up and at him. His head was resting in one hand, his blonde hair curling around his eyes.

  “That's nice” was all I said. I was too busy looking at his mouth as he bit the top of his pencil.

  “Do you want to come?” My mouth opened and then closed. Was I dreaming? Chase Walker had invited me to a party! There had to be a catch, this never happened to me. Then it clicked...

  “Oh,” I sighed. “This is some trick, right?”

  He narrowed his eyes. “A trick?”

  “Yeah, you invite me to some party. I show up and no ones there. Then you and your friends tell the whole school and I'm made a laughing stock.”

  “No,” he smiled again, this time tapping the pencil on his lip. “I am actually having a party at my house on Saturday night. Do you wanna come?”

  “Can I bring my friends?” He thought for a second and then nodded in reply. “Okay, I'll come.”

  Lunch time couldn't come quick enough, I was itching to tell Ali and Becks about what was planned for our weekend. Also, this was an excuse to get away from my mother for one night. She would actually have to stay in and look after Lacey herself. I walked in to the cafeteria and over to my friends. I couldn't help the big smile on my face.

  “Why are you happy?” Ali asked.

  I pulled out my lunch box. “We are going to a party on Saturday” I announced.

  “Who's?” Becks quickly asked.

  “Chase Walker's” I give a little dance in my chair and both their mouths drop open in shock. Ali wasn't even blinking. “Well, say something?”

  “Jen,” Becks snapped. “You're my best friend and I love you, but you can't go around gate crashing people's parties.”

  “We're not gate crashing. He personally invited me and my friends.” I took a bite of a carrot and my eyes wandered around the cafeteria. I didn't even mean to, but I found my eyes looking at Ayden, sat in the same place as yesterday.

  His eyes locked with mine, this time he smiled and gave a little wave. Instantly I looked back down at my lunch box, was he just been nice to me? No, I bet he was mocking me. I don't know how to explain, but the more he pushes me away the more I want to talk to him. Does that make sense...? I no longer felt hungry and put my lunch box away.

  “Oh my god, Jen” Becks voice made me jump back into reality. “Chase is looking at you.”

  My eyes now turned to face the popular table, and she was right, he was staring at me and smiling. I smiled back and he mouthed, 'please come'. I just nodded and at the same time blushed, knowing my friends had just witnessed it. What has gotten into him lately? Why am I having this strange feeling that this is just some cruel game?

  I push the thought to the back of my mind. Chase is hardly a problem, after all it's not like I am obligated to go. Then again this may be the only party I am ever invited to in my whole short teenage years.

  It does feel nice for once, to actually feel as if I am settling in. Although, it’s always there. We have moved around that much its only time before we move again. If I just knew why we left in the first place I would understand things a lot better.

  “I think someone likes you” Becks sings in a teasing voice. Yet once again, I turn bright red, my eyes look back at Chase and he is still smiling. If only life was that kind to me.

  After school, I head straight home, Tuesday and Thursday are my days off, well from work anyway. Mrs Queen picks Lacey from school and my mother doesn't finish work till six. As I enter the house the smell of food hits me and I can hear Lacey laughing in the kitchen. This is strange. I slowly make my way towards the kitchen. I hope that Mrs Queen hasn't decided to come an
d cook again, she always makes a mess.

  To my surprise my mother is leaning on the breakfast counter playing with Lacey. She's dressed in her tight yoga pants, a tight white vest and her red bra very visible. This is weird. I stand and watch them for a second. It was like I was playing my own little game of spot the difference, the whole scene was wrong. Firstly, why was she home? Secondly, why was she cooking and thirdly, why wasn't I telling her my mind.

  “Jennifer” she finally turned and smiled at me. Jennifer? I couldn’t help but scowl at her, was this some weird dream, she had finally pushed me over the edge and made me crazy? “Why don't you go and get ready for dinner.”

  It was then I noticed her eyes drift over to the far end of our kitchen/dinning room. My eyes followed and sitting at a table was a bulked up, bald headed man. Ah, now it made sense, this was all an act for the cop, who I now knew was called Ted, Beck's father's friend.

  He gave a big white smile, but the lines on his face showed it was straining for him. I narrowed my eyes, turned on my heel and headed towards my room. How pathetic is this? Why exactly was she doing this?

  She's had many boyfriends, well if you could call them that, but she's never brought them home for dinner. I dumped my bag on the floor and dived onto my bed. I closed my eyes and tried to control my anger. Why couldn't she just be a Mom? Once again, my thoughts returned to my father, what was he doing? I missed him like mad. Had he met someone else, was he happy?

