Going through the motions, keeping to oneself, and doing what one is told
Focusing on activities that will please one’s keepers and help achieve their goals
Rebelling in small ways (by hoarding items, obeying in action but not in attitude, etc.)
Considering suicide as the only way to escape
Privately honing a skill that could help one eventually succeed
Privately practicing a forbidden talent in an effort to hold onto something of one’s own
Secretly stockpiling items for a future escape attempt
Subtly reaching out for help (e.g., passing a note to someone considered to be sympathetic)
Running away and possibly turning to drugs or alcohol to cope with one’s past
Having frequent thoughts of suicide or possible suicide attempts
Not trusting people
Not planning too far into the future
Underachieving; thinking small
Viewing the world with apathy
Showing disrespect for anyone in authority
Exerting control over those considered to be weaker (animals, siblings, schoolmates, etc.)
Distractibility; being unable to focus
Seeking familiarity through toxic relationships
Reluctance to build relationships (to avoid abandonment and loss)
Feeling empty but wanting to change and feel as others do
Appreciating small things that others take for granted
Slowly opening up and seeking help (through therapy, confiding in someone who is safe, etc.)
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, cautious, cooperative, courageous, courteous, discreet, easygoing, empathetic, friendly, gentle, humble, kind, loyal, nurturing, obedient, patient, private, simple, thrifty, traditional, unselfish
Flaws: Addictive, apathetic, callous, cynical, devious, dishonest, flaky, humorless, ignorant, inhibited, insecure, nervous, rebellious, self-destructive, subservient, uncooperative, weak-willed, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Promises that are broken
Being left in the company of unfamiliar people, like a babysitter or an aid worker
Being given a compliment or gift one used to receive from the abuser
Perceiving that one is being used by a friend or family member for their own personal gain
Sensory triggers tied to one’s abuse (the clink of a chain, the sound of mattress springs, etc.)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Escaping and getting a taste of freedom only to be caught and returned to one’s “owner”
After escaping, meeting a person one suspects is being mistreated and wanting to help them
Recognizing that one is repeating the cycle by treating one’s own children as property on some level
After escaping, going through a string of toxic relationships and realizing one hasn’t healed
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
BEING VICTIMIZED BY A PERPETRATOR WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
EXAMPLES: When one is victimized or attacked in some way, the apprehension and punishment of the perpetrator is often part of the injured party’s healing process. When the offender remains at large, the victim continues to feel vulnerable. This is true for the victims of many atrocities, including…
Rape or sexual assault
The murder of a loved one
A home invasion
A mugging or physical assault
Domestic abuse
Kidnapping
Stalking
Carjacking
Bullying
Identity theft or money fraud
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I will never be safe as long as he or she remains free.
You can’t believe in anything or anyone.
This person has crippled me.
I can’t put down roots until he or she is caught.
Since I can’t protect myself, I can’t be responsible for others.
When you let people in, they will always take advantage.
The system has failed me and can’t keep me safe.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
The person never being caught
Being victimized again (by this person or someone else)
Loved ones being victimized by this person
Living forever in fear
Feeling stuck emotionally due to a lack of closure over what happened
Trusting the wrong person again
Letting down their guard or letting people get close
Being unable to protect loved ones
Never being able to regain their freedom and control
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Aggressively enhancing the security at one’s home, turning it into a fortress
Going into hiding (changing one’s name, moving, altering one’s appearance, etc.)
Hounding the police for details of the case
Showing disdain for the authorities (talking negatively about the police, arranging protests, etc.)
Hiring a private investigator to find the perpetrator
Becoming overprotective with family members
Worrying excessively about the safety of loved ones
Becoming paranoid
Mental disorders arising from the perpetrator being free and from the victimization itself (depression, PTSD, anxiety disorders, phobias, etc.)
