Iwastoowiredtogotobed,mymindreelingwithallthenewly gainedhalf-truthsandwarningsfromGavin,andthenewrealitythat Cooperwouldbemovingout.Insteadoftryingtosleep,Iwenttothe livingroomandploppeddownonthecouchinsilence.Thequietwas soberingandisolating.
Whoknewlivingwithsomanyotherscouldmakemefeelsoalone?
14
Ididn'twanttoopentheshopthenextday.I'dsleptterribly,leavingme withsunkeneyesthatjustcouldn'tquitefocusonanythingnomatterhow hardIsquinted.Eventually,Ijuststoppedtrying.
Cooperwasmillingabouttheapartment,andasmuchasIwantedtotalk tohimtofigureoutasolutiontoourfamilycrisis,Ijustcouldn'tdeal withanymorehostilityfromhim.Instead,Istudiouslyavoidedhim, sneakingintothebathroomasbestIcouldwhilehebangedaroundinthe kitchencabinets.Unfortunatelyforme,Iwasn'tnearlyasstealthyasI thoughtIwas.
"Iknowyou'reup,"hecalledfromtheadjacentroom."Andyoupee louderthananyoneI'veevermet.Ifyou'retryingtoavoidme,it'snot goingtowork.Besides...Ioweyouanapology.Youmightwanttocome outheresoyoudon'tmissanything."
Ifinishedupinthebathroombeforejoininghiminthekitchen.Hewas leaninghishipagainsttheedgeofthestove,armscrossed,facestern.He didn'tlooklikehewasfeelingoverlyremorseful.
"I'msorryIsnappedaboutyouleavingmewiththe girlsyesterday.I don'tlikethembeinghere―thathasn'tchanged―butasmuchasImay dislikeit,theydidhelpyou,andifyoufeelthatthey'relegit,I'mgoingto trustyou.Youknow...trust?ThatthingthatyouandSeandon'thave?Yes, thattrust.We'reapack,Ruby.Wearegoingtostartactinglikeone.And, asmyfirstofficialorderasyouralpha,Iwanttoreiteratethecasually-madecommentfromlastnightthatIdon'twantyoualonewiththem.
Period.Endofstory."
Iwasdumbfounded.Ihadn'texpectedanapology,nomatterhow creativelyitwaswrapped.
"Ican'texplainwhyIwanttohelpthem,Coop;Ijustdo.Butyou wererighttobemadatme.Ican'tjustdumpthemhereandthengoalong likeeverythingisfineanddandy,businessasusual,"Ireplied,movingin towrapmyarmsaroundhiswaist.Itwaseasierthanhavingtolookhim intheeye.Isuckedatapologizing." I'msorry,Coop.I'mjustnotquite surehowtofixthisuntilwefindthemsomewheretogo."Ihedged slightlybeforeamendingmystatement.“Somewhereforallofyouto go."
"Well,"hestarted,squeezingmealittletighter,"youcouldstartby gettingthatboytoyofyourstolendmehisNavigatorsoIcancartthem aroundinstylewhilewelookforapartments."
Ilaughed,thinkingthatCooperwasfarmoredesperatetogethis handsonhisowncarthanI'dthought.
“Whydon'tyoutaketheircar?”
“Apparently,itwasn'tsomuch theircarasitwasan acquired vehicle.Theyditcheditoutsideoftownwhentheycamehere.That's whereit'sgoingtostay.Wedon'tneedthecopsfindingastolenvehicle here,nordoIneedthemdrivingaroundtownunsupervised."
"Agreed,”Isaidwithasmile.“And,yes,I'mprettysureIcan sweet-talkSeanoutoftheSUV."
"Oh,Ihavenodoubtthatyoucangetjustaboutanythingyouwant outofthatoneatthispoint,exceptmaybethetruth,thoughI'dreally rathernotthinkaboutyourmethodsfortrying,"hesaid,pushingaway frommeslightly."I'mgoingtogowaketheladiesupforourlongdayof house-hunting.Wishmeluck."