  A single tear rolled down my cheek and I brushed it away with the back on my hand. Life wasn't fair... I wanted my old life back desperately. I missed the family trips to the ice cream parlour, I missed the visits to my grandparent’s house, and I missed my old room and friends.

  I took in a deep breath and sat up. I had to go downstairs and try to save Lacey from this mess. Poor Lacey, did she even remember anything about our father? I close my eyes and try to picture his face... I need to remember him. My heart hurts again, as I try to think back to why we left that night. What happened? As like always there is nothing, nothing to suggest the problem.

  I make my way back down into the kitchen, the table is now set, for like the first time ever. She has actually excelled herself, chicken, potatoes, and vegetables. I didn't even realize she could work the oven. I take a seat opposite Lacey. Mom is sitting at the top of the table and Ted opposite her.

  The atmosphere is awkward, everyone eating in silence. My mother has a big smile on her face as if she's achieved the impossible. I look over at Lacey, she is watching Ted in fascination and you can tell he is getting uncomfortable. Every now and then he gives her a little smile.

  “Are you mommy's friend?” Lacey blurts out. Ted nervously looks over at my mom and nods. He obviously doesn't like being put on the spot. In fact, this is very amusing. “Really? My mommy has a lot of friends!”

  I choke on the mouthful I am eating and can't hold back my laughter. My mothers face has turned bright red, Ted doesn't know where to look and Lacey looks purely angelic as always. Although, this just shows how observant Lacey actually is.

  “Lacey,” I smile. “It's perfectly okay for Mommy to have friends.”

  “Not when they are all boys!”

  “Don't you have friends that are boys?” Ted asks, even he can see the funny side now.

  Her face screws up. “Ugh! No, boys are disgusting.”

  “Okay” my mother sighed. I hoped that Lacey's comment had made her realize that the way she behaves is disgusting. Now my little sister had caught on surely she should know that she has to stop. “Enough with this...” Her voice almost breaking, was she actually showing emotion? As always a smile hits her deep red lips and then I knew, nothing Lacey had said had affected her. Was she numb inside? Did everything just fly over her head?

  “I'm going to a party Saturday” I announced, actually it felt good. She wasn't the only one who could go out and have fun. “Chase Walker's” I added, my eyes moving in my mother's direction and she was still smiling.

  “That's wonderful news, Jennifer” she said, why was she calling me Jennifer? “See, Ted, my beautiful Jennifer has been having a hard time fitting in. For some reason these Summerton fork have a problem liking us Hopkins women.”

  I frown at her that was a blatant lie. How dare she say something like that? She knows nothing about me or school, as I never tell her anything. I could feel the steam escaping from my ears. No one likes her because, and I am not going to go round the houses, she is a slut. Always flirting with other women's husbands, picking up men at every chance she can get and throwing it in people's faces.

  I on the other hand, have two great friends and the only reason I won't introduce them to her is because she is a complete embarrassment. That and I never have any free time to socialize.

  I just stare at her, with wide eyes and my mouth in a tight line. I am that angry I feel like bursting into tears. I'm her daughter and I am virtually a stranger to her. She knows absolutely nothing about me and has no interest in my life. I wish I was with my father, I wish she had disappeared on her own.

  At that moment I make a decision to stop looking out for her, stop making her life easy. I had to focus on myself. I was in need of fun and excitement. She was practically draining my life dry. I looked back at Lacey, I knew Lacey would suffer by my decisions, but I wasn't her mother. I would be there to help her with sister problems.

  I pushed back my chair in anger and stormed out of the kitchen. I could hear my mother yelling at me and I didn't care to answer her. Before I knew it, I was out of the house and walking down the road. I could do this, right! I could leave that house anytime I wanted to. Then why did I feel guilty?

  I took in a deep breath. I would go and hang out at the Diner for a while. Let myself cool down and let her fester. It was about time she dealt with that house. I hope Ted got a good look at her today and decided to run as far away from her as he could get. She didn't deserve anyone to care for her and she didn't deserve me or Lacey.

  After walking for five minutes I was outside the Diner. I walked through the door and into the laughter, the brightness and warmth of the place. I ordered a soda and found an empty table. I was deep in thoughts when Betty brought my soda over to me, I even forgot to say thank you.

  Why did I have to have a mother like her? I wanted my old life back desperately, I loved living in Summerton, but it wasn't home. There was nothing familiar about it. There was nothing here for me, I couldn't spend the rest of life living in this small cramped up place. I was now more determined to go to college, maybe go back home and see my father. Well, if he was still there.

