Solitude And Freedom (Solitude And Freedom #0.5), Page 3

  ***

  Amelie

  It’s been 3 weeks since Wisconsin with Tom and I haven’t talked to him since and he hasn’t talked to me either. Although it’s not meant to, it’s making me feel like I kinda lost his interest. And it kinda makes me feel disappointed.

  Tomorrow’s my birthday party. I invited everyone, including Tom, well I didn’t invite him Becks did, but anyway a lot of people are invited. Becks and I have been planning this for months, she basically did everything and I couldn’t be more grateful. We’re using her place. Her parents are super rich so they made their barn into a house for her. We use it all the time. We basically live together because of how much I sleep at her place. Everything is set except for the food which we’re going to get set tomorrow.

  “Becks, you know you’ve really outdone yourself.” And I love her for it since no one else spoils me and she knows it. What did I do to deserve her?

  “Are you being serious, Milly? I did nothing.” She isn’t even lying all of this costs nothing compared to one of her designer PJs. “I’d do anything for you, Hun,” and again, she’s not lying.

  I went over to her blood red sofa and turned on the TV. I didn’t know how to reply to that so I started flipping through the channels looking for the channel that always puts our TV shows on. As soon as I got to the channel the show started. “Previously, on PLL…” Becks came over and sat on the sofa right next to me. “Got a secret, can you keep it?” sang along like we usually do. “Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.” The theme song ended. We watched it and finished the new episode, just in time to watch TVD. We can NEVER get tired of watching them.

  “Let’s skip school tomorrow,” I told Becks, knowing she would agree even if it meant not seeing Benson. “And we’ll watch a movie or something now.”

  “I thought you’d never ask,” she jumped out of joy and skipped her way to her CD collection. “How about a Leonardo Dicarpio movie?”

  “Sure.”

  We didn’t stay up really late since we had so much to do tomorrow. So I let sleep claim me and it wasn’t really a surprise that I dreamt of Tom. Probably because I feel like I don’t want to loose him, at all.

  ***

  “He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead.” The wind whispered as I walked on a street, traumatized. My fear couldn’t come true. Not yet.

  “No, he can’t be.” I shouted as I jolted awake. I barely registered Becks came running in, “it was just a dream,” I whispered to myself, as I fell asleep again.

  ***

  The nightmare tired me I kept sleeping and getting another nightmare. I’m exhausted but it’s worth it. My party’s worth it. I’ve gotten a lot of happy birthday texts so a lot of people are coming, I hope. Nobody’s here yet but it’s still way too early to worry that no one is showing up. “I’m going to go change then when people show up I’m coming down,” I told Becks as I back towards the staircase.

  She’s wearing jean shorts and a white tank top with a glittery cardigan on top. It’s cute. “Okay, I’ll text you to give you your queue,” I don’t have anything party worthy except a short black skirt Becks says she laid the top I chose out on the bed.

  I went up the stairs and into her master bedroom, to find the red t-shirt I chose laid down on her bed. It was short from the front showing a part of my belly and then grows longer at the back; it has a really thin black belt just above the waist. I took them and my short black skirt to the bathroom to change and add Becks make up. I changed then walked across the large bathroom to the mirror and make up on the large sink. I applied black eye shadow so it would look like I put more make up than I did. I applied mascara careful not to ruin the rest of my face and shiny colourless lip gloss. Just as I finished I got a text from Justin.

  WE’RE HERE. He said. BUT BECKS SAYS NOT TO COME DOWN YET.

  I put everything back into its place so I don’t get yelled at from messing Becks make up. Then I wait and wait and wait.

  ***

  Amelie

  YOU CAN COME DOWN NOW, becks texted. I looked at myself in the mirror one more time. This is a lot more makeup and a lot shorter than what I usually wear and what I usually put.

  I made my way down the stairs taking my time not expecting many people but the first person I saw was the person I wanted to come most. His long dark hair is cut and has been messed up intentionally and honestly I love the look on him. It suits him. He was standing next to the door way and looking around, like he just came her. As soon as he saw me his eyes lit up and became warm and full of lust. I smiled to him, causing his rare occurring trademark grin to show up. He walked towards me slowly like if he made the wrong move I’d run away from him. Just as he was about to reach me, Becks came between us pulling Benson with one arm and Jay jay walking behind them.

