Ilookeddownquicklytoseewhatshewasgettingat.WhenIwas greetedbythetagofmyshirt,whichwasnotonlyfacingoutbutalso turnedinthewrongdirection,Igotherpoint.
“No,”Ilamented,“butIwasinahurry.”Embarrassed,Iscurried pasther,leavingmycoffeeonthecounterasImademywaytotheback torectifymywardrobemishap.Shefollowedmeback.
“Longnight?”
“Kindof.”Ididn'twanttogointogreatdetailbecauseshedidn't knowabouttheUKtrio,andCooperwantedtokeepherinthedarkas muchaspossible.Seanagreed.Weknewshewasaswellprotectedasshe wasgoingtobewithPCboyssurveyingtheshopwhilesheandIwere there.Giventhetenuousnatureofhermentalstatus,wedidn'twantto addtoherstresslevelanymorethannecessary.Oncetheboyswereout ofthehouseandweknewwhatweweregoingtodowiththem,wewould letherinonourlittlesecret,orsecrets,asthecasemayhavebeen.
“Areyoubeingevasiveonpurposeorareyoujusttiredand grouchy?”sheasked,leaningashoulderagainstthewall.
“I'llgowiththelatter.”
“Pathofleastresistance?”
“Always.”
“I'llallowitthistime,”shesighed,feigningannoyance.“Nexttime, Iexpectallthesordiddetails.”
“Deal.”Concedingwasfareasierthanarguingwithherandwas clearlythebestoptiongivenPeyta'sgeneticpredispositiontogettothe bottomofthingswhenyouleastwantedherto.Shewasjustlikeher mother.
“SoMomsaidyoustoppedbyyesterday,”shesaid,changingthe subject.
“Yep...”
“WasMalcolmthere?”sheaskedcuriously,herfaceimpassive.
“Hewas.”IdidmybesttobeasneutralasPeyta.Icouldn'ttellif shewastryingtogetareadonhowIfeltabouthim,ortohideher sentiments.
“So,whatdidyouthink?”
“Heseemedfine.Betterthanfine,actually.Hemadeahorriblyoff-colorremarkthatmademelaugh.Howbadcanhebe?”
Shesaidnothing,onlyeyedmefromtheothersideoftheroom.
“Anythingelse?”
Isighed.
“Yourmomseemshappywithhim―likeadifferentpersonalmost.
Isawglimmersofherhardenededges,butitwasasthoughhefiledthem offwithasingleglance,”Iexplainedwithashrug.“Andwhathedidfor you,P...”
“Iknow,”shewhispered,lookingaway.“Imetwiththetherapist yesterday.Momletmegobymyself.Ineedtodothisforme.”
“Howwasit?”Iaskedsoftly,movingslowlytowardher.“Didyou likethisüberspecialist?”
Shelookedatmethoughtfullyforamoment.
“Idid.Ireallydid.It'slikeheunderstoodme.HeknewwhereIwas comingfrom.”
“Well,that'sgreat,P!”
“Iknow.Itreallyis.I'mnotsurehowtothankMalcolmforhishelp though.Wenevercouldhaveaffordeditwithouthim.”
“Peyta,”Isaidfirmly,“Iwouldhavemadesureyougotwhatyou needed.Idon'tliketotalkaboutitmuch,butmyinheritancewas substantial.Iwouldhavepaidforitmyself,ifithadcometothat.”
Shesmiledupatmewithwateryeyes.
“Well...thanks,Ruby,”shesaid,givingmeahugaroundmywaist,
“butitlookslikeDaddyWarbucksbeatyoutothetask.Icoulduseacar though.”
“Getinline,”Ijoked.“Cooper'sbeensingingthattuneforawhile now,thoughIdidmanagetosnaghimacarfromSean.Itseemstohave placatedhimforthetimebeing.”
“Fine,”shegrumbledintrueteenagerfashion.“Ihadtotry.”
“Ofcourseyoudid.Nowhowaboutyougooutfrontandearnyour keeparoundhere.Ihavetrinketstomake.”
