Lust is Easy, Love is Complicated, Page 2

  TWO

  We meet again…

  T HROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE WEEK following that first encounter, my mind kept thinking about Rome. Actually—today made an exact week since that day I walked into that office and his eyes met mine. It was the first time someone actually looked into my eyes and meant it. Then again—how do I know he meant it just based off meeting him once?

  What was it about it Rome that captivated my mind? Sure he was over 6’0—had a nice athletic build—an extensive vocabulary—an amazing smile—but I had never been the one to become infatuated with a man’s physical attributes; so this had to be something different. When I think about my previous relationships, I have always been more intrigued by the ambition and intellectual capacity of a man. Maybe this is why I cannot find love. Maybe men just are not looking for someone who sees the beauty of a pure heart and mind. This in turns makes it worse for me because I am just not willing to sacrifice my body for a false sense of stability. One day, someone will love me for me—and all that I have to offer even if that someone is not Rome. Maybe this was just a phase I am experiencing and it will all go away eventually.

  Suddenly my phone’s alarm started to ring loudly—alerting me that it was time for my morning jog. I did not notice that I had been looking in the mirror pondering through my thoughts for the last 20-minutes. I had been up since about 5am this morning working on a few new pieces for Freedom Unveiled.

  Every morning at 7am I would jog down the Manhattan Beach boardwalk—not just for the exercise but for creative purposes as well. I feel it is important as an artist to keep my perspective clear and my mind free—which is the main reason I love living near the beach.

  Honestly, it was a dream coming true when I landed the position as an intern at Creative Spirits, which later gave me the opportunity to release my own collection and more so helped me to afford the beachfront condominium I live in now.

  However, I must admit that sometimes living and being alone can take a toll on you—especially, when you see other couples happy and in love. This is not how I pictured my love life would be as a 27-year old woman; I always thought I would be married by now.

  My girlfriends have even tried to set me up on numerous dates—and I will always find the smallest flaw in the men they choose and disqualify him from future dates with me. I do not know why I always seemed to compare potential mates to the man from my past. I know that this is not a healthy way of approaching love, which is why I am wondering if I have ever even experienced what love actually is.

  As I sat at the edge of my bed, I continued to think about the possibility of finding true love. Then I thought to myself how ridiculous these thoughts were, as I finally began to lace up my running shoes—making sure, they were comfortable enough to run a few miles in.

  I then began to place my ear buds into my ear. I have always been the type of girl that loves to jog while listening to the 90s nostalgic music. 90s music always made me feel like the princess of nostalgia anxiously waiting to one day meet the prince of nostalgia.

  After double-checking that my shoes were tied tightly and my ear buds were placed in firmly—I applied a little suntan lotion to my legs, stomach, arms, and face.

  I then did a quick double take in my full-length mirror to admire how beautiful I was. Sometimes we women need to assure ourselves that we are phenomenal instead of seeking such power to be handed to us from a man.

  On the other hand, maybe that is just the single woman in me talking.

  I headed down the stairway, into the kitchen, and grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. I quickly peered over at the television that was on my kitchen counter; when I heard Steve Harvey’s voice speaking on the topic of love, “Look ladies, listen here—you cannot go through life pushing every good man away just because you’ve been hurt. You might find Mr. Right—hell, he may be right in front of your face—but because the last man broke your heart, you build all these walls, barriers, and set these incredibly high standards—which runs a man off. Maybe you need Jesus if you are expecting a man to be perfect because we are all flawed. Don’t let fear cause you to miss your blessing.”

  I stood there for a moment in deep thought as I conceptualized the words said by Steve. I knew he was absolutely right deep down inside but I just was not willing to become that vulnerable for a man—only for him to one day break my heart.

  I grabbed the remote off the counter, turned off the television, and headed toward the front door. The moment that I opened the door, the beautiful morning sun greeted me. I turned around to lock the door behind me and headed down the steps of my condo, which lead me directly to the beach boardwalk.

  I turned my music up loud enough to zone out any commentary on the boardwalk and began to jog slowly. Whenever I would take my morning jogs, I would always get lost in the moment. It was as if freedom had cruised over my entire being and just immersed my spirit in peace.

  After a straight 30-minute jog down the boardwalk, I was finally ready to take a quick break; which was perfect because I was approaching my favorite smoothie shop named Smoothies-4U. I would always order the same thing each visit—a Dark Chocolate Spice Smoothie. The employees were always very friendly and they all knew me on a first name basis because I was such a frequent visitor.

  “Good morning Emily.” I said smiling.

  “Morning Noni—I already know what you want—Dark Chocolate Spice coming right up.” Emily said smiling.

  As I sat there waiting for my smoothie to be made, I logged onto my Instagram page to see how my friends morning were going; since I knew they were most likely awake and couldn’t stay away from Instagram.

  I tried to stay off social media as much as possible because of how artificial it made some people lives appear. I never wanted to be the girl that was just known for being beautiful or having an incredible figure but because I was intelligent, talented, ambitious, with goals, and big dreams.

