As I set out for another walk,
I wonder how long would it take me to reach the destination?
I've never traveled along this path before…
Maybe it leads to the brighter side of life…
I walk and walk not knowing it was a walk towards the final betrayal…
Towards my right is the twirling alley which leads to the long lost ones…
the ones who deserted me in the middle of nowhere...
I look back again...
That’s not where I want to go and yet where I would reach, I have no
idea…
On my way I feel a hand gripping mine...
so indeed the path should have been taken long ago…
We talk, we laugh together and the stranger seems strangely close to me...
And I walk and walk,
not knowing it was a walk towards the final betrayal....
Finally I see a glowing star.
Happy to see a jubilant end, I turn towards the 'known stranger'...
He smiles at me and together we proceed towards the destination that would be ours…
But 'dear' life has a knack of surprising you when you least expect it...
Just as I step forward, I see shadows of my past illuminating the star…
The glow of the darkest nights is brighter than the light from the glowing days...
So this was the path, the path of final betrayal...
But the stranger holds on to me whispering throughout, "have faith"...
And as I dare to open my eyes once again, all I see is myself and no more shadows haunt me....
Unable to say a word, I smile to myself ... "Life's final betrayal is worth a betrayal to go
through"...
Isha Soni
*****
Memories
A faint tap on the glass… Maybe just the blowing wind…
Nevertheless I look around searching for him...
Often when I sit in the dark hours of the silent nights alone in my room,
I wish I could move back in time and fix all that went wrong between us...
The laughters, the tears, the fights all together were the pivot of my life,
Now nothing seems clear... Just some fuss...
Memories have the power to shake you inside out,
I always had a doubt...
Now being the victim myself makes me realize,
it’s not that easy to live life king size...
Always crowded yet so far away,
It may sound funny but my life seems to sway..
Smiles outside with million griefs knawing at the base....
I've learnt it’s a necessity to keep up the
artificial grace...
Sometimes I feel I'm the letter inside the glass bottle- mystery for all,
And yet a few seem to know me in this world's big hall...
Memories have grasped me so tight I can’t run,
But who knows even if I were free ,
I wouldn't have remembered that someone...
Isha Soni
*****
The Door
When I see past the door, I see a different world
Just like the reflection in the mirror, I see a free little bird…
Shadows of truth and lies of past seem to haunt that place
Yet it promises to provide me eternal solace…
Sometimes the door seems to be a passage to eternity
And the other side seems like a universe of fraternity
The murmurs and squeaks remind me of my childhood
When I was controlled by what I should not and what I should
Growing up is such an ironical joy,
I prefer the time when I was innocent and coy…
Taking a step ahead moves the door farther away,
The ferry is gone and I’m trapped on the bay…
The other world is as enchanting as it always seems
Where love and happiness and friendship beams…
I plead to Lord to reverse the time but
HE always tells me, growing up is not a crime
I just have one wish beneath this lovely sky,
To go past that magical door once ,before I die…
Isha Soni
*****
An Escape
Tired of this world and its ways
I wish to sneak out
Escape
To a different world perhaps
To find myself out
Searching for the silence
From the void to the silence
The journey
I’m scared,
scared of the future
scared of the people
They’re strange
They tell me its fine, a moment
and blame it all on me the next
I know not whom to trust
I know not what to do
A life so clattered
I know not which way to see
Scared and shattered
I hate every face I see
I doubt every face I see
Scared to lose people
Who were never mine
Those who were have already left
Hating every breath I sniff
I know not what I hear
I hear not what I speak
Living a life of oblivion
Living a life of lies
I see my card castle collapsing
Everything going down into nothingness
Bit by bit, card by card
It won’t survive too long
I see everything
A life fully lived
going into vain
Nothing will stay. No one will
And the best I can do
is close my eyes,
Run away to a place unknown
Far away from this world, its people
Away from myself
A place too far
For me to even know where I am
Where its just me and the pain
The murderer, just the two of us
So she can have her way with me
And I sit down defeated, Look her into the eyes
My face dried of the faintest of expressions
Waiting for her to strike, one last time
I know she will, sooner than later
She smiles, smirks playfully
Prolonging the end, playing me
But I see it coming nonetheless
The end of it all, the black void
Where tears mean nothing, fear rules
And life wails unheard
I wish to run away
Escape, to a place unknown
Nishant Rawlley
*****
The Angels of God
Ah I saw them today,
Out of a dark mournful night,
The night that was,
A night of grudges,
A night of fears,
A night echoing "Enough of this life",
And here I stood,
Facing some thirty of you,
Been asked to mind you,
So I give you a glance,
And the miracle sets off,
The very first look, sends in me a breeze of life,
Vivacious faces spilling with enthusiasm,
Brimming with joie-de-vivre,
Laughing and kidding, you little ones....