  “Happy birthday!” he exclaimed, “my girl’s grown up, look at you.” He gave me a big hug. I could see Tom right behind him watching us; I’m guessing he backed away to where he was when I came down. “I know we don’t do all the present stuff, but I pitched in with Ben.”

  Benson walked up to me and gave hug and a box and said “Happy birthday, Milly.”

  After walking around the place saying hi to everyone and everyone approaching me with a gift, I finally took all the gift bags to the guest room I sleep in. I put them on the dresser and turned around to leave. The door clicked open and Tom walked in. “Hello,” he said.

  I relaxed a little then replied, “Hi,” he’s wearing jeans and a dark blue shirt. “What are you doing up here?”

  “I didn’t get to give you this earlier.” He put his hand into his front pocket and took out a medium sized box and handed it to me. “I hope you like it.” He said, turned away and went back downstairs. I opened the small box to reveal a card. I opened it up and read what’s written inside.

  DEAR AMELIE,

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, THIS IS NOTHING COMPARED

  TO WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO

  GET. IT REMINDS ME OF THE NIGHT OF ON

  THE PARK BECAUSE YOU WERE STARING AT THE

  STARS.

  ENJOY YOU’RE DAY…

  TOM

  I looked under the card to see a metal star necklace with the name AMELIE written on it. It’a beautiful. It’s a sweet gesture. I looked at it for a few more moments then closed the box and put it on the dresser. I went downstairs and hang out for a while. We cut the cake, which was delicious, we ate, we sang karaoke, we danced and talked and laughed, and all that’s left is for us to get wasted, it’s sweet sixteen party tradition now, but just as I was about to drink I noticed Justin wasn’t there.

  “Has anyone seen Justin?” I asked Benson and Adam who were also about to drink.

  They shrugged, and Benson replied “I think I saw him go outside.”

  “Thanks, Ben.”

  I looked around the whole house, but still didn’t find him. I went out of the noisiness and to the garage thinking maybe he went to talk on the phone or something, but nothing could have prepared me to see what I saw. I opened the garage door, expecting nothing, but what I saw completely contradicted my expectations. There he was, standing there kissing someone else. Anna. When they heard me come in they broke the kiss to look at me. I looked between the two of them with my brows furrowed then ran.

  ***

  Tom

  I have no idea what’s going on. I was watching Amelie looking for Justin and the next thing I knew was she was running inside crying. I felt so much anger toward Justin, anger I haven’t felt in a long time. When he came in, only moments later I went straight up to him and suddenly my fist was in his face. I think he knows he deserves it because he doesn’t hit me back. “When I told you I would hurt anyone that hurts her,” I said to him firmly, “you were included and I meant it.”

  Then I spun around and followed her upstairs. I entered the room we were in earlier, but she wasn’t there. I heard her sobbing as I spun around to leave. I looked towards the balcony and there she was, sitting on her floor
with her head stuck between her knees.

  I went straight up to her. She heard me come up and so she looked up slightly. When I saw her face I couldn’t resist I lost it. I sat down next to her and pulled her into my arms. She was strong but can also be fragile when it comes to certain people. It reminded me of a few years ago. The incident that made me the person that I am, but right now I can feel something change in me. Maybe it’s from the sudden growth of feelings. The first thing I have ever actually felt in years. She’s the only person that has gotten me to actually smile and that was actually only because she was smiling too. Now she’s like this? It’s like my heart has gone back to that year of misery and mourning. The year I decided I want to be alone. The year I decided I didn’t want to feel. Am I going back to that time?

  Minutes later her body goes flat, she probably fell asleep. I can’t leave her on the floor, so I picked her up into my arms and carried her to the bed were she would be comfortable. I tucked her in then went down to talk to Becks. When I was down the stairs, the party was over and everyone was long gone. “Bloody hell,” I mumbled. The place was a mess. I went into the kitchen to find Becks and Adam putting the rest of the beers in the fridge. They look exhausted. I’m pretty sure Adam didn’t leave because I’m the one who drove.

