dependence, 85–89
avoidance and, 50–53, 81
behavioral change and, 69–74
in careers, 54
case studies of, 76, 86–87, 107, 115–16
dating and, 243–44
degrees of, 53–54
denial of, 57–59, 69, 70
enabling behavior and, 106
on family, 33, 57, 81, 254
financial, 52, 54, 57, 72–73, 86, 112, 115–16
functional levels of, 54–56
goals for, 99, 105–7, 112, 115–16
learning of, 106–7
limits set for, 68, 72, 99, 106, 116, 118
on parents, 76, 86–87, 107, 263
in personality development, 70, 81, 83, 252
rationalizations for, 86
responsibility vs., 87–88
school and, 50–51, 54, 56–57
self-esteem and, 81, 86, 87, 106
social anxiety and, 106
social interaction and, 56–59
strategy for, 105–7
symptoms of, 88–89
depression, 82, 246, 261–62, 263
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSMIII-R), 83, 84, 87, 89, 90–91
divorce, 197
drama therapy, 252
drug addiction, 240
dyslexia, 258
Edge Cities (Garrow), 265
EEG (electroencephalograph), 129
elective mutism, 259
embarrassment, 11, 91, 256, 267, 268–69
EMG (electromyograph), 129
emotions:
coping with, 53, 59, 74
expression of, 30, 61–62, 63, 108, 159–61, 242
responsibility for, 147
empathy, 193, 199
empowerment, 17, 52, 71
Evangelista, Richard, 45
exercise, 145
eye contact, 174, 177–78, 180, 227, 233
family:
dependence on, 38, 57, 81, 254
goals for, 99
self-awareness and, 149, 150
sociability of, 262–63
time for, 142
father/child relationship, 163
favoritism, 206
fear:
acknowledgement of, 109
control of, 168, 263
extent of, 116
panic and, 259
of supervisors, 10–11
fight-or-flight response, 14–16, 19
“forward lean,” 176–77
Frederick II, King, 33, 34
friends, friendship:
acquaintances vs., 169–70, 172–73
avoidance and, 51–52, 83
couples as, 202–3
definition of, 199–200
denial and, 58–59
gender of, 202
imagery exercise for, 207–8
importance of, 30, 36–38, 40
interactive chemistry in, 203
interactive skills for, 198, 275
levels of, 200–201
with peers, 201–2
phobia of, 104, 105
role playing and, 165
romantic relationships vs., 168–169, 196, 202, 203–4
selection of, 173
in workplace, 205–7
garden clubs, 236
Garreau, Joel, 265
gossiping, 194
greetings, 175–76, 177, 180–81, 194, 232–33
groups, 237–42
personal interests and, 237–38
types of, 237–40
group therapy, 239–41, 251–52
GSR (galvanic skin response), 129
handicaps, 40, 41, 244
hands, cold, 15, 18, 23, 25, 124, 127, 128, 130
headaches, tension, 25, 104
homemakers, 197
humiliation, 10–11, 27, 62, 83, 84, 91, 104, 256, 267
humor, 192–93
illnesses, 194
social anxiety as cause of, 118, 145–46, 224
imagery exercises:
for careers, 210–14
for dating, 208
for embarrassment, 268–69
free play and, 172
for friendship, 207–8
for job interviews, 219–20, 221, 222–23
for job searches, 210–14, 219–20
for motivation, 96–98
for relationships, 207–8
in relaxation techniques, 133, 136
for self-awareness, 148–53
infatuation, 204
insomnia, 119
interactive inhibition, 11, 22, 25, 27
interviews, job:
assertiveness in, 218
behavioral rehearsal for, 221, 222–23
body language in, 227–28
breathing exercises for, 221, 222, 223
employer’s point of view in, 217
follow-up for, 217–18
imagery exercises for, 219–20, 221, 222–23
interactive chemistry in, 220–21, 227, 228
interactive skills for, 198, 226–29
listening in, 229
physical appearance in, 222–23, 226–27
Positive Mental Attitude in, 226
professional image in, 218–20
rate of speech in, 227
résumés and, 217, 218, 220
role playing and, 164
rules for, 216–23, 226–29
self-esteem and, 217, 222
telephone conversations and, 217, 218–19
tone of voice in, 218, 228
intimacy, 35, 188, 194–95, 238–39
intimate distance, 179–80
isolation, 264–66
James, William, 193
jobs:
qualifications for, 210, 211–12, 220, 221
satisfaction with, 14, 215, 224–226, 234–35 see also workplace
job search, 209–23
competition in, 212–13
imagery exercises for, 210–14, 219–20
motivation for, 213–16
rejection and, 214, 216 see also interviews, job
jokes, 193
leadership, 32
learning disabilities, 257–58, 263
listening:
active, 192
in job interviews, 229
passive, 188
as sensory experience, 152
Lombardi, Vince, 167
loneliness, 11, 38, 40, 41, 82, 168, 237
“loners,” 53, 83, 104
longevity, 145–46
looking, as sensory experience, 152–53
love, 203–4
managers, 12–13, 225
marriage, 204, 244
Maslow, Abraham, 33
medication, 127–28, 263
meditation, 125
memory, 135, 223, 227
“mental wastebasket,” 148–49
mirror, imaginary, 161–62
mortality rates, 38
mother/child relationship, 163–64
motivation, 94–98, 116
imagery exercise for, 96–98
in job interviews, 227
for job searches, 213–16
levels of, 214–16, 225
“muscle memory,” 135, 227
muscle relaxation, 127, 132, 133, 134
names, 181, 193, 195
nervousness, 18–19, 28
nervous system, 15
networking, 18, 92, 197, 232, 237
NMA (Negative Mental Attitude), 29
nodding, 178
nurses, 252
nurturing, 60, 109–10
obsessive-compulsive disorder, 10, 27, 28, 89
panic attacks:
in agoraphobia, 91
as common disorder, 10
job-related, 224, 225
management of, 139–40, 253, 259
symptoms of, 18–19, 108, 123, 129
“Parent,” as component of personality, 119–20
parents, 50–74
anger at, 159
depend
ence on, 76, 86–87, 107, 263
goals for, 99
overprotective, 149
Social Ability Questionnaire and, 48–49
therapy as viewed by, 56, 58, 250, 264
parties, 11, 21, 185–86, 233–34
party lines, 248–49, 260
passivity, 32, 188
pastoral counseling, 252
peer pressure, 64, 77
perfectionists, 13
performance anxiety, 38–42, 89, 210
personal ads, 245–47
personal distance, 180
personality:
“Adult” component of, 119–22, 167, 183, 212, 256
affective development in, 33
avoidant, 81, 252
“Child” component of, 109, 119–22
dependent, 70, 81, 83, 252
formation of, 33, 163
in job interviews, 219
“Parent” component of, 119–20
Positive Mental Attitude as part of, 31, 267
shyness as trait of, 9, 11–12, 255
phobia, social, see social phobia
PMA (Positive Mental Attitude), 28, 29, 31, 69, 70, 75, 93, 184, 220, 226, 249, 267, 270
posture, 175, 227
procrastination, 21, 23
productivity, 14, 22–25, 144, 206, 229, 234
proxemics, 176, 179–80
psychiatry, 252
psychoanalysis, 251
psychology, 252
psychotherapy:
for avoidance, 52–53
clinical orientation in, 251, 252, 253
diagnosis in, 252
group, 239–41, 251–52
individual, 241, 249
interaction in, 251–52
need for, 249–50
options for, 73
parental attitudes toward, 56, 58, 250, 264
payment for, 53
protocol for, 264
resistance to, 10, 57–59
self-help programs vs., 249–50
for social anxiety, 236, 249–54
stigma of, 58
therapist selection in, 251–54
public distance, 180
public speaking, 10, 18–19, 28, 82, 111–12
questions, 181, 187, 190–92
personal, 191–92
reciprocals, 180–81
recreational groups, 236, 238, 242
rejection, 27, 40, 79, 83, 84, 165
in job search, 214, 216
social interaction and, 181–83, 191
relationships:
compatibility in, 203–4
control in, 36
development of, 204–5, 244, 250, 268
honesty in, 35–36, 247
imagery exercise for, 207–8
intimacy in, 35, 238–39
personal ads and, 246–47
responsibility in, 41–42
role playing in, 162–65
types of, 199–204 see also dating; friends, friendship
“relaxation response,” 125
relaxation techniques, 16, 97, 110, 122–27
application of, 125–27
exercise for, 131–35
focusing and, 184, 192
follow-up and, 196
imagery exercises in, 133, 136
methods of, 125, 128–31, 135–37
for panic attacks, 139–40
physical signs of, 124, 125, 127, 128, 130, 131
résumés, 217, 218, 220
risk-taking, 23, 39, 87, 184, 220
Roosevelt, Eleanor, 80
school:
avoidance of, 50–51, 56–57, 68–69
dependence and, 50–51, 54, 56–57
goals for, 99
phobia of, 26–27
role playing and, 164
socialization in, 29–30
time for, 142
as topic of conversation, 187–88
“self-actualization,” 33, 76, 88, 275
self-awareness:
ability for, 110
concentration and, 151–53
emotions and, 159–61
family and, 149, 150
focusing and, 184, 192
“following through” exercise for, 156–57
imagery exercises for, 148–53
interactive identity and, 165
language and, 154–61
opportunities for, 266
of personal environment, 149–51
role playing and, 162–65
self-image and, 154–55
sensory exercises for, 151, 152–53
techniques for, 147–65
self-esteem, 25, 77–82
avoidance and, 81, 83–84, 101
careers and, 79, 209
case studies of, 77, 78–79, 275
changes in, 80–82
dating and, 78–79
dependence and, 81, 86, 87, 106
job interviews and, 217, 222
learning disabilities and, 258