All of you equally cheerful,
Your smiles coming from the heart, and touching the heart,
Heights no more than my knee length,
Such that I bend down on my knees to catch your
twitters!
You share with me,
Your dolls, your favorite assets,
And for some of you your n
ew dresses,
You keep telling me your birthdays,
The most special things about your life,
And I can't help but pull your cheeks,
I can't help but smile,
Oh!! You made me smile,
For as long as I was with you,
The miracle is in full motion, I’m back in my childhood,
Really....,
Kidding, laughing, sticking out tongues,
Talking about every silly thing in the world,
And we go on and on and on...
And then I ask you to count aloud up to fifty,
And you begin your recitation,
Your recitation has music of purity,
Needless to say, I join you...
How much I wish, I could be you again,
And then its about time, I leave,
So I just casually ask your age,
Some of you proudly announce your ages,
Threes, fours and some fives,
Hmmm so fourteen years of age difference,
I think, and then I think something else,
Fourteen years down the timeline,
When you will be my age,
Would this mean life trap you into its rattraps as well?
Will you also get polluted with hatred, jealousies?
Will you also get corrupted in the filthy politics of life?
The thought makes me shudder with fear,
Please god! Not them,
And I catch my last glance of yours,
Your faces still sweet and innocent,
Unaware of what life holds for you
It turns me emotional...
I wonder, how on earth could there be people,
So simple, so tranquil at hearts,
Enjoying life the way He meant it to be,
Sans hatred, Sans animosities,
Happiness, the way of life,
Far richer than men ten times their age...
You little ones, are the angels of god,
May your innocence be preserved till eternity,
Take care little ducklings..
Nishant Rawlley
*****
My 'FuGlY' Life...
Sometimes when I’m sad,
I ponder upon the topic of my life.
Is it gloomy or is it happy,
there’s never an answer from inside.
Some days are lovely, good and perfectly right,
while some have darkness very bright.
People come and go and some forever stay
and still I miss the company of those who used to
make my life lively and gay.
Sitting alone in my room, I wonder how life would have been,
friends were mean!
The words of Shakespeare keep me bound
"Thou art not what thou think'st" make my head go round.
Yet in love I am with the literature,
but holy cow! I am trapped with a calculator.
And sometimes I think life could have been much more eventful,
if I weren't in a girls college
always regretful!
But still life goes on the way it is meant to be...
It’s a costly affair and I guess I’ll have to keep
paying its fee...
Isha Soni
*****
Wailing
My heart wails, my eyes silent, my lips smile.
I was a fool,
To expect them to see the cries behind those grins,
I was a fool,
To expect them to understand, to feel,
But it is fine now,
I’ve learnt what I had to-the harder way,
Happiness is not for me,
Maybe I don't deserve it.
So He hasn't written it for me.
But yes its fine now.
I don't really care.
I’m already dead,
They killed me quite some time back.
My body though, still survives.
So I seek reasons,
Reasons to fret,
Reasons to crib,
Reasons to cry,
Reasons to sulk,
I know they say self pity is bad,
But it doesn't make sense anymore.
I’ve grown harder, tougher or have I?
My heart never stops grieving for her.
But it doesn't show anymore
It doesn't matter who's by me and who's not.
It’s all the same.
She was so right,
We come alone,
And alone do we go...
I see friendships reduce to formalities,
I witness relations vanish into thin air,
But it doesn't matter.
Maybe I just don't deserve a shoulder to cry,
A lap to lay down tired,
And a soul to share my feelings.
Maybe I’m destined to be dumped,
To be ditched,
To be USED and THROWN.
So its fine.
I take it.
I won't smile,
I won't rejoice.
