Requiem: Cloud of thoughts that rained ink unto paper., Page 4

  -Yeah, I can't stand it.

  -That goes with your life too.

  -Yeah, I love doing something new everyday.

  -But you only do the same things.

  -Yes, but you know?

  -What?

  -I do lots of things, so I get to change. I don't follow routine.

  -Sounds to me, you just need to get out of the country.

  -Really?

  -Yeah, that will help.

  -Unfortunately, I can't. They won't let me.

  -Who?

  -My demons.

  -Demons?

  -Yeah. Haven't I told you about them?

  -No, you haven't.

  -They are humans all right, and I love them.

  -So why do you call them demons.

  -Because I love them.

  -So you call them demons!

  -They need me over here. If I let go, I am not sure what would happen to them.

  -So you call them demons?

  -Yep, they are the cause of my worries and fright.

  -So what would happen to them if you left?

  -Nothing, I don't know. Maybe, I am just afraid what would happen to me without them.

  -So you are projecting?

  -I guess I am. I am not sure.

  -I never thought you're weak.

  -I guess I am.

  -No, you're not. You worry too much. After all it's not your first time you lived by yourself.

  -No, it isn't.

  -So why not give it a try?

  -I am trying all the time doc.

  -So what about the people who made you suffer.

  -I don't think about them, as much as I can, I try to let them behind my back.

  -Is it working?

  -No, I guess not, my wounds are fresh.

  -What wounds? Did they hurt you?

  -Yes, they did. See.

  -Did you call the police?

  -No.

  -Why not?

  -They won't see it.

  -What do you mean?

  -They'd only talk to them if the wounds were seen.

  -But I saw them.

  -You did because you're my shrink.

  -So what?

  -They are not there.

  -Are you hallucinating again? You have gun shots, whip marks and bruises all over your body.

  -They are not for real.

  -Are you still on the psychosis pills?

  -Yes, I am.

  -Maybe we should change the doses.

  -No, doc, come touch them they are not for real.

  -Oh my God, they are not there.

  -Ahhh.

  -What?

  -They hurt.

  -How come they hurt when they are not there?

  -They do hurt because they are deep.

  -I just can't think straight.

  -Doc, you're supposed to help me.

  -We all have our minds fucked up Son.

  -I guess so.

  -Ok, let me think straight. What did these people do to you?

  -They took my heart?

  -What do you mean they took your heart?

  -I was nothing but a heart, I used to do everything with my heart.

  -Explain.

  -I mean, I sucked at everything, but I would do whatever I can to make it right.

  -So you give it your best you mean.

  -Yeah.

  -And how did they take that from you?

  -People work in mysterious ways.

  -They say God works in mysterious ways.

  -He does but He's fair.

  -So what did they do?

  -They robbed me.

  -What did they rob?

  -Everything.

  -Why are you talking in a code?

  -I am tired of talking, nobody listens.

  -I do.

  -Nothing can be done, doc.

  -Just tell me what did they do?

  -They took my good years and threw me away when they were done with me.

  -What years are you talking about Son, you're young.

  -I feel like I am dying already.

  -You still have years ahead of you.

  -Years pass by, and one day I'll find out I didn't live at all.

  -You've done lots of good things.

  -Did I? I feel lost.

  -Lost?

  -I feel I don't belong here or there and if I die I won't belong anywhere.

  -You belong to God.

  -Yeah, yeah. I do. But why has He forsaken me?

  -He hasn't, He's watching upon us.

  -So what is He waiting for?

  -Don't worry, He's fair, we just don't comprehend.

  -What don't we comprehend?

  -You know, I mean. Look at all the tyrants and thieves and criminals out there. How did they fade away? Look at Hitler for crying out loud.

  -But there are lots of them out there.

  -They will fade away too. The ones who stole away your rights.

  -Will they pay for what they did to me?

  -They will.

  -For all the injustices.

  -They will.

  -So what should I do now?

  -Take some sleep.

  -But I cant.

  -You slept last night.

  -Yes, but it was all nightmares all through.

  -What nightmares?

  -I kept seeing me lost all the way, I kept seeing these people, I kept seeing my loved ones way apart from me, I kept seeing myself in hell and even expelled from hell.

  -Take it easy on yourself.

  -I just can't stand these nightmares anymore.

  -But you said you slept yesterday.

  -I did, I slept with my nightmares on.

  What if they just Zip it

  The weirdest job I can think about is that of preachers. When you come to think of it you find that they are people who are no different at all from any other people. Who have their lives screwed up in the same way mine and yours’ are if not even worse. They get fat, sick, annoyed, angry, lie, become hypocrites and even steal.

  The only difference is that in the end of the day they wear something white in most of the cases and some stupid turban or a crown or a headscarf, carry a rosary and keep chanting some religious songs and words. Then they sit down, lower their heads, falsely act humble and start giving advices to the astray and the lost about the right paths and the lit streets to heaven and righteousness.