*
Thestorewasremarkablybusy,soIgotlittledoneintheback.I’d forgottenthattheholidayseasonwasapproachingandpeoplewouldbe gettingaheadstartsoastoavoidtheThanksgivingthroughChristmas shoppingmelee.Iwasn'tabouttocomplain;businesswasbusiness,and alwayswelcome.
Weworkedstraightthroughournormallunchbreak,and,asthe towncourthouse'sbellchimedthreeo’clock,IrealizedjusthowhungryI was.JudgingbythelackofanimationinPeyta'sface,shewasdragging too.
“Doyouwanttoshutdownforthirtyminutes?Wecouldgograb somethingupstairs.”
“Yes,butweneedtodoitquicklyoryou'llbecarryingmeupthere.
I'mstarving.”
Notwantingtohavetopiggybackherupthestairsfireman-style,I shutdowntheshopandleftanoteonthedoorstatingwe'dbebackby 3:30.Wehurriedupstairs,makingourwayintotheapartmentand directlytothekitchenwherePeytaquicklyfoundabagofchipstonibble onwhileIransackedthefridgeforanythingedible.Theboyshada showingjustoutsideoftownatalittleafterthree,soIknewthecoast wouldbeclearlongenoughforustoeatandrun.
“Okay,”Istarted,knowingourfoodsituationwaslookinggrim,“we havepickles,cheese,cranberryjuice,andsomethinginaTupperware containertowardstheback.Ithinkwemightwannaleavethatonealone actually.Itlooksfuzzy.”
“Howaboutsoup?”Peytasuggested,pullingtwofamily-sizedcans fromthepantry.
“Fabulous!”Icried,startingtorummagethroughthedrawersfor thecanopener.Itwasnowheretobefound,andIquicklyremembered why.“Um...P,Ihavetorunupstairsforasec.I'llberightback.”
“Why?”sheasked,lookingatmestrangely.ItwasalookIgot fairlyoften.
“Ineedtogograbsomethingtoopenthosethings.Justsittightand eatyourchips.I'llberightdown.”
“Youleftyourcanopenerupstairs?”
“Yeah,”Irepliedweakly.“IgethungrywhenIdancesometimes.I musthaveforgottenit.Ijustneedtorunupandgrabit.”
“Whyareyouactingsoweird?”shecontinued,hotonmyheels.
“I'mnot.”
“Youare.”
“Peyta,seriously.I'llberightback.”
“Whydon'tyouwantmetocome?”sheaskedwithhermother's seasoneddetectiveglintinhereyes.
“BecauseIjustabouthadtocarryyouupthestairs,remember?Sit.
Eatchips.Thelongeryoukeepbadgeringmeaboutthis,thelongerit's goingtotaketoactuallyhavelunch.Wehavecustomerstoserve,don't we...?”
“Fine,”shegrumbledinresponse.Weweretwoskinnygirlswho reallyneededourbloodsugartostayaboveacertainleveltomaintain civility.
WithoutanyfurtherprotestationsfromPeyta,Ispedupthestairsto thethirdfloor,prayingcuriositywouldn'tgetthebestofher.Ididn'thave anexcusepreparedforwhyitlookedlikeIhadpeoplesquattinginmy studio.Actually,Idid,butIwasn'tgoingtotellherthat.
OnceIenteredthespace,Itookinthemess.Thankfully,itwas relativelywell-corralledatthefarendoftheroom,butitwasstillabitof adisaster.Clotheswerestrewnabout,twistedupinthesheets,blankets, andpillowsthattheywereusingfortheirtemporarybeds.Toppingitall offwasalargegreentrashbag,stuffedtonearlyoverflowing.Thoseboys likedtoeat,andoneinparticular.Alistairhadacannedpineapple infatuation.Maybetheydidn'thaveitacrossthepond,ormaybehewas justodd,buthewasdefinitelythereasonwhyIfoundmyselfonthehunt foracanopener.
