Goofballs 4: The Mysterious Talent Show Mystery
Tony Abbott
EGMONT
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First published by Egmont USA, 2013
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New York, NY 10016
Text copyright © Tony Abbott, 2013
Illustrations copyright © Colleen Madden, 2013
All rights reserved
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Abbott, Tony
The mysterious talent show mystery / Tony Abbott;
illustrated by Colleen Madden.
p. cm. – (Goofballs; bk. 4)
Summary: The Goofballs are lucky they are expert detectives when their school talent show becomes a whirlwind of mysterious events!
eISBN: 978-1-60684-401-4
[1. Mystery and detective stories. 2. Talent shows–Fiction. 3. Schools–Fiction. 4. Humorous stories.] I. Madden, Colleen M.,
ill. II. Title.
PZ7.A1587Mys 2013
[Fic]–dc23
2012024560
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher and copyright owner.
v3.1
To all my goofily talented friends at Egmont!—T.A.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
1 Something Goofy
2 The Mystery of the Missing Talent
3 Things Start to Happen
4 Crimes All Over the Place
5 The Big Costume Mix-up
6 Under the Stage
7 A Perfectly Goofy Disguise
8 The Guilty Party!
1
Something Goofy
Hi, I’m Jeff Bunter.
And you’re not.
That’s a goofy joke.
But it’s no joke that I’m an official Goofball.
My friends Brian Rooney, Kelly Smitts, and Mara Lubin are also official Goofballs.
We solve mysteries like nobody else.
Brian is an inventor. Sort of.
He makes wacky junk that doesn’t always work but looks really cool and helps us solve crimes.
Kelly is as smart as a computer, but she doesn’t look like one. Unless a computer is really short, really suspicious, and has big yellow hair. Which sounds like an invention Brian would make.
Then there’s Mara. She’s tall like a fashion model, as skinny as a rake handle, and wears giant green glasses. She’s also a master of amazing disguises.
Me, I was born to solve mysteries.
Since I first learned to carry stuff, I’ve carried a notebook around with me. I call it my cluebook because I write down all the clues I find. And believe me, there are clues everywhere!
Like the ones we found last week.
It was the first rehearsal for the Badger Point Elementary School Talent Show.
We couldn’t have the show at our own school because they were putting down a new floor in the Cafeteri-Audi-Nasium.
“Good thing,” Brian said when he found out. “Without a floor, we’d fall into the basement.”
So, instead of being held at Badger Point Elementary, our show would be at the big, large, huge, and enormous Badger Point High School!
That’s where Brian, Kelly, Mara, and I met last Monday afternoon for our first rehearsal.
In my backpack were a dinner plate and a balancing stick. I was really getting good at spinning that plate. I wanted everyone to see me do it.
Of course, being Goofballs, we all agreed to keep our talents secret, even from one another. It was more mysterious that way.
But none of us guessed what the real talent show mystery would be.
“Someday, we’ll go to this school,” said Kelly as we looked up at the big building.
“Sunday?” said Brian. “That’s a week from now. I can’t wait that long.”
And he walked right in, leaving the doors swinging behind him.
“Brian’s a Goofball,” said Mara.
“Also a glueball,” I said. “Which means we should probably stick together.”
The moment we entered the high school, Kelly gasped. “Wows!”
Wows, is right.
The school was humongous. Inside the front doors were three super-long hallways leading off into the distance.
Brian stared down each hall. “Does anyone know where the auditorium is?” he asked.
“I was here once,” I said. “So I do.”
“I do, too,” Mara said.
“Me, too,” Kelly said.
“Well, I don’t,” said Brian. “So I should lead the way.” He started down the wrong hall.
“Brian, wait,” I said. “If you’re the only one who doesn’t know where the auditorium is, why should you lead?”
Brian smiled at me. “Jeff, Jeff. It’s simple.”
Uh-oh. When Brian says, “It’s simple,” it’s usually the opposite.
“First of all,” he said, “where are we at this exact moment?”
“In the high school,” said Mara.
“And what are schools for?” said Brian.
“To learn things,” said Kelly.
“But since you already know where the auditorium is, you can’t learn where it is,” Brian said. “Since I don’t know where it is, I’ll learn where it is. That’s why I should lead.”
I stared at Brian.
Kelly stared at Brian.
Mara stared at Brian.
“I’m glad we’re all agreed,” Brian said. Then he took a pair of cardboard binoculars from his cargo pants, pretended to focus them, and crept down the completely wrong hall like he was tracking a jungle beast.
