Attributes: Ambitious, cautious, courageous, easygoing, efficient, empathetic, generous, industrious, loyal, pensive, persistent, private, quirky, socially aware, spontaneous, uninhibited
Flaws: Abrasive, childish, disorganized, flaky, forgetful, hostile, impatient, insecure, irrational, needy, pessimistic, scatterbrained, self-destructive, temperamental, uncooperative, volatile
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Hospitals and doctors
Trying something and being reminded of one’s limitations
Seeing someone younger or less experienced surpass one’s ability in a certain area
Reminiscing with friends and being unable to remember certain events
Seeing an old recording of one excelling in an area where one now struggles
Failing even with a compensation in place (e.g., forgetting something despite writing it down)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Facing the end of a dream, one must decide between succumbing to despair or redefining success
The death or incapacitation of a caretaker that puts one in a position of having to care for oneself
Getting a chance to do something one loves even it means the possibility of failing at it
Struggling to achieve something and having to decide whether to keep trying or give up
Realizing success is attainable in an area, though it means starting over or doing things differently
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
BATTLING A MENTAL DISORDER
EXAMPLES
Anxiety disorders
Bipolar mood disorder
Schizophrenia
Personality disorders, such as anti-social, narcissistic, and dissociative disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder)
Chronic depression
Eating disorders
Impulse control disorders (kleptomania, pyromania, compulsive gambling, etc.)
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Debilitating phobias (agoraphobia, social anxiety phobia, etc.)
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I can’t care for others or myself.
I’m so messed up, no one would ever love me.
Everyone is out to get me.
I don’t need medication or treatment.
My dreams are out of reach now.
I am broken and beyond repair.
I’m the only person struggling in this way.
I’m just a burden to others. It would be better if I didn’t exist.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Losing their independence
Specific fears related to the disorder (crowds, germs, being touched, etc.)
Taking medication or treatments that change their personality or have negative side effects
Needles, doctors, or hospitals
Passing the disorder on to their children
Becoming like their parent in other ways (if the disorder is genetic)
Accidentally hurting themselves or a loved one during an episode
Being unable to support those in their care
Permanently losing their grip on reality
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Hiding one’s disorder
Making excuses when one’s symptoms become clear to others
Making light of one’s shortcomings instead of acknowledging the disorder
Abusing drugs or alcohol; adopting self-harming behaviors to cope
Avoiding people (family, friends, or therapists) who would hold one accountable
Becoming depressed
Pessimism and negative thoughts that are difficult to turn off
Isolating oneself from others
Frequently calling in sick to work or school
Being unable to keep a job due to the specifics of one’s disorder
Living life according to the short term rather than taking a long-distance viewpoint
Going off one’s medication once it starts working, thinking it’s no longer necessary
Emotional volatility
Feeling confused and disoriented at times
Uncontrolled thoughts and impulses
Being suspicious of people; questioning the motives of others
Engaging in compulsions that shape one’s actions and routine
Difficulty coping with day-to-day problems
Feeling drained, exhausted, and hollowed out
Attending therapy; joining a support group
Adjusting one’s goals to account for the disorder
Fighting to raise awareness of one’s disorder
Renewed confidence as one makes progress and realizes how strong one really is
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Affectionate, diplomatic, discreet, empathetic, enthusiastic, friendly, generous, idealistic, independent, innocent, kind, passionate, private, quirky, resourceful, spontaneous
Flaws: Childish, compulsive, devious, disorganized, forgetful, hostile, ignorant, impulsive, inattentive, irrational, needy, obsessive, paranoid, reckless, rowdy, scatterbrained, superstitious
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Seeing another mentally ill person being taken advantage of
A disappointment or loss that deals an emotional blow (like a friend moving or a pet running off)
Struggling to make an important decision due to one’s disorder
A sudden change that disrupts one’s routine (a cousin moving in, one’s doctor closing his practice, etc.)
