Inodded.
Hegaveanodinreturnandtookastepbackawayfromthedoor, clearingapathforme.Seanplacedhishandonmylowerbackand guidedmeforwardtothelandingthendowntothesecondfloor.Hishand neverleftmeasweenteredtheapartmentorwhilewemadeourway downtomybedroom.Whenheclosedthedoorbehindhim,atinyjoltof fearshotthroughme.
“Howlonghaveyouknown?”heaskedquietly.
“Thedaybeforeyesterday.Sean,Ihadeveryintentionoftellingyou whenyoustoppedbythestore,but―”
“Ididn'tletyou,”hereplied,cuttingmeoff.“Iknowyousensedmy angerupstairs,Ruby,butitwasnotforyou.Ididn'tletyoutellmethe otherday.Icannotholdthatagainstyou.”
Iwasfloored.ThatwasnotthespeechIwasexpectingtogetatall.
Itwasalmostimpossibletoprocess.
“Soyou'renotmadatme?Atall?”
“No.”
Anervouslaughescapedme.
“DoyouthinkI'llgetoffthiseasilywithCooper?”
Heshotmealookthatsaid,“You'llgetawaywithwhateverItell himyoucangetawaywith.”Pointtaken.
Islumpeddownontothebedandproppedmyelbowsonmyknees, droppingmyheadinmyhands.Seanmovedtowardsmesilently,butI felthisapproachasIalwayscould,hisbodycallingtomineinthemost inexplicableway.Histallframeblockedthelightaboveasheloomed overmelikeadark-eyedangel.Inasense,hekindofwas.WhenIfinally liftedmyheadtoseehim,hiseyesdisplayedamuchlightershadeof greenwhentheymetmine.
“Imissedyou,”hesaidsoftly,cuppingmyfaceinhishand.I pressedmyfaceintohistouch,soakingupeverybitofit.
“Imissedyoutoo.”
“IhadaneveningplannedforustheothernightbeforeIwasso rudelypulledaway.CanImakeituptoyou?”
“Well,sinceIhadn'tknownweweregoingtobedoinganythingat alluntilafteryoutoldmewecouldn'tgo,I'mnotsureyouneedto,butI'll takeit,ifyou'reoffering.”
Islowlystoodupbeforehim,leavingourbodiesinchesfromone another,stillconnectedbythatsinglehandtomyface.Thenhislipswere onmine,lightandsweetasifhehadn'tbeenreadytodomurderous thingsonlyminutesearlier.Hetrulywasatwo-sidedcoin―aproductof twodiametricallyopposedparents.
“ThenIshouldgo,”hemumbledovermymouth,notwantingto breakourkisstoexplain.“Ihavetogetafewthings...”
Myheartcartwheeledaroundinmychest.
“Okay,”Irepliedbreathily.
“I'llbereadyforyouinanhour.”
I'mreadyforyounow...
Helookeddownatmeandlaughed,undoubtedlyknowingwhatI wasthinkingbecause,truetoform,itwasplasteredallovermyface.
“I'llbethere,”Ireplied,tryingtoplayitcool.
Helaughedalittlemore.
“I'llbebacktogetyou,”hesaidasheheadedtowardthedoor.
“IthinkI'llwalk,ifthat'sokay.I'vegotsomethingsofmyownto do,youknow. Importantthings,”Itoldhimwiththeslightesthintof mocking.Imaynothavebeenassmoothashewas,butIcoulddo sarcasmlikenobody'sbusiness.ItwasthenextbestthingasfarasIwas concerned.“I'llmeetyouatyourplaceinanhour.Maybe.MaybeI'llbe fashionablylatejusttokeepyouguessing.”
Againwiththelaughter.
“Ruby,”hesaidwithavoicesmootherthansilk.“Youwon'twantto belate.”
18
Hewasright;Ididn't.But,asluckwouldhaveit,Iinevitablywas.
