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A Coyote's in the House, Page 3

Elmore Leonard


  It got Antwan thinking, maybe this dog did have the chops to make the switch work. The pack would give Buddy a hard time, see how tough he was, but he'd stand up to 'em and give it back, wouldn't he? The pack would have to agree, Buddy was cool, for a dog.

  No, the problem was Antwan pulling off his part in the scheme. He said to Buddy, You want me to introduce you to my family.

  That's all, Buddy said, then it's up to me.

  But what am I supposed to do, just walk in the house and say hi y'all? I need you there, homes, to show 'em we friends. I can't hope for Miss Betty to help me. That girl hardly ever speaks.

  Buddy saw what he meant and began nodding his head.

  You're right, we don't want to jump the gun. We better do the hard part first, get you settled in the house before we go up the hill. Buddy paused then, narrowing his eyes at Antwan. If you think this is a joke and you're playing some kind of trick on me Antwan shook his head and looked Buddy in the eye to show he was serious. He said, Homes, the only tricky part is getting your people to believe I'm a dog. Getting me to believe it, too, so I can try to act like one. He said, Listen, you go on home and I'll see you tonight. Wait for me in the kitchen. Then in the morning, introduce me as your new friend.

  Buddy was thinking about something now, nodding his head again. He said, You need a dog collar.

  Man, we got all kinds of 'em.

  Bring one.

  Now Antwan was nodding. That's an idea. Yeah, but how do I get it on?

  I'll think of a way, Buddy said.

  A m o n a wanted t o join the Howling Diablos, but Antwan wouldn't let her, even though two girls were in the gang. Antwan said, When you can hunt with Iris and Grace you're in the posse. You have to know things. You hear a rabbit crying is the bunny in trouble, or is it a human blowing his lure? They sound the same. You come running and he shoots you. Whenever you run you're looking everywhere, and when you're out in the open, you watch the sky.

  These words were in Ramona's mind almost in the same moment she heard the crow too late to watch the sky and now she was afraid to look up, see a ring of crows circling to dive at her. She kept running, faster now, then stopped in her tracks as Cicero Crow landed on a rock, about three leaps in front of her.

  You didn't hear me calling? I bet you didn't hear about Antwan, either. About him going in the house with the police dog? Not like Antwan was busted, or like he was gonna eat the dog. Just went in the house. But listen, I got one for him, a cute white Persian they let out in the yard, the new kitty in the neighborhood. Her name's Lola.

  Ramona said, He went in a house?

  And came out. Listen, tell Antwan to give me a howl. She climbed to the pack's grounds and found Antwan coming out of a slit in the rock wall, his den.

  She said, You were in a house, sounding amazed. Antwan said, I know I was. What I like you to do, find me a dog collar, one that will go around my poor neck.

  Chapter Four.

  Antwan arrived not long past midight, the house dark except for a light showing n the kitchen. Buddy, waiting for him in the yard, watched Antwan jump the fence and come across the lawn, a dog collar hanging from his mouth. Let's go inside, Buddy said. He led the way through the dog door and into the kitchen. Antwan dropped the collar on the floor.

  They all sleeping?

  The kids. The mom and dad fall asleep watching TV. Tonight it's Saturday Night Live. You want something to eat? You mean food or dog food?

  There's some kibbles in Betty's dish she hardly touched.

  Antwan went over and stuck his nose in the dish, catching Miss Betty's scent but not much taste to it as he began to eat. Buddy now was looking at the license tag attached to the collar lying on the floor.

  It says your name's Timmy, but I can't read the rest. This tag looks like somebody was chewing on it.

  Antwan raised his head from the kibbles. I did that, homes, so they'll know my name but won't be able to check me out.

  You're pretty smart, Buddy said.

  You just finding that out?

  What happened to this dog Timmy?

  I wouldn't be surprised some coyotes had him for supper, Antwan said, before my time. I don't recognize the collar. He ate some more kibbles before looking up again. Was this Timmy a friend of yours?

  I knew a little schnauzer answers to that name, Buddy said, a show dog, but that collar would've been too big for him.

