Fade to Red, Page 3

  Beckham’s laugh came through much louder than his voice.

  “Time to pass along the title to someone more deserving, Ian Fu-rickin’ Sterling,” he said, the smile still in his voice. “I’ve admired your music for a long time. Saw you in San Francisco once before you got all big and famous.”

  “What an honor, man. You’re as good as it gets. I’ve been a fan of yours forever … hoped we’d meet one of these days.”

  “Well, that’s what I’m calling about, kind of. Actually a lot more than that, but…” Beckham cleared his throat.

  Ian thought he sounded a little nervous. This might be the weirdest day he’d had in a long time.

  “Listen, I want you to be completely honest, and say no if it doesn’t sound like something you’d want to do, but … I’m wondering if you’d consider touring with me. I heard about your tour being canceled and I know that’s pretty much the worst thing that can happen to a working musician. Your band, and wife, daughter … whoever you need to bring—they’re all welcome to come. I’ve been wanting to do something different for a long time, and the thought of you on this tour makes it actually sound interesting. Fun, even. We could go a variety of ways. Split the time right down the middle, or integrate into each other’s sets … I’m open to anything.”

  It was quiet for a moment.

  “I’m speechless,” Ian finally said. “It sounds … amazing. When are you heading out?”

  “Rehearsals start just a month from now—mid-October. We tour January 5th to December 6th.”

  “I can’t … believe this. Thank you, first of all. Thanks for even considering having me along. I’d love to do it. I’ll talk it over with my wife—but I’m sure she’ll be behind it all the way. I was just getting ready to tell her about ours being off, so this will help ease the blow, considerably.”

  “Great! Think it over and let me know when you decide.”

  “Will do. Thanks again.”

  “If you do this I’ll be thanking you. I hope it works out.”

  The next month for Beckham would consist of guest hosting on Saturday Night Live and all the top late night talk shows, as well as The Ellen Show. Beckham always played his part so well. Smile in place, humor intact, charismatic bachelor: check. Ever since he’d stopped drinking and using, life had gotten easier in some ways but more exhausting in others. It wasn’t really drudgery for some of the interviews—Fallon and Ellen were two of his favorite people. And he’d gotten a few Emmys from hosting SNL, so it felt like a party now every time he was on the show. But there was something missing, and it wasn’t just getting sloshed.

  He’d had an awakening one morning after tossing three girls out of his bed. He’d been so high, he didn’t even know where they’d come from, and in the light of day, they looked worse than he felt. Disgusted with himself, he checked himself into Hazelden and got clean. He was lucky: he hadn’t had any relapses and besides missing Jameson, he’d not really had the pull back to it that most of his friends did. It probably helped that he’d lost some friends in the process. The only problem was that his whole lifestyle worked so much better being intoxicated. It dulled the pain and made him feel like he could do anything—like sing for thousands each night in packed-out stadiums.

  Off of it all and clean for one year and two months, lately Beckham just wanted to be done. To walk away from his career and have a quiet life somewhere in Italy or Tennessee. Since he was from Tennessee, that probably ruled out a quiet life there. Italy would have to do.

  He’d already had a successful nearly twenty-year career. Starting out singing with his family’s band as a kid, and finally building a solo career that he could continue living off of for a lifetime and then some, he was set. His last recording project had gone platinum, being touted as the groundbreaking album of the decade. And just a year shy of thirty. If he quit in a year, he could still go out on top.

  Of course, he hadn’t told this to anyone.

  He was excited for what he was secretly thinking of as his last year on the road. And the thought of Ian on the tour made everything sound a thousand times more appealing. The tour felt manageable and was going to be his best yet. Beckham knew he was finally healthy enough to pull it off.

  His phone rang the next day, after his morning run.

  “I’m in,” Ian said.

  After at least ten minutes of excited conversation, they agreed to meet the next day at Ian’s house.

  “Come over before we get serious about packing,” Ian warned. “This place is about to be turned upside down.”