Withmypressingneedtohurry,Iattackedthechaoticpile, throwingthingsaroundatwill,doingmybesttotrackdownthemissing kitchenutensil.Itbecameabundantlyclearinmysearchthatitwastime forthoserunawaystodosomelaundry.EvenifIhadfoundtheopenerin thatpile,Iwouldn'thaveusedit.
Comingupempty-handed,Isighedaloud,pressingmyhandsonmy hipsasIscannedtherestoftherelativelyvacantroomformymissing item.ThenIspottedit,sittingbenignlyontopofthestereothatI adored―theonethathadbeendormantforweeks.Iranoverand snatcheditup,turningquicklytoheaddownstairs.
IslammedrightintoPeyta.Thatgir
lwassneaky―foranalmost-human.
“Jesus!”Iscreamed,clutchingmychest.“Youscaredthecrapout ofme,P!”
“Um,Ruby?”sheasked,lookingatthemessI'dscatteredabout.
“Doweneedtohaveaninterventionorsomething?Leavingyourrooma completedisasterisonething,butwhenitspillsoverontoanentirely differentfloorofyourhome,Ithinkit'stimetogetsomehelp.”Shepried hereyesfromtheboys'stufftomeetmine.“ShouldIseeifmytherapist hasanybuddieswhospecializeinsomekindofhoarding-likedisorder?”
Ilaughednervously,tryingtousherheroutoftheroom.
“Nope.Ijustneedtohireacleaner,that'sall.Let'sgoeat.”
“Waitaminute,”shesaid,grindingtoahaltwhenshesawapairof strayboxersthathadlandedneartheexit.“Whydoyouhave men’s underwearuphere?Thisisn'tyourstuff,isit?”
“Well,no.Notexactly.”Icringedasshewentovertoinvestigate further,prayingforadistractionofanykindtoderailherfromher mission.Shewaslikeadogonatrail;shewasn'tgoingtoletupeasily.
Inarareactofkindnessfromheavenabove,IgotwhatIaskedfor.
“Ruby?”amalevoicecalledfrombehindPeytaandme.
Matty...
17
WhenIturnedtoseehim,hegrinnedshyly,makinghimlookyounger thanthelasttimeIsawhim.Hisexpressiontightenedslightlywhenhe sawPeytacomeupbehindme,butshesoonputhimatease.Shewasall apologies.
“Matty...theotherday,”shestartedasshenervouslyavoidedeye contact.“Imayhaveoverreacted.Ididn'trealizethatyouweren't yourself wheneverythinghappened.”Hisfacewasblankwhilehestoodstill, staringatPeytaasshemuddledherwaythroughherexplanation.“Iknow whomadeyou;youdidn'tstandachance.Rubytoldmethatyou―the old you―wouldneverhavedonethosethings.Iwassoupsetabout Jay...aboutRubytoo.Itookitoutonyou,andthatmaynothavebeen entirelyfair.”
Shewasbeyonduncomfortable;Icouldfeeltheerraticvibrations hummingaroundherbody.
“I'msorrytoo,Peyta,”hesaidsoftlyinresponse.“Iwishyoucould haveknownmebefore.”
Ifeltthetearsstarttostingthebackofmyeyes.InthatmomentI wantednothingmorethantohavehimback―forPeytatohavethe chancetogettoknowhim.Butitwouldneverbe.Mattycouldn'tstay.
Iwalkedawayasthefirsttearfell.Bracingmyselfagainstthe cabinetthatheldthestereo,Ihunchedforward,doingmybesttocontain everythingthatthreatenedtoescapeme.Thenhewasrightbehindme.
“Don'tcry,blueeyes.”Hishandbrushedmycheeklightly,andI liftedituptowardhim.“You'llforcemetodosomethingembarrassingto cheeryouup.”
Hereachedaroundmetoturnthestereoon.Iwatched,completely infatuated,ashepressedthepowerbuttononandcueduponeofthe manyplaylists.Peyta'spowersallowedMatty,likeGregory,tomake contactwithobjectsandpeoplearoundhim.ItimpliedthatMattywasa prettypowerfulwolfaswell,butIwasalreadymorethanawareofthat.