I'll cry alone,
I'll sulk alone,
I won't seek the shoulder, the lap or the soul,
I'll survive my days all alone,
Yes, it’s my self imposed punishment,
But so what?
I'll punish myself with all I can.
No it doesn't bother me.
What you did was a lot more painful.
But I don't blame you.
I deserve it.
I’m the most unworthy being on the earth.
So I got my dues.
My tears are worthless,
My feelings my pains unimportant.
I’m the biggest loser of all,
I’ve lost it all,
My love... my friendships,
I’ve lost it all.
What an idiot I was,
I always thought my friends were my strength, my world, my life,
I used to wonder how can I be alone,
Life clearly showed me how.
I’ve lost it all.
My love... my friendships...
I’ve lost it all.
What an idiot I was,
I always thought my friends were my strength, my world, my life,
I used to wonder how can I be alone,
Life clearly showed me how.
I’ve lost it all.
My love, my elixir,
She had promised, I’ll be by you like the stars wid the moon,
I fell for her promise,
Only to be left alone
.It’s all gone, over, finished.
Everyone's happy and content but for me.
I continue to suffer my pains,
Again and yet again.
I’m dead ,
But My corpse survives.
It will soon succumb to the ultimate silence,
The eternal sleep,
And maybe I’ll ask Him,
Why was I not allowed to smile?
Nishant Rawlley
Those Nights in My City
The utter silence
Amidst the amber streetlights
Glowing above the petite by lanes
Walking through the dark into the light
And back into the dark again
The silence tranquilizing,
The sounds of the night, musical
If only it could stop here
To one side of the road,
The hustle of a temple
To another, the silence of the dusk
Silence, meditative
Bringing you to yourself..
Walking by the terrace
Beneath the vast moonlit night
From the amber glow to the milky one
Walking at my own pace
Without the rush of life
Slow
Soaking in, the moment
Living it
Feeling the breeze brush past
Gazing at the moon
And the stars
Thoughts, a flood of memories..
18 yrs of existence
Rolled into one
No, I don't wanna be interrupted
The moment, too serene to go waste
The sounds of her laughter echoing in the silence
Her thoughts bringing a shy smile
A faith that 'm home..
On another night
Driving down the same by lanes
In the old rickety school bus
Night shift fest practice
Another name to fun with best buddies..
Silly PunjabI songs up the 'deck'
But they're good
Reach the heart
The same amber glow
The same me
Looking out the window
Deep immersed in my own thoughts
The longer the drive..
Greater the trance..
For this is my sweet lil small town
Nishant Rawlley
*****
A Story of Pain
I miss you
Yeah
I really do...
I am sorry baby,
Yeah it’s me, the culprit...
If only I hadn't hurt you,
That one fateful day...
But then baby,
You had got the better of me,
I wish you hadn't,
If only you had obeyed..
And maybe it wasn’t entirely your fault either..
Bent by the weights of the world,
I saw no other way..
And I ended up hurting you..
Hell!! I regret it...
I miss you every minute, every second,
We've shared every moment of our lives,
In the past One year, two months and five days..
Please don’t leave me now baby..
I won’t be able to live...
Life, is life no more
If it’s not with you..
You woke me up every sunny morning with your enchanting voice
Reminding me to wish all, on their D days,
All those beautiful moments we shared,
Are still moist in my heart..
You were my window to the world,
Friends, relations, her...
The only vent for the real me..
You were all I ever needed
I realize this now
You fitted every need I ever had...
Were the answer to every question I ever had..
Finally the night would fall,
And you would put me to sleep
With your beautiful melodies...
Without you baby, I’ve lost my sense of time
I don’t know if its day or night...morning or evening...
Please don't do this to me..
You know that am sorry!!!
Please O God.. Mercy!!
Please forgive me baby...
My poor lil Nokia 5233, Full Touch...
I miss you....
Nishant Rawlley
*****
Helplessness
Like a shadow that never left,
I wish you were here
I wish I could see you smile
and be happy
time seems tough, hard
nights, I lay awake
tossing sides
I want to complaint
but can't.
But it's wrong isn't it?
I mean I was supposed to party,
enjoy after a good long time,
and here I lay
bed ridden, in pain,
mamma slogging all the way
to make me better
no I didn't want it like this
she needs rest too
I can only wish it never happened