Kelly sighed. “If we don’t follow him, he’ll get lost.”
Mara sighed, too. “If we do follow him, we’ll get lost.”
I sighed the loudest. “I know I’m going to sound like Brian here, but the Goofballs are nowhere unless we’re all together, so it’s better to find ourselves lost together with Brian than to lose Brian and find ourselves together without him.”
Kelly stared at me.
Mara stared at me.
“Plus maybe we won’t get lost,” I said.
So we followed Brian.
And we got lost.
We started by going upstairs to the second floor. There we discovered a hall with no lights and no doors. Then we found a hall with lots of doors but no lights. Then we found a hall with no doors but lots of lights. Then we found the stairway back to the front doors again and went right to the auditorium.
“This is like a corn maze,” Brian said.
“Maize is the Indian word for corn,” Kelly said.
“Corny is my word for goofy,” I said.
“And mystery is my word for that!” said Mara. She pointed to a sign outside the auditorium doors.
“Friturday?” Mara stared at the sign through her big green glasses. “And I thought I had talent. Someone is inventing new days!”
“Maybe it’s our first clue,” whispered Kelly.
At the word clue, I pulled out my cluebook and scribbled it down.
“It might just be a spelling mistake,” I said.
“I sometimes misspell my name,” said Brian. “And Brian comes out Brain. But it’s not really a mistake. Because I really am a brain!”
No one said anything for a few seconds.
“Maybe,�
� Kelly grumbled finally. “But mistake or not, I’ve got my eyes on that sign.”
“I’ve got my eyes on my face,” said Brian. “They’re easier to blink that way. Watch …”
He blinked over and over and over.
It made us all a little sick, but we couldn’t look away.
Brian finally got so dizzy with blinking that he fell over. We helped him to his feet.
“Come on, Brain,” I said. “You can hurt your Brian that way.”
“Me, too,” he said as we all entered the auditorium.
2
The Mystery of the Missing Talent
The auditorium was as huge as a football field. Except that it was indoors and had rows of seats from wall to wall and a stage big enough to land a plane on.
Our classmates Billy Carlson, Joey Myers, and Tiffany Flynn were already there.
Tiffany wore tap shoes that clacked whenever she took a step.
Billy held a piece of rope. And Joey kept moving his lips and laughing to himself.
Billy and Joey had figured in a couple of our mysteries before. They weren’t all that goofy, but they were okay anyway. Tiffany was pretty new in our class, so I hadn’t noticed if she was goofy or not.
Finally, Violet Boggs walked onstage.
Even though her name was Violet, she always wore pink from head to toe.
“I’m going to the opening of Pinkworld next week,” she said. “It’s a store that sells all kinds of pink stuff.”
Kelly looked her up and down. “Is there any left?”
“Some,” said Violet. “I’m getting it.”
Then Violet dragged a big lumpy thing to the center of the stage.
It looked like a baby elephant on wheels.
“Is that a baby elephant on wheels?” I asked.
“It’s my pink tuba,” said Violet. She lifted away a fuzzy pink blanket, opened the case, and removed what looked like a pink smokestack attached to a pink radiator attached to pink bathroom plumbing.
“Cool invention,” said Brian. “What does it sound like?”
“Just listen!” Violet twisted herself into the tuba and puffed into the mouthpiece.
BWAAAP!
Brian fell over again. “Oww,” he said, rubbing his head. “I really need to rest my Brian.”
“Plus it hurts my mind,” said Tiffany, slapping her hands over her ears.
The curtain whooshed aside, and our principal, Principal Higgins, appeared on the stage. “Hello, children. I want to introduce Tabitha Rinkle, the director of the talent show—”
All at once, a short, round lady with big red hair flew past the principal and bounced across the stage to us.
“I am Mrs. Tabitha Rinkle, the director of the talent show!” she said with a big laugh. “Come to me!”
We did. But Principal Higgins didn’t. He said he had principal stuff to do, and he left the auditorium.
“As you know,” Mrs. Rinkle said, changing her laugh to a smile, “this is an awesome theater. It has a backstage, a fog machine, a music room, and a costume shop, and even a catwalk!”
“I don’t have a cat,” said Kelly. “But if I did, could I walk it here?”
Mrs. Tabitha Rinkle laughed again. “No, no, dear! A catwalk is a walkway for the stage crew. It’s high above the stage. See?”
We looked up. The catwalk was a skinny bridge way up behind the main curtain.
“Now, there will be two acts in our show,” Mrs. Rinkle said.
