We Interrupt This Program, Page 2
Justin Blasdel
place in the hills, far outta town. Those space monsters won’t ever find us there.
BEULAH
We haven’t visited Cousin Hank in years! Ever since he shot your daddy’s favorite horse, you two haven’t shared one word.
FLOYD
That don’t mean nothing to me right now. What we have to do is get safe.
BEULAH
What’ll we take with us?
FLOYD
Yeah. Yeah, good thinking. You’ve always been a good thinker, Beulah. Come on, we gotta start packing up our clothes.
BEULAH
But what if the radio people have more to say—
FLOYD
--they’re all dead!
FLOYD pulls BEULAH by the arm offstage.
FLOYD (OS)
Burnt to a crisp!
EVELYN (OS)
Burnt to a crisp!
NEAL comes in wearing the oven mitts, and EVELYN walks in scolding HIM.
EVELYN
You should have apologized! Now dinner’s burnt.
NEAL
I think it was burnt long before I got my mitts on it.
NEAL takes off the mitts.
EVELYN
I could have saved it.
NEAL
There’s not a thing in this world that can turn something burnt into something edible. Perhaps those Martians have a few cooking tricks to show us humans, after we’re enslaved, of course.
EVELYN slaps him on the arm.
EVELYN
Don’t be foolish.
NEAL
Oww. You hit harder than the fellows at work.
EVELYN
Just why did your mother think that story was real?
NEAL
I don’t blame her. It was played as a real radio broadcast with eyewitness reports and army officials. There wasn’t one commercial, and the music was stopped repeatedly for updates.
EVELYN
Really? How do you know it wasn’t real?
NEAL
Evelyn, don’t be silly. There’s no such thing as aliens.
EVELYN
How do you know? You ever been in space? You ever visited other planets?
NEAL
No, but our telescopes can see those places well enough to know there’s not a single city on the face of Mars.
EVELYN
Maybe they’re hiding under the dirt.
NEAL
That’s what the radio said.
EVELYN
See, I’m right! You don’t know.
NEAL
I know enough.
EVELYN
Turn the radio on. You’ll see how right I am.
NEAL stands between EVELYN and the radio.
NEAL
I don’t need to. I know what I heard.
EVELYN
Give it to me!
EVELYN goes for the radio, but NEAL quickly grabs it, protecting his precious property.
NEAL
It’s probably better that I don’t. Remember what you did to the last one?
NEAL motions towards the window.
EVELYN
That’s fine. I’ll go next door and borrow the neighbor’s radio.
NEAL
Evelyn!
NEAL sets the radio down and THEY exit.
SFX: door opening, then a knocking offstage.
FLOYD (OS)
Yeah? I heard the radio too! I don’t know. Just go to the hills! Go to the hills and stay there!
SFX: door slamming
FLOYD (OS)
Beluah, I’m gonna keep packing clothes and such. You go in the kitchen and pack up some food.
BEULAH enters.
BEULAH
I will, Floyd.
EVELYN enters.
EVELYN
There, lost him!
EVELYN takes a moment to catch HER breath. BEULAH looks around the kitchen for food, but curiosity shows her the radio.
BEULAH
I’ll turn it on for news and such. Maybe the army will say more.
EVELYN and BEULAH turn on both radios at the same time.
SFX: Lines from Orson Welles’ “War of the Worlds” Radio Show, as follows…
STRANGER
“They -- They got themselves in solid. They wrecked the greatest country in the world. Those green stars, they're probably falling somewhere every night. They've only lost one machine. There isn't anything to do. We're done. We're licked.”
EVELYN is worried about the loudness of the radio. BEULAH and HER turn both radios off.
BEULAH
I guess that man’s right. We’re licked.
EVELYN
Neal’s right…again. It’s just a story.
BEULAH
His voice, that stranger’s voice, it sounds so sad.
EVELYN
I don’t believe a word of that nonsense, and I don’t understand why Neal enjoys it so much. When will my husband listen something worth our time?
BEULAH
I never knew radio could be so important. All those days thinking Floyd was ignoring me, staying in here alone, he was really keeping us safe. What if he wasn’t listening? What if we didn’t know at all?