Evenaftertheshenanigansupstairs,Ireturnedtoworkwithout Peytatofinishouttheday.Cooperstormedintothestoreaboutten minutesafterIreturned,nonetoohappyaboutwhathehadjust witnessed.HecalmeddownuncharacteristicallyfastwhenIpointedout thathewastheonewhoshutmedownwhenItriedtotellhimabout Matty.Hewasn'thappyaboutit,butheadmitteditwashisfault.I'd gottentwoofthoseinoneweek,andIwonderedwhenthethirdwould drop.Things alwayshappenedinthrees.
BythetimeIkickedhimout,Ionlyhadhalfanhourlefttocleanup andclosedownthestore,runupstairs,andgetmyselfready.Ittookan hourandahalf. Thirtyminuteslateandcounting. Afrantictextonmy wayoutofthehousetoSeanwasthebestIcoulddotoremedythe situation.
Theairwasbriskwithanedgeofhumiditytoit.Ifthetemperature haddroppedanyfurther,snowwouldhaveinevitablyfallen.Ipulledmy coattighteraroundmeandburiedmyfacedeepinmypinkhand-knit cowlwhileIranthroughthedowntownstreetsinanefforttomakeupfor mytardiness.IwasmakinggreattimeuntilIhitSean'sblock.
That'swheneverythinggotderailed.
IroundedthecornerrightintoGavin,whostoodwaiting―waiting for me.
“Ruby,”hesaid,lookingdownatme.Hewasparadingaroundashis youngerself,theonewho’dpulledmefromthebaywheretheRevhad attemptedtoplantmedeepbelowthewater'sedge.Istillwasn'tusedto seeingGavinthatway,soittookmeamomenttorealizewhohewas,and Istifledascreamjustintime.
Inretrospect,maybeIshouldn'thave.
“Gingermentionedshesawyouwiththedark-eyedone.
'Canoodling'wasthewordsheused,Ibelieve.”Hiseyeswerehardand shrewd,attemptingtoprymyheadopenandsearchfortheanswers himself,knowingitwaslikelyeasierthanconfrontingmeforthem.
“Soshe'sspyingonmetoo?Awesome.Iwouldhavethoughtshe wasabovebeingyourlackey,”Isnapped,tryingtosteparoundhim.
Quickaslightning,hisarmwasout,blockingmyway.
“Gingeradoresyou,and,ifIwereyou,I'dwatchhowyouspeak abouther.”
“Sweet!We'regoingtoskiprighttothreatsthen,arewe?”
“Ifneedbe,”hegrowled.Heloweredhisarminanattempttolessen thetensionbetweenus,butasfarasIwasconcerned,wewereway beyondthat.“Gingertoldmethatshesaidsomethingsheshouldn'thave.
She'sveryprotectiveofme,Ruby.Youmustn'trileheruplikethat.”
“Shedid.Somethingaboutextinctionandhowyouapparentlysaved theday.Funnythatsheclammedupassoonasthewordslefthermouth.I couldn'tgetathingoutofherafterthat.”
“It'snotherstorytotell,”hesaid,leaningincloser.“AndI'lltellit whenandifIchooseto.”
“Well,unlessyouplantodoitrightnow,I'mlate,”Iinformedhim, shootingaglanceupatSean'sbuilding.
“You'renotmakingthiseasyforme,Ruby,”hesaid,closingthe distancebetweenustoanintimategap,ourbodiesnearlytouching.“I'll havetotryhardertoconvinceyou.”Hishandgraspedmyelbow.Itwasn't anuncomfortablepressure,butwhatcoursedthroughmeasaresultwas.
“Heisyourenemy― ourenemy.Doyouunderstandme?”
Ishookmyhead,tryingtoclearthefuzzysensationthatwas wrappingaroundit,suffocatingmyrationalthought.Myheartwarred withmybrain,eachtellingtheotherthatitwasright.Loveversustruth.
“No,”Isaid,snatchingmyarmaway,“Idon'tunderstand.Ifyou wantmetobelieveyourcreepyramblings,thengiveme answers,not morequestionsforonce.Anddon'ttalkaroundshiteither.I hatethat.
