Having a gut response that turns out to be correct but not acting on it because one doesn’t trust one’s instincts
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DISABILITIES AND DISFIGUREMENTS
A LEARNING DISABILITY
EXAMPLES: Suffering from a learning disability, such as dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, slow processing, poor executive functioning, and visual or auditory processing disorders.
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I’m defective.
I’m too stupid to learn.
I will never find a partner who loves me for me.
If I engage, everyone will know how dumb I am.
When I make fun of myself people accept me.
If I worked harder or practiced more, I’d be able to succeed.
If people find out about my disability, they’ll reject me.
Why try when I’ll only fail?
I should attack others before they attack me.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Failure and mistakes (especially visible ones)
Being unable to achieve their dreams or goals
Being bullied or victimized
Being called on at school or singled out for a challenging task as an adult
Letting others down
Their secret getting out
Being rejected or abandoned by loved ones
Being labeled and limited
Passing a disability on to their children
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Avoiding responsibility out of the belief that one will only let others down
Thinking small; limiting one’s dreams or goals so they will be reachable
Thinking negatively about oneself and one’s abilities
Withdrawing from others to avoid ridicule and teasing
Bullying others
Overcompensating
Becoming angry or volatile
Resenting people who are naturally smart or talented
Engaging in destructive or risky behaviors
Diverting attention from one’s disability (e.g., acting up and getting kicked out of class before a verbal spelling competition)
Avoiding those who could help (counselors, teachers, or tutors) out of denial or a desire to keep one’s disability secret
Making fun of someone with similar disabilities to distance oneself from them
Avoiding conversations or interactions with people that may lead to revealing a limitation
Avoiding social opportunities; staying home instead
Refusing to read if doing so is a reminder of one’s limitation
Studying admirable people to become more socially confident and adept (if this is a struggle)
Becoming an advocate for those with learning disabilities
Focusing on one’s strengths rather than one’s weaknesses
Choosing jobs, hobbies, and activities that don’t utilize one’s weakness
Working super hard to succeed
Learning to compensate (by developing one’s memory, utilizing software, engaging a tutor, etc.)
Refusing to allow the disability to define one’s identity
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Adaptable, cautious, charming, disciplined, empathetic, flirtatious, funny, imaginative, industrious, meticulous, pensive, persistent, private, tolerant
Flaws: Abrasive, defensive, dishonest, evasive, inhibited, insecure, oversensitive, rebellious, resentful, self-destructive, timid, uncommunicative, uncooperative, violent, volatile, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Seeing someone with a disability being bullied or mistreated
Having to ask for help
Being unable to fix something that’s broken
Not understanding instructions or a concept and feeling a wave of frustration
Hearing people use certain labels (idiot, retard, etc.) that are offensive and hurtful
Watching people with learning disabilities be mocked or misrepresented on TV and in movies
Attending a school conference to discuss a child’s hereditary learning disability
Seeing a learning disability negatively impact the self-esteem of a loved one
Struggling with a new task
Making a mistake due to one’s disability and having one’s competence questioned
Being teased for one’s weakness
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Having to decide whether to pass up a promising opportunity due to one’s disability or tackle the extra work required to succeed
Being unfairly penalized because of one’s ability (scoring badly on a test one was unable to read, being rejected as an applicant right out of the gate, etc.) and wanting justice
As an adult, continuing to take shortcuts (instead of putting in the work necessary to deal with the disability) and suffering consequences for doing so
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A PHYSICAL DISFIGUREMENT
EXAMPLES
Being burned by a fire or chemicals
Bearing visible scars (from knife wounds, a gunshot, an animal attack, a car accident, surgery, etc.)
Missing a body part, such as an eye, ear, nose, or finger
Having malformed limbs
Bearing a visible and disfiguring birthmark
Having a cleft lip
Bearing large goiters or tumors
Having severe skin ailments like psoriasis, acne, discoloration, pigment loss, keloids, or warts
Having out-of-proportion body parts (elephantiasis, legs that are different lengths, etc.)
