A Delicate Balance, Page 3

  TOBIAS

  Please, Agnes …

  AGNES

  What I cannot stand is the selfishness! Those of you who want to die … and take your whole lives doing it.

  CLAIRE

  (Lazy, but with loathing under it)

  Your wife is a perfectionist; they are very difficult to live with, these people.

  TOBIAS

  (To AGNES, a little pleading in it)

  She isn’t an alcoholic … she says; she can drink some.

  CLAIRE

  (Little-child statement, but not babytalk)

  I am not a alcoholic!

  AGNES

  We think that’s very nice. We shall all rest easier to know that it is willful; that the vomit and the tears, the muddy mind, the falls and the absences, the cigarettes out on the tabletops, the calls from the club to come and get you please … that they are all … willful, that it can be helped.

  (Scathing but softly)

  If you are not an alcoholic, you are beyond forgiveness.

  CLAIRE (Ibid.)

  Well, I’ve been that for a long time, haven’t I, sweetheart?

  AGNES

  (Not looking at either of them)

  If we change for the worse with drink, we are an alcoholic. It is as simple as that.

  CLAIRE

  And who is to say!

  AGNES

  I!

  CLAIRE (A litany)

  If we are to live here, on Tobias’ charity, then we are subject to the will of his wife. If we were asked, at our father’s dying …

  AGNES (Final)

  Those are the ground rules.

  CLAIRE (A sad smile)

  Tobias?

  (Pause)

  Nothing?

  (Pause)

  Are those the ground rules? Nothing? Too … settled? Too … dried up? Gone?

  (Nicely)

  All right.

  (Back to AGNES)

  Very well, then, Agnes, you win. I shall be an alcoholic.

  (The smile too sweet)

  What are you going to do about it?

  AGNES

  (Regards CLAIRE for a moment, then decides she—CLAIRE—is not in the room with them. AGNES will ignore CLAIRE’s coming comments until otherwise indicated. TOBIAS will do this, too, but uncomfortably, embarrassedly)

  Tobias, you will be unhappy to know it, I suppose, or of mixed emotions, certainly, but Julia is coming home.

  CLAIRE (A brief laugh)

  Naturally.

  TOBIAS

  Yes?

  AGNES

  She is leaving Douglas, which is no surprise to me.

  TOBIAS

  But, wasn’t Julia happy? You didn’t tell me anything about …

  AGNES

  If Julia were happy, she would not be coming home. I don’t want her here, God knows. I mean she’s welcome, of course …

  CLAIRE

  Right on schedule, once every three years …

  AGNES

  (Closes her eyes for a moment, to keep ignoring CLAIRE)

  … it is her home, we are her parents, the two of us, and we have our obligations to her, and I have reached an age, Tobias, when I wish we were always alone, you and I, without … hangers-on … or anyone.

  CLAIRE (Cheerful but firm)

  Well, I’m not going.

  AGNES

  … but if she and Doug are through—and I’m not suggesting she is in the right—then her place is properly here, as for some it is not.

  CLAIRE

  One, two, three, four, down they go.

  TOBIAS

  Well, I’d like to talk to Doug.

  AGNES

  (As if the opposite answer were expected from her)

  I wish you would! If you had talked to Tom, or Charlie, yes! even Charlie, or … uh …

  CLAIRE

  Phil?

  AGNES

  (No recognition of CLAIRE helping her)

  … Phil, it might have done some good. If you’ve decided to assert yourself, finally, too late, I imagine …

  CLAIRE

  Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

  AGNES

  … Julia might, at the very least, come to think her father cares, and that might be consolation—if not help.

  TOBIAS

  I’ll … I’ll talk to Doug.

  CLAIRE

  Why don’t you invite him here? And while you’re at it, bring the others along.

  AGNES (Some reproach)

  And you might talk to Julia, too. You don’t, very much.

  TOBIAS

  Yes.

  CLAIRE (A mocking sing-song)

  Philip loved to gamble.

