(Pause.)
KARL
So: I contacted the family –
JIM
Wait wait wait.
KARL
(to RUSS)
You’re saying Ted never bothered to tell you?
RUSS
We, uhh … sort of gave Ted free rein on the –
JIM
I don’t think you’re right on this one, Karl.
KARL
Oh, but I am. Oh, I’ve spoken with the family.
RUSS
Bev?
JIM
On the telephone?
KARL
Oh, no. As a matter of fact, Betsy and I’ve just come directly from … (beat, for effect) Well, from Hamilton Park.
BEV
(to RUSS)
What is it?
RUSS
C’mere a second.
KARL
Now, Russ, you know as well as I do that this is a progressive community.
BEV
(to RUSS as she joins them)
What’s he talking about?
KARL
If you take the case of Gelman’s grocery: That’s a fine example of how we’ve all embraced a different way of thinking –
RUSS
Slow down a second. Bev, get Ted Driscoll on the phone.
BEV
What for?
RUSS
Karl says. Karl is claiming –
KARL
Russ, I have met personally with the family, and –
BEV
What family?
RUSS
He claims this family. The family to whom Ted sold the house.
KARL
It’s a colored family.
(Pause. JIM shakes his head.)
JIM
(to KARL)
Sorry, don’t we say Negro, now?
KARL
(irritated)
I say Negro – (cont’d.)
JIM
(overlapping)
Well, it’s only common courtesy, and I’m –
KARL
(continuous)
– I say them interchangeably – (cont’d.)
JIM
(overlapping)
– not trying to tell you how to conduct your business.
KARL
(continuous)
– and of course I said Negro to them - No I think we both know what you’re doing.
JIM
And furthermore, I don’t think Ted would pull a stunt like that.
KARL
Yes. We all admire Ted. But I don’t think any of us would accuse him of putting the community’s interests ahead of his own.
BEV
Oh, this is ridiculous.
KARL
And I don’t think any of us have forgotten what happened with the family that moved onto Kostner Avenue last year. Now, Kostner Avenue is one thing, but Clybourne Street –
BEV
Waitwaitwait. Karl, are you sure?
KARL
I was sitting with them not two hours ago.
BEV
But isn’t it possible that they’re … I don’t know, Mediterranean, or – ?
KARL
Bev, they are one hundred percent. And I don’t know how much time any of you have spent in Hamilton Park, but Betsy was waiting in the car and I can tell you, there are some unsavory characters.
RUSS
Karl?
KARL
But, in the case of Gelman’s: I think there was some mistrust at first, having been Kopeckne’s Market for such a long time, but in the end of all Murray Gelman found a way to fit in.
BEV
And they hired the Wheeler boy.
JIM
Is he the one with the - ? (taps his finger against his temple)
BEV
He’s the – you know (does the same)
KARL
And fitting into a community is really what it all comes down to.
(A very loud THUMP from upstairs.)
RUSS
The heck is going on up there?
KARL
Now, some would say change is inevitable. And I can support that, if it’s change for the better. But I’ll tell you what I can’t support, and that’s disregarding the needs of the people who live in a community.
BEV
But don’t they have needs, too?
KARL
Don’t who?
BEV
The family.
KARL
Which family?
BEV
The ones who -
KARL
The. purchasers?
BEV
I mean, in, in, in, in principle, don’t we all deserve to – shouldn’t we all have the opportunity to, to, to –
KARL
(chuckles with amazement, shakes his head)
Well, Bev.
JIM
In principle, no question.
KARL
But you can’t live in a principle, can you? Gotta live in a house.
BEV
And so do they.
KARL
Not in this house, they don’t.
JIM
But here’s the real question:
KARL
And what happened to love thy neighbor? If we’re being so principled.
BEV
They would become our neighbors.
KARL
And what about the neighbors you already have Bev?
BEV
I care about them, too!
KARL
Well, I’m afraid you can’t have it both ways.
RUSS
Okay. Assuming –
BEV
Wait. Why not?
KARL
Well, do the boundaries of the neighborhood extend indefinitely? Who shall we invite next, the Red Chinese?
(ALBERT has tentatively come to the bottom of the stairs, jacket off.)
JIM
But the key question is this:
BEV
No. Why not have it both ways?
KARL
Darling, I came to talk to Russ.
ALBERT
‘Scuse me, ma’am?.
BEV
Why not, if it would benefit someone?
JIM
But would they benefit?
BEV
If we could make them our neighbors.
KARL
But they won’t be your neighbors, Bev. You’re the ones moving away!
JIM
The question is, and it’s one worth asking:
ALBERT
Sorry to bother you?
RUSS
(taking charge, ignoring ALBERT)
Okay. (beat) Let’s assume your information is correct.
(Then suddenly, a large green Army footlocker comes sliding down the stairs with a noisy thumpeta-thumpeta-thumpeta-thump. ALBERT jumps out of the way.)
ALBERT
Sorry, sir, my fault! That was me. That was all my doing.
FRANCINE
(top of the stairs)
That was my fault! I’m sorry!
BEV
Oh oh oh. What happened? Is everyone all right?
RUSS
Aw, for crying out loud! What the heck is the matter with people? Bev, darn it all!
(to RUSS)
Why are you shouting? Everything’s fine, so – (cont’d.)