YouwantmetostayawayfromSeanthengivemesomethingsolid.Tell me whowouldhavebeenextinctwithoutyou.”
“No,”hereplied,lowandmenacing,“butI'lltellyouwhodidthe eradicating.Ibelievehe'supstairswaitingforyourightnow.”
Hereachedintohispocketandpulledoutaphoto.Itwasoldand weathered.Hehandedittomewithoutexplanation.
Thepicturewasofastunningraven-hairedwomanwhowouldhave beenaroundthirtyatthetime.Besideherwasatowheadedtoddlerwith wild,untamedcurls.Itwashardtomakeoutunderthestreetlamp,but aroundthemwasapale,hazyglow.
“Whatisthis?”Iasked,tryingtomakesenseofhisoffering.
“Agoodfaithtoken.”
“Andhowisitthat?Idon'tevenknowwhothisis.”
“That'syou,”heexplainedwithanirritatedtone,indicatingthe child.“And that,”hesaid,pointingtotheyoungwoman,“issomeonethat Icouldnotkeepsafewhenthetimecame.”Hisenergyfellheavily aroundme.Therewastruesadnessbehindhiswords.“Keepthisfor now,”hecontinued,hisvoiceslippingbackfromthedistanttoneithad justheld.“Youhavesofewmementosofthehappiertimes.”
Withthat,hestartedtowalkaway.
“But whoisshe?”Ipleaded,beggingtoknow.Mychildhoodhad alwaysbeenablacked-outblur,andIwasdesperatetoknowjustwhothe mysteriouswomanofmy“happiertimes”was.
“Whenyou'rereadytobelievetheworstofthedark-eyedone,ask him.Heknows.”
“He'snot alldark,Gavin,”Iargueddefensively.“He'sequalparts darkandlight.”
Gavinwhippedhisheadaroundtostaremedown,further emphasizingtheimportanceofthepointhewasabouttoimpressupon me.
“He ispartangel,Ruby,”heagreed,hiseyesmenacingand mocking,“butdoesthatimplyhe's good?Youseemquicktobaseyour favorableopinionontheillusionthatangelsareallcreaturesofthelight.
Butwhathappenswhenthatlighthasbeensnuffedout?”Hepausedto assessmyreaction,searchingforasignthathewasgettingthroughto me.“Iwonderjusthowconvincingyourillusionwillbewhenyourfaulty logiccrumblesfrombeneathit.”
“Soyou'resayingthereare badangels?”Iaskedincredulously.
“Yes.TheDarkOnes.Theyarethethingsthatnightmaresaremade of.”
Anervousscoffescapedme.
“Isn'tthatwhatyousayaboutSean?Thathe'swhatnightmaresare madeof?”
AbroadandsatisfiedsmilecrossedGavin'sface.
“Oneandthesame,Ruby,”hecalledoverhisshoulderashewalked away.“Theyareoneandthesame...”
19
Istoodaloneinthestreet,staringinthedirectionwherehehad disappearedintothenight.Withtheinnocuousphotographstillinmy handandvisionsofanevilSeanetchedintomybrain,thebarrageof questionsstartedtoracethroughmymind,noneofwhichweregoingto beansweredanytimesoon.Gavinwasscheming,butIdidn'tknowwhy.
ApparentlyIknewthewomaninthepicturebuthadnocluehow.Worst ofall,Seanallegedlycouldtellmewhoshewas,but,somewheredeep downinsideme,aseedofdoubthadbeenplanted.Washeas dichotomousasIthoughthewas?Aproductofbothgoodandevil?DidI reallywanttoknowthetruthifitmeantcollapsingthehouseofcardsthat SeanandIhadsoprecariouslybuilt?WasthatallGavinwastryingtodo, and,ifso,why?Towhatend?
Ineededtofigureouthisendgameandfast.