  I tried sticking my head through it, Antwan said, finished with the kibbles, but couldn't work it past my ears. How'm I gonna get it on?

  What I have in mind, Buddy said, I see little Courtney helping you.

  How you get her to do that?

  Act it out, Buddy said. Don't worry, I'll tell you what to do when the time comes. The collar's gonna be part of the show, getting them to believe you're some strange kind of dog.

  We do it here in the kitchen?

  Outside, Buddy said, while they're having their Sunday breakfast on the patio. I see by the sky it's gonna be nice tomorrow. So the kids will be in the pool or playing around it. I'm talking about when we make our move.

  You sure it's gonna work?

  Trust me, Buddy said. We go out at sunrise and hide in the shrubs back of the swimming pool. We wait till the mom and dad are having their breakfast before we come out and walk toward the house. You keep your head and your tail down and only do what I tell you.

  Antwan said, You let Miss Betty know about it?

  She'll be watching from upstairs, Buddy said, I'm pretty sure. This'll be good for her. Give her something to think about besides herself.

  The next morning, Antwan and Buddy came out of the shrubs and started across the lawn, Antwan with the collar hanging from his jaws.

  Courtney, in her swimsuit, was running from the house to the pool. She didn't see them right away.

  Cody did, standing on the diving board, but only stared, too surprised to say anything.

  Now Courtney saw them and called out, Dad . . . ? not sure whether or not to be afraid.

  The mom and dad were having breakfast on the patio, each reading a section of the Sunday paper. The dad, intent on entertainment news, didn't look up when Courtney called the first time, or when she called again, Da-ad! louder.

  The mom, with a glass of what appeared to be tomato juice, didn't look up either, since she wasn't the dad.

  Be cool, Buddy said to Antwan. Put your tail down.

  I can't help it, Antwan said. I get excited it sticks out by itself. He looked up at Miss Betty's window and there she was, watching. He thought of giving her a howl, but Buddy had told him, No howling. The last thing you want to do is howl and give yourself away.

  Courtney yelled again, Da-ad!

  The mom looked up from the Book Review section. Courtney wants you.

  The dad, behind his newspaper said, What? and kept reading. The mom, her back to the yard, sipped her juice.

  Stay here, Buddy said to Antwan, while I go see Courtney. I look around, you come with your head low, like you're telling them they're the boss, you're just a dog.

  Cody kept staring at Antwan, squinting his eyes. He said to Courtney, You ever see that dog before?

  It's not a dog, Courtney said, it's a coyote, but didn't know what to do about it. Now Buddy came over to her and began touching her with his nose and licking her hand.

  Now he looked up at her little girl face with soul in his eyes. As soon as she started petting him he motioned for Antwan to get over here. He came with the dog collar and Buddy said, Drop it in front of her. Okay, now you think you can take Courtney's hand in your mouth and put it on the collar?

  In my mouth?

  Without chewing on it?

  Antwan said, Man, I don't know.

  Forget it, Buddy said. What we have to do is show the child you're a nice doggy. He began nuzzling Antwan Antwan making a face and licking him, and now Buddy was making a face. Pretty soon Courtney was reaching out to Antwan.

  Her hand touched his shoulder, Antwan's tail shot
out, and Buddy said, Listen to me, wild man, growling the words, you're a little doggy that wants to be petted. When you look up at her, soften your eyes. Watching him Buddy said, Yeah, that's good. Now wag your tail.

  Antwan said, Should I lick her?

  Let her make the first move.

  I never licked a human before.

  Cody stood with his toes curled over the edge of the div ing board. He said, That's no coyote.

  It is too, Courtney said.

  If it was a real one he'd be eating you by now. Antwan said to Buddy, Now should I lick her? Yeah, then pick up the collar and give it to her.

  What if she won't take it?

  She will, she saw the movie where I do it. Courtney likes to be handed things.

  I could get the child a rabbit, even one's not dead.

  Antwan, he handed Courtney the collar. She took it and sat down in the grass and then spent some time to buckle it, Buddy saying, The little girl in the movie was a lot quicker.

  Cody, still on the diving board, turned to the patio and yelled, Dad! Look at Courtney!