Being rejected or abandoned because of one’s condition
A change in insurance that doesn’t cover one’s medication or treatment options
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Going off meds and endangering a loved one, which leads to a decision about what one is willing to do to get better
Meeting someone special and deciding whether to do life together or go it alone
Having a passion that requires focus and commitment, and needing to choose whether or not to take on the challenge
Someone offering support, giving one the courage to fight for happiness and accept the disorder as part of who one is
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
BEING SO BEAUTIFUL IT’S ALL PEOPLE SEE
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
My only worth is in my looks.
I will never be respected for my hard work, brains, or skills.
People only want to be close to me because of how I look and what my beauty can do for them.
What I think or believe doesn’t matter.
I can only be what others want me to be; I can’t live for myself.
I must choose a career in the beauty industry because people expect me to.
Friendships always contain jealousy, so only “surface” relationships are safe.
People who want to date me only see me as eye candy.
If I open up about my fears or struggles, I’ll be scorned.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Stalking, violence, and sexual assault (especially women)
Being taken advantage of
Being trapped by their own beauty (via life choices, careers, opportunities, etc.)
Aging or losing their beauty
Illness and disease
Being unfairly judged by others because of how they look
Trusting the wrong person
Retribution or sabotage by a jealous peer
Never experiencing a relationship that has true depth
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Metic
ulous health and beauty regimes
Constant dieting and working out
Fighting the aging process (through plastic surgery, buying expensive products, enduring painful treatments, etc.)
Questioning and second-guessing one’s choices out of a deep need for approval
Being a people pleaser
Avoiding close relationships (due to doubt over whether they’re “real” or not)
Not complaining because people will react with a lack of empathy
Acting the way people expect one to act (proper, sophisticated, self-absorbed, etc.)
Acting the opposite of what people expect as a way of proving them wrong
Fighting or hiding one’s low self-esteem behind smiles and forced confidence
Keeping secrets; rarely divulging one’s deepest feelings and desires
Having body issues but being unable to express them
Struggling with depression and adopting behaviors to cope with it (self-medicating, choosing to be alone, cutting one’s body in areas that won’t been seen, etc.)
Downplaying one’s beauty (and possibly other attributes and skills) to try and fit in
Often feeling like a decoration or object when out with a partner
Working hard to be likable and negate resentful feelings from same-gender friends
Being very safety conscious; avoiding dangerous places
Practicing kindness and acceptance of others
Improving one’s character so people focus on that rather than appearances
Pursuing activities one can excel in that have nothing to do with physical appearance, such as playing a sport, learning a foreign language, or getting a degree
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Cautious, charming, cooperative, courteous, disciplined, flirtatious, friendly, generous, kind, loyal, mature, obedient, private, protective, sensual, sophisticated, uninhibited
Flaws: Addictive, catty, cocky, cynical, extravagant, hypocritical, impulsive, inhibited, insecure, jealous, macho, materialistic, promiscuous, rebellious, self-indulgent, spoiled, vain, workaholic
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Being overtly hit on in an over-sexualized way
Being called a slut or whore by someone who is jealous of one’s appearance
Catching someone staring with a judgmental or assuming expression
Entering a conversation and having the topic change from intellectual to superficial
Being backstabbed by a friend and knowing that the root cause is resentment over one’s looks
Someone taking control of a project due to prejudice or stereotypes (assuming one is incapable of fixing something, performing manual labor, etc.)
Having people assume that one’s successes are based on looks
Seeing a person use their good looks to get what they want, reinforcing the stereotype that has caused one such trouble
Aging over time and realizing that friends are taking malicious joy at the leveling of the playing field
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Experiencing an accident or illness that mars one’s good looks
Wanting to start a family and needing to come to terms with how one’s body will change
Having an opportunity to reveal one’s intelligence, talent, or passion but fearing the rejection and derision one has experienced in the past
Seeing one’s child use their beauty to manipulate others
Developing an eating disorder and knowing one must get help before it’s too late
Losing a friend to suicide who also struggled with self-worth and lack of fulfillment
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
FALLING SHORT OF SOCIETY’S PHYSICAL STANDARDS
EXAMPLES
Being much shorter or taller than the perceived norm
Having skin that is marred by acne, rashes, psoriasis, pigmentation variances, or the like
Being perceived as too thin or overweight
Being hairier than most people
Being perceived as having disproportionate features (a short neck, too-long arms, etc.)
