This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
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ISBN 978-0-553-53539-6 (trade) — ISBN 978-0-553-53548-8 (ebook)
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v4.1
a
To Caroline and Michelle ,
for thinking of me
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Who’s Who
Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book
Act 1
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Act 2
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Act 3
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Act 4
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Act 5
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
The 411 for Those Not in the Know
Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book
About the Authors
FOMO? Read on for a peek at srsly Hamlet
Who’s Who
Romeo
Montague, Romeo’s dad
Benvolio, Romeo’s cousin
Balthasar, Romeo’s servant
Juliet
Capulet, Juliet’s dad
Lady Capulet, Juliet’s mom
Nurse, Juliet’s nurse
Tybalt, Juliet’s cousin
The Prince of Verona
Paris, the Prince’s cousin
Mercutio, the Prince’s cousin and Romeo’s friend
Friar Laurence
Father John
Chief Watchman
Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book
[aka People w/o Smartphones]
Lady Montague, Romeo’s mom
Abram, Romeo’s servant
Petruchio, Tybalt’s friend
Sampson, servant
Gregory, servant
Peter, servant
Chorus
[Scene 1]
Benvolio
Mornin’, cuz! You won’t believe what just happened to me.
I’ve already been in a fight!
It’s the Capulets again. They need to go! Especially Tybalt.
Hello? You there? I told your mom I’d see how you’re doing.
Romeo
What time is it?
Benvolio
Dude. It’s 9 a.m. Wake up!
Romeo
Ugh, that’s it? I don’t wanna. I’m too depressed. I have nothing to live for.
Benvolio
Oh, crap.
Romeo
What?
Benvolio
You’re in , aren’t you?
Romeo
Is it that obvious?
But she doesn’t love me back.
Benvolio
Cuz, here’s the thing. Love sux.
I mean, on it sounds great. But feeling it? No TY.
Romeo
Tell me about it. But it has this sick control over me.
I can’t help it! Love is everything in the —awesome and stupid. Blech.
Anyway, sorry. What happened this morning? A fight?
Benvolio
Romeo
Why are you sad?
Benvolio
I’m bummed that you’re bummed.
Romeo
K, I can’t handle this. You’re just gonna make me feel worse. TTYL.
Benvolio
C’mon, wait! At least tell me who the girl is.
Romeo
Srsly?
She’s hot, that’s all you need to know. Not just hot, but beautiful. And smart. But she doesn’t love me, so who cares?
Benvolio
Listen, just don’t think about her anymore.
Romeo
WTF? How?
Benvolio
There are plenty of other in the dude. Focus on someone else.
Romeo
That’s not gonna work. Other girls just make me think about her more. I’m crazy. I G2G. Bye.
[Scene 2]
Paris
Sooo…whaddya think?
Capulet
About what?
Paris
About me marrying your daughter!
Capulet
I told you. She’s too young! She’s not even fourteen yet. Ask me again in two years.
Paris
People younger than her get married all the time.
Capulet
Yeah, and they also grow too fast.
But go ahead and ask her. If she says yes, you both have my blessing.
Paris
Yesss!
Capulet
BTW, I’m having a party tonight at my . You should come! There will be a lot of there, including my daughter. Maybe another one will catch your . See you there!
Event: 10+ People have been invited to Capulet’s Mansion for Capulet’s Dinner Party
• Signor Martino & his wife & daughters
• Mercutio & his brother Valentine
• Uncle Capulet & his wife & daughters
• Rosaline & Livia
• Signor Valentio & his cousin Tybalt
Romeo
Did you see the Capulet party that’s happening tonight? We should go!
Benvolio
I did. And look who’s gonna be there—Rosaline. The “love of your life.”
Let’s sneak in and scope out the other hotties. I bet you’ll change your tune after we’re on the scene.
Romeo
NO one is better than Rosaline. But we’re Montagues. We can’t go to a party hosted by the Capulets.
Benvolio
Let’s do it! I’ll have serious FOMO if we don’t go.
Let’s talk to Mercutio—he’s on the list.
Besides, we’re not going to start anything. We’re going to make sure that Rosaline is worth all of this .
Romeo
K, let’s go! I can’t wait to see her. L8R.
[Scene 3]
Lady Capulet
Juliet, honey, we need to talk. Love, Mom.
Juliet
yeah, ?
Lady Capulet
It’s about . Love, Mom.
Juliet
ugh, mom. noooo. i rly don’t care about getting married right now.
Lady Capulet
You better start caring. I was already a mother by your age. Plenty of girls are finding husbands while you’re still single. Love, Mom.
I’ll just cut to the chase. A man named Paris has asked if he can marry you. He’s a great option. I think you need to give him a chance. What do you think? Love, Mom.
Juliet
sigh. k, whatevz. i’ll meet him. but i’m not promising anything.
Lady Capulet
Oh, good! Now go get ready. Guests are starting to arrive for the party! Put on something cute. Love, Mom.
[Scene 4]
Group text: Romeo, Benvolio, Mercutio
Romeo
So, how are we going to do this? What’s our excuse if we get caught?
Benvolio
You’re thinking about this too much. We have our on. No one will recognize us. We go in, we , we , and we exit. Easy, breezy.
Romeo
I don’t want to . I’m still too .
Mercutio
Can u stop being so sad n mopey 4 once? Ur a luvr, not a h8r. Get in there n prove it.