Self-medicating
Driving people away out of a desire to protect them
Avoiding new people or keeping one’s guard up so they can’t get close
Only leaving one’s home when it’s absolutely necessary
Giving up on one’s dreams due to being crippled by fear
Falling into self-pity
Misreading circumstances and attributing guilt or bad intentions where there are none
Avoiding situations that would make one responsible for others
Recognizing how certain actions made one easier to victimize (like leaving a house key under an outdoor planter or not locking one’s door) and resolving to avoid those actions again
Becoming more aware of one’s surroundings and being cautious when dealing with others
Pursuing goals despite fear and worry because one is determined not to be further victimized
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Adaptable, alert, analytical, bold, cautious, courageous, disciplined, discreet, hospitable, independent, just, meticulous, observant, organized, persistent, private, protective, resourceful
Flaws: Addictive, compulsive, cowardly, defensive, forgetful, humorless, inflexible, irrational, irresponsible, martyr, nagging, nervous, paranoid, pessimistic, resentful, suspicious, temperamental, timid, vindictive
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Being contacted by the perpetrator (through a letter, text message, phone call, etc.)
Seeing a stranger in the distance and suspecting them of being the perpetrator
Watching a movie or reading a book that mirrors one’s situation of being victimized
Odd happenings (items going missing, a car window being smashed, an object being moved, etc.) which may be coincidental or not
Sensory triggers that remind one of the assault (the smell of cigarettes, a creaky stairwell, etc.)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Meeting another survivor who is able to live a full and happy life, and wanting that for oneself
Finding the perpetrator and extracting justice, but discovering it didn’t solve one’s problems
When a family member is in danger, one must trust the authorities who let one down in the past
Facing a stress-related health scare and knowing one must find a way to let go and move forward
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
IDENTITY THEFT
EXAMPLES
A criminal obtaining personal documents and assuming one’s identity
Having one’s passport duplicated and used to illegally bring a criminal into the country
One’s bank account or investments being drained by someone with false documents
Accruing debt when someone clones one’s card
Being harassed by creditors, police, or criminals because another person has assumed one’s identity
Online accounts being created in one’s name for cyber-bullying purposes
A spoof online account being created by a rival who seeks to ruin one’s reputation
Being billed for Medicare when one’s identity is stolen, affecting one’s ability to obtain insurance
A friend or family member posing as oneself and then doing something to stain one’s reputation
One’s fingerprints or DNA being used by someone to implicate one in a crime
Having one’s image photo-shopped into compromising situations and shared online for revenge
One’s personal information being used to create a fake account at an unsavory sex or predator site
One’s email being hacked and used to send criminal threats or damaging information
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, esteem and recognition
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
Trying to make a better life is useless because someone will just take it from me.
People don’t respect me because I am not worthy of respect.
Predators are everywhere; I can’t trust my information with anyone.
Control is an illusion; what I have can be taken away at any time.
No one can help when times get tough, especially the police.
My name will never be fully cleared; I will always be limited by this.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Being used or exploited
Losing everything they have built
A financial ruin
Making a mistake by placing their trust in the wrong person
The institutions in society that are supposed to be safe
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Avoiding technology and information-gathering processes
Stashing money in hiding places rather than using a bank
Obsessively changing one’s passwords, bank accounts, and credit cards
Refusing to share personal information
Shutting down social media accounts
Overreacting when friends or co-workers ask personal questions
Mistrust that leads one to question the motivations of others
Paranoia that pushes one toward fringe conspiracy theories
Always paying in cash
Never leaving one’s wallet, phone, etc. where it can be accessed
Avoiding close relationships (if the identity theft was personal or hate-motivated)
Shredding or burning mail and other paperwork that contains personal information
Keeping paper copies of everything in case one needs to prove that other information has been falsified
Mistrust bleeding over to other institutions (insurance agencies, banks, etc.) that should be trustworthy
Instituting unreasonable internet and technology rules for those in one’s care
Always reading the fine print and often refusing to sign off on standard policies (a website’s Terms and Conditions, a doctor’s Consent To Share Information form, etc.)
Being slow to warm to new people
Discussing one’s worries and mistrust openly, passing the fears on to listening children
Educating oneself on safety protocols so the identity theft can be avoided in the future
Hoping for the best while planning for the worst
Simplifying one’s life (getting rid of extra credit cards, downsizing so life is easier to monitor, etc.)
