A Shade Too Young, Page 3
Wendy Maddocks
THE REAL GHOST STORY
ONE
“I’m sorry.”
Jamie had waited until she had expelled the short but piercing scream. He wasn’t sure why she insisted on screaming all the time because no-one ever came to help, but maybe she didn’t get that yet. “I’m sorry,” he said again.
Ashlee looked up at him after a long pause. Her strawberry-blonde hair hung over her face in damp, straggly locks. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of letting him see her cry again – not after what he’d done. “You’re always sorry.” Gritting her teeth against the pain of a broken wrist and bruised bones, she pushed herself to her feet and backed up against the wall, as if it was now the only thing holding her up.
“Because I am sorry. You know I never mean for this to happen.”
“I know you can’t help it.” But Ashlee didn’t know, not really. “But, why do you do it?” It was almost as if Jamie went away and some-one else took over. Maybe he couldn’t do anything about it but it didn’t stop it from hurting. She lifted the back of her hand to her face and wiped a thick smear of blood from her mouth. “I’ve got a split lip again. The last one hasn’t even healed yet.”
“It will. Everything does.” It just took time. Or, at least, that’s what he told her. There were some wounds that were deep and permanent that they could never heal. He held his scratched hand out to her and tried to smile through the familiar ache that grew in his side.
Ashlee ignored the hand and pressed herself further into the wall. Why did he let this happen? Okay, so he didn’t strictly let it, but he never stopped it.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I never mean it too.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know what happens. But it’ll never happen again.”
“I know what happens. Every night it’s the same, so I should know. I get whacked around the face for no reason at all, and I fall to the floor. I get kicked in the stomach, everything goes black and I wake up like this.”
“You think this is fun for me? You think it’s simpler?” he yelled at her. “It’s not! Things get hazy, all the edges are blurred, and I don’t even know what I’m doing. I don’t even know if it’s me doing what I’m doing.”
“Jamie, you can’t play Alien Hand Syndrome with your whole body. Not only is it totally unbelievable, but it’s stupid too. That’s your way of hiding from yourself, isn’t it?
Didn’t she see that Jamie wasn’t hiding from himself, or anything else for that matter? He just couldn’t stop hurting her, just as much as he couldn’t stop her hurting. Jamie hated to see his fiancée looking so hopeless and broken, but what could he do? “What do you want me to do Ash? Beg for forgiveness and treat you like a princess?” He couldn’t do that. The ache in his side had morphed into a burning sensation that seemed to be searing right through him. “Well, what do you want? If I could make it better, I would, but I can’t and you know that. I can’t take it back.”
Ashlee had unshed tears glistening eyes and she stared at Jamie as they began to fall. “I tried to make you happy. But it’s never good enough, is it?”
“Stop crying. I know you try hard. I know you do it every day, but how do you think I feel? I think it’s great but I never get the chance to show it. He takes over and I can’t do anything to stop him.” Gritting his teeth against the pain, he reached out to touch her, drawing back when Ashlee pulled away again. “What do I have to do to show you I’m sorry?” Besides suffering like this and having to see her looking so pitiful, there wasn’t really anything else.
“End this now. Stop me from having to go through this night after night.”
“It’s not that simple, Ash!” Distracted, Jamie picked at a hole in his shirt. There were brownish stains on his cuffs and he remembered the nosebleed he’d had earlier in the evening – hay fever or a cold, he wasn’t sure yet. After an overlong pause, he spoke again. “Nothing’s ever that easy. You just don’t get it.”
“Get what, Jamie? You have to tell me what I don’t get… otherwise it’ll never be over.” Ashlee looked at him imploringly, and pushed her hair away from her face again.
It didn’t matter what Ashlee said to him, Jamie couldn’t change the fact that he was responsible for all the hurt Ashlee was feeling. But, how could he tell her that he was only doing this, this was only carrying on, because he was trying to protect her. “I’m keeping you safe.”
Safe? He was keeping her away from something that could hurt her? “You’re protecting me? From what?”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kasim stuffed his hands deep into the pockets of his raincoat, even though it was raining yet showers had been forecast, and fastened another button. There was shouting coming from the flat across the street, and there was a thud as something crashed to the floor. It was always the same, and now so predictable he could set his watch by it. Same time, same scene, same everything… except the words. The words they screamed to each other were different tonight.
TWO
Ashlee touched her lip with her finger. “It’s stopped bleeding.” She wasn’t glad about that, but she thought she should be. It was healing – that should be a happy thing, right? She wasn’t even relieved.
“I told you it would.” Jamie was sat on the carpet by the sofa. The hole in his shirt was bigger now he had been playing with it. He wondered how he would break it to her after all this time. But something had changed tonight. The pain in his side had faded now, and was just an ache he could ignore with the occasional stabbing sensation through his ribs. “I need to tell you something.”
She didn’t seem to hear him as she felt the tender patch at the back of her head. Ashlee wouldn’t be surprised if she’d fractured her skull, it always felt like this. “”Why aren’t I happy that I’m getting better?”