Body parts becoming flaccid or paralyzed following a stroke
Having a disfigurement due to a botched plastic surgery procedure
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
No one will ever love someone like me.
They’re looking at me because of my disfigurement.
This is a form of punishment.
I’m not worthy of love.
Most people aren’t going to give me a chance, so I can’t let go of the ones who do.
It’s better to be treated badly by someone who cares about me than to have no one at all.
Anyone trying to connect with me must have an ulterior motive.
People are cruel so it’s better to stay away from them.
No one could understand what I’m going through.
I’ll never be able to fulfill my dreams.
“Normal” people are better than me.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Intimacy
Whatever caused the disfigurement (fire, hospitals, a deranged ex-boyfriend, etc.)
Being stared at or ridiculed in person or on social media
Losing people (through a death or a move, for instance) who have expressed love and acceptance
Intolerance and prejudice
Being rejected or abandoned
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Developing low self-esteem or self-hatred
Never leaving one’s home; becoming a hermit
Wearing clothing, accessories, or makeup that minimizes the disfigurement
Gravitating toward online activities where one can create the persona one desires
Avoiding situations where new people will be encountered
Not opening up to others
Mistrusting those who express love or kindness
Maintaining shallow relationships
Making fun of one’s disfigurement in an effort to minimize it
Diving into a solitary hobby or area of interest
Feeling intense jealousy of people viewed as beauti
ful by society’s standards
Clinging to the kind and caring people in one’s life
Pursuing unhealthy relationships
Lashing out at others in frustration or hurt
Pitying oneself
Developing depression or an anxiety disorder
Engaging in self-destructive behaviors, such as abusing drugs or alcohol
Avoiding cameras and recorders
Assuming that others are staring even when they aren’t
Pursuing a creative outlet for one’s hurt, like composing music, painting, 3D printing, or designing clothes
Seeing beauty in imperfections and appreciating the little things others overlook
Reaching out to others who have been disfigured (joining forums or chat groups, for example)
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Cautious, courteous, creative, discreet, empathetic, focused, gentle, imaginative, introverted, loyal, merciful, pensive, perceptive, persistent, private, proactive, spiritual, tolerant
Flaws: Abrasive, cynical, evasive, humorless, inhibited, insecure, jealous, martyr, needy, pessimistic, resentful, self-destructive, suspicious, temperamental, timid, volatile, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
One’s disfigurement being pointed out by a curious child or other onlooker
Seeing oneself on video and realizing anew how one looks to others
Experiencing pain related to one’s disfigurement
Being exposed to online memes that make fun of a person’s physical flaws
Beauty ads, commercials, and TV shows that tie beauty to personal value
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Being the victim of a cruel joke that focuses on one’s disfigurement
Realizing a dream can be fulfilled if one finds the courage to not let the disfigurement get in the way
Bullying or ridiculing someone and realizing one has become just like those one hates the most
Learning that another painful surgery is required that may or may not improve one’s appearance
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A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT
EXAMPLES
Stuttering
Muteness (being unable to speak)
Speech sound disorders and lisps
Speech issues due to a damaged larynx or injuries to the mouth or throat, such as a cleft palate
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
People hate listening to me speak and can’t wait to get away from me.
I have nothing worth saying anyway.
I can never make a difference because of my speech.
It’s better for me to keep quiet.
I’m not romantic material.
Even if I have something important to say, no one will take me seriously because of how I talk.
It’s better to avoid relationships because they lead to ridicule.
I am an embarrassment to the people I’m with.
No one understands what this is like.