RUSS
(overlapping)
Well, what did I tell you? (cont’d.)
BEV
(continuous)
— please don’t do that, they’re just trying to help.
RUSS
(continuous)
I told you I’d do it. You heard me plain as day.
BETSY
Eeeen ahhhh hurrrrhhh daaaaaa! (Even I heard that!)
KARL
(to RUSS and BEV)
Little mishap, is it?
ALBERT
Little trouble making t
he corner, is all.
FRANCINE
(now downstairs)
I’m sorry. It’s heavy and I lost my gr–
RUSS
(to ALBERT)
Just leave the darn thing where it is.
BEV
We can’t leave it there.
KARL
May one be of asistance? –
JIM
Lend you a hand, if I could, but
ALBERT
What should we – ? would you prefer it if I – ?
RUSS
(to ALBERT)
Just, just, just, just leave it.
BEV
But it’s blocking the way.
FRANCINE
No ma’am, I can step over.
ALBERT
It’s all right. I got her.
(ALBERT helps FRANCINE climb over the box that now blocks the stairs.)
KARL
Anyway, let’s not drag this out ad infinitum.
(RUSS, fed up, rises and exits to the basement, slamming the door behind him.)
BEV
Russ, don’t.
JIM
(to KARL)
One second, if I might?
(to FRANCINE)
Sorry. Uh, Francine, is it?
FRANCINE
Yes sir?
JIM
Francine, we’ve just been having a little conversation here, and I was wondering if maybe we could spare us a couple of minutes of your time?
KARL
What good does that do? Go next door. Talk to the Olsens. Talk to those who stand to lose.
JIM
(ingoring him, to FRANCINE)
I want to pose a little hypothetical to you. What if we said this: Let’s imagine you and your husband here, let’s say that the two of you had the opportunity to move from your current home into a different neighborhood, and let’s say that neighborhood happened to be this one.
FRANCINE
Well, I don’t think that we would, financially –
JIM
But for the sake of argument. Say you had the wherewithal. Would this be the sort of neighborhood you’d find an attractive place in which to live?
(FRANCINE hesitates.)
BEV
Oh, this is so sil–
FRANCINE
It’s a very nice neighborhood.
JIM
(to FRANCINE)
No, I’m asking, would the two of you – Would your fam– I assume you have children?
FRANCINE
Three children.
JIM
Oh, super. So, with your children, might this be the sort of place, bearing in mind that they, too, would stand to be affected – ?
BEV
This is confusing things! It’s confusing the issue!
FRANCINE
(to JIM)
It’s a very lovely neighborh–
JIM
No, be honest. We want you to say.
BEV
(to FRANCINE)
ALBERT
He means living next to white folks.
BEV
I–I–I–I– well,yes.
(Pause.)
FRANCINE
Well –
BEV
Francine and I have, over the years, the two of us have shared so many wonderful –
(to FRANCINE)
– Remember that time the squirrel came through the window?
FRANCINE
(smiling, indulging BEV)
Yes, I do.
BEV
That was just the silliest - the two of us were just hysterical weren’t we?
KARL
(pressing ahead, to FRANCINE)
Think of it this way.
BEV
(to the other)
We still laugh about that.
KARL
I think that you’d agree, I’m assuming, that in the world, there exist certain differences. Agreed?
FRANCINE
What sort of differences?
KARL
That people live differently.
FRANCINE
(unsure)
…Yes?
KARL
From one another.
FRANCINE
I agree with that.
KARL
Different customs, different … well, different foods, even. And those diff– here’s a funny – my wife Betsy, now, Betsy’s family happens to be Scandinavian, and on holidays they eat a thing known as lutefisk. And this is a dish, which I can tell you … (he chuckles) …is not to my liking at all. It’s … oh my goodness, let’s just say it’s gelatinous.
BEV
(indicating for him to stop)
Karl?
BETSY
(to BEV)
Whaaaaa sehhhhh? (What did he say?)
BEV
(over-pronouncing for BETSY)
Lutefisk.
BETSY
Whaaaaaa?
BEV
Lutefi—Karl, can you tell her?
KARL
(holds up a finger to BETSY)
In a moment.
BEV
(taking up her pad)
I’ll write it down.
KARL
(to FRANCINE)
So, certain groups, they tend to eat certain things, am I right?
FRANCINE
I’ve never had that dish.
KARL
But, for example, if Mrs. Stoller here were to send you to shop at Gelman’s. Do you find, when you’re standing in the aisles at Gelman’s, does it generally strike you as the kind of market where you could find the particular foods your family enjoys?
FRANCINE
It’s a very nice store.
JIM
(interposing)
What if we were to say this:
FRANCINE
Mr. Gelman’s a nice man.
(BEV hands BETSY the pad of paper.)
KARL
But, I mean, your preferred food items, would such things even be available at Gelman’s?
ALBERT
Do they carry collards and pig feet?
(FRANCINE shoots a look at ALBERT.)
ALBERT
‘Cuz I sho couldn’t shop nowhere didn’ sell no pig feet.
(Pause. All stare at ALBERT.)
JIM
Well, I think Albert’s being humorous here, but –
BETSY
(having deciphered BEV’s handwriting)
Ohhhh, loo-feee! (Lutefisk!)