  I continued to scroll through my phone—clicking on my best-friend Lauren’s page to see how her morning was going. She was the type to Instagram every aspect of her life—from waking up—to eating breakfast—to showing how she applied her makeup each morning—to asking her followers what she should wear to work. She was into the whole Hollywood lifestyle, especially, since she was one of the top hair and makeup-artist in the city.

  I smiled when I clicked on the last picture she had posted, which was a picture of her and me from dinner the previous night tagged—Best-friends forever. I love my girl Noni.

  I placed my phone back into my armband the second I heard Emily call my name.

  “Noni—your smoothie is ready.” Emily said.

  “Thank you Emily. How’s your morning going so far?” I said smiling.

  “It’s been going great. There’s been a constant flow of joggers coming in like you—so that keeps me really busy.” Emily replied.

  “That’s great! Glad to see business is going well. I’ll see you tomorrow morning here at the same time.” I said waving as I exited the shop.

  As the door shut behind me, I stood there taking in the beautiful view of the ocean—watching each wave gently press up against one another. This always made me think of love and how the person you are with should inspire you beyond measure—pushing you beyond what you are accustomed to. Maybe that is why I have not been able to give myself to someone unconditionally—because I had no one to bring a new perspective into my life.

  I began to walk down the steps toward the sand as I sipped my smoothie, when a strong hand touched the skin of my waist, followed by the call of my name—which caused me to turn around instantly.

  “Noni—I didn’t mean to startle you—I just thought you looked familiar from a distance and it was no way to see your face.” Rome said nervously.

  I stood there looking into his eyes—completely silent—wondering how ironic it is that I would see him here.

  “It’s okay, you didn’t startle me. Just a bit surprised. Rome it is, right? You’
re the guy from work whose eyes couldn’t stop trying to talk to mine right?” I said with a slight smile on my face.

  “Yeah—I guess you can say that. Or maybe I just see something more than what meets the eye.” Rome replied with a big smile on his face.

  I took a sip of my smoothie as I stared with a smile on my face.

  “So what are you doing around here Roman or is it just Rome?” I said.

  “Roman is fine—only those close to me call me that so feel free to call me that anytime—and to answer your other question, I actually live about 6-miles back that way down the boardwalk. It’s very rare that I come this far down but now I’m happy I did because I ran into you.” Rome said.

  I could not help but smile by his cute gestures.

  “I’m nobody special to run into Rome. I’m just a normal woman—I’m actually quite boring—borderline loser.” I said giggling.

  “That’s not what I see when I look at you at Noni.” Rome quickly replied looking into my eyes.

  I grabbed my ponytail with one hand and shifted it in front of my shoulder, which is usually what I do when I get nervous. This gave me a few extra seconds to collect my thoughts before responding.

  “What do you see when you look at me Rome? It cannot be that much; you do not even know me. We just met.” I said trying not to show any feelings.

  Rome took a deep breath, followed by the most incredible smile I had ever seen as he looked into my eyes. It was the type of vibe that made you feel safe and more so—wanted.

  “I see a beautiful woman…” Rome said before I cut him off in the middle of his sentence.

  “Let me stop you there—I know what you’re going to say. You see a beautiful woman, with an amazing body, one that you would love to get into your bed. That is it—right—right? I’ll pass. I had your type before—the handsome—in shape, irresistible, confident, player, and honestly I’m just not that type of girl.” I said as I turned my head looking down the boardwalk.

  There was a complete pause for a couple of seconds.

  I started to turn around to walk away but before I could do so, Rome grabbed my hand. The moment that I turned to face him there was those eyes again—piercing through my soul.

  “When I look at you, I see a woman who’s been hurt—which is why you have assumed that I was a player twice without you even knowing me. A woman who fears love so intensely that she pushes away every man that she encounters because she does not want to experience the pain those prior experiences had brought her. When I look at you, I see not just beauty but resilience—a true queen. When I look at you, I see a woman who is not afraid of risk but used her dreams and talent to take a risk for what she believed in. I see a woman who has worked her ass off to turn her indie brand into a mainstream innovation without conforming or compromising who she was. I see a woman that every man wants physically but never took the time to see intellectually, mentally, and emotionally. Noni—I see you—from the first day in that office when you walked in—I seen you.” Rome said as he released my hand.

  I was so amazed by Rome’s response that I was literally at a loss for words. I had never met a man so vulnerable—so open, it was something I wanted to learn more about.

  “Honestly, Rome that was the sweetest thing any guy has ever said to me. Just for you to be able to look at me and see more is amazing to me but I have been hurt so many times that I just cannot give myself to anyone right now. I’m not saying that we can’t be friends however.” I said empathizing with Rome.

  I can tell that Rome’s persistence was only increasing as he dug into the back pocket of his joggers, pulling out his wallet. He then began to open the pouch where his business