  Charlie loved the boys,

  Tom went after women,

  Douglas …

  AGNES (Turning on CLAIRE)

  Will you stop that?

  CLAIRE

  Ooh, I am here, after all. I exist!

  AGNES

  Why don’t you go off on a vacation, Claire, now that Julia’s coming home again? Why don’t you go to Kentucky, or Tennessee, and visit the distilleries? Or why don’t you lock yourself in your room, or find yourself a bar with an apartment in the back. …

  CLAIRE

  Or! Agnes; why don’t you die?

  (AGNES and CLAIRE lock eyes, stay still)

  TOBIAS

  (Not rising from his chair, talks more or less to himself)

  If I saw some point to it, I might—if I saw some reason, chance. If I thought I might … break through to her, and say, “Julia …,” but then what would I say? “Julia …” Then, nothing.

  AGNES

  (Breaking eye contact with CLAIRE, says, not looking at either)

  If we do not love someone … never have loved them …

  TOBIAS (Soft correction)

  No; there can be silence, even having.

  AGNES

  (More curious than anything)

  Do you really want me dead, Claire?

  CLAIRE

  Wish, yes. Want? I don’t know; probably, though I might regret it if I had it.

  AGNES

  Remember the serpent’s tooth, Tobias.

  TOBIAS (Recollection)

  The cat that I had.

  AGNES

  Hm?

  TOBIAS

  The cat that I had … when I was—well, a year or so before I met you. She was very old; I’d had her since I was a kid; she must have been seventeen, or more. An alley cat. She didn’t like people very much, I think; when people came … she’d … pick up and walk away. She liked me; or, rather, when I was alone with her I could see she was content; she’d sit on my lap. I don’t know if she was happy, but she was content.

  AGNES

  Yes.

  TOBIAS

  And how the thing happened I don’t really know. She … one day she … well, one day I realized she no longer liked me. No, that’s not right; one day I realized she must have stopped liking me some time before. One evening I was alone, home, and I was suddenly aware of her absence, not just that she wasn’t in the room with me, but that she hadn’t been, in rooms with me, watching me shave … just about … for … and I couldn’t place how long. She hadn’t gone away, you understand; well, she had, but she hadn’t run off. I knew she was around; I remembered I had caught sight of her—from time to time—under a chair, moving out of a room, but it was only when I realized something had happened that I could give any pattern to things that had … that I’d noticed. She didn’t like me any more. It was that simple.

  CLAIRE

  Well, she was old.

  TOBIAS

  No, it wasn’t that. She didn’t like me any more. I tried to force myself on her.

  AGNES

  Whatever do you mean?

  TOBIAS

  I’d close her in a room with me; I’d pick her up, and I’d make her sit in my lap; I’d make her stay there when she didn’t want to. But it didn’t work; she’d abide it, but she’d get down when she could, go
away.

  CLAIRE

  Maybe she was ill.

  TOBIAS

  No, she wasn’t; I had her to the vet. She didn’t like me anymore. One night—I was fixed on it now—I had her in the room with me, and on my lap for the … the what, the fifth time the same evening, and she lay there, with her back to me, and she wouldn’t purr, and I knew: I knew she was just waiting till she could get down, and I said, “Damn you, you like me; God damn it, you stop this! I haven’t done anything to you.” And I shook her; I had my hands around her shoulders, and I shook her … and she bit me; hard; and she hissed at me. And so I hit her. With my open hand, I hit her, smack, right across the head. I … I hated her!

  AGNES

  Did you hurt her badly?

  TOBIAS

  Yes; well, not badly; she … I must have hurt her ear some; she shook her head a lot for a day or so. And … you see, there was no reason. She and I had lived together and been, well, you know, friends, and … there was no reason. And I hated her for that. I hated her, well, I suppose because I was being accused of something, of … failing. But, I hadn’t been cruel, by design; if I’d been neglectful, well, my life was … I resented it. I resented having a … being judged. Being betrayed.

  CLAIRE

  What did you do?