  Ian opened the door before Beckham even knocked, giving him the bro handshake-hug like they’d been friends forever. And maybe they had. There was none of that awkwardness of first time meetings, no uncertainty. Ian was hilarious and straightforward, and just being around him felt like relief for Beckham. He needed real, down-to-earth people in his life.

  They were on their second cup of coffee when a dark-haired angel walked through the house, her curly hair trailing into the V of her shirt, her shorts making it hard to resist staring at those perfect legs. Beckham swallowed and glanced at Ian, who smirked at him.

  “I know, my wife’s hot. I can’t even take it half the time and I live with her. Go ahead and catch your breath there, Beck.”

  Beckham watched Ian look at his wife, who had turned red and looked like she was about to kill him. He swallowed hard again, waiting for the fireworks.

  But she just turned and smiled at him. “Hi, I’m Sparrow. Please don’t listen to his nonsense. He has this disease that makes him speak without thinking.”

  Beckham shook her hand and smiled. “Can’t fault the man for telling the truth.”

  Ian’s laugh bounced off the kitchen walls. He grabbed Beckham’s shoulder and squeezed. “I like you, man.”

  They pulled out the guitars after they’d talked a while and then the friendship was officially established. All track of time was lost.

  Beckham and Ian got together a few times a week, planning the show. Beckham wanted it to feel like a mutual collaboration—not just his thing, but the two of them working together throughout the evening. They would sing a few songs together, Ian would be featured on the guitar through several of Beckham’s songs, and Beckham had gotten Anthony to do choreography for some of Ian’s songs.

  Ian agreed to do the talk show circuit with Beckham, surprising audiences midway through Beckham’s interviews. It was a huge hit. The two of them had such an easy rapport with each other that talk began circulating about them doing a movie together.

  Ian would miss the first week or two of rehearsals while they finished packing and moving, but besides the songs with Beckham, he and his band were ready. They had already been practicing for the past few months.

  Rehearsals would begin the next morning and Beckham was ready. In addition to doing vocal exercises every day to keep his voice in shape, he had a trainer who kicked his ass every day. They switched it up, running through Griffith Park, Sepulveda Basin, Malibu Creek State Park, and every now and then, Runyon Canyon Park. If they went to the same place two days in a row, fans magically appeared, no matter how remote the trail.

  For someone trying to clean up his act, the girls were probably the hardest vice. For years he’d had bad habits and girls were at the top of the list. It was just so convenient. And numbing—something he’d needed to be since … the very first time he’d had sex. There were always girls, women of all ages, ready and willing to do whatever he wanted. And he’d obliged far too many. Being at Hazelden had helped him see that his problem in that area was possibly even bigger than the drugs, since he had relapsed a few times in the past year plus. He spoke to his AA sponsor, Troi, a few times a week. He’d also told Nate and Anthony he needed to be accountable to them. Thanks to them, it had been a long time since he’d relapsed. After witnessing a rockbottom fallout during a girl-crazed weekend, far too much press, and seeing how it was messing with Beckham’s mind to be such a sleaze-bag, they knew he had to get a
grip. They took the job seriously and checked in with him, especially if they saw him spending too much time with a groupie.

  Just a little longer and maybe he could find a nice, normal girl. As much as he missed sex, and fuck him, he missed it, all the weirdos out there had significantly helped to cure him. If there were even any normal girls still out there … Beckham wasn’t sure anymore. He’d gotten to know Sparrow better over the last few weeks, and she made him hope that there could be a nice, beautiful woman out there for him too. She was exceptionally rare, though, anyone could see that. He really didn’t have time for a real relationship anyway, so he might as well keep clean. Otherwise, a nice girl would want nothing to do with him.

  He found his thoughts straying to Roxie Taylor once more—something that happened frequently during the month since he’d seen her—and knowing that she was a possible problem for him, he gave Nate a call. Nate picked up on the first ring.

  “You ready to work like a madman?” was the first thing out of Nate’s mouth.

  “You know I am.” Beckham laughed. “I just need to mention something…”

  “What’s up?”