Heexpertlyscrolledthroughituntilhefoundwhathewaslooking for.Whenhedid,helaughed.Drake's“TakeCare”cameblaringthrough thespeakersatanuncomfortablevolume,thebassviolentlyshakingthe floor.Itfeltamazing.
Justashehadonsomanyoccasionsindanceclass,Mattystarted clowningaroundinagrandefforttocheermeup.Italwaysworked.He'd pickedahip-hoppiecethatwasdonebyaguestchoreographerforour company.Hip-hopwas notmyforte,andheknewit.He'dshownmeup thatclass,butIneverlethimknowit.HewasmockingmeintrueMatty fashion,andItotallytookthebait.
Hook,line,andsinker.
“Rememberthis?”hegoaded,easilybreakingoutthechoreography we'dlearnedmonthsearlier.“Ibelievetheterm'hotmess'wasthrown aroundduringthatclass.Itwasaimedatyou,wasitnot?”
“IgotbetteratitwhileyouwereinLA,”Iretorted.
“Well,let'sseeitthen,whitegirl.”
“Whoareyoucallingwhite,Italianboy?”Isnipped,takingalong anddramaticslideinhisdirectionbeforeIbustedoutthestepstothat sectionofthesong.Hewasintotalsyncwithmeinseconds.
IsawPeytasnickerinthemirrorwhileshewatchedusgoheadto headinadance-offofepicproportion.Dancingwithaghosteasily qualifiedasepic,regardlessofhowridiculousweappeareddoingit.
“Lookingbetterthistimearound,Ruby,”hemocked,slidingin behindmeaswebothwatchedtheotherinthemirror.
“Ha!Ilookgoodallthetime,”Iretorted.“Youjusthaven't noticed.”
Hestoppedsuddenly,catchingmyarm.Histouchfeltstrangethe longerheheldon,likeitwasleachingme,drainingmeslightly.
“Ialwaysnoticed,Ruby,”hesaid,leaningintomyear.“Youjust didn'tnoticemenoticing.”
Myheartsank.
Ipulledawaytolookathimandassesstheexpressiononhisface.
Ifeltthementertheroombeforeawordwassaid.Beforetheir bodieswerevisibletome.AngercrashedintomybackasIsparedone glanceoveratPeyta'sblankexpression.Iknewthejigwasup―bigtime.
Iwantedtohide,butknewthatwasanimpossibility,soinsteadI turnedtofacethemusic―orthealphas,asthecaseseemedtobe.Facing anangryCooperwouldhavebeenbadenough,butwithSeanathisside, formingawallofhostility,itwasjustaboutmorethanIcouldtake.
BeforeIcouldevengetawordoutinmydefense,Cooperstartedin.
“What.The.Fuck.”Itwasn'treallyaquestion,morean acknowledgmentofhow,onceagain,I'dmanagedtonotlethiminon crucialinformation.
“Cooper,”Iprotested.“Icanexplain.”
WhenIstartedtomovetowardtheircollectiveboilingrage,Matty steppedbetweenus.Hethought Iwastheonethatneededprotecting.
Ilookedatthembeseechingly,butwhenmyhopelessstareturnedto Sean,allIsawwasawild,fearsomelookinhispitchblackeyes.His energycrashedwithviolentwavesinourdirection,andIfearedwewere secondsawayfromhiswarcrythatwouldthreatentoshatterthewindows aswellasanyhopethatIcouldsalvagethesituation.
Cooperstartedinonmeagain,butSeansilencedhimwiththe slightestofhandgestures.HiseyesneverleftMatty,glaringathimwith emotionsbubblingunderthesurfacethatIcouldn'tevenplace.He wouldn'tlookatmeasIslinkedaroundfrombehindMatty.Hedidn't speaktomeeither.