AsIlookeddownatthepictureonelasttimebeforetuckingitinto mycoatpocket,Iwonderedaboutthestunningwomanwholookedso happytobestaringdownatme.I'dneverrememberedfeelingoverly lovedasachild,andjudgingbythepurejoyinherface,shelovedme morethananything.ShelookedatmethewayKristylookedatLouie.
Forcingthosethoughtsaside,Imademywayacrosstheroadand overtoSean'sbuilding.Insteadofagrowingsenseofanticipationwith everystep,allIfeltwasdoubtovertakingme.ItpissedmeoffthatIwas lettingGavin'smindgamesgettome,andIwonderedwhyIlethimplay thematall. Answers.Hehasanswers, Iremindedmyself . Supplyand demandwasabitchwhenthesupplierhadawarpedsenseofhowto distributetheinformation.
Withleadenfeet,IclimbedthestairstoSean'sapartment.
Hesitatingbeforethedoor,IswallowedmylingeringinsecuritiesasbestI could,hopingthatIcouldovercomethem.Lovecouldconquerall, couldn'tit?
BeforeIcouldknock,hewasthere,smilingdownatmewiththe faceofanangel. Lightordark, Ifoundmyselfwonderingasthe happinessslowlybledfromhisexpression.
“ What'swrong ?” heasked,steppingouttomeetmeonthelanding.
Itookastepback.
Ineededtogetaholdofmyselfbeforeirreparabledamagewas done.LettingGavin'scuriousriddlesplaguemymindwasnotawayto live,norwasitfairtoSean.Hehadnowaytodefendhimselfagainst Gavin'sambiguousaccusations,andIhadnointentionofgoingtoSean withanythinguntilIhadmoresolidevidence.Allthatwouldprovewas thatIdidn'ttrusthim.Aftereverythingwe'dbeenthrough,Iowedhim morethanthat.Andyet,onesinglephotographthreatenedtoundoit all―aphotographandanunsettlingfeelingthatGavinattachedtoit.
Somethingwasn'trightaboutthesituation,andcomehellorhighwater,I wasgoingtofigureoutexactlywhatbeforeitswallowedmewhole.
“I'msorry,”Isaid,shakingmyheadalittleforclarity.“It'sbeena longday.CanIcomein?”
“Ofcourse,”hereplied,steppingbackintotheapartment.He watchedmeacutely,nodoubttryingtoreadmeliketheopenbookhe alwaysfoundmetobe.Foronce,itlookedasthoughmynovelwas closed.
“I'msorryI'msolate,”ItoldhimasIslippedoutofmycoat.
“Iexpectedyoutobehereabouttenminutesago.Iwasgetting mildlyconcerned.”
Youshouldhavebeen...
“IgothungupafterItextedyou.I'mlivinginabitofamadhouseat themoment,ifyouhadn'tnoticed,”Iexplained.“It'sahindranceof sorts.”
“You'rewelcometostayhere,”heoffered,headingtothekitchen.
“Youknowthat,right?”
Ismiledinside.
“Idonow.”Imovedtojoinhimatthestove.Heturnedquicklyto interceptmeasIpassed.Igasped,momentarilystartledbythespeedof hismovement.Itwasn'tbecauseIwasstillthinkingaboutwhatGavin hadsaid―notatall.
“Somethingisbotheringyou,”hesaidmatteroffactly.“Tellme whatitis. Please.”
“Ijusthavealotonmymind.”
Noyoudon't.
“Ihaveafeelingthatyouofallpeoplewon'tbeabletorelateto whatI'mabouttosay,buthereitgoes,”Isaid,takingadeepbreath.“I alwaysfeellikeIhavemorequestionsthananswers,Sean.I'mnotquite surehowtosettletheconstantly-runningstateofmymind.It'swearing onme.I'mnotsleepingwell.It'sstartingtoaffectmymood,myvision, myweight...”
Heeyedmetightly,assessingbothmeandmystatement.
“Changeofplans,”heannouncedunexpectedly.“You'reeatingthen goingtobed.Andnoarguing,thoughI'msureitwillpainyougreatly.”