EVELYN
I wish Neal never bought this stupid thing!
EVELYN slaps the radio and hurts her hand.
EVELYN
Oww! All it does is keep him from listening to me when I’m ready to talk. I let him get it, because I hoped he’d leave me alone when I sewed. Now he leaves me alone all night.
BEULAH
Oh God! What about everyone else? Mom, Dad, Sister Jenny! They don’t have a radio or a horn. What about them? Floyd! Floyd get in here!
SFX: a door opens and slams shut.
NEAL enters trying to catch his breath.
NEAL
Why did you do that?
EVELYN
Do what?
FLOYD enters.
FLOYD
What’s the problem? Are the aliens here?
FLOYD takes a look outside of the window.
NEAL
What do you mean “do what”? You ran off after bumping into that woman carrying a box of clothes. She spilled that whole thing on me, and I had to explain to her husband why I was wearing his wife’s brassieres on my head.
FLOYD
Oh no! There aren’t any cars anymore! Everyone’s gone!
FLOYD and BEULAH are scared stiff. EVELYN and NEAL share a tense moment, but then break into laughter.
EVELYN
You really had brassieres on your head?
NEAL
All the colors of the American flag.
BEULAH
Nobody’s out there? What’s all them city lights for?
FLOYD
Nobody cares to turn off a light when their life’s on the line.
BEULAH
We don’t have food. Tomorrow’s shopping day.
NEAL and EVELYN hold eachother.
EVELYN
You’re hopeless.
NEAL
Completely.
NEAL and EVELYN kiss.
FLOYD
No food, but we got clothes, and we got shelter waiting for us. What else do we need?
BEULAH
We need to get my family! They don’t know what’s happening.
FLOYD
That’s it! A family. We need kids! We need to people-up the earth. Right here, right now!
EVELYN
So…you feel like pushing the beds together tonight?
NEAL
Definitely.
FLOYD grabs BEULAH and starts to grope HER, who is pleasantly surprised.
BEULAH
Floyd! What you doing? It isn’t even Friday!
The noise from the two can be heard by NEAL and EVELYN, who look annoyed by the disturbance.
NEAL
Is that Floyd and--
EVELYN
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--Beulah, yes. The Aables pitching woo again.
BEULAH
Oh, Floyd!
EVELYN
(to the Aables) You animals!
BEULAH
You animal!
FLOYD soon gives up.
FLOYD
I-I-I can’t concentrate with all this going on right now! We’ll finish this later.
BEULAH straightens HER dress and hair.
BEULAH
You better!
NEAL
They stopped already?
EVELYN
I’m not surprised. Neal, you can go back to your radio. I’ll try and make something else for dinner.
FLOYD
The clothes are packed! Come on, Beulah! Let’s skedaddle!
FLOYD grabs BEULAH as SHE fixes her hair and THEY exit.
NEAL
No, I’ve had enough excitement for one night. Besides, I haven’t had a chance to read the newspaper. Perhaps there’s some good news about Europe for a change.
EVELYN
You go ahead. I’ll be in here.
NEAL sits down and grabs the newspaper. EVELYN exits.
NEAL
To think that the radio could make people that frightened. Ridiculous!
SFX: knocking.
EVELYN (OS)
Who is it?
SFX: door opening.
EVELYN (OS)
Oh, hello Floyd…Beulah.
FLOYD (OS)
I have to talk to Neal, right now!
FLOYD enters. NEAL stands up and places the newspaper down.
NEAL
Floyd, what brings you here?
FLOYD
Hey pally, you listen to the radio tonight?
NEAL
Well, yes. I did.
FLOYD
Then you know about the attack, don’t you?
NEAL
Yes, I heard that story--
FLOYD
Then why are you still here? We gotta scram!
NEAL
You mean you actually believe—
FLOYD
The world’s ending, Neal! Get ready and start packing. You do it fast enough, and I let you and your wife come with us to my hiding spot.
NEAL
No…I don’t think that will be necessary, but thank you for the offer.
FLOYD
What’ll you do?
NEAL ponders what lie to tell FLOYD.
NEAL
I’ll stay behind and report the attack as it comes. Someone has to keep our defenses as strong as possible.
FLOYD
Yeah,