Romeo
Yeah, well, this time my crush is actually crushing me.
Mercutio
U can’t let this bring u . Luv is the best thing in the .
Romeo
Really? I hate love right now.
Mercutio
U gotta fight back, man. Show luv who’s boss! We’re wearing masks. We got protection.
Benvolio
Exactly, thaaank you. Let’s go in already! I wanna shake it.
Romeo
You guys go ahead. I’m gonna sit this one out. GL2U.
Besides, I don’t think this is such a good idea.
Mercutio
Guh, Romeo! Y?
Romeo
I had a dream last night….
Mercutio
Gr8. Welcome 2 the club. So did I.
Romeo
What was yours about?
Mercutio
O, it was v informative. It told me that dreamers r liars. Ahem.
Romeo
Yeah, lie in bed while they dream about the truth.
Mercutio
K, have u been dreaming about Queen Mab again?
Romeo
IDEK who that is.
Mercutio
U know, Queen Mab? The fairies’ midwife.
K, she’s super small. She travels in her little wagon each night n rides over men’s noses. That’s how she gets in2 their brains n makes them dream about—dun-dun-dun—luv! She does all sorts of crazy stuff 2 people. Like sometimes she’ll ride over girls’ n then they’ll start dreaming about kisses. But Queen Mab gives
Romeo
ENOUGH. I get it. You’re messing with me. STFU.
Mercutio
Ya, man. That’s my point. Dreams r silly.
Benvolio
Guys. GUYS. Hate to interrupt but this is taking forever. Dinner is probably over and by the time we get there it’s going to be too late.
Romeo
I don’t want to get there on time anyway. I have a bad feeling about tonight.
But I’m outnumbered. Sigh. Let’s go.
[Scene 5]
Romeo has checked into Capulet’s Mansion.
Romeo:
At a party I’m not supposed to be at lol.
REPLY
Romeo: Whoa! Spotted a hottie. She. Is. #PERFECT.
Tybalt:
Tybalt
What is our enemy doing here?! This guy’s definitely a Montague and he’s staring at Juliet!
Capulet
Is it Romeo?
Tybalt
Yes! Disgusting Romeo!
Capulet
Calm down, it’s NBD. He’s harmless and from what I he’s a good boy. You should be during this party, not .
Tybalt
Not with him here.
Capulet
This is my and you will get along with him tonight.
Tybalt
But he’s making us look like idiots!
Capulet
I won’t let you ruin my party. Now go. And keep your mouth zipped…or else.
Tybalt
Fine. I don’t trust myself when I’m this anyway. But I’m not going to let Romeo get away with this.
Juliet direct message –> with Romeo
hey. saw your update. was it abt me? here’s my #. txt me!
Romeo
Hi. You saw that? Sorry, I didn’t think anyone even followed me. Thanks for your number. I wish I could come hold your hand, though.
Juliet
i know. me too. but we can’t be seen together.
Romeo
Why not? What if we found a corner to meet in?
Juliet
now? idk.
Romeo
Really quickly. The one that’s closest to you. Meet you there in a sec!
Romeo:
Just kissed the most beautiful girl in the room. #amazing #blessed
Juliet likes this.
REPLY
Nurse: Uh. You know she’s a Capulet, riiite? #oohboy #thedrama
Romeo: !!!!! #aaahhh
Romeo
The girl I just kissed is a Capulet!!! FML. I just kissed my own enemy!!!
Benvolio
Let’s GTFO! This party has peaked anyway.
Romeo
I’m in serious trouble.
Nurse
Girl, ya know what ya just did, rite?
Juliet
yeah, kissed the cutest boy in the room. i hope he’s single. i’d rather than be with anyone else!
Nurse
No, girl. I don’t think ya understand. That boy is Romeo. He’s a Mon-ta-gue.
Juliet
are you freaking kidding me? great. i’m in with the one person i can’t be in love with. FML.
[Scene 1]
Benvolio
Hey, have you seen Romeo? WTF, where did he go?
Mercutio
Relax. He probs just went .
Benvolio
No, he didn’t. He ran away, I know it.
Can you try texting him? He won’t answer mine.
Mercutio
Ya, sure. NP.
Group text: Mercutio, Benvolio, Romeo
Mercutio
Hey, lover boy. Come out, come out, wherever u are. We have Rosaline here with us….
Benvolio
Cut it out! If he finds out we’re lying, he’ll be pissed.
Mercutio
Whatevz. I’m just trying 2 get him 2 show up. I’m tired n-e-way. Let’s go.
Benvolio
Fine. No point in trying to find him if he doesn’t want to be found.
[Scene 2]
Romeo has checked into the Grounds Below Juliet’s Balcony.
Voice Memo from Romeo
SMH. Sometimes my BFFs are so annoying. I just need to get away and have some alone time. Wait—what is that? Holy crap. It’s Juliet! She’s so beautiful. She’s brighter than the . She’s more gorgeous than the stars in the sky. I want her so badly. I wish she knew how much. If only I could just reach out and touch her. It sounds like she’s reading something….
Voice Memo from Juliet
romeo. romeo. ugh, why does he have to be a montague? i wish he’d just change his name. or if he said he’ll me forever, then i’d give up my last name. c-ya, capulet! what’s the point of names anyway? srsly. you could call a a different name, and it would still just as sweet. grr. stop being a montague and we can be together, romeo! that’s better than anything else.