“Because somewhere deep inside yourself, you know that this’ll happen again. And again. And again.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
Yes, it did. That’s just the way things were. “You believe that? You really think this can change?” If she only knew. “I can’t change it any more than you can. We’re not in control here.”
“Who is in control, then? Is it your alternative personality, or maybe it’s part of some giant government conspiracy? I don’t care what’s making you act like this – I’m not taking it anymore!”
Not taking it anymore. What, she was going to leave him? That’d never happen, no matter how much she wanted to. That wasn’t how this scene played out. “What makes you think you have any choice in this?” he yelled back. “You’re not leaving this room, Ash, and you’re not trying to answer back. That’s not how this goes.”
“No? Why not? Come on, you seem to have everything else figured out, what am I supposed to do now?” If Jamie had all the answers why had he shut up now? Maybe he’d never been asked that before. Maybe Jamie had always dictated every action before now, and wasn’t used to the girl not just laying down and accepting it.
“Ashlee, I’m not exactly enjoying this, you know – I don’t like hurting you.”
“You got a great way of showing it,” she said sarcastically, prodding her mouth with one finger. Her jaw ached.
Jamie grunted in pain as he tried to move his fingers – they’d completely seized up on him and he reckoned his knuckles had either locked or cracked. “Ashlee…”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Shaking his head in mild amusement – kids today, didn’t even know they were born – Kasim strolled on farther down the road. Just before he reached the light on the corner, he stopped, turned and squinted back up at the window. He knew what would happen next – or, rather, he knew what usually happened next. There would be more screaming and shouting, sometimes things were thrown around and could be heard shattering against walls, and often the lights flickered a few times as if the bulb was about to burn out.
The big light in the window was off now but there was a dull glow in one corner, probably from a lamp or something. He could just about make out the outline of a figure sitting on the floor. The figure seemed to be looking up at something and talking. Kasim grinned and carried on watching.
Maybe they were finally figuring things out…
THREE
Ashlee couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but it wasn’t as if Jamie was enjoying telling her either. In fact, it was probably harder for him to say the words than it was for her to hear them. The room was empty apart from them, an old, worn sofa, and a television, and the words seemed to echo through the room, bouncing off every wall. It suddenly appeared quite fitting that this happened. The neighbours used to bang on the walls because of the noise, but that had stopped about a month ago – they must have just got used to it – but now they both silently prayed for them to bang the walls about this deafening silence.
“What are you trying to tell me, Jamie? You can’t be telling me what I think you’re saying.”
What was so hard to understand about this? Granted, it was harder for a non-believer to come to terms with, but it wasn’t easy for him either – not by any stretch of the imagination. He’d only accepted it because he had to, because he’d learnt there was nothing to be done about it. “Ash, I’m sorry, but it’s true.”
Somewhere right down in the bottom of her heart, Ashlee believed him and she knew he was being honest, but her head told her ‘NO!’ This idea was too much for her brain to store and accommodate. “You’re lying. I can see it in your eyes,” even though she could see nothing in his eyes. His eyes seemed glassy and he could barely focus on her face. “This is impossible!”
“You know I’m right. On the surface, you don’t trust me-“
“I trust you. I really do. I just don’t know why you’re telling me these stories.”
“This isn’t a story. God, I wish it was a fairy tale with a happy ending.” Oh, how he wished that, but this was nothing like a fairy tale, and a happily ever after was just some impossible dream. “If you trust me, then believe me. I’ll prove it to you then. Put your hands in mine.” Jamie held his hands palm upwards and stood on his knees. The pain in his side had spread throughout his body now, and was like a mild burning in every nerve and muscle. It was so constant now that he could almost not notice it.
Ashlee looked at his torn hands for a second, wondering if they felt as bad as they looked. Probably not, because things always looked worse than they actually were. She touched the back of her head and winced as her fingers found a tender spot. Was Jamie really as sorry as he said he was? She let her hands hover above his for a second as she considered him. He looked so sincere and there was just a hint of sadness in his face. “What’ll happen?”
There was no answer, but the two stared at each other with their hands just centimetres apart. Ashlee looked scared and chewed gingerly on her split lip. Jamie really wanted to be able to comfort her with a look, but his gaze seemed to pass right over her. Why couldn’t he just give her a glance to tell her that everything would be okay? Why wasn’t that allowed? Ashlee quickly lowered her hands to his, knowing that she’d never have the guts to do it if she kept waiting. Their hands touched, but Ashlee couldn’t feel him underneath.
“What’s going on?” she demanded.
“I’m not quite sure.” That, at least, was the truth. Why could they touch, hold hands, but not feel anything other than their physical presence. He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb – he could feel bones, skin, the bumps of veins, but there was no warmth there. “That should’ve worked. Maybe it’s because we’re both… we can touch each other but not have any effect on each other… seems to be.”