  “He left,” they said in unison when they saw me come in. They looked at each other and started to giggle. They’re drunk.

  I helped them put all the beer bottles in the fridge then took Adam to one of the guest rooms and Becks to her room, after a long struggle of trying to find out which ones hers and which one Adam should take. When she told me where her room is I asked her where Adam should sleep. I wasn’t at all surprised when she replied “in my bed.” Then they both started to giggle again. When I got them both in bed, I went over to Amelie to check on her. When I got back in she was crying again, and again, I lost it. I lay down right next to her and pulled her to me chest. This time she slept much quicker. It was perfect. I love the way she’s curled into my chest and the way her long soft hair is sprawled around us. If only she saw what I really wanted her to see in that box. I lay there for hours until I exhausted myself and fell asleep.

  ***

  I woke up in the morning to an empty bed. I started to panic thinking maybe she ran away from me again, but as I sat up, I heard lyrics to the song “Someone like you” by Adele playing softly while she stood next to the dresser mirror brushing her hair. She was flawless. Her pure porcelain skin, her long brown hair that hangs to her bum, her hazel eyes that have tiny little specks green in them, her soft pink lips, her tiny hands, her manicured nails, her tiny structure. Her. Her. Her. She’s all I think about, all I want, all I need. For a moment, I forgot about the past. I forgot about all I did. I just remembered her.

  “Come on, sleepy head, don’t you want breakfast?” she put her hand out for me to take. I took it but I didn’t get up, I pulled her to sit next to me. She laughed gently, then asked, “what?” I kept my face serious.

  “You know you’re going to have to tell me what happened, right?” I told her.

  “I do?” she asked.

  “Yes, you do.” She looked at me pleadingly, if she made that face for a second longer I wouldn’t be able to resist.

  “Fine.” She told me all that happened starting from when she asked Benson where Justin was. If I knew all this last night I wouldn’t have just given him one punch. While she was talking the songs on her iPod kept changed and now it’s playing “Airplanes” by Hayley Williams and Eminem. After she finished, we stayed quiet for a while, next thing I knew I had her face in my hands and I was guiding her face to mine. Her face probably reflected the want in mine. I put my lips on hers gently. I kissed her slowly, cherishing the moment.

  ***

  Amelie

  We were talking, then suddenly he was kissing me and I’m letting him. The kiss was so passionate and gentle I would have never expected it from him. I could have stayed there kissing him for days now that I don’t have a boyfriend to stop me. It’s not like we actually loved each other. It’s like we were together only because we didn’t want to hurt each others feelings. Our love was only friendship, we both knew it.

  I even told Tom these points. Maybe that’s why he thought it was okay to kiss me, and honestly it is alright and he is probably the world’s best kisser, ever. The feelings being built inside me nonstop are beyond anything I’ve ever felt. He’s amazing. His brown hair, his deep blue ocean eyes that turquoise, his white freckled skin, his big hands that look like giant hands. He’s what I want right now. I could have kissed him forever but Becks suddenly stormed in laughing, she has that habit because she doesn’t knock when she enters my room. She stared at us then started laughing again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to walk in on you both but me and Adam are going to make breakfast. Want some?” she asked

  “Uh… Yes, sure.” I replied then looked at Tom.

  “I wouldn’t mind if I do.” He replied still looking at me. When I looked back at him Becks had already left. My cheeks heated slightly, so I looked away. He hooked his finger under my chin and forced me to look at him. “After that, you still blush?” I blushed harder and made him chuckle at me.

  Chapter 5

  Amelie

  Soon after, we went downstairs and breakfast was already being set. I sat down next to the island on my favourite stool and Tom sat next to me. We ate and I had to say what happened last night all over again and Becks said she broke up with Benson because he was being heartless.