Adopting greater self-sufficiency
Becoming independent so one can live off the grid if one has to
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, analytical, cautious, discreet, honest, organized, proactive, sensible, simple, studious, traditional
Flaws: Controlling, cynical, dishonest, evasive, hostile, insecure, obsessive, paranoid, prejudiced, uncommunicative, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Finding an odd charge on a credit card bill
Spoof emails asking for banking information, passwords, or requests for money
Friends or loved ones asking for a loan
Being contacted by the people who came after one initially (like a collection agency or bank official)
Being hacked, even harmlessly, on one’s Facebook page, a Twitter profile, etc.
One’s credit card being declined at the mall
Being detained (even briefly) by customs officials at an airport
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Having to disprove an accusation (by a financial institution or law enforcement, for instance) long after one’s identity has been restored
One’s paranoia leading to false accusations of another’s motives that are quickly disproven, leading to the realization that one’s mistrust is hurting others
Having an opportunity to make a financial difference in someone’s life
Having to testify in court against those who stole one’s identity
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
WITNESSING A MURDER
EXAMPLES
A family dispute that turns violent
Seeing a pedestrian being killed in a mugging
A classmate dying in a school shooting
One’s parents being killed in a home invasion
Watching as a police officer is shot by a criminal
A friend being murdered at a party during a gang-related hit
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I should have done something to stop it.
I’m useless under pressure.
I can’t protect the ones I love.
I should have died instead.
The world is a dangerous and unpredictable place.
People are inherently violent.
No one is ever truly safe.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Being murdered
A family member being killed and being powerless to stop it
Freezing up when they are needed most (if this was a factor during the wounding event)
Being responsible for the welfare of others
Making decisions, especially ones that impact other people
Being in the wrong place at the wrong time
People physically or ideologically similar to the ones who committed the murder
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Beefing up the security in one’s home
Taking self-defense classes
Buying a gun and training oneself in its use
Obtaining a concealed-carry permit for a weapon
Carrying pepper spray
Not venturing out after dark
Pulling away from friends and family
Reliving the event ever and over
Beating oneself up mentally for not doing more, even if it was out of one’s control
Being reluctant to help people who seem to be in trouble (self-preservation)
Worrying about family members and their whereabouts
Becoming unreliable in order to avoid responsibility
Becoming ultra-responsible and controlling as a way of proving one’s capabilities
Smothering children in an effort to protect them by requiring frequent check-ins, monitoring their activities, and limiting their independence
Experiencing
irrational worries that cause one to avoid certain people, places, and activities
Checking the exits whenever one enters a new place
Becoming prone to anxiety and panic attacks
Difficulty sleeping
Suffering from nightmares
Becoming obsessed with identifying and finding the killer
Turning away from one’s faith or embracing one’s faith
Attending a vigil or seeking therapy to process the emotions from the event
Reaching out to the victim’s family
Hounding police enforcement to make sure justice is served
Using social media to inform people about what happened and garner support
Being appreciative; finding joy in the little things
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, appreciative, bold, decisive, disciplined, just, meticulous, observant, organized, private, proactive, protective, sensible, spiritual
Flaws: Callous, childish, controlling, fussy, impulsive, macho, morbid, needy, nervous, paranoid, self-destructive, superstitious, temperamental, uncommunicative, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Witnessing an escalating argument
Watching a news report or fictional police drama that covers a murder investigation
Seeing or hearing something that makes one believe one is in danger (whether it’s true or not)
Sensory cues specific to the attack, such as the smell of blood or the sound of a truck backfiring
Locations or events associated with the murder (alleyways, parking lots, a family barbeque, etc.)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Legislation being passed that protects the criminal rather than the innocent, encouraging one to face the traumatizing event and become actively involved in righting the wrong
Being asked to testify in the murder trial
Wrongfully lashing out at someone of the same race or religious persuasion as the murderer, and recognizing one’s prejudice
A situation that puts a big responsibility on one’s shoulders (being asked to care for an ailing sister’s children, being the only one who can help rescue someone who was buried in an avalanche, etc.)