“Jamie, what kind of gibberish is you talking now?”
“Just trying to work things out.” He’d thought he understood until now.
“You’re not making any sense. And why are you trying to prove this to me? This whole thing is some big lie, one massive joke. Well, ha ha ha. You’re busted, give it up.”
A joke? Did she seriously think he could let this happen then laugh about it and call it all a prank? Jamie wasn’t that mean, stupid, or, and he had to admit it, that clever. Besides, he loved her too much to make her hurt this badly, although he did feel responsible. “Ash, this is real. I wish it wasn’t, but it is.”
“What do you mean, this is real? It can’t be.” So, this is what denial sounded like. Because it was happening, she knew that, but she couldn’t reason it in her head.
“Try something else then. Try picking up that mug by the lamp.” That had to work. How else could he prove it to her?
She looked at him again, praying that she would see that mischievous gleam in his bright eyes, but all she saw was a sheen of uncried tears. “Why are you crying? Actually, why’re you not crying?” There was no answer. Ashlee reached out for the mug then brought her hand to her side, defiantly. “Screw it! I don’t have to prove anything!”
Jamie would have felt sorry for his girl if he hadn’t been so angry at her. Why couldn’t she just do as she was told for once? She almost always tried to put up a fight, stand her ground, that was ones of the things he’d fallen in love with, but she was so damned stubborn!
“Face it, Ashlee. You’re-“
“No, I’m not! I am not dead!”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kasim made his way up the stairs that led to the flat. Halfway up, he had to stop on the little landing and lean on the rail for a minute. Nothing was as it used to be, and he needed to rest more often.
The building had gone quiet again and he wondered what was going on. It wasn’t hard to guess at but he couldn’t help his curiosity. How were they reacting to it? What were they doing? Were they full of the angry denial that was trademark in young people, or had they moved onto the tired acceptance of those too weary to fight it? No-one liked being hurt all the time, or doomed to the same half-existence. Yes, even Kasim had made a fuss about it at first.
He gripped the rail tightly, and straightened up when he reached the top of the stairs. It would’ve been so much easier to use the lift, but it was out of order again. Kasim reached up, flexed his stiff knuckles, and knocked on the old red door.
FOUR
He hated to see her like this, but it had to be done. She had to know, she had to understand. Jamie couldn’t cry the tears that begged to spill. He hadn’t had the chance to cry before his own death and it certainly wasn’t allowed afterwards. Ashlee didn’t want to cry, her eyes were dry as dust anyway, and she hadn’t cried since she was a child. If she started, she might never stop. Besides, Jamie shouldn’t have to know that his words could do that to her.
“You are. You’re so special, y’know, but not even you can get away from the truth.”
“If I’m so special, Jamie, why are you doing this to me?” There was a knock at the door and she walked over to answer it. “Did I deserve it? What did I do wrong? I tried so hard to make you happy, to be the perfect girlfriend, and you reward me like this?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t deserve it.”
“I still think this is impossible. I think you’re just trying to find some wacko explanation to rationalise all the mean thing-“ She went to put her hand on the doorknob to let in their night visitor… and her hand passed straight through it. “Woah, what’s going on?”
A man came through the door – not the doorway, the actual door – and sto
od inside. “He tried to tell you. You’re a ghost.”
“I’m a what?”
“A ghost,” the man repeated. “You know, a spook, a phantom. A ghost.”
Jamie looked at him and stood up. Who was this man?
“I know it’s hard to come to terms with at first. Everyone finds it hard when they find out, so you’re not alone… really. It’s harder when you get to the ghost-lands.”
“Hands up if you’re a crazy person,” said Jamie with a rousing arm movement. No-one’s hand went up. Maybe the newcomer was crazy really but just wouldn’t admit it, because, let’s face it, who would? “Ghost-lands? What are they? And how do you know about this?”
“You saw your hand go right through that handle, right? And, you saw me walk straight through the door, correct?”
Ashlee nodded. Seeing was believing, or so the saying went. It never said anything about not believing what you saw, or seeing things that were scientifically impossible.
“So, now do you believe it? You’re incorporeal, you can’t touch things.”
“Oh, I get it. You’re in on it too,” sighed Ashlee. God, just how gullible did he think she was? Ashlee was taken in by practical jokes sometimes, given, but this was one step too far. “How much is he paying you for this?”
“He’s not paying me anything, child. He’s not planning the big joke you think he is.”
“This is getting weirder by the second now.” Jamie wasn’t in control any more. He didn’t have the power any more, not that he’d really had it to begin with. Now, he’d lost even the tiny bit of influence he’d had before this man had intruded and taken it away. Jamie didn’t like being ignored either for that seemed to be the worst insult to his significance, but that was what happened.
“I know this for two reasons. First, because I can read what you’re thinking. Right now, it is that you know this can’t be real but you know that it is.” He opened his eyes and stared at Jamie in something resembling disbelief. “And second, because he’s one too.”