limitations from, 79, 80–81, 99
physical appearance and, 80
rejection and, 183
self-confidence and, 77–78, 118–119, 232
self-image and, 161–62
social anxiety and, 77, 80–81
stress and, 224
self-help groups, 236, 238, 241–42
self-image, 11–12, 13, 39
job searches and, 213
self-awareness and, 154–55
self-esteem and, 161–62
self-regulation, 125, 130
Selye, Hans, 118
sexual harassment, 207
Shakespeare, William, 177
shame, 83, 84
shyness:
as bad habit, 11, 255, 263
as personality trait, 9, 11–12, 255 see also social anxiety
smelling, as sensory experience, 153
smiles, 175–76, 180
Social Ability Questionnaire, 44–49
social anxiety:
careers and, 213–14, 234
communication and, 223
denial and, 256–57
dependence and, 106
disorders related to, 257–62, 263
fight-or-flight response as, 14–16, 19
focus on, 166, 167
functional level and, 42–44, 257
genetic predisposition to, 29
group therapy for, 239–41
health affected by, 118, 145–46, 224
issues and patterns of, 255–64
levels of, 75–77
“map for change” in, 92, 93, 116, 198, 269, 275
mental responses to, 24, 25–26, 223
in men vs. women, 257
as negative response, 13–14, 15, 16
as people-oriented problem, 240, 249, 253–54
pervasiveness of, 9–10, 15, 19
physical responses to, 13–16, 18, 20, 23, 107–8, 119, 122–23, 270
problem solving for, 120–22
profiles for, 23, 24, 25, 27, 28, 93, 116
self-esteem and, 77, 80–81
self-help strategy for, 236–37, 249–50, 267–75
social impact of, 255–66
social interaction and, 183–86
social performance and, 38–42, 89–90
as social phobia, 9–10, 89–91
somatization of, 107–8
success graph for, 30, 257, 269
survey on, 262–64
symptoms of, see anxiety, symptoms of
therapy for, 236, 239–41, 249–54
thought patterns in, 25–26, 89, 119, 270–75
social avoidance, 50–74, 82–85
case studies of, 75–76, 82, 104–5
cause and effect in, 102–5, 258
by children, 61–64, 70–71, 102–5
definition of, 83–84
degrees of, 9, 29
dependence and, 50–53, 81
enabling of, 50–52, 61, 71
friendship and, 51–52, 83
goals for, 99, 100–105, 111–12
identification of, 100–102
limitations by, 82, 84–85, 99, 101, 116, 118
negative self-image and, 39
nurturing and, 60
parental attitude toward, 50–74
personality and, 81, 252
as phase, 53, 61–62, 70
as phobia, 104–5
rescue and, 51, 60, 61
responsibility vs., 41–42
of school, 50–51, 56–57, 68–69
self-esteem and, 81, 83–84, 101
social anxiety and, 10, 16, 19–20, 101, 184, 264
societal factors in, 264–66
strategy for, 71, 100–105
symptoms of, 84–85
therapy for, 52–53
“tough love” approach for, 64, 67–69, 73
trauma as basis of, 102–3
warning signs for, 63–67
social distance, 180
social interaction, 32–49, 166–97
application of, 198–235
body language in, 174–80
case studies of, 167–70, 171, 172–173, 174, 179
of children, 33–34, 147, 171
comfort level in, 35, 36, 170, 192
community resources for, 236–54
definition of, 32, 34–38
dependence and, 56–59
expectations in, 39–40, 41, 111, 169, 171, 182, 275
free play in, 171–72
function levels of, 42–44, 48
goals for, 17, 31, 42, 44, 70–71, 74, 80, 92, 93–117, 274–75
interactive contacts in, 119, 166–170, 178, 192, 193, 199
intimacy in, 35
necessity of, 33–34, 37
negative, 39
network for, 92
performance in, 38–42
physical appearance and, 40–41, 44
physical response to, 13–15
practice in, 182, 183–84
profile for, 111
questionnaire on, 44–49
“reading” other people in, 168, 169, 177, 180
reciprocals in, 180–81
rejection in, 181–83, 191
self-focused thinking in, 166, 167, 184–85, 232
skills for, 17, 31, 45–47, 144, 166–235, 236, 237, 252, 258, 263
spontaneity in, 199
step-by-step process for, 111–17
strategy for, 93–117
time for, 142, 144
social phobia:
avoidance as, 104–5
of parties, 185–86
of school, 26–27
social anxiety as, 9–10, 89–91
symptoms of, 21
social therapy groups, 239–41, 251–52
social work, 252
solitude, 37
special interest groups, 242, 266
stress, 17, 73, 81–82, 117, 118–46, 167, 213, 252, 253, 268
case studies of, 120–23, 129–30, 224
environmental, 264–66
exercise and, 145
health affected by, 145–46, 224
jobs and, 223–24
medication for, 127–28
negative responses to, 107
physical response to, 13–15, 118, 119, 122–23
relaxation vs., 122–27