Voice Memo from Romeo
I totally get what she’s saying. I just need to know that I’m her one true . Then I’ll drop Montague like a bad habit.
Juliet
wait, romeo, is that you? have you been to me this whole time?
Romeo
Maaaybe.
I want to show my face, but I know I shouldn’t. Because I’m a Montague.
Juliet
no, keep texting. it’s easier this way. you’re too far down.
i don’t want my family to you yelling. they’ll be srsly upset. i’m talking, like, pissed.
how did you even get here? the walls around here are really high.
Romeo
I scaled them, NBD. I couldn’t wait to see you again!
And I’m not afraid of your family.
Juliet
you should be. if they see you here, they’ll kill you!
Romeo
So what? That’s nothing compared to being rejected by you. Chill.
Juliet
sorry, it’s just…i’d do anything to make sure they don’t catch you.
Romeo
Hello. I’m hidden in the dark. Plus, if you’re not into me after all, then I’d rather be dead.
I can’t live without you!
Juliet
srsly, how did you know where my bedroom was?
Romeo
I just followed my . It led the way.
Juliet
it’s a good thing it’s dark. you’re making me blush.
listen, romeo. i really, really like you. i know i should have played hard-to-get, but i guess it’s too late for that.
you heard me just now. i’m so into you. i mean…
i you, romeo.
Romeo
Juliet, I swear on the
Juliet
you swear on a piece of rock in the sky? um.
but the moon always changes.
Romeo
What should I swear on then?
Juliet
maybe we shouldn’t make any promises yet. all of this happened as fast as .
we have a good thing going. let’s see what happens the next time we meet.
i’m gonna go now. hope you sleep as well as i plan to.
Romeo
You’re leaving me already??
Juliet
what else is there to say?
Romeo
For starters, I’d be happy if we promised to each other forever. I’m talking, like, making it real. Like, married real.
Juliet
i’ve already poured my out to you. i’d take it back if i could.
Romeo
What the duck, Juliet!
The duck.
Ugh! Autocorrect.
Juliet
heehee. quack, quack.
Romeo
WTF Juliet. Why would you say that
Juliet
i’m just teasing. i mean i’d take it back so i could give it to you again and again.
i love you as deep as the ocean. but i think i hear someone calling for me. hold on a sec. brb.
Romeo:
I wanna pinch myself. Am I dreaming or is this happening IRL? #truluv #blessed
REPLY
Juliet
okay, romeo. real quick. if you really, truly me and want to get married…
let’s chat tomorrow. sleep on it. we can figure out when and where to get married. but only if you really mean it.
sweet dreams!
what time should i text you tomorrow?
Romeo
Let’s say 9.
Juliet
perf! it’s going to feel like years until then.
sorry i keep saying goodbye and then texting you again. i had a reason this time, i swear. i just forget.
Romeo
That’s okay. I’ll stick around until you remember.
Juliet
in that case, it might take me forever to remember what it was. hmm…
Romeo
NP. Guess I found my new home right here.
Juliet
i wish you didn’t have to go.
but the sooner we go to bed, the sooner it’s tomorrow. g’night!
Romeo
Sweet dreams, you.
Juliet is listening to Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” on Renaissance FM
[Scene 3]
Romeo
Morning, Friar Laurence!
Friar Laurence
Romeo, what are you doing up this early? You should be sleeping in. Have you even gone to bed, or have you been up all night? —FL
Romeo
Er, the latter. I was having too great of a night to go to sleep!
Friar Laurence
Why? Were you with Rosaline? OMG, please forgive any sins you two might have committed. —FL
Romeo
No way, Father! She’s old news. I’m totally over her.
Friar Laurence
Then where have you been? —FL
Romeo
See, that’s the thing. I’ve been with my enemy.
But I’m in ! And so is she! And you’re the only one who can help us.
Friar Laurence
I’m confused. —FL
Romeo
I’m in love with Juliet Capulet.
I can tell you more later, but I need you to marry us. Today. It’s urgent.
Friar Laurence
Holy , Romeo! This came out of nowhere. You’re over Rosaline that quickly? You could barely get out of bed, you were so sad. Now you’re in love with someone else that you just met? Guess it’s true: men love with their first. How do you know this won’t happen again? —FL
Romeo
You’re the one who was hard on me about Rosaline.
Friar Laurence
Because you were obsessed with her. But not because you loved her. There’s a difference, IMHO. —FL
Romeo
You told me to forget about her!
Friar Laurence
I didn’t mean by finding someone else! —FL
Romeo
You’ve got to understand. Rosaline never loved me. But Juliet does. She really does.
Friar Laurence
Ugh. Fine. Come with me. Let’s plan this secret wedding. It may be the only thing that ends the hate between your two families anyway. —FL
[Scene 4]
Mercutio
Srsly, where’s Romeo?
Benvolio
Got me. He didn’t come last night.
Mercutio
This is all Rosaline’s fault. She’s gonna lead him on until he goes legit insane. Did I tell you I saw her on a dating app? I bet she’s swiping right like mad….
Benvolio
I heard that Tybalt sent a letter to Romeo’s father’s house.
Mercutio
I bet he wants 2 fight.
Benvolio
Romeo will fight back, in that case.
Mercutio
Yup, he’s a goner. He’s already dead. Luv has killed him.
Do u think he stands a chance against Tybalt?