"Youwon'tneedit,"Icalledtohimashereachedforthedoor."Just wigglethatassofyoursattherealtorsandyou'llgetwhateveryouwant."
"Ha!Toobaditdoesn'tworkonthetrioupstairs."
"Maybeitdoes,"Isaidwithawink.Iwasmetwithoneinreturn.
"PerhapsI'llgotestoutyourtheory..."
“Don'tbeupsetwhenitworks!”
Aharshlaughrangoutthroughthehallwayasheclosedthedoor behindhim.Andwiththat,hewasgone.
*
Havingfirmlydecidedtobeanirresponsiblebusinessownerand keepthestoreclosedfortheday,Ipostedsomelameexcuseontheshop's doorbeforedecidingtoheadovertoRonnie's.Iwasgratefulthatmy inheritancehadleftmeenoughmoneytobemildlyaloofregarding REWORKEDwhensituationsarose,butitwasn'taluxuryIwouldhave forever,afactIneededtokeeptuckedawayinthebackofmymind.
TherealitywasthatIwasfarmoreconcernedwithPeytaand whetherornotshehadlethermotherinonherlittlesecretthanIwas aboutworkingthatmorning.Ifshehadtoldher,Iwantedtobesurethat Ronniewashandlingitwell.NothingwasmoreimportanttoRonniethan Peyta,butwhenblindsided,herreactionsweren'talwaysthemostwell thoughtoutorsensitive.
Ientered BetterWithAgetofindnobodyawaitingmyarrival;it appeareddeserted.JustasIwasabouttocalloutforher,mypanicrising, Iheardalaughfromthebackroom.
A giggle.
ThenIheardthelowrumblingsofaman'svoice.
"Ronnie?It'sme,"Isaidtentatively.Iwasn'tentirelysurewhatI wasinterrupting.
"Ruby!"sheyelledbeforeanoutbreakofscurryingandwhispering brokeoutinthebackstoreroom."I'llberightout."
"Don'tworry,"Imumbledundermybreath."I'mnotcomingin."
Aminutelater,Ronniestumbledthroughthebeadedcurtain, smoothinghervintageblouseoutandfussingwithherhair.Amoment afterthat,afamiliarmanfollowed.
“Ruby,yourememberMalcolm,"shesaid,tryingherbesttonot looklikeshe'djustgottencaughtmakingoutunderthebleachersinhigh school.
“Yes,"Irepliedwithatightsmile."It'snicetoseeyouagain."
Helookedatinybitsheepishasheranahandthroughhis disheveledhair.
“AlwaysapleasuretoseeoneofRonnie'sfriends."
Thethreeofusstoodawkwardlyforamoment,ignoringtheneon pinkelephant―orherdofthem―intheroom.Ifeltliketheywere multiplyingwhileIstoodthere.Eventuallyunabletosmile uncomfortablyanylonger,Icracked.
“Isthisabadtime,Ronnie?Icouldcomebacklater...”
“No,no,it'sfine.Wewerejust,”shestarted,takingapausetogrin atMalcolm,“lookingforsomethingintheback.”
Likeacondom...
“Right,well,IjustcameovertoaskaboutPeyta,”Isaid,shooting heraglancethatsaid'readbetweenthelines,please'.Shegotmeloud andclear.
“Youcanaskwhateveryouneedto,”sheinformedme,takingastep closertoMalcolm.“Heknows.Heknowseverything."
“Oh,okay.”Istumbledonthewords.WasImissingsomething morethanIthought?Thetwohadhistory,thatwasplainfromthefirst timeI'dmetMalcolmReed.Hewasa friendfromalongtimeback.A friendofherhusband's.Afriendfromthe Underground.Thepieceofthe puzzlethatIseemedtobelackingwaswhenhe'dbecomesomeone presentenoughinRonnie'slifetowarrantknowingthemostintimate detailsofherdaughter'smentalwell-being.PerhapsIhadmissedmorein thosethreeweeksthanIbargainedfor.“SoPeytatoldyou?Toldyou everything?”