  At that precise moment I began to feel anger towards him. Why hadn't he bothered to find us? Was he glad me and Lacey had been taken away from him. Great, now I had two worthless parents, both self absorbed in their own lives and couldn't give a damn about their children.

  The tears built up in my eyes and my whole body shook with rage. I and Lacey only had each other, which meant I couldn't go to college and leave her behind.

  “Hi,” said a low, deep voice. I quickly brushed away my tears and looked up. To my amazement, it was Ayden standing next to the table. For once, he wasn't looking at me with hatred.

  “What do you want?” I snapped, like I even needed any more grief. I picked up my soda and took a large gulp. Hoping he would take the hint and leave me alone. He did the opposite and sat down at the table. Great! Another chance for him to be cruel towards me.

  “You look like you need a friend.”

  “You don't want to be my friend, remember?”

  “Yeah, about that… ” he said casually, as if it was no longer a big deal.

  It was as I was corned. I remember the way he looked at me in the store. The way his mouth was all tight and those dark eyes glaring into me. For a brief moment, he looked dangerous as if he could harm me and not feel any remorse. I shuddered just at the thought.

  Now he was here, why - He wanted to be my friend? I couldn't help the little
laugh that escaped my mouth. Seriously, he had to be more messed up than me. Well, if that was hardly possible?

  “I know it’s funny” he added dryly. “I was out of line today.”

  My eyes flickered at him. He had his head resting in his hands and his eyes firmly on me. He no longer looked dangerous, it fact, I actually thought I saw that mist drift away from his eyes. He seemed more content, more approachable. Maybe he had realized what a Jackass he actually was.

  “You just caught me off guard,” he gave a half smile. “I haven't had the warmest welcoming from the small town folk.”

  That I could relate to. Mrs Howard told me that people fear newcomers to the town. They don't want the outside to interrupt the quiet of Summerton. After a few weeks I fitted in well, Carl gave me a job and I made friends with Becks and Ali.

  “So,” his voice was a lot huskier now. “Is the blonde boy in maths your boyfriend?

  “No!” I snorted, how anyone could think something absurd like that. Wait, maths, how did he know.

  As if he could read my mind, he answered my unspoken question.

  “I sit right at the back, but you're so consumed with Chase,” he gave a weak laugh. “Chase?” he repeated. “What sort of name is that?”

  “It's a name,” I reassured. “And no, Chase is not my boyfriend. Like that has anything to do with you if he was.”

  “Okay, I get your point. I’m trying really hard to apologize for my behaviour.”

  “You haven't actually said sorry yet.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “I was getting to that part...”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes...” he smiles and I can't help but smile back. I like this new Ayden, which I shouldn't and I know I shouldn't. He was horrible to me. He made me feel like nothing as if I wasn't worthy to talk too.

  “Get on with it” my voice more demanding, as I remember how he throws my attempt in my face.

  “Please,” I have no idea why I added that.

  He waited for a second, his whole composure changed. I was scared again, even with a room full of people. This boy put me on edge.

  “I'm sorry, Jen” I gasped and he continued. “I know I must have looked stupid. I am not used to people just wanting to be nice. And again, I'm sorry.”

  My mouth opens and then closes, I get this weird feeling he is going to say 'gotcha'. His voice was sincere and I think he actually meant his words. A smile creeps upon my face and he returns it with a mesmerizing smile of his own. This time his dark onyx eyes light up and I am hypnotized by them.

  I have to pull my eyes away from him, I can feel my cheeks flaming bright red and I am chewing on my lip as I can't think of anything to say to him. He quickly stands up from the table and places his hands in his pockets.

  “Well, I should be off,” he points to the door. “I'll see you at school tomorrow, Jen.” I just nod like some stupid ornament people have in their cars. He gives a quick smile and strolls out of the Diner. I take in a deep breath and my lungs burn, as subconsciously I didn’t breathe.

  Today has seriously been strange, some things good and some things not as good. I start thinking about my mother and wondering what I will find when I get home. I know I shouldn't be hard on her, at least tonight she tried. Was she trying for us or him?

  I don't know and I know I shouldn't dwell on why we left my father. It's just the pain I feel for him is exhausting, and my heart feels heavy. It feels as a huge chuck of my life is missing and I don't know how to move forward.

  At least I have Chase's party to look forward to and my new friendship that is developing with Ayden. Maybe life in Summerton isn't so bad, maybe it’s me that holds myself back. I blame my mother, but really, am I to blame?

  After feeling I have cleared my head and reached a sort of closure. I head home, do my homework and go to bed feeling a lot more optimistic about my last few months of being 17 and in high school.