  Years later, you find out that the same exact person was sleeping with prostitutes, supporting dictators, drinking prohibited drinks, and covering up on crimes even Hitler would feel sick if he had the chance to hear about.

  I am not talking about a certain religious sect or personality. What really bugs me is that I really can't comprehend whoever gave these phonies the right to teach and/or preach. You are just as a nobody as everyone else. You even managed to export and project your damages upon other poor souls after you had yours down the drains a while ago. At least, you know what, I only can fuck up my own life.

  I would like to give you a piece of advice. Let's call it a preaching from the other way around. Zip it.

  Where the sky is Paige

  I live in a country where the sky is Paige. I live in a country where people live to eat, to drink and to mate. I live in a country where people don't know how to walk (drive) in a straight line (lane). I live in a country where official working hours start at 8 am but people show up not before 8:45 am and yet manage to complain. I live in a country where people start stuffing shit look-alike food in their mouths at 8:45 am (check the previous line).

 

  I live in a country where some people think they are good servants of God because they say so, no matter how crooked and filthy they are. I live in a country where people who are supposed to be the scientists are the most ignorant. I live in a country where your superior can do absolutely nothing in his part of his job, yet have the guts to blame you because you did yours and not his too.

 

  I live in a countr
y where only phonies survive and live revered. I live in a country where some women get covered so they can even get the chance to get laid even once in their lousy lives, claim they do that for God. I live in a country where people (men) keep talking about how good they are in bed. Funny thing is that 95% of these men ask me for impotence treating drugs when they know I am a doctor.

 

  I live in a country where it's enough to say that this person is son of a bitch and his mother is slain for adultery (metaphor). I live in a country where hair is more important than life itself, people die to force women cover their hair, and to force men have scary beards.

  I live in a country where you get to know one thing for a fact, it's totally worthless; all you have been living for. I live in a country where your achievements are as sour as your failures, they all come from the same messed up system, corruption (Running in our veins).

  I live in a country where you have to leave as soon as possible to save your humanity because it seems that the people do not really want to change.

  The Inevitable Regret

  Since, There's not a single move I'd take that I won't regret. Therefore, “What if?” Will remain the only question I'll keep asking every single day in my entire life? Therefore, The mystery of “what if?” remains in the paths your decisions take you through. Therefore, The thing is; every “what if?” would take you to another “what if?”. Therefore, So one day I'll be in the middle of a way, totally lost, astray. Therefore, I would never be able to see the starting point again.

  Because, I have been through a hundred “what if?”s that led me to where I am now. Therefore, It's a zigzagged and crooked and kinked and bridged and wet and bumpy road. Therefore, there's no way back. Therefore, there's no turning point. Therefore, take care where you're gonna step next.

  Therefore, it's so stressful. Therefore, try to relax and quit thinking that much. Therefore, you're not thinking now. Therefore, where would this non thinking take you?

  “What if?”

  What I am sad to say when it comes to religion

  The idea of religion had always been some sort of merchandise through out the history of humanity. It's always been a constant and secure source of income. People sold the words of God and even the idea of the Almighty himself like no other goods have ever been in the market.

  The so called people of any religion are brilliant in extorting others usually lazy or empty minds, and fill them with what would be appealing for the masses and for the ideas that would be widely accepted in a given time or place.

  This always resulted in having freethinkers and the protesters to be kept behind bars, banished or sometimes killed or even burnt alive. Let's have Jean D'Arc and Galileo for an example. When it comes to the Arab and Muslim world, we'd have a queue of names that would need lists that would need thousands of pages to collect.

  Christianity has faced this in the middle ages, and science was forbidden to be practiced. Death was the fate of thousands if not millions of thinkers, scholars and scientists in these ages. As a result of the might of people of religion, Europe has lived in the darks for centuries to come.

  In that time, the Arab Muslim world has given some freedom and liberty to its inhabitants, and Muslim scientists shined in what made these ages the golden era in Arab and Muslim history.

  Then came the industrial revolution, when Europe has taken some new stance with religion, the liberty of belief has conquered the minds, religion has turned to what it was supposed to be as a personal and only personal issue. That's why Europe represents the human revolution against the darkness of the middle ages and the rising of the enlightened minds of science against the people who wanted to prevail with their own myths and beliefs even if the cost was too high as the death of innocent people everywhere.

  Across the Mediterranean and into the Arabian peninsula, fanaticism and dogmatic thinking prevailed taking the people 1500 years to the reverse. We even see this reversal in attitudes and clothing and even lives not to mention the way of thinking.

  Now we get to see everybody join being hypnotized and brain washed into the ancient myths, refusing the call of God to use the minds into what is useful, and the use of brains into knowing God himself.