  The note of urgency in Cody's voice got the dad to knock over his coffee as he brought the newspaper down, quick, and looked out at the yard. He saw his two children and his two . . . No, there were two dogs, but one of them wasn't his.

  Cody, where'd he come from?

  I don't know. Buddy brought him.

  It's the coyote, Courtney said, that was in the house. Cody said, She thinks it's a coyote.

  The mom turned her chair sideways to have a look as the dad stepped out to the edge of the patio. He said, What's Courtney doing?

  Fixing his collar.

  A dog collar?

  It must've come off, Cody said.

  The mom sipped her juice and said, Why don't you see if there's a license?

  The dad started across the lawn waving his arm at Courtney. Step away from him, sweetheart. There's no telling where he's been. He could have rabies.

  Buddy said to Antwan, Walk toward the dad wagging your tail. When he says 'Stay,' stop and raise your head. He wants to look at the tag on the collar. Then you come back this way and I bet he calls you by name.

  Antwan said, like he was serious, He's gonna call me Antwan?

  Buddy didn't think it was funny. He said, You want this to work or not?

  The mom got up and came out on the lawn with her juice. She said to the dad, I think they're talking to each other. The dad didn't seem to hear her. They give each other little woofs and snarls, the mom said, and nod their heads.

  Antwan turned from Courtney and walked toward the dad until the dad said, Stay, and Antwan stopped in his tracks. Then added something of his own to the act. He raised one paw, stuck his tail out and leaned forward pointing his nose, the way he'd seen hunting dogs do it at the park.

  The dad looked back at the mom, then hunched down to find the tag on the collar, ready to jump away if he heard a growl. He rose saying, There's no license, and the I. D. looks like it's been chewed. I can't read the address, only his name.

  Well, what is it? the mom said.

  The dad held a hand up for her to be quiet. He waited as Antwan walked away, got almost as far as Buddy and Courtney before he said, Timmy?

  Antwan stopped and looked around.

  Sit, the dad said.

  Antwan didn't move, not till he heard Buddy, behind him, woof, Sit down.

  Antwan sat. And the dad announced to the family, Timmy's a dog.

  /Hat they did now was try to decide what kind of dog Timmy was.

  What's the big deal, Cody said, he's a skinny German shepherd.

  The mom said, I think Cody's right.

  He definitely has some shepherd in him, the dad said. I would guess there's also a spaniel in his lineage, a pointer, possibly a setter. He said in a thoughtful kind of way, You know what? Maybe even some basenji.

  The mom said, You know what a basenji looks like?

  I know they never bark, the dad said. Have you heard Timmy bark? I haven't.

  Buddy, lying in the grass with Antwan, said, They're talking about you. You hear them say 'Timmy,' cock your pointy ears and look up.

  Cody said, I think he's a junkyard dog.

  Whatever he is, the mom said, what do we do with him?

  Courtney said, I don't care what he is, and came over and got down next to Antwan and put her arms around his neck, tight, like she would never let go.

  Antwan squirmed and Buddy said to him, Easy, boy. What's she doing?

  Letting the mom and dad know she loves you, Buddy said. Telling them if you don't get to stay here it will break her heart. She'll cry and carry on, won't eat, won't do what she's told, until the mom and dad say to her, 'All right, but he's your dog, you'll have to take care of him.'

  Antwan said, Her hugging me says all that?

  It means you have a home, Buddy said. He paused now to look at the family on the patio having their breakfast and then at Antwan again.

  Something on his mind. Antwan could tell.

  What's wrong?

  Buddy said, You know what it means they say a dog is housebroken?

  Antwan said, No, what?

  Buddy said, Uh-oh.

  Chapter Five.

  All day long Buddy kept asking Antwan if he had to pee, and Antwan would say, No quit bothering me.

  When you do, be sure you go in the backyard.

  But that's your ground out there, you marked it.

  You can mark over my mark, it's okay. Just don't go in the house.

  Why would I? I don't go in my den.

  After that Buddy quit asking him.

  Antwan complained about the dry dog food. There's no taste to it.

  It's good for you, Miss Betty said, like that would make it taste better.