  “Well, there’s this dancer coming on the tour. She … she might be enough to make me get off my sabbatical.”

  “What’s her name? I’ll make sure we keep her as far from you as possible offstage.”

  Beckham stretched one arm over his head and paused for a minute too long.

  “You still there, buddy?”

  Beckham squeezed his eyes shut and ran a hand slowly over his face. “You know what? I don’t want to call any attention to her. I’ll be fine. Hey—got another call coming in … I’ll touch base with you tonight.”

  “Beck, just tell me her-”

  Beckham clicked his phone off and ignored the guilt rising in his chest. You got this. You’re gonna be too busy to even think straight, much less to get in trouble with Roxie Taylor.

  He ran an extra two miles and felt slightly less conflicted afterward.

  Beckham didn’t feel like going home yet. He’d decided to put his house on the market as soon as he got back from the tour. When he was in town he avoided going home until he was just too tired to stay out anymore. Not a good sign. The walls seemed to close in on him there.

  He had a meeting with Anthony to discuss the next morning’s rehearsals and pulled into their favorite sushi place with five minutes to spare. Anthony was sitting at their usual table, enjoying a drink. When he saw Beckham walking toward him, he guzzled the drink and looked like he wished he could hide the evidence.

  “You can drink around me, Anthony.” Beckham laughed. “How many times am I gonna have to say it before you believe me?”

  Anthony flipped back the strip of blue hair hanging in his eyes. “I’m just looking out for you, hon. I don’t want to make it worse for you. You’re early.” He stood and gave Beckham a huge hug.

  Anthony was a frontal hugger. Beckham wasn’t really, but he’d given up avoiding them. He slapped Anthony awkwardly on the back as they both sat down.

  “I put in an order already—we can let our waiter know if you want to try something new,” Anthony said briskly. He flipped open his iPad and turned it so Beckham could see the schedule. “I’ve fixed it since we last spoke. I’ve moved up “Shadows” and pushed back learning the routine for “Right Here”—I think it will work out better.”

  Beckham looked over the song list for the week and swiped the calendar to see the next week. He nodded. “I like that. I think it will be good to get an easy song underway and then focus on the harder ones … looks good.”

  “I’ve also added a section you haven’t seen yet to “Woman” and a tiny thing to “Driven” … I hope Roxie Taylor is ready to work hard.” Anthony grinned.

  “You’re adding to her list? She’s already dancing a lot.” Beckham once again squelched down any alarm and nodded. “I think she can probably handle it, from what we saw anyway. I guess if she’s not up to all of it, we can switch her out for Vanessa.”

  “I hope she’ll be up for it. I’m counting on her to knock my socks off like she did at tryouts.”

  Beckham was certain she would knock his socks off, even if she wasn’t quite up for all that Anthony had planned for her.

  “I think we’ll have time to be on our game before Ian comes to rehearsals, too, which is good.” Anthony got dreamy-eyed every time he mentioned Ian.

  “You might have to tone down the lust a notch with Ian. He’s a very happily married man,” Beckham teased.

  Anthony feigned shock. “Moi? Lust over Ian Sterling? Damn. Impossible to tone down. That man’s hot enough to turn anybody.”

  Beckham shook his head and laughed. “He’s safe with me.”

  “You say that now…”

  Beckham shot his straw paper into Anthony’s nose, which shut him up. The sushi came and it looked like enough for at least four people. They started eating and didn’t talk until the sushi was gone. Anthony had never gone so long without talking.

  Before the green tea ice cream came, Anthony showed him a few more details about how the rehearsals needed to go. Anthony had been with him from the beginning of his solo career. Beckham trusted him implicitly, which was irreplaceable in this business.

  “It’s gonna be a good one. Thanks for working so hard on this,” Beckham said earnestly to Anthony. “Couldn’t do it without you.”

  “We all know you couldn’t,” Anthony agreed with a smirk. He took a bite of ice cream. “I’m ending things with David tonight,” he said softly.

  “What? Why?” Beckham set his spoon down and stared at Anthony.