Istaredathimintotaldisbelief.
“You'renotgoingtointerrogatemeaboutwhat'srunningthrough mymind?DemandtoknowwhatquestionsIsodesperatelywantanswers to?Nothing?”
“No,Ruby.I'mnot.”Helookeddownatmewithgenuineconfusion.
“You'vebeenhonestwithmesinceyou'vebeenback.Youofferedme informationwithouthesitationtheotherdayanditwasIwhodroppedthe ball,”hesaid,pressinghislipsgentlyagainstmyforehead.“Iloveyou.I trustyoutoo.Now,let'seatbeforeyougetanythinnerandputyoutobed.
Itmaynothavebeenmyoriginalgameplanfortheevening,butI'msure Icanmakeitinterestingnonetheless.”
Withoutawaitingmyresponse,hetookmyhandandledmetothe barstoolbythekitchenisland.Aplateofgourmetsomethingorotherwas infrontofmebeforeIcouldliftautensiltoeatitwith,andthenhewas besideme,eatinghisdinnerasthoughwewereanordinarycouple, stayinginonaFridaynight.
Istaredathimforamomentinsilencewhileheatewiththegrace ofroyalty.Thenormalcyofoureveningwasunsettling,andinsteadof puttingmymindatease,itonlyseemedtodisturbmefurther.Didhe knowwhatIwasthinkingandwanttothrowmeoffbydoingtheopposite ofwhatIexpected?Washiscalmfaçadeallanact?Ireacheddowndeep tofeelforanyundercurrenttohisenergy,butfoundnone.AllIgotfrom himwaseaseandcontentment.
“You'restaring,
”hemutteredbeforetakingthefinalbiteofhis food.
“I'mamannerlessheathen,”Isaidsarcastically,snappingmygaze backtomyplate.“Youshouldknowthatbynow.”
“Iknowalotaboutyou,Ruby.Almosteverythingthereistoknow, butyoustillsurprisemeonoccasion,”hereplied,turningtolookatme.I keptmygazefirmlyaffixedtomyplate.
“Ithoughtitwasagoodthingtokeepamanguessing.Isitnot?”I askednervously,pushingmyfoodaroundwithmyfork.
“Withyou,onecan'tbetoocertain,”hewhisperedinmyear.“But I'mmorethanwillingtotakemychances.”Mybreathcaughtinmy throatasIturnedtolookathim.Hisbrightgreeneyeswereplayfulas ever.“Ifyou'redonewithyourfood,Ithinkit'stimetogetyouoffto bed.”
Hescoopedmeupoutofmychairandcarriedmetohisbedroom wherehelaidmedowndelicatelyonthebedandstartedtoarrangethe coversaroundme,tuckingmein.
“I'mflyingsolo?”Iasked,surprisetaintingmyvoice.“Idoubtthat waspartofyourgrandschemefortheevening.
Hisbrowfurrowedslightly.
“No.Itwasn't,”hereplied,“butyou'reexhausted,andIwantyou well.”
“Thanks,”Iwhispered,thinkinghisgesturewassurprisingly nurturing.
“Don'tthankmeyet.Imighthavetowakeyouupearlytomakeup forfallen-throughplans.”
“Deal,”Iagreed,pushingupoutofthebed.
“Andwheredoyouthinkyou'regoing?”
“Thebathroom,unlessyou'dpreferItakemychancestonight.”
Helaughed.
“Go,”heordered,pointingtothebathroomdoor.“Ihavetomakea phonecallanyway.I'llbejustoutsidetheapartmentifyouneed anything.”
Hestartedtomakehiswaytothelivingroom,andIwatchedashis casualposturemorphedintoamorebusinesslikeonewitheverystep.I knewthatIdidn'twanttoknowwhatthatcallwasabout,and,foronce,I didn'tbothertoask.Foronenight,Iwashappytopretendthateverything wasokay.
Butitwasn't.
ThenightmaresIenduredthateveningabouttheunknownwoman inthepicturemadesurethatIrememberedthatfact.