  Why don't they let us eat the garbage, Antwan said. Then the maid won't have to take it outside.

  Miss Betty said, Yuck, making a face, like eating garbage was the worst thing she ever heard of.

  Antwan said, Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. You too used to food comes out of a bag. That's what I'd call being housebroken, not the other thing, peeing on the carpet. You been in the house so long you've lost your taste for regular food.

  What Antwan had the most trouble with was knocking over things. Bump a table and the vase sitting there would fall on the floor and break. Hear a sudden noise, a radio turned on, his tail shot out, hit a bowl of flowers and got water all over the carpet. Anything he did like that, Buddy would give him a lecture on being careful.

  It didn't make sense to Antwan. What you had to be careful of were live things, not vases and bowls. See you don't step on snakes or get skunks looking ugly at you.

  He had trouble catching on to human speech, what the words meant when he was told not to do something. It would surprise him that they'd act mad and he'd think, What what'd I do? You keep hearing them talk, Miss Betty said, you'll start to pick it up. Listen to the tone of voice and how they move their bodies. But don't let on you know everything they're saying.

  Just obey the easy commands, Buddy said, and that'll make them happy.

  I haven't been told yet to roll over, Antwan said and looked at Miss Betty. I'll roll over for you if you'll check me for fleas.

  Trying to be funny but dogs didn't always understand coyote humor.

  Miss Betty said, I have a lady who grooms me, still snooty but starting to come around, interested in helping him become a dog.

  I get good at obeying, Antwan said, I'll enter the dog show with you, the beauty contest.

  Miss Betty stuck her black nose in the air saying, You have to be purebred.

  I'm pure lean and mean coyote, Antwan said. When you're ready for a run in the woods, lemme know.

  She never said she would, but Antwan was pretty sure now she was thinking about it.

  The kids played with him the first few days. Courtney would hug him and the next thing they'd be wrestling in the grass, the child not realizing Antwan could clamp his jaws around
her throat and drag her into the shrubs. Antwan had to keep telling himself to act like her little doggy.

  Buddy said, They'll get tired of you and start playing tricks, and told Antwan what to look out for.

  So one time when he was in the kitchen with Courtney and she said, Stay, and walked away, Antwan did too as soon as she was gone. He watched out for her then, made sure he knew where she was. He went outside twice that morning to leave his mark. And when he saw her heading for the kitchen, Antwan got there first and put himself in his Stay position. Courtney came in and yelled to her mom, Mom, Timmy never goes to the bathroom!

  Outside with Cody this happened a couple of times Cody throws the ball in the pool and says, Fetch.

  Antwan doesn't move. He says, I got your 'fetch.' You want the ball, kid, go get it yourself.

  And Cody yells to his mom, Mom, Timmy's growling at me!

  The mom said, Growl back at him.

  One time Cody pushed him in the swimming pool while he was getting a drink of water, Buddy sitting there watching. He said to Antwan later, You don't drink out of the pool, it's full of chemicals.

  It's easier than lifting the lid on that bowl, Antwan said, and then raising the seat with the big hole in it.

  You dummy, Buddy said, that's where humans go to the bathroom. You don't drink out of that, either. He showed Antwan a dish in the kitchen the maid always kept full of water, and said, That's your water.

  Buddy was helpful, but less friendly and patient as the days went by, starting to call Antwan a dummy and a numbskull when he was slow catching on to a dog's way of living most of the things not making sense to him. Antwan was getting all the attention now from the kids, from Miss Betty, even the maid and he wondered if maybe Buddy was jealous. The former movie star was spending more time by himself, lying on the floor in the family room watching Buddy to the Rescue and the other ones over and over.

  Antwan liked the maid. She spoke a different way than the family, using words he and the Howling Diablos would sometimes hear when they went down to the streets at night and checked out the trash behind grocery stores and restaurants. Antwan would see the maid wrapping table scraps to take out. He'd lick his lips and give her that soft look he'd learned if you wanted to be petted or get a treat, and she'd put the scraps in his dish that had Timmy on it. She looked at him and said things like she knew it wasn't his name. Antwan offered his table scraps to Buddy one time and Buddy said, I don't eat garbage.