Benvolio
IDK. What’s the 411 on Tybalt?
Mercutio
Let’s just say I wouldn’t want 2 be on the receiving end. He knows how 2 deliver a final blow to the .
Benvolio
Let’s check in on Romeo.
Group text: Mercutio, Romeo, Benvolio
Mercutio
Bonjour, Romeo. Gotta admit, u faked us out pretty good last nite.
Romeo
Hey, guys. What do you mean I faked you out?
Mercutio
Ya tricked us. U know wut I’m saying.
Romeo
Sorrrry. I had something really important to do.
Mercutio
Y’okay. “Important.”
Romeo
That’s one way of putting it.
Mercutio
O
ut with it then! So how was her pink flower?
Benvolio
Ugh. Mercutio.
Romeo
Let’s just say it’s been pollinated.
Benvolio
Ugh. ROMEO!
Mercutio
Ha! Good 1.
Romeo
TY. But this joke is getting really bad.
Benvolio
Both of you are idiots. TTYL!
Nurse
Sup, R.
Romeo
Who is this?
Nurse
Juliet’s nurse. I got your digits from her. Hope that’s cool.
Romeo
From Juliet?! Of course, in that case!
Nurse
Yeah, sooo, she wants me to tell you somethin’, but IDK if I should, tbh.
Romeo
You can trust me! Pinkie swear. Cross my and hope to die and stick a needle in my eye and all that.
I want to marry that girl! I plan to ask her ASAP.
Nurse
K, relax. Dang.
I’ll let her know you want to put a on it. Will that help?
Romeo
Yes! But I need you to do me a huge favor.
Tell Juliet to sneak out of the house this afternoon and meet me at Friar Laurence’s. Ask her to act like she has to go for confession. When she gets there, we can get married. I can pay you for your help.
Nurse
Aw, well, lookatchu, actin’ all sweet. I can’t take your .
Romeo
Take it!
Nurse
Ya don’t have to tell me twice! She’ll see you this afternoon, bb.
Romeo
Wait! One more thing.
One of my friends will bring you a rope ladder. I’ll use it to climb over the walls at night.
Nurse
Wow, you’re really into her, huh?
Weeelll, you should probs know that there’s another man after her. Paris. I think he’s a QT, but Juliet hates when I get all gushy. Plus, she just goes on and on about you. Kinda annoying after a while, tbh. You two are a match made in heaven. TT4N.
[Scene 5]
Juliet
omg. where are you??
what’s taking so long?
were you able to find him?
you left at 9 and now it’s noon. ugh!
Nurse
Calm down, girl. I’m here.
FINALLY. so??
what happened? what’s going on? what did he say?
Nurse
Can ya hold your for a sec? I’m beat. I’ve been all over.
Juliet
SRSLY? i need to know right away!
Nurse
OMFG. I’m out of breath. Just give me a minute.
Juliet
you’re obvs not that tired if you’re still texting.
c’mon! stop putting it off. is it bad news? is that why you won’t tell me?
Nurse
Well, ya sure know how to pick ’em. That Romeo, he’s cute.
He’s as gentle as a lamb. Have ya had lunch yet?
Juliet
no, not yet.
wait, don’t change the subject. i already know all these things. did he say anything about marriage?
Nurse
Ugh, I have such a headache. My whole body hurts from running around all day for you.
Juliet
ok ok. i’m sorry. i’ll give you a foot and back rub when i see you next.
now, did romeo say anything else?
Nurse
Geez, all right. Maybe next time you should take care of your own stuff.
Juliet
i’m sorry. but i need to know. what did he say?
Nurse
Can ya go to confession today?
Juliet
Yeah.
Nurse
K, then get to Friar Laurence’s. Ya got a future husband waiting there for you.
Meanwhile, I’ll be setting up a ladder…or something…so he can visit you tonight. You get to have all the fun while I do the grunt work.
Juliet
omg. ty, ty, ty!!
Nurse
Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and go.
Juliet
on my way! wish me luck!
[Scene 6]
Romeo
Guh, where is she? I can barely stand it.
Friar Laurence
Let’s just hope we’re doing the right thing. —FL
Romeo
Amen. But whatever happens, it’s fine. Nothing can destroy what I feel for this girl.
Friar Laurence
Just slow your roll a bit, Romeo, okay? Everything in moderation. Don’t too fast or too slowly. It’s like eating a ton of honey. It’s sweet, but too much will make you sick. —FL
Juliet has checked into Friar Laurence’s Church.
Group text: Juliet, Romeo, Friar Laurence
Juliet
good evening!!
Romeo
Ah! I’m so happy you’re here. I can’t wait to be married. If I love you this much now, I can only imagine what it’ll be like when we’re finally together forever.
Juliet
i know, right?! idek how to express what i feel!
Friar Laurence
That’s enough chitchat. Come with me. We have to do this quickly. I’m not leaving you two alone until you’re officially married. —FL
[Scene 1]
Benvolio
Let’s call it a day, Mercutio. It’s hot outside. And the Capulets are wandering around. I don’t want to run into them and get into a fight. Heat makes people .
Mercutio
Oh, plz, Ben. Ur one of those guys who has a sword but never uses it. N then u pull it out 4 no reason at all.
Benvolio
Nuh-uh. Am I really?
Mercutio
U get at the smallest things. N yet ur the one telling me about restraint? Y’okay.