The Feminazis, Page 3

beams of light over to the headquarters of Twitter. In the film, they depicted the headquarters as a blue building with a giant mural of a blue bird on their building.

  The three beams of light combined and destroyed the Twitter building, resembling any explosion seen in the Die Hard films. The film then showed how screenshots and retweets of Testosterone Ted’s tweet virtually disappeared from the internet like memories in front of the Men in Black.

  “We did it girls” said Reel Big Fish Defender of the Muff.

  “The world is once again safe for women.” Said Yoko Ono Defender of the Muff.

  “Menstruation prevails!” said the Garfunkel and Oates Defender of the Muff.

  They took to the air and left Testosterone Ted thumbless and tongueless.

  “Wow….” Said Wes unable to remove his eyes from the screen. “That made Siberian Film look like Veggie Tales.”

  Wes turned off the screen and sat back against the wall trying to imagine how he was going to get out of this very fucked up situation. He wondered to himself if he could kill one of the Feminazis, cut her flesh off and wear it and get them to believe he was one of them. It seemed unlikely. He would probably first need to adapt an unhealthy obsession with cats and smell of first blind dates that never lead to second dates before that ever happened.

  As Wes stared off into the distance, he saw a piece of paper rolled up in a hole in one of the walls. He walked over to the wall and pulled out the piece of paper.

  So I was captured by these freakin dykes who want me to eat pussy. How fucked up and gross is that? What next? Support gay rights? Yeah, that’s about as likely as me not watching the NFL playoffs and yelling nigger at the screen when a football player doesn’t perform to my standards.

  Spoilers: That ain’t never fucking happenin baby. I played junior year so I know what it’s like to give it you’re all on the field, and I call those monkeys on their laziness!

  Anyways, back to eating the snatches of these bitches who look like something that crawled out of Margaret Cho’s asshole, got a face lift at some place inside of Rosie O Donnell’s asshole and moved into Janeane Garofalo’s asshole.

  I can’t see myself ever eating pussy. Wood any of the characters on Entourage eat pussy? Only faggots eat pussy!

  Deuces,

  Dominic

  Wes felt refreshed after reading the letter. He would find a way out of this hellhole without giving up the sanctity of his tongue. Hell, if Wes was going to taste fish he’d just got to Long John Silvers!

  As he was putting away the letter, he saw a second one inside of the wall. Wes pulled this one out, unrolled it and began to read.

  I need to get the fuck out of here. I can’t rot away in this shithole with these cunt Feminazis. I should be in a Hooters hitten on some girl I bullied in high school while I watch a UFC PPV. Maybe I well eat out those broads. With there hairy bushes I can just pretend that I’m kissing the sweet and seductive lips of the great Pam Grier. Back when she was rocking an afro in her exploitation films, such cinematic classics like Women in Cages, Foxy Brown and Scream Blacula Scream. It’ll make something as horrible and morbid like eating pussy far easier on my mental health.

  Deuces,

  Dominic

  Wes nodded at this, of course. It had been so simple. He would just pretend the hairy bushes of the feminazis are the sweet and tinder lips of Pam Grier. He knew it was what he would have to do because just like Dominic, he wanted to be in a place as sleazy as Hooters. He missed the wings and aroma of cum building up in the testicles of men who had been unsatisfied for years. The air that was filled with hate and testosterone was something Wes loved. He wished Yankee Candle made a scent so he could have the experience at home.

  Wes laid back and until he grew tired, imagined what it would be like visualizing Pam Grier’s face as he ate these horrible looking broads out. Hopefully they were hygienic so it was easier to imagine, hopefully.

  Once Wes fell asleep and entered the dream world, he found himself in a Zen garden surrounded by beautiful trees, water fountains and Asian men brushing sand. In the middle of this area stood an older man. There was nothing about him that said he was a sleazy pervert, but something inside of Wes was telling him that the man was sleazier than a character Ron Jeremy portrayed.

  “You are young Wes, captive of the Feminazis yes?” said the old man.

  Wes nodded in reply.

  “Tis I who will teach you the ancient arts of licking pussy. I shall teach you techniques so powerful, it’ll kill the feminazis and you’ll be able to escape.”

  Wes seemed taken back. “Woah! Kill them? But they’ll just release me once I make them cum.”