“Shecametomeaboutityesterday,”shereplied,regainingsomeof thesharpnessoffeaturethatIwasaccustomedtoseeingonherface.“She saidyouweregoingtotellmeifshedidn't.”Inodded.“I'msogladyou pushedheraboutthis,Ruby.Ihadnoidea.”
Herguiltwovearoundme,wrappingmeinanenergeticblanketthat nearlysuffocatedme.Ronniewasnotlikelytoforgiveherselfforher oversightanytimesoon.Maybenever.
“Soyou'regettingherhelp?Ilookedupsomereallygreatplaces thatdealwiththisspecificdisorder.Didyoufindsomewhereforherto goordoyouwantthelist?”
“MalcolmwasabletohelpgetherintoatherapistinBoston.The doctorisanoldgradschoolbuddyofhis.Weneverwouldhavegottenin withouthishelp.There'saone-yearwaitinglist,andit'sacash-only practice.EvenifIcouldhavesecuredanappointmentthere,Iwouldn't havebeenabletopayforit.”Hergazedroppeda
sshefidgetedslightly, pickingathernails.ItwasapparentthatRonniethoughtshe’dnotonly failedherdaughterinemotionalsupport,shealsothoughtshe'dfailedto provideforhertoo.
“Hanswasahousemateofmine,”Malcolmstarted,allowingRonnie togetaholdofherself.“We'vekeptintouchovertheyears.Icalledina favortohimandheagreedtotakePeytaonasacourtesytome.”He smiledwarmlyandtookRonnie'shandinhis.“Veronica,there'snoneed tofeelbadlyaboutit;besides,”hesaid,atinyglintofmischiefflickering inhiseyes,“itgavemeachancetobringupsomeinterestingphotosof himthatIfoundinmyatticnottoolongago.He'dhavedoneanythingto keepthoseoffoftheinternet.”
“Youdidn't!”Ronniegasped.
“No,”heroaredwithlaughter.“Butthatsnappedyououtofyour self-loathingforthemoment,didn'tit?”
Ihadtolaughtoo;hismovewaswellplayed.Icouldseewhy Ronnielikedhim.Iwasstartingtolikehimmoreaswell.
“Soshe'singoodhandsthen?”Iasked,tryingtocomposemyself.
“Thebest,”Ronniereplied.“AndIhaveyoutothankforthattoo, Ruby.I'mnotsureIwouldhaveeverfiguredoutwhatshewasdoing withoutyou.”
“IfIhadn'tcaughtherintheact,Iwouldn'thaveeither,Ronnie.
Noneofuswould.YoushouldhaveseenCooperafterhewalkedinonthe aftermath.Hewasinbadshapeaboutit.Heblamedhimselffornotbeing moreofahelptoher.”
“Hewasbusydoinghisjob,Ruby.Hewasoutlookingfor you,” she said,hervoicetakingonthatfamiliarseriousnessthatI'dcometofind comfortingfromRonnie.Fromanyoneelseitwouldhaveseemed threatening,andonoccasion,itstillwas.“Peytaisn'tCooper's responsibility.She'smine.Tellhimit'snothisfault,please.”
Asifjustputtingittogether,shenarrowedhereyesandcockedher headslightlytotheside.
“Isthatwhyheleftthehousetheotherdaylookingpaleasaghost?
Hewalkedrightpastmewithoutsomuchasaword.Ifiguredhe'd overheardsomethinghedidn'tmeantoandthathadfreakedhimouta little.Nowit'sstartingtomakemoresense.”
“Yeah,poorguy.Hemightneedatherapistnowtoo,”Ijoked,trying tolightenthemoodslightly.“Gotanyotherfriendsyoucancallfavors into,Malcolm?”
Theroomboomedwithhislowandheartylaughter.
“I'mafraidnot,Ruby.ButIhavesomesenatorsIcanblackmailif thatevercomesinhandy.”
“Youneverknow,”Icautioned.“I'mprettyadeptatgettingmyself intotrouble.”
Ronnie'sslysmilelitupherface.
“LikenooneI'veevermet.”
*
IstuckaroundandchattedwithRonnieandMalcolm,or Reed, as shereferredtohiminamorecasualatmosphere,thenexcusedmyself, sensingthattheystillhadsomeunfinishedstoreroombusinesstofinish.
ItstillflooredmethatRonnie,or Veronica,ashecalledher,wasacting likeacarefreeteenager,butitmademeoddlyhappyforher―envious too.WhatIwouldhavegiventohavehadamiddaysexualencounterin thebackofmyshop.Instead,Iusuallyfilledthattimewithonecrisisor another.CarefreewasanapproachtolifethatIcouldn'taffordtoindulge.
Withthatinmind,Imademywaybacktotheshoptoopenforat leastpartoftheday.Peytahadaskedforthedayoffandwouldhavebeen disappointedtoknowthatIshuckedallmyresponsibilityatthefirstsign ofhernotbeingaround.Therewereonlyafewhoursleftinthebusiness day,soIdecidedtoworkonsomepiecesoutintheshowroomsoIcould dodoubleduty.Ihopedmytiredeyeswouldallowmetoaccomplishthat.
Ifoundthatcustomersalwaysenjoyedseeingmefiddlewiththe jewelry.Theyseemedtoloveknowinghowsomethingcametobe―the stepstakentocreateaparticularoutcome—asifseeingand understandinghowapiecewasmoldedandshapedgaveitgreaterappeal.
Maybeitdid.
Perhapsthatsameconceptappliedtopeopleaswell.Didwelove themmorewhenweknewtheirfullstory?Howtheycametobewhoand whattheywere?Orwasthemysterywhatkeptuscomingbackformore, slowlyenticingus,knowingthatoncethetruthwasout,theappealwould belost?
Iwasn'tsureIwantedanswerstothosequestions.
15
Afterclose,Istuckaroundforalittlelonger,knowingthatCoopandthe boysweren'tbackyet.NotwantingtogivetheillusionthatIwasopen,I dimmedthefrontlightsandlockedthefrontdoor,flippingthesignto closed.IthenmademywaytothebacktofinishtheearringIhadnearly completed.
Focusinghardontwistingthetinywiresoftheintricatepiece together,Ididn'texpecttohearthejingleofthedoorbells,andalmost didn'thearthematall.Almost.MyheartsurgedasIshotupfrommy chair;IknewIhadlockedthedoorthattime.Panickedandunarmed,I boltedintotheshowroom,unsureofwhatfateawaitedme.Fearingthe worst,IneverimaginedwhoIwouldfindwaitingforme.
SeandonningaCheshirecatsmilewasprettylowonmylistof possibilities.
“DidIstartleyou?”heasked,knowingdamnwellhe'dscaredthe shitoutofme.“Iwashopingtofindyoualone.LookslikeI accomplishedthatforonce.”
“Youalmostfoundme dead,”Iretorted,breathinghard.“Youwon't besmilingwhenyougivemeadamnheartattack.”
Ishouldhaveknownitwouldbehim.Hehadakeyforeverything.
“Howareyourrefugees?”heaskedwithacertaincheerinesstohis voice.Ididn'tbuyitforasecond.
“They'regreat.They'remakingCooperinsane,sothatshouldmake youhappy.”
Hissmilewidened,takingonagenuinequality.
“Itdoes.Verymuchso.”
Ishothimmyangryparentface.
“Youpromised,Sean.Yousworeyouwouldtrytogetalongwith him!”
“Oldhabits,”hereplied,trailingoffasheshruggedambivalently.
“...aregoingtobethedeathofme,”Imurmuredinresponse, leaningagainstthecounterwhilemyheartratetriedtonormalize.
“Nothingisgoingtobethedeathofyou,Ruby. Nothing.”Ilooked uptoseeallthehumorwipedfromhisface.Forestgreeneyesmetmine, tellingmethatplaytimewasover.Therewasnomockinginhis statement.