  TOBIAS

  I had lived with her; I had done … everything. And … and if there was a, any responsibility I’d failed in … well … there was nothing I could do. And, and I was being accused.

  CLAIRE

  Yes; what did you do?

  TOBIAS

  (Defiance and self-loathing)

  I had her killed.

  AGNES (Kindly correcting)

  You had her put to sleep. She was old. You had her put to sleep.

  TOBIAS (Correcting)

  I had her killed. I took her to the vet and he took her … he took her into the back and

  (Louder)

  he gave her an injection and killed her! I had her killed!

  AGNES (After a pause)

  Well, what else could you have done? There was nothing to be done; there was no … meeting between you.

  TOBIAS

  I might have tried longer. I might have gone on, as long as cats live, the same way. I might have worn a hair shirt, locked myself in the house with her, done penance. For something. For what. God knows.

  CLAIRE

  You probably did the right thing Distasteful alternatives; the less … ugly choice.

  TOBIAS

  Was it?

  (A silence from them all)

  AGNES (Noticing the window)

  Was that a car in the drive?

  TOBIAS

  “If we do not love someone … never have loved someone …”

  CLAIRE (An abrupt, brief laugh)

  Oh, stop it! “Love” is not the problem. You love Agnes and Agnes loves Julia and Julia loves me and I love you. We all love each other; yes we do. We love each other.

  TOBIAS

  Yes?

  CLAIRE (Something of a sneer)

  Yes; to the depths of our self-pity and our greed. What else but love?

  TOBIAS

  Error?

  CLAIRE (Laughs)

  Quite possibly: love and error.

  (There is a knock at the door; AGNES answers it)

  AGNES

  Edna? Harry? What a surprise! Tobias, it’s Harry and Edna. Come in. Why don’t you take off your …

  (HARRY and EDNA enter. They seem somewhat ill at ease, strained for such close friends)

  TOBIAS

  Edna!

  EDNA

  Hello, Tobias.

  HARRY

  (Rubbing his hands; attempt at being bluff)

  Well, now!

  TOBIAS

  Harry!

  CLAIRE (Too much surprise)

  Edna!

  (Imitates HARRY’s gruff voice)

  Hello, there, Harry!

  EDNA

  Hello, dear Claire!

  (A little timid)

  Hello, Agnes.

  HARRY (Somewhat distant)

  Evening … Claire.

  AGNES

  (Jumping in, just as a tiny silence commences)

  Sit down. We were just having a cordial. …

  (Curiously loud)

  Have you been … out? Uh, to the club?

  HARRY

  (Is he ignoring AGNES’ question?)

  I like this room.

  AGNES

  To the club?

  CLAIRE

  (Exaggerated, but not unkind)

  How’s the old Harry?

  HARRY (Self-pity entering)

  Pretty well, Claire, not as good as I’d like, but …

  EDNA

  Harry’s been having his shortness of breath again.

  HARRY (Generally)

  I can’t breathe sometimes … for just a bit.

  TOBIAS (Joining them all)

  Well, two sets of tennis, you know.

  EDNA

  (As if she can’t remember something)

  What have you done to the room, Agnes?

  AGNES

  (Looks around with a little apprehension, then relief)

  Oh, the summer things are off.

  EDNA

  Of course.

  AGNES

  (Persisting in it, a strained smile)

  Have you been to the club?

  HARRY (To TOBIAS)

  I was talking to Edna, ’bout having our books done in leather; bound.

  TOBIAS

  Oh? Yes?

  (Brief silence)

  CLAIRE

  The question—’less I’m going deaf from all the alcohol—was

  (Southern accent)

  “Have you-all been to the club?”

  AGNES

  (Nervous, apologetic covering)

  I wondered!

  HARRY (Hesitant)

  Why … no, no.

  EDNA (Ibid.)

  Why, why, no, Agnes. …

  AGNES

  I wondered, for I thought perhaps you’d dropped by here on your way from there.

  HARRY

  … no, no …

  AGNES

  … or perhaps that we were having a party, and I’d lost a day. …

  HARRY

  No, we were … just sitting home.