I can never be a leader, only a follower.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Public ridicule
Being singled out or put in the spotlight
Public speaking
Intimacy or vulnerability
Social events
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Choosing a job that is solitary or has minimal interactions with people
Becoming a big reader or movie-watcher
Getting tongue-tied when one does have to talk
Difficulty with romantic relationships because one struggles to converse
Being less picky about partners due to low self-esteem and the belief that this is the best one can do
Taking up solitary activities, such as camping, hiking, star-gazing, drawing, or gaming
Choosing to engage with others online, interacting through chat rather than through speech
Avoiding or prematurely ducking out of social functions and family get-togethers
Blushing or sweating when one is put on the spot
Avoiding eye contact with people to dissuade them from starting a conversation
Frequent fantasizing or daydreaming
Not participating in group sports, clubs, or activities
Sitting near an exit or at the edge of the room
A tendency to write long emails and texts
Not answering the phone; letting it go to a message box so one can text a response later
Carrying a book or phone so one can look busy and avoid socializing
Not volunteering for opportunities
Gravitating toward gregarious people who will do most of the talking
Being moved by someone who shares one’s weakness but has become successful despite it (like a singer, speaker, or auctioneer)
Seeking out people who share one’s challenge
Identifying and focusing on one’s positive qualities, such as kindness, intelligence, or a sense of humor
Connecting with others through nonverbal methods (giving gifts, being a good listener, making one’s home available for get-togethers, etc.)
Getting active on social media where messages, pictures, and videos allow expression and connection
Pursuing a passion or hobby where one can excel and gain confidence
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Analytical, appreciative, curious, disciplined, empathetic, focused, generous, gentle, honorable, independent, kind, loyal, merciful, nurturing, philosophical, private, protective
Flaws: Antisocial, cynical, defensive, humorless, impatient, impulsive, inhibited, insecure, jealous, nervous, oversensitive, resentful, subservient, timid, uncommunicative, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Witnessing someone with a speech impediment being teased or bullied
Listening to influential people who are reckless with their words (spreading hate or misinformation)
Stressful situations that make one’s speech impediment more pronounced
Being asked a direct question
Being asked to attend a meeting that will require verbal participation
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Seeing speech difficulties emerging for one’s child
Being asked to give a presentation or lead a meeting at work and being afraid to do so
Having trouble speaking when first impressions count (at a job interview, on a first date, etc.)
Wishing to speak out against an injustice but needing to work through one’s fears to do so
Wanting to raise awareness for a cause but having to step into the spotlight to do so
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A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY
EXAMPLES: Experiencing a traumatic brain injury caused by…
Falling and hitting one’s head
A fight
A car, bike, Jet Ski, or boating accident
A sports injury, such as a concussion from playing football or kickboxing
Being kicked by a horse
Being shot
Something heavy falling on one’s head
A daredevil activity or prank gone wrong
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I’m unable to contribute in any meaningful way.
I’ll never be able to live a normal life.
My dreams are out of reach now.
Life is no longer worth living.
I’m stupid.
No one would want to be with me.
I’m dysfunctional, only part of the person I was.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Being rejected because of their condition
Suppor
tive family members dying or falling ill (abandonment)
Scenarios like the one that caused the injury
Symptoms worsening unexpectedly
Failing in their responsibilities to others
Becoming fully reliant on others for even the most basic of needs
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Moodiness and irritability
Changes in one’s sleeping pattern (insomnia, too much sleeping, or difficulty staying asleep)
Being easily distracted
Forgetfulness
Amnesia
Becoming sensitive to light or other stimuli that disturb the senses
Being prone to headaches or migraines
Difficulty with motor skills and other dexterity-related issues
Regressing on recently learned skills
Difficulty doing things one used to be able to do (talk, read, run, etc.)
Pushing oneself too hard
Lashing out at loved ones in frustration
Depression or thoughts of suicide
Self-medicating with drugs or alcohol
Trying to hide one’s difficulties rather than admit them to others or seek help
Avoiding situations where one can become over-stimulated
Staying home rather than going out
Avoiding friends and social activities
Not engaging in conversation out of fear one’s difficulties will be made obvious
Reluctance to try new things because one might not be able to do them well
Refusing all help
Becoming overly dependent on others
Second-guessing one’s decisions
Increased empathy for those living with limitations beyond their control
Dedicating oneself to regaining lost ground (through study, physical therapy, etc.)
Compensating for one’s shortcomings by honing other skills and talents
Setting realistic goals and striving to achieve them
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM