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A Coyote's in the House, Page 2

Elmore Leonard


  He knows better than to hurt you, Buddy said. This is Antwan, our first coyote. Let him come over and say hi.

  Betty held still while Antwan approached, came nose to nose with her, the way he had seen humans do it, and said, Mmmmm, girl, you smell good enough to eat.

  And Betty was out of that room like the pom-pom on her tail was afire, gone.

  Buddy called out to her, Betty and then turned to Antwan with a mean look. What'd you say that for? I had her settled and you scared her to death.

  It surprised Antwan. I was being nice.

  Saying you want to eat her?

  What I told her was she smelled fine. Same as I tell a sister I think is looking cool.

  Buddy kept staring at him now. The dog didn't get it. Dumb from living with humans. Now he walked over to a front window and stood there looking out for about a minute before he said, The family will be home soon, the mom and dad, Cody and little Courtney. Cody plays lacrosse they're picking him up.

  What should I do, Antwan said, act dumb and pretend I'm a dog?

  You leave before they get here. What I do sometimes when I know the dad's coming home the way you know things? Buddy said. Doesn't matter when. I go sit by the door. The dad walks in, sees me waiting and can't believe it. How could I know he was coming just then?

  I know humans can't do that, Antwan said. Or tell what another human's thinking. They always asking each other questions. 'What'd you do that for?' But still they the ones in charge of things. Tell us where we can live That's what I don't understand, Buddy said, when we're smarter than they are.

  What's this we? Antwan said. You're more like them than like us. You sold your soul, homes, for some dog food.

  Twice a day, Buddy said, and a warm, dry place to sleep. Nobody ever shooting at me.

  He had a point there. But you're missing the fun of being wild, Antwan said, run around, do anything you want.

  Would you trade places with me, you had the chance? Buddy sounding serious. It surprised Antwan.

  He said, Would I have to play catch? Sit up and roll over? Be told when I can go outside? Eat pet food?

  Buddy came closer to him saying, You think being wild means you can put me down?

  This German dog was half a head taller, way heavier, and had those big teeth.

  He said, You think I can't run you off, your tail between your skinny legs?

  Antwan stared at the dog thinking of what to do. He said, Lemme hear you growl.

  It stopped Buddy. You want to know can I growl? I know you can, I want to hear you.

  What kind of growl?

  A mean one.

  Buddy lowered his head at Antwan and growled, man, like he was ready to tear Antwan apart.

  Antwan said, Dog, that's a growl. It's the scariest growl I ever heard. But . . . do you think you can make me run if I don't want to? Tail between my skinny legs?

  He paused, ready to answer his own question either way, with a yes or a no, as he looked into Buddy's eyes to judge the dog's temper.

  Then didn't have to say anything. They both sensed the car coming at the same time.

  They're here, Buddy said, sounding both excited and nervous about it. It's too late to go out the back. Any second now they'll be pulling up to the garage. You'll have to run upstairs and hide under a bed. I'll come for you later and sneak you out of the house.

  Antwan, showing he was cool, didn't move. He said, Dog, I thought you wanted to trade places. Saying it didn't mean Antwan wanted to. But now he was curious about living in a house instead of a hole in the side of a hill, where if it rained, he'd spend the day in his den nibbling on spiders for something to do.

  I don't want them seeing you for the first time in the house, Buddy said, still acting twitchy, like he had worms or something. It's better they see you outside, get used to your hanging around. You understand? They see us together, see we get along Like we friends? Antwan said.

  Like they think you're a cross-breed mutt, part some kind of skinny hound and a few more breeds in your ancestry.

  Wait now, Antwan said. Hold it right there. You want these humans to believe I'm a dog?

  A coyote is a dog, Buddy said. All you have to do is behave yourself, act like you've had some training.

  So you can have a coyote around the house? Let your doggy friends think you tamed me?

  I told you, I'm talking about trading places, Buddy said. You stay here as long as you want. I go up in the hills and join the pack. He said, Antwan, with a pitiful kind of look on his face, I'm tired of being a pet.