IwatchedhishatefulstarepierceMattyandwishedthatI'djusttold himthathisghosthadreturnedwhenIhadthechance.Mybodywas failingme,hoveringbetweenthetwoofthemasthoughsomehowIalone couldkeeptheshitstormthatwasbrewingatbay.TheonethingIknew aboutSeanwasthattherewasnostoppinghim.Ever.Hewouldhave someformofrevenge,andIwonderedjusthowbigthecostwouldbefor himtogetit.
Suddenly,hisarmdriftedupslowly,extendedtowardme.Hiseyes wouldn'tmeetmine,buthisbodywould.Knowingthathewasaffording methechoicetogotohim,Ididmybestnottofalter,andIlaidmyhand inhissoftly,halfexpectingtobeyankedtowardhimbeforeabrawlbroke out.Instead,heledmegentlyovertohimandCooper.
“Sean,”Iwhispered,knowinghe'dhearmeanyway.“ThisiswhatI wastryingtotellyouabouttheotherday.Iwantedyoutoknowthat Mattywasback;Ijustdidn'tknow how.Andthenyouhadtogo...”
“Idon'twanttoseeyoueveragain,”herumbled,andmyheart plummeted.Mypleadingeyesshotuptohisfacetofindthat,onceagain, hiswerepinnedtoMatty.“Thisends now, ”hethreatened.“Ifitdoesn't, youwon'tenjoytheoutcome.”
Mattyscoffed.
“I'malreadydead,”hereplied,splayinghisarmswide,displaying hiseversoslightlytranslucentform.“Whatexactlydoyouthinkyou're goingtodothattrumpsthat?”
Sean'sfacegavenothingaway,butIfeltasurgefromhim,arushof somes
ort,andIknewthathewasbarelykeepinghimselfcomposed.He'd secretlyprayedthatMattywouldcomearoundagainsohecouldshow himjustwhatwasworsethandeath.
“Awisemanwouldn'tasksuchaquestionforfearoffindingoutthe answer.”
Everyhaironmybodystoodatattentionwhilehepurredthose words.
“Cooper,”hegrowled,hisvoicesolowitwashardtohearovertop ofthemusicthatragedonaroundus.“TakePeytasomewherefaraway andsafe. Now. ”
IwatchedasCooperhesitated.Iwasn'tsureifhedidn'twantto appearweak,orifhedidn'twanttoleavemealonewithSean.Eventually, hewalkedovertoher,wrappinghislongarmaroundherpetiteframeand usheredhertothedoor.That'swhenIfirstnoticedthattheboyswere there.Thethreeofthemwerecrammedtogetherinthedoorway, watchingcuriouslyaseverythingunfolded.Coopersnarledatthem slightlywhenheapproached,signalingforthemtomakeway.
Peytawasaskingquestionsbeforetheyevenlefttheroom.Theone sherepeatedthemostwas,“Whoarethey?”Cooperwasgoingtohave someseriousexplainingtodoonthedrivetoherhouse.
ThefartherawayPeytagot,themoreMattyfaded,buthisbravado neverwavered.HestoodhisgroundagainstSeanintheirsilentbattle untilhewasalmostgone.
“I'llseeyouaround,blueeyes,”hesaidbeforehissilhouette vanishedentirely.Myheartseizedatinybit.
“ButIwon'tseeyou...”
Saddened,IwalkedthroughwhereMattyhadjuststoodandshutoff thestereo.Thesilencewasdeafening.
Sean'seyesfinallyfelluponme,butIcouldn'treadthematall.The deeppoolsofblackgavenothingaway.
“Whatinthebloodyhellwas that?”Alistairasked,slowlymaking hiswayintotheroom.
“Longstory,”Irepliedwithashakyvoice.“Youguysstayuphere, please.Cooperwillbehomeshortly,andIdon'twanttogetshitfor somethingelsewhenhegetsback.”
Alistairlookedasthoughhewantedtoarguethenthoughtbetterof it.Jannereyedmeassympatheticallyashisunexpressivefacewould allow.Surprisingly,itwasBeckettwhohadsomethingtosay.
“Youlovedhim,”hesaidsoftly,hisfaceimpassiveasalways.