(to BEV)
Ah lye loofee! (I like Lutefisk!)
JIM
But I will say this -
FRANCINE
(to KARL)
I like spaghetti and meatballs.
(KARL quiets BETSY.)
JIM
– You do find differences in modes of worship. If you take First Presbyterian. Now, that’s a church down in Hamilton Park and I’ve taken fellowship there and I can tell you, the differences are notable.
BEV
Jim?
JIM
Not a value judgment. Apples and oranges. Just as how we have our organ here at Saint Thomas, for accompaniment, whereas at First Presbyterian, they prefer a piano and, occasionally … (chuckles) …well, tambourines.
BEV
What’s wrong with tambourines?
JIM
Nothing wrong.
BEV
I like tambourines.
JIM
I like tambourines as much as the next person.
(RUSS returns from the basement. He is calmer.)
KARL
Well, let me ask this.
(to BEV)
Excuse me.
(to FRANCINE)
Francine, was it?
FRANCINE
Yessir.
KARL
Francine, may I ask? Do you ski?
FRANCINE
Do I – ?
KARL
Or your husband? Either of you?
FRANCINE
Ski?
KARL
Downhill skiing?
FRANCINE
We don’t ski, no.
KARL
And this is my point. The children who attend St. Stanislaus. Once a year we take the middle schoolers up to Indianhead Mountain, and I can tell you, in all the time I’ve been there, I have not once seen a colored family on those slopes. Now, what accounts for that? Certainly not any deficit in ability, so what I have to conclude is that, for some reason, there is just something about the pastime of skiing that doesn’t appeal to the Negro community. And feel free to prove me wrong.
RUSS
Karl.
KARL
But you’ll have to show me where to find the skiing Negroes!
RUSS
Karl!
BEV
Can we all modulate our voices?
RUSS
It’s sold, Karl. The house is sold.
KARL
I understand that.
RUSS
The ink is dry.
KARL
And we all understand your reasons and no one holds that against you.
RUSS
Truck’s coming on Monday.
KARL
Fully aware.
RUSS
And that’s all there is to that.
KARL
However. There is one possibility.
RUSS
Nope. Nope.
KARL
If you’ll hear me out.
RUSS
Don’t see the point.
KARL
Because we went ahead and made a counter-offer to these people.
BEV
Who did?
KARL
The Community Association.
BEV
An offer on this house?
KARL
Very reasonable offer.
BEV
(baffled)
KARL
As opposed to the amount for which you offered the property, Russ, which was far below the assessor’s value - (cont’d.)
RUSS
(overlapping)
Well, we’re entitled to give it away if that’s our prerogative.
KARL
(continuous)
— for this type of residence, all of which is neither here nor there, since the family rejected our offer. However:
BEV
(to RUSS)
Why are we even talking about this?
KARL
Don has pointed out to me, that, as the seller of the property, you do have a sixty-day option to place it in receivership with the transacting bank to indemnify yourself against liability. Now, that’s generally with commercial properties, but in this instance – (cont’d.)
RUSS
(slowly, overlapping)
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
KARL
(continuous)
– I think that, inasmuch as Ted deceived you about the buyers, that the bank could still halt the sale and it would be a simple – (cont’d.)
RUSS
(overlapping)
Karl?
KARL
(continuous)
– matter of a signature, if I could finish?
RUSS
Prefer it if you didn’t.
BETSY
Kaahhhh?
BEV
And for all we know this family could be perfectly lovely.
KARL
Well, that’s hardly the point, is it?
BEV
Maybe it’s a point to consider.
KARL
(with a chuckle)
Bev, I’m not here to solve society’s problems. I’m simply telling you what will happen, and it will happen as follows: First one family will leave, then another, and another, and each time they do, the values of these properties will decline, and once that process begins, once you break that egg, Bev, all the kings horses, etcetera – (cont’d.)
BETSY
(overlapping)
Kaahhh?
KARL
(continuous)
– and some of us, you see, those who don’t have the opportunity to simply pick up and move at the drop of a hat, then those folks are left holding the bag, and it’s a fairly worthless bag, at that point.
BEV
I don’t like the tone this is taking.
RUSS
(to KARL)
Okay. Tell you what.
KARL
And let’s imagine if the tables were turned. (re: FRANCINE and ALBERT) Suppose a number of white families started marching into their commun– ? Well, actually that might be to their advantage, but –
RUSS
Karl.
KARL
– you do see my point.
RUSS
Need you to stop now
KARL
Sorry. (beat) Maybe not handled with the -
RUSS
It’s all right.
KARL
– utmost delicacy.
RUSS
But maybe time to let it drop.
KARL
Didn’t mean to turn it into a public referendum. (beat) But you do understand –
RUSS
No no no no no. That’s it. You hear me? Done. All done.
(Pause. In the near distance a church bell begins to ring.)
JIM
(quietly, looking at his watch)
Is it four o’clock?
KARL
Well, Russ, if I might -
RUSS
Nope. Nope.
KARL
If I could just say this:
RUSS
No. Karl?
KARL
Well, if you’d let me –
RUSS
No. No more.
KARL
Uhhh … (chuckling) Bev? I get the impression your husband is telling me I’m not permitted to speak.
RUSS
Don’t think it’s a good idea.
KARL
Well, Russ, I’m going to ask you at least to keep an open – ?
RUSS
Karl! What’d I just ask you?
KARL
Well, I think you’re being a tad unreasonable.
RUSS
Well, I think we’ve reached the end of this particular discussion.
KARL
Is that right?
RUSS
Afraid it is.
KARL
&nbs
p; Just like that.
RUSS
Just like that.
(Another pause.)
KARL
Then what about this:
RUSS
Karl!?
KARL
Well, I believe the Constitution endows me with a right to speak.
RUSS
Well, then you can go and do that in your own home.
(RUSS crosses and opens the front door for KARL to exit.)
KARL
Bev …? (laughs) He’s not being serious, is he?
RUSS
Karl?
KARL
(laughs)
Am I being silenced?
RUSS
Not going to ask you again.
KARL
Well, this is a new experience for me.
RUSS
So be it.
KARL
Bit like the Soviet Union. (laughs) I am truly surprised.
RUSS
Well, surprise.
KARL
And a little disappointed.
RUSS
Sorry to disappoint you.
KARL
(shakes his head)
A real shame. For all concerned.
RUSS
Well, that’s the way things go sometimes.
KARL
Apparently so.
RUSS
Anyway. Appreciate you stopping by.
KARL
I see.
RUSS
Betsy, too.
KARL
Very well.
BETSY
Kaaaaahhhh?
RUSS
Okay then? Okay.
(Silence. KARL stands and looks to BETSY. The two of them slowly exit through the open door, RUSS quietly closing it as they go.)
BETSY
(quietly, before the door is closed)
Kaahhh, whaah happaaahh?
FRANCINE
(carefully)
Miz Stoller, if we’re done talking here?
JIM
(rising)
Yes, you know, I think I will take this opportunity –
(But KARL abruptly returns, BETSY following.)
KARL
However:
JIM
(quietly)
Karl, don’t.
KARL
(very slowly)
I don’t imagine that … this particular family are entirely aware of why they’ve found such an agreeable price for the property. Don’t suppose they know that aspect of it, do they? And let’s say someone was to inform them of those facts. Let’s say that was to happen.
RUSS
(chuckles dangerously)
Really don’t know when to quit, do ya?
KARL
Because I think that might be an interesting conversation to have.
FRANCINE
(to BEV)
So I’ll be seeing you on Mon–
RUSS
(maintaining control)
Well, Karl? You go ahead and do what you think is right, but I’ll tell you one thing. What you’re going to do right now is –
KARL
(overlapping)
Well, I have a responsibility to the community as a whole. I can’t afford to – (cont’d.)
RUSS
(continuous)
– you’re going to take yourself right through that door and out of this house.
KARL
(overlapping, continuous)
– simply pursue my own selfish interests.
RUSS
(maintaining calm)
Man, what a son of a bitch.
BEV
Russ, don’t.
RUSS
(to KARL)
If you honestly think I give a rat’s ass about the goddamn –
JIM
(overlapping
Okay. Okay.
RUSS
(continuous)
– what, ya mean the community where every time I go for a haircut, where they all sit and stare like the goddamn grim reaper walked in the barber shop door? That community?
KARL
(overlapping)
My wife is two weeks away from giving birth to a child.
RUSS
(continuous)
Where, Bev stops at Gelman’s for a quart of milk and they look at her like she’s got the goddamn plague? That the community I’m supposed to be looking out for?
KARL
A community with soon-to-be children.
JIM
The Apostle Matthew –
RUSS
(to JIM)
Oh no no no. I’m talking now.
BEV
(to FRANCINE and ALBERT)
I am ashamed of every one of us.
BETSY
(tugging at KARL’s sleeve)
Kaaaaaah?
KARL
Betsy, wait in the car.
RUSS
Well, you go right ahead and you tell those folks whatever you want, Karl. And while you’re at it why don’t you tell ’em about everything the community did for my son. I mean Jesus Christ, Murray Gelman even goes and hires a goddamn retarded kid, but my boy? Sorry. No work for you, bub.
JIM
People were frightened, Russ.
RUSS
(contemptuous)
Ahh, of what? He was gonna snap? Gonna go and kill another bunch of people? Send him off to defend the goddamn country, he does like he’s told only to find out the kinda sons-of-bitches he’s defending?
BEV
(forthright)
He did not do the things they claimed he did. He would never –
RUSS
Ah, Jesus, of course he did, Bev! He confessed to what he did! Sit around all day with your head in the sand, it doesn’t change the facts of what he did.
BEV
Not to innocent people in that country. And not to women or children. I mean, maybe he lost his temper in a -
RUSS
Ah, for Christ’s sake. What do you think happens in a goddamn war? They told him to secure the territory, not go knocking on doors asking permission. And if he was man enough to admit what he did, maybe you oughta have the decency to do the same damn thing.
BEV
(turning to FRANCINE for support)
You remember. Francine remembers what he was like.
(RUSS makes a sound of disgust and goes to the footlocker. Under the following, he unlocks and opens the lid.)
BEV
How he loved to read and think. That’s just the kind of boy he was, wasn’t it?
FRANCINE
Yes ma’am.
BEV
(to FRANCINE)
And the drawings? The most realistic drawings. I think a lot of people didn’t realize –