  Th i s German dog gave you a lot to think about but no time to do it in. Buddy took Antwan to the front hall where a carpeted staircase curved upstairs, Buddy saying, Go on now, quick. Hide under a bed.

  You have your own room up there?

  Betty does. I like the kitchen.

  Close to the food, huh? Get hungry in the night, have yourself a snack.

  You got to stop thinking about food all the time, Buddy said. When you know you're gonna get fed you don't worry about it.

  Would I have my own room, like Betty?

  Buddy, acting nervous again, said, Will you please get upstairs? I'll come find you.

  See you when I see you, Antwan said, and went up the staircase in a few bounds, nothing to it. He roamed along the hall now looking into rooms at the way humans lived, at the big beds they slept on, saw all kind of toys and stuffed animals in two of the rooms some animals that looked like little bears. But weren't humans afraid of bears? It didn't make sense. Buddy going up to join the pack, thinking he could walk right in and be one of them that didn't make sense either. He ever went up there alone they'd jump him before he could say hi. This trading places would never work in a million years.

  Antwan smelled water and went into a little room with a slippery floor and a big white bowl had a lid on it against the wall. The water was inside there. Antwan lifted the lid with his nose, then had to lift what looked like a seat, except it had a big hole in it. All this work to stick your face in there and get a drink of water, Antwan thirsty after eating those peanut butter cookies.

  There was a big tub in here. Why didn't they fill it with water? Be easier to get a drink, just jump in the tub. Otherwise you'd have to go out to the swimming pool any time you were thirsty. It tasted funny, but it quenched your thirst. Antwan had drunk from many a swimming pool. Every house up in these hills had one.

  He sniffed along the hall again. Stopped and felt his ears cock as he heard human voices. Then hurried to follow the sound, into a room where the window was open.

  Antwan looked out to see the backyard and the garage, the mom and dad and the two kids coming toward the house. Cody, the boy, looked a few years older than his little sister, Courtney. Antwan could never tell about kids. Some offered you things to eat and others threw rocks at you.

  He watched the family reach the patio that stuck out into the yard, the roof over it just below this window. He could hear them in the house now, the human voices. One of the kids yelling, the boy, Cody. Sounding like a kid who'd throw rocks rather than feed you.

  Antwan had raced through this room to the window without noticing what was in here. Now he looked around, catching a familiar scent, and saw the display of trophies and ribbons and pictures in color of Miss Betty posing and knew he was in her room.

  He turned toward the bed, like the ones in the kids' rooms, tiptoed over to it sniffing the air, finding that familiar scent stronger here. Now he stretched out on the floor to check underneath and there she was: Miss Betty's big black eyes looking at him from out of the dark.

  Antwan said, Hey, girl, in his nicest tone, what're you doing under there?

  Chapter Three.

  THEN Buddy was working in movies, running his tail off doing dangerous stunts all day, he'd come home from the studio worn out, and the kids would be all over him wanting to play. Now that he was retired, hanging around the house all day with Cody and Courtney, they hardly ever wanted to do anything.

&nbs
p; When they did, it was to pull tricks on him.

  Cody would throw a ball in the swimming pool and say Fetch. Buddy would jump in, get the ball in his mouth, crawl out of the pool and Cody would be nowhere in sight.

  What little Courtney liked to do, she'd say, Buddy, stay, and leave him sitting there all day like a dog made of stone.

  Except stone dogs didn't have to pee. Buddy would stay as long as he could before racing to the dog door to get outside. He'd hear Courtney yelling, Mom, Buddy disobeyed me.

  Cody and Courtney would pretend to wrestle with him and stick boogers in his hair and roll on the floor laughing. Any time Buddy saw them picking their noses he'd run and hide under a bed. The kids would tell their mom, Buddy won't play with us, in that pouty voice they'd put on, and he'd get yelled at.

  Or they'd blame Buddy for something they did all the time. Cody would hold his nose saying, Buddy, shame on you. And Courtney would call to their mom, Buddy's letting farts again.

  He couldn't win.

  They never played tricks on him when he was making movies. Making a lot of money, too. Enough to buy this big house and fancy cars. He never got yelled at either.

  They were tired of him and now Miss Betty was getting all the attention. A woman came every week in her Pooch Caboose to give Betty a bath and keep her groomed with all those puffs and pom-poms. Betty loved it. She couldn't pass a mirror without stopping to look at herself. She never wanted to play, afraid she might muss up her hair.

  This year, Betty was entered in the dog beauty contest and for the first time in her life failed to win Best in Show. Buddy thought, Good. Maybe she won't act so stuck up now. But the dad and the kids would moan and pet her, telling Betty she really was the best and should've won. What all that did was get Betty feeling sorry for herself. Now she moped around the house or stayed in her room, hardly ever saying a word. It left Buddy more lonely than ever, a pet that never got petted.

  What he would do, stretch out on the floor and watch videos of his movies. In every one of them he was able to act out what he wanted to tell people and get them to do something. In Buddy to the Rescue he was able to act out the little girl trapped in the cave, wolves closing in on her, and the other actors understood.

  But it wasn't the same in real life.

  No matter how hard he tried, there was no way to get the family to understand that he was a working dog and needed to keep busy. He'd try acting out how bored he was and the dad would say, What's wrong, fella? He always called him fella. You getting lazy, don't want to play with the kids?

  Sometimes in the evening as it was getting dark, Buddy would see coyotes up on the hill, out of their dens for a night of hunting. Getting ready, goofing around with each other. They were dogs, too, but nobody's pets. They were dogs that could do anything they felt like.

  Buddy had made up his mind to take off when along came Antwan: somebody to guide him up that hill and introduce him to the pack.

  Up in Miss Betty's bedroom Antwan was standing now, looking at the dog show trophies she'd won and the pictures of her posing, Miss Betty still under the bed.

  This all you do?

  She didn't answer.

  Stand around looking pretty?

  Still no answer, too scared to talk.

  You know what? Antwan said. They ought to put coyotes in the dog shows. I don't know any males would do it, but you'd sure see some groovy females. He waited a moment and said, Hey, quit acting like you're scared of me and come on out.

  That did it. Miss Betty slipped out from under the bed and walked by him to the window -Antwan tempted to give the pom-pom on the tip of her tail a friendly nip. She pointed her cute black nose at the window and said, This is the way out. Please leave.

  She turned to him now, looked him in the eye, and Antwan saw she wasn't scared of him at all. Not the least bit. No, she acted the way she did 'cause she was snooty. She was a famous showgirl who won trophies and had no time for coyotes. One thing for sure, though, Miss Betty did not look happy.

  I saw you at the dog park, Antwan said, with the kids. You didn't look like you were having much fun. Don't you ever get out by yourself and run around in the woods, see what you can scare up?

  All Miss Betty said to that was, You have to go.

  I know, Antwan said. Hey, but I could come back sometime, take you for a run in the woods. Antwan thinking it would be cool if she said yeah, why don't you?

  She didn't though. Miss Betty cocked her head like she was listening to something and said, Courtney's looking for me. ownstairs in the kitchen, Courtney was saying to her mom sipping a cold beverage as the dad made himself one, I can't find her anywhere.

  Cody said, You haven't even looked.

  I have so.

  You have not.

  Have so.

  The mom pushed her hair away from her face and said, Cody, knock it off.

  The dad said, Hey, fella, and Buddy looked up. The dad said something about Betty, Buddy catching the name. He knew enough human words to figure out they were looking for her. Yeah, the dad pointing to the dog door. Calling him fella again, telling him to go look outside.

  The way it was in this life Antwan was right all he did was what they wanted. But Betty was probably upstairs, and so was Antwan ... There was no way to warn him, so Buddy did what he was told. He went outside.

  The mom said to Courtney, I'll bet she's up in her room. Have you looked there? n t w a n was beginning to feel sorry for Miss Betty. She didn't choose to be a showgirl. It was what they wanted her to be. Betty did what she was told and now was stuck with a life of posing and looking pretty. Antwan wondered if he could help her.