“Yousaidyouweretryingtogetmealone,”Iprompted,hopingto easilytransitiontowhatitwashehadcomefor.Whenmyheartstartedto racealittlewithhisapproach,Irealizedthatmybodywashopingitwas me.
“WasI?”Hefluidlymadehiswaytowardme,closingthedistance betweenus.Onlythefrontcounterseparatedourbodies,andhe swallowedupthatspacequickly,leaningforwardoverittoprophimself uponhiselbows.Itputhimateyelevel,pinninghisonceagainemerald irisesonme.“Ididwanttoseeyoualone,Ruby.Iwishitwasforamore entertainingreason.”Whilehiseyesrakedmeover,hisenergysurged throughme,andmybodyreactedasitalwaysdid.“JayisoverinLondon, lookingintothepack.Itseemsthattheboys'storychecksoutthusfar.
Theirpreviousalphaisgoneandthenewoneisdirty,that'sforsure,but he'ssmart.Whateverhe'supto,he'skeepingitwellunderwraps.Nobody istalking,especiallynothispack.”
“SomehowIfindithardtobelievethatyourbrothersweren'tableto coerceanswersoutofthem.”
Anothernoncommittalshrug.
“Theyknowhowtointerrogateeffectively,ifthat'swhatyou're gettingat.SoI'mleftwithtwopotentialimplications.Eitherthesepack memberstrulydon'tknowanything,ortheyfearTobiasmorethanthey fearus,”hesaid,hisexpressionhardeningslightly.“And thatwouldbea fatalerrorinjudgmentontheirpart.”
Noshit.
“HowisJaydoing?”Iaskedcasually,hopingtogainalittleinsight intothatsituation.
“He'swell,”herepliedcuriously,eyebrowinfullforce.“How's Peyta?”
“Justdandy,”Iquipped,stilltryingtoplayitcool.Aswestaredat eachother,Icouldn'thelpbutwonderiftherewa
smoretothe disappearanceofJayfromPeyta'slife,and,iftherewas,ifSeanknew morethanhewaslettingon.BeforeIcouldletmyimaginationrunaway withme,Ichangedthesubject.“Sohow'sthestuffwithMcGurney coming?Anythingnewtogooffof?”
Hesmiledacunningsmile,knowingthatI'djustchangedthe subjectintentionally.
“Professionalhitsarenoteasytotrace,Ruby.Someonevery powerful,withavestedinterestinkeepingthingsquiet,calledinthathit onMcGurney.I'vegotasmanyPCbrothersasIcanspareonthecase,but nothinghasturnedupasofyet.WhateverMcGurneyhadintendedto showmethatnightmusthaveexposedsomeoneenoughforthemtogoto greatlengthstoshuthimupforgood.Unfortunatelyforme,Igotthere toolate.Hishousewaswipedclean.Everythingwasgone.”
“TherehastobesomewaytogetintoKeith'sfilewithoutCIA clearanceorsomebodyontheinside.”
“Maybe,butitdoesn'tmatternow.KeithJamesnolongerexistsin theirdatabase.He'saghost―aspecter.Whoeverknewwewereonto themwipedouthisentireexistenceasifheneveroncesetfootin Langley.”
“Holyshit...”
“Indeed.”
“Soyoujustwalkawayfromit?”Iaskeddisbelievingly.
“Notachance,”hegrowled,eyesnarrowing.“Nowwepouronthe heatlikethere'snotomorrow,becauseforsomeonetherewon'tbe.Iwant toknowexactlywho'sbehindthis.Ifthegovernmenthassomehow stumbleduponthewerewolfpopulation,Ineedtofleshoutexactlywho knowswhatandhowdeeplythatknowledgepermeates.”
Hestoppedhimselfbeforecontinuing.Ihadaprettygoodideawhat he'ddotothoseinonit.Hedidn'twanttoconfirmmysuspicions.
“Sountilthen?”
“Untilthen,wedig,interrogate,anddigsomemore.”
“Alanisn'tgoingtogiveuponMcGurney,Sean.He'scertainlynot goingtoletyouoffthehookforiteither.”