  “I found proof that he was cheating on me with that stylist over on Rodeo. I’ve wondered for a while if he was cheating and just didn’t want to believe it. Apparently seven years meant nothing to him. I thought I could forgive him, but … I just don’t think I can.” Anthony shrugged.

  “Seven years. I’m so sorry. That’s ten times longer than any relationship I’ve ever had,” Beckham admitted. “You gonna be all right? Does he know?”

  “I will be. And I doubt he sees this coming. The bastard is nothing if not an egotistical son of a bitch.” He groaned. “This tour has the best timing ever,” Anthony said with tears in his eyes. He shook his head and squared his shoulders, wiping his eyes. “I’ll be fine. I’ll probably be meaner than a snake for a few weeks.”

  They laughed, knowing he was telling the truth.

  When Roxie tucked Leo into bed that night, he reached up and pushed her hair back from her face. “Mom? Will everyone forget me at school since I won’t be there?”

  Roxie leaned her forehead onto his, causing all her hair to fall forward again. He pushed it back again and kept holding onto the sides of her face.

  “I don’t know, Leo. We’re on an adventure now. I’m sure you’ll go back to Northridge eventually, but you didn’t really need pre-K anyway. You’re so smart.” She gave his nose a little tug and he smiled sleepily. “You’ll spend lots of time with Aunt Chloe … and me … and a new place! Aren’t you excited?”

  “I didn’t like it at Norfridge much anyway. But I will miss Uncle Joey and Grammie and Gramps and Nick and Stephanie … am I gonna see them again?”

  She felt a shot of guilt to be taking him away from his family and friends.

  “Of course you’ll see Uncle Joey and Grammie and Gramps again. I don’t know about Nick and Stephanie … but you’ll make lots of new friends here, too.”

  He patted her face like that was a good enough answer for him.

  “Uncle Joey says he’ll come see us sometime. You think he will?”

  “If he said so, then he will,” Roxie promised. “Do you like our new place?”

  They both looked around his room, mostly bare still, but with a few of his toys.

  “It’s not like my room at home,” he said sadly.

  “I know, little man. It will take some getting used to, but this is what we need to do for now. You and Aunt Chloe will do lots
of fun things while I’m at work, and whenever I get time off, I will be here as much as I can. And we’ll be going to lots of fun places we’ve never been before…” She leaned down and held him tight, her heart squeezing shut at the times she would have to be gone from him too. It killed her to think of being apart, and she had to keep reminding herself of all the positives. “I love you, son. Close your eyes now and get some sleep. We’ve had a long day.”

  “Love you, Mommy,” Leo said as his eyes closed.

  She watched as he fell asleep. He was so beautiful. It was in these moments that she allowed herself to think about his daddy. He looked so much like him.

  This better be worth it, Roxie thought as she got up and switched on Leo’s nightlight. They’d certainly all sacrificed a lot to give it a try. After being offered a spot on the tour, she and Chloe had gotten out their calendars, opened up Google maps, and tried to figure out a way. It took days of hashing it out, to settle on all the easiest places for Chloe and Leo to meet her on the tour. They’d also needed to move to L.A. for the practicality during rehearsals, and also the better airfares. Her parents were harder to convince, but even they didn’t think she could let the opportunity pass without trying.

  She and Chloe found a place to rent in Glendale through Craigslist … not the safest way to look for a place to live, but it was cheaper and faster than the regular route. It was actually a decent-sized guest house in the back of a nice home, so they didn’t even have to worry about being too loud. Jill and Eddie, a couple in their forties with no kids, were happy to get the extra income. They didn’t really need the money to survive, so they were flexible. The best part about the place was that it was within ten minutes drive of the sound stage where she’d be rehearsing every day. She’d been warned by Jill, though, that a ten-minute drive could take forty-five minutes during bad L.A. traffic.

  Roxie walked into the kitchen, where Chloe was unpacking one of the last boxes. Roxie unpacked glasses and set them in the tiny dishwasher, so they’d be ready to use.