  After Becks stopped talking Tom leaned in, as soon as his breath hit my ear I shuddered, and whispered “I want to talk to you about something” and I nodded in response. I wondered what he wanted to talk about and the more I wondered the more anxious I got. He helped me up and took me to the living room our hands intertwined then gestured for me to sit down, so I did. He turned around and faced the window that looks out on the front porch; he’s making me even more anxious with the wait. He turned towards me with so much nervousness and intensity in his eyes. “I-uh- wanted to ask you out.” I don’t know what to say. I’m stunned. I want to say yes but knowing I just broke up with Justin. I can’t, but I want to, but I can’t.

  “I want to but I can’t, I just broke up with Justin and everyone probably knows by now and if I do they might think of me that way and-“

  “No, no it’s okay. I’ll just ask you in a few weeks.” He smiled to me, but at this point I knew it wak fake. We entered the kitchen once again, I was feeling bad about rejecting him but my phone started to ring bringing me out of my guilt.

  “It’s on the coffee table in the living room,” Adam told me, he’s been pretty quiet all morning.

  I went into the living room and found my phone before the caller hung up. It was her. I picked up. “Hello,” she greeted.

  “Cara.” I said. My sister.

  “Hey, where are you?” she asked.

  “Do you care?”

  “Of course, I do. Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Well, since you left me to rot at home, without even calling except once every few months, I didn’t expect you to care.” I told her, my voice venomous.

  “I-I had no other choice,” her voice broke a little. “I couldn’t bring you to stay with me and my husband, we don’t have enough room for us let alone you.” Ever since he left, none of us have been the same, but she became all sensitive but rebellious, so she left saying she couldn’t take it anymore meaning us. Me.

  “It’s not worth the fight, Cara. Now, did you call for a specific reason?”

  “Well, I’m at home, it was meant to be a surprise for all of you, but none of you are here so, where are you?”

  “You’re home?!” I asked more excited than I want to show.

  “Yea, are you at Becks’? If you are I’ll come pick you up.”

  “Yes, I’m at Becks’. See you.”

  I probably went in with my smile stretched from ear to ear because they all were looking at me like I was cra
zy, except Tom of course, he was smiling too. Cara’s back. I started jumping. “Cara’s back!” I told them all. Suddenly Becks was up and jumping around with me. I looked back at Tom and Adam to find confused expressions all over their faces. I explained to them she was my sister and she got married last year and left, but I also left out the details that have anything to do with him. Somewhere in between the conversation, Tom reached under the table and intertwined our fingers. The door bell rung and both me and Becks jumped up expecting Cara. I opened the door and pulled my older sister into a big embrace, I was even crying. She seemed surprised by my gesture but she returned it. I let her go and gave Becks some space to hug her too. When we let each other go, we invited Cara in. She entered straight towards the kitchen.

  “I’m so hungry,” she stated. “Do you have anything I can eat?”

  “Help yourself, like you don’t always,” Becks laughed. Becks loves Cara like an older sister, we were all so close but then Cara left then it was only Becks and I.

  “Oh who’s this?” I’d completely forgotten about Tom and Adam. They were chatting when we walked in. Tom stood and shook Cara’s hand.

  “Tom. Amelie’s…” He trailed off.

  “Friend he’s my friend.”

  “Oooh. Milly’s getting laid.” She said not even bothering to keep her voice down. I blushed furiously and I’m pretty sure Tom was turning pink. “But wait, what happened to Justin?”

  “We broke up,” I told her trying to maintain a stoic face. “I’ll tell you later.” I hate lying to her but it’s not something I want to talk to her about. Adam stood up and shook Cara’s hand, too.

  “I’m Adam, Tom’s cousin.”

  “So, are you Becks’ boyfriend?” Cara asked. She’s always been straight forward when it comes to being laid and boyfriends. Neither of them showed any sign of embarrassment. Becks laughed but Adam replied.

  “No, but I was planning on asking her out.” He looked to Becks and smiled while she looked surprised.

  She clapped her hands and said “Come on, Amelie, I want to show you something.” Then she turned to my friends, “can y’all stay here, for a while?” They all nodded and I followed her to her red GMC.