  Everybody stopped thinking and contemplating about nature and life, and had their minds focused on the supernatural and the afterlife. Here, I am not calling to revolt on the idea of eternity and the hereafter, but building our beliefs on the thoughts of some nowadays crooks would never get us into any eternity.

  The use of idle organ also known as cerebrum is a must to win in both ways, criticism of these so called religious scholars, imams or priests has become a necessity, and accepting whatever they want to pour in people's minds is what is getting us increasingly backwards each day.

  They were only few of the men of either major religions altogether, that reached the hearts of people through the minds. Unfortunately the majority should have their ugly identities finally revealed.

  I recently saw Muslim ads about a cucumber or a leaf that looked like the Arabic writing of Allah, and about a tree that looked like a praying man, etc. I also saw an ad about the Virgin Mary sighting in Italy and about a crying statue in Rome. For me, it's become such a shame that with all the technology around, and all that science has brought us, we still need to run this trash to control the ignorant and to run the masses.

  I do believe in miracles, but I don't think I should need any to convince myself of what should be reached by the only miracle God has given every one of us, i.e. the mind. Think Again!

  Resurrection of Kindergarten Rhymes

  Stuff me in a suitcase.

  Get me out of this place.

  Where I can be left without a trace

  and live in heavenly grace,

  or even in outer space.

  So, I can get rid of their filthy face,

  and their stupid race,

  that turns into a donkey chase.

  Stuff me in your carryon bag,

  I promise it won't be a drag.

  One day I'll be someone of whom you can brag,

  cause' every day spent over here is such a lag,

  so, put me on any ship headed to any other flag.

  Stuff me in a coffin,

  or even put me in an oven,

  I am tired of all this bluffin'.

  They made me sick, I can't stop coughin'.

  So, bury me, I swear I won't have it roughin'.

  The Jungle Ass Rules

  Rule #1- You can kill, rape, lie, steal, extort ...etc, yet you'd be forgiven as long as you kiss as much asses as you can.

  Rule #2- You can have your ass kicked, whipped, shot ...etc, if you did not follow rule # 1 and dared to open your mouth.

  Rule #3- You can kiss some asses, yet not be accepted as a good follower of rule # 1 , apparently these asses you kissed weren't enough.

  Rule #4- Many jungle inhabitants are assholes. They would do anything to get on to you; lies, rumors, pranks, are just the norm in your life.

  Rule #5- Jungle inhabitants are like monkeys, they both keep jumping, you can't tell what they actually stand for, and they both have bright shiny asses.

  Rule #6- Some jungle inhabitants have huge asses. They tend to throw it in whatever place that would fit. You can never move them.

  Rule #7- Everybody cares for his own ass. Everybody screws the jungle's ass.

  Rule #8- Some jungle inhabitants are lucky enough to have their asses covered by others. Even if they boast about being bare-assed all the time.

  Rule #9- The best way to cover your big ass, is to make others stare at someone else's.

  Rule #10- Beware of crocodiles, when they cry, everyone wants to pamper their asses.

  Decaying rust

  I am here,

  lost in a cell.

  Don't know what's gone,

  What is right?

  What is not?

  I am here,

  Lost in time.

  Feel the cro
wd,

  Stressing me,

  With all they've got.

  I feel,

  time is short.

  Many things to do,

  Piling up,

  And I am getting weak,

  Shrinking into a tiny spot.

  I am there,

  near the end.

  Looking back behind,

  I fear what is to come.

  Was my cause entirely lost?

  I lost a dare,

  I made them suffer,

  I remember no pros,

  nothing but cons.

  What was this trip,

  But winds of dust?

  I am there,

  beyond the latter.

  Pleading for mercy,

  for what I did,

  for those I hurt,

  or the time I blew.

  Look at me,

  You'd see nothing but rust.

  Greying Old

  Recently, I started noticing few hairs that have already gone grey. I kept remembering my father when he started to face the same kind of situation maybe a little bit the senior of my age right now. I thought time goes by. I was a child and now I am a man, I am growing old. I started hating time. For a moment, life seemed nothing but few moments. To me, when I am reaching the end of my twenties, a big part is already gone.

  I remembered this song; 100 years to live by Five For Fighting, I thought how short life is when we say 100 years as if it is our ultimate hope. I started to think about God and eternity and religion and paradise. I thought about the injustices we face in our lives and the darkness we see each day; the ironies, the corruption, the might, the tyranny that fills all our hearts. I went on to the idea. What happened to us?

  But when you come to read about history, to think, You'd find out the time is on our side. Time is God's most dedicated servant and worshipper. We're just too small and too short lived to face the real timeline and look at history carefully.

  Today, more than 20 years have passed since the Berlin wall has fallen, Life has changed over there and all over the world. One of the unfairest crooked systems fell down to the train of time, and was run over forever.