  EDNA (Some condolence)

  Agnes.

  HARRY (Looking at his hands)

  Just … sitting home.

  AGNES

  (Cheerful, but lack of anything better to say)

  Well.

  TOBIAS

  Glad you’re here! Party or not!

  HARRY (Relieved)

  Good to see you, Tobias!

  EDNA (All smiles)

  How is Julia?!

  CLAIRE

  Wrong question.

  (Lifts her glass)

  May I have some brandy, Tobias?

  AGNES

  (A savage look to CLAIRE, back to EDNA)

  She’s coming home … I’m afraid.

  EDNA (Disappointment)

  Oh … not again!

  TOBIAS

  (Getting CLAIRE’s glass, attempted levity)

  Just can’t keep that one married, I guess.

  EDNA

  Oh, Agnes, what a shame!

  HARRY

  (More embarrassed than sorry)

  Gee, that’s too bad.

  (Silence)

  CLAIRE

  Why did you come?

  AGNES

  Please! Claire!

  (Back, reassuring)

  We’re glad you’re here; we’re glad you came to surprise us!

  TOBIAS (Quickly)

  Yes!

  (HARRY and EDNA exchange glances)

  HARRY

  (Quite sad and curious about it)

  We were … sitting home … just sitting home. …

  EDNA

  Yes …

  AGNES (Mildly reproving)

  We’re glad to see y
ou.

  CLAIRE (Eyes narrowing)

  What happened, Harry?

  AGNES (Sharp)

  Claire! Please!

  TOBIAS

  (Wincing a little, shaking his head)

  Claire …

  EDNA (Reassuring him)

  It’s all right, Tobias.

  AGNES

  I don’t see why people have to be questioned when they’ve come for a friendly …

  CLAIRE (Small victory)

  Harry wants to tell you, Sis.

  EDNA

  Harry?

  HARRY

  We … well, we were sitting home …

  TOBIAS

  Can I get you a drink, Harry?

  HARRY (Shakes his head)

  … I … we thought about going to the club, but … it’s, it’s so crowded on a Friday night …

  EDNA (Small voice, helpful, quiet)

  … with the canasta party, and getting ready for the dance tomorrow …

  HARRY

  … we didn’t want to do that, and I’ve … been tired, and we didn’t want to do that …

  EDNA

  … Harry’s been tired this whole week.

  HARRY

  … so we had dinner home, and thought we’d stay …

  EDNA

  … rest.

  HARRY

  So we were sitting, and Edna was doing that—that panel she works on …

  EDNA (Wistful, some loss)

  … my needlepoint …

  HARRY

  … and I was reading my French; I’ve got it pretty good now—not the accent, but the … the words.

  (A brief silence)

  CLAIRE (Quietly)

  And then?

  HARRY

  (Looks over to her, a little dreamlike, as if he didn’t know where he was)

  Hmm?

  CLAIRE (Nicely)

  And then?

  HARRY (Looks at EDNA)

  I … I don’t know quite what happened then; we … we were … it was all very quiet, and we were all alone …

  (EDNA begins to weep, quietly; AGNES notices, the others do not; AGNES does nothing)

  … and then … nothing happened, but …

  (EDNA is crying more openly now)

  … nothing at all happened, but …

  EDNA (Open weeping; loud)

  WE GOT … FRIGHTENED.

  (Open sobbing; no one moves)

  HARRY (Quiet wonder, confusion)

  We got scared.

  EDNA (Through her sobbing)

  WE WERE … FRIGHTENED.

  HARRY

  There was nothing … but we were very scared.

  (AGNES comforts EDNA, who is in free sobbing anguish. CLAIRE lies slowly back on the floor)

  EDNA

  We … were … terrified.

  HARRY

  We were scared.

  (Silence; AGNES comforting EDNA. HARRY stock still. Quite innocent, almost childlike)

  It was like being lost: very young again, with the dark, and lost. There was no … thing … to be … frightened of, but …

  EDNA (Tears, quiet hysteria)