Having an unattractive feature like an oddly shaped nose, buck teeth, or cauliflower ears
Having a deformity (one leg being shorter than the other, a club foot, scoliosis of the spine, etc.)
Missing a limb
Being scarred or physically disfigured in some way
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
When people look at me, they only see what’s different.
I’ll never be accepted or have what others have.
I’m not worthy of hanging with the pretty people.
No one will ever want to be with someone like me.
If someone expresses interest, they’re only doing it to set me up.
People befriend me out of pity.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Misplacing their trust in others and misreading their motives
A physical shortcoming being pointed out
Being rejected by their peers
Being made fun of, stared at, or pitied
Romantic relationships and intimacy
Being limited in life because of how they look
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Low self-esteem
Trying to hide the feature that others consider atypical or abnormal
Becoming self-deprecating to gain acceptance or avoid ridicule
Avoiding activities that place one in the limelight
Taking offense even when none is intended; being overly sensitive
Avoiding social situations
Staying on the outskirts when one is in a crowd
Not engaging with others unless they engage first
Seeking revenge against those who have made one’s life difficult
Isolating oneself from others
Always focusing on one’s flaws; being overly self-critical
Engaging in relationships with toxic people because of low self-worth
Pushing people away before one can be hurt by them
Downplaying one’s strengths if they will make one stand out or draw unwanted attention
Taking on jobs that allow one to be more invisible
Embracing anonymous activities, like visiting online chat rooms or using personas on social media
Not touching others or wanting to be touched
Maintaining an emotional distance from others
Seeking medical help to correct or minimize the difference
Bankrupting oneself through procedures and treatments in hopes of “fixing the problem”
Taking refuge in a form of art (writing, painting, or music) to express one’s feelings
Becoming very accepting of others and seeing the qualities that others may miss
Befriending other “outcasts”
Honing a skill or talent to build confidence
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, analytical, cautious, charming, courteous, diplomatic, empathetic, funny, gentle, humble, imaginative, kind, merciful, pensive, perceptive, private, spunky, talented
Flaws: Confrontational, frivolous, hostile, insecure, jealous, melodramatic, needy, nervous, oversensitive, paranoid, resentful, temperamental, timid, uncommunicative, vindictive, volatile
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Overhearing someone say something unkind about one’s physical differences
Visiting locations where one has been ridiculed in the past (school, a bar, etc.)
Comparing oneself to someone “perfect” and finding oneself lacking
Attending events where looks are on display (like an award ceremony or wedding)
Ads, commercials, and products that reinforce physical ideals as being the key to happiness
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
W
itnessing someone being bullied for a physical shortcoming and having to decide between remaining invisible or standing up for them
Being inspired by someone who chooses to own their differences instead of hiding them
Discovering a strength or talent that helps or inspires others and realizing one is much more than a physical body
Being in a toxic relationship where the other person belittles one’s appearance, and realizing that one has value and doesn’t deserve such treatment
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
INFERTILITY
EXAMPLES: Being unable to conceive or bear children due to…
Medical conditions (endometriosis, uterine abnormalities, ovulation disorders, etc.)
An early hysterectomy
A botched abortion
Cancer and cancer treatments
Complications from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
Early-onset menopause
Low sperm count
Unknown factors
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I’m less of a man or woman because of this.
It’s not fair to get involved with someone because I’m defective.
This is a punishment for something I’ve done.
There must be a reason why I can’t have kids.
God knows I would be a bad parent; that’s why I can’t have children.
People will pity me if they find out, so it’s better to pretend I don’t want kids.
Without children, I’ll never be complete or fulfilled.
Why bother taking care of yourself if things like this are going to happen to you anyway?
I’m going to grow old and die alone, with no one to care for me.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
A spouse dying and leaving them alone
What others think
That they are incapable of parenting or caring for others
Other latent illnesses or conditions within their body