  He said, I bet you never got burrs in your pom-poms. She said, Will you please leave?

  He tried a different approach. You know what me and Buddy been talking about?

  She said, Me, I suppose.

  That's one of your problems, Antwan said, always thinking about yourself. He could tell she didn't like that, so he said right away, Buddy wants us to trade places.

  She looked surprised and then interested. How could you do that?

  He joins the coyotes and I stay here, pretend I'm a dog. Was that a smile on her cute face? It looked like one. Now she was shaking her head.

  It would never work. You don't have manners or know how to act like a dog.

  It encouraged Antwan she was willing to talk about it. He said, Buddy thinks we can pull off the switch. And if I was here, girl, I could show you how to run around and have some fun. Show you sights you wouldn't believe till you saw 'em. There's a whole world out there you're missing.

  Miss Betty hesitated now, looking into his eyes like she wanted to hear more or catch a glimpse of this world he was talking about. Her gaze moved past him then, her expression changing to a look of surprise, and she said, Oh no ...

  Antwan turned his head to see Courtney standing in the doorway. Courtney there and then gone, running down the hall and yelling as loud as she could:

  !

  Be t t y was by the open window now, motioning for Antwan to go out, telling him, Quick, jump! and watched him leap through the opening to land on the roof over the patio, watched him slide down the shingles, jump to the ground and run for the fence.

  Now she saw Buddy in the yard, Buddy coming around the swimming pool to run after Antwan like he was chasing him.

  But he wasn't.

  She couldn't believe her eyes as she saw Antwan and Buddy go over the fence together side by side. Gone.

  7H E family came from the hall into Betty's room, all of them with something to say. First the dad pretended to look around the room. He said to Courtney, Sweetheart, I don't see a coyote, sounding like he was serious.

  Cody said, You don't believe her, do you? A coyote just happens to be in the house?

  It was, Courtney said, it was right here in this room. She makes up stories to get attention.

  Cody, the mom said, stay out of it.

  She does it all the time. And then cries.<
br />
  Tears showed in Courtney's eyes.

  See? Cody said.

  I saw it, Courtney said, sobbing now. Betty knows I'm telling the truth.

  Miss Betty looked up hearing her name and wagged her stylish tail. She said, Courtney's right, a coyote was in my room, but all the family heard were a few yips and a growl.

  The dad walked over to the window saying, Buddy was in the backyard. He looked out. But I don't see him now. He put two fingers to his mouth, and the blast of his whistle filled the room.

  The mom closed her eyes. She opened them and said, Why don't we go downstairs and have a cold drink?

  Betty waited for them to leave before going to the window. She looked out at the hillside, her eyes on the open slope above the trees, but saw no sign of Antwan or Buddy. She began wondering what it would be like to be with them.

  To miss her grooming appointments and run free. n t w a n loped all the way through the woods to the bare part of the hill before he stopped and waited for Buddy to catch up.

  I thought I'd lose you, Antwan said, as Buddy reached him and sat down. You're pretty fast for an old-timer.

  I'm not too old, Buddy said, to sniff your trail and hunt you down. I'm ready to see where you live and meet the family.

  Homes, you might think you're ready, Antwan said. If you were a wild dog, it would be different. Wild dogs can catch on to our ways. But you're nothing but a house pet, used to your little doggy dish, your name on it.

  I know who I am and what I can do, Buddy said. What I'm tired of is being told what to do. I want to see what it's like to live in the wild. Stay out all night and chase after game.

  Like squirrels and rabbits? Antwan said.

  I love chasing squirrels and rabbits.

  How about cats?

  I've chased hundreds of cats.

  But did you eat 'em?

  Look, Buddy said, standing up now, bigger than this skinny coyote with the pointy ears, Buddy convinced he was every bit as brave, I can chase what I want and eat what I want, in a dish or on the ground. I'm not taking any more of your smart-aleck insults. You say one more word about me being a pet, I'll bite your bushy tail off and make you eat it.