  The old man rolled his eyes and shook his head.

  “Are you stupid enough to think they’re going to release you? Once you make them cum they’ll kill you! Once you make them cum they’ll see you as too powerful and kill you. Then they’ll chop your dick off like all the others.”

  “Others?”

  The old man took Wes’ hand and they flew through the air like The Ghost of Christmas Past and Ebenezer Scrooge.

  They landed in a room right next door to where Wes was currently held captive. He looked down at himself sleeping and found it quite odd.

  Once they had entered the room, Wes looked around in horror. Surrounding him were dozens upon dozens of severed penises. These penises would never be inside of another girl they had just made eye contact with at a bar while Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing played. Wes stayed silent as he looked at every penis as a way of paying respect.

  “Now you know how severe the situation you’re in is.”

  “But how will you train me to because a master of eating pussy to such a degree that I can kill someone with my tongue?”

  “Oh I have my methods boy.”

  Wes’ dream then turned into a very sleazy training montage. First he began by chasing a girl who was dressed like a chicken. There was a slit in the costume for easy access. After Wes had finally caught up with her, he threw her down and began eating her out until she exploded like a volcano. Next was a girl hanging by her back from a meat hook. Wes had a condom over his tongue with a boxing glove on it. He ate her out until she squirted. As her screams echoed in the meat locker, a southern giant came in with a flesh mask on wielding a chainsaw. Somehow, Wes escaped without being chopped up. Before Wes woke up, he recalled running across the beach with a black woman, beating her in the race and celebrating by eating her out underwater. She came so hard, she shot up into the air like a bottle rocket.

  After Wes woke up, he flicked his tongue around and could feel the strength and muscle now within it. He felt like he was ready to bust out of his holding cell.

  Once Wes was up for an hour or so, the door to the room he was in was kicked open and the feminazis marched in.

  “Are we finally ready to eat pussy Wes?” asked General Jane.

  “Yeah Wes, ready to make me feel like the Nazis when they occupied France?” asked Commander Janis.

  “You better make me cum or I’m gonna snap your dick six million times” said Dicky Von Chop.

  “O I’m ready girls”

  It was General Jane who first took her pants off and sat on Wes’ face. She rode his tongue like it was a mechanical bull in a rundown country bar. Commander Janis and Dicky Von Chop watched with awe as Wes made Genral Jane scream and moan.

  After a half hour, Wes made General Jane cum. She squirted so much fluid out; she now had a six pack from all the water weight she had lost. As she came, Wes held her so she couldn’t get away. He continued to eat her out, to the point where her body now ejaculated blood. It was the only fluid left in her. Wes sucked her dry like a sleazy leech.

  Once the girls realized what was happening, Wes had rolled over to them and began to finger both of them at the same time. The pleasure and precision with how he fingered them kept them immobile and distracted. His chop stick like method shut the girls’ brains off and kept them opened to the pleasure.
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  Wes focused his tongue on Commander Jane. Within minutes, he had her cumming through her eyeballs. She came so hard that her eyeballs popped out of her skull. Next, the fluids rushed up from her through her throat and flooded her mouth. She died drowning in her own pleasure soda.

  All that was left was the roided up goon, Dicky Von Chop. Wes bent down and began to eat her out. The stench and aroma coming from her was horrible. The steroids in her system made her vagina taste sour and metallic. Wes was able to continue when he thought back on the letters that the feminazis had no doubt written. He closed his eyes and distracted himelf away from the overbearing stench. He imagined that he was in a field of flowers with Pam Grier, making out with her before they got down to fucking like rabbits hopped up on cocaine.

  Wes’ tongue began to beat at Dicky Von Chop’s gigantic clit like it was a speed bag. Wes rolled up his tongue for one final punch and gave it all he had.

  This caused an orgasm so powerful that Dicky Von Chop’s vagina exploded like a bomb and split her body into two.

  After all three Feminazis were dead, Wes ran out of the house and into the streets.

  Once he was able to recover from being held captive by the Feminazis, Wes and the city created a memorial burial ground for the bros who had lost their lives and johnsons to the Feminazis. At the ceremony, Wes sprayed a can of Axe body spray into the wind to signify that the bros who lost their lives to the Feminazis would continue to go on and would be