“That’s a lot,” said Billy Carlson.
“Act one is the talent show,” Mrs. Rinkle continued. “Act two is a play. Let’s start with act one talent auditions. Tiffany Flynn?”
We all stood aside as Tiffany clacked to the center of the stage and clicked on a CD player.
First music started.
Then Tiffany started.
To dance.
Sort of.
Her right foot tapped like crazy.
Tappa-tappa-tap-te-tappa-tap!
Her arms flew all around like wings. But her left foot didn’t move an inch.
It sat like a lump of stone glued to the stage.
“One of her feet doesn’t seem to be working,” Mara whispered.
Tappa-tappity-ta-tappppp!
Tiffany bowed suddenly, and her dance was over.
“Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!” Mrs. Rinkle said, using what we would soon learn was her favorite word. “Next is Billy Carlson.”
Billy bowed. “I call my act ‘Taming the Wild Snake.’ ”
He swished his rope back and forth on the floor in front of him. “Oh, no. A wild snake. Watch while I tame it.”
Billy pulled the rope up. It hung limply in his hands. “Thank you.”
“Write this down, Jeff,” whispered Kelly.
“I shall now tell a series of jokes,” Joey Myers said with a bow. “Here I go. Why did the farmer drive a red truck with a green steering wheel?”
“Why?” we asked.
“Because it was a long way to town. Why is the sky blue?”
“Why?” we asked.
“Because all the other colors were taken. Why do restaurants serve food?”
“Why?” we asked.
“Because barber shops are too busy. Why did the elephant sit down?”
“Why?” we asked.
“Because it was a long way to town. Why were the twins named Henri with an i and Henry with a y?”
“Why?” we asked.
“So their mother could tell them apart. Thank you.”
When Joey walked off, Violet carried her big pink tuba to the center of the stage and slid herself into it.
“In the hands of a master,” she said, “the tuba can meow like a tiny kitten.…”
BWAAAAP!
“It can play a military march.…”
BWAAAAP!
“It can also play a soft lullaby.…”
BWAAAAP!
I wondered if Mrs. Rinkle would ask the Goofballs to search for all the missing talent. But she just laughed and said, “Awesome!”
Then it was our turn.
“I’ll be singing a song,” Kelly said.
“What is it called?” asked Mrs. Rinkle.
“It doesn’t matter,” said Kelly.
“I’ve never heard that song before,” Mrs. Rinkle said.
That’s because no one had heard that song before.
Not even Kelly.
Because she made it up as she sang it.
I’m on a big stage …
There are seats out there …
My neck kind of itches …
I have blond hair …
“Lovely rhyme. Thank you, dear,” said Mrs. Rinkle.
“But there’s a second verse!” said Kelly.
It’s way after school …
I like watermelon …
Polar bears are white …
My name’s not Ellen …
We all clapped before Kelly could sing the third verse.
“Now … Brian,” said Mrs. Rinkle.
All at once, I heard something snap. I spun around to see Brian with the balancing stick from my backpack. He had snapped it in half and was snapping the pieces in half again.
“What are you doing?” I screamed.
“I need a couple of very short sticks,” he said, breaking the pieces in half one more time. Now they were tiny slivers.
“But that’s half my act!” I cried.
“Don’t worry, Jeff,” he said. “My act will completely knock their socks off. While everyone runs home for new socks, we’ll find another stick for you.”
I was about to explode, but Brian dashed onstage. He held up the tiny sticks and tapped them together.
Then his hands began to swordfight!
Brian pretended his hands were two guys in a duel. He even did the voices of each hand out of different sides of his mouth. “Take zat!”
“No, you take zis!”
“I’ll vin zis duel!”
“No, I vill vin!”
>
It was like … it was like … I don’t know what it was like.
Finally, both hands lowered their swords. Brian said, “Thank you.”
So did his hands.
“Tank you!”
“Sank you!”
“Thrilling!” said Mrs. Rinkle.
Mara was next. “I will model this scarf,” she said, lightly touching a green scarf wound around her neck.
She stood there. And stood there some more. And kept on standing.
“Thank you,” she said, and she walked off the stage.
Mrs. Rinkle clapped for a full minute. “Very elegant, my dear! Just brilliant! Now … Jeff?”
I glared at Brian. “No one’s socks came off,” I said.
Brian shrugged. “Probably a good thing.”
But Goofballs don’t stay mad at other Goofballs. And they never give up, no matter how much Brian wrecks stuff.
“My act is … not … spinning a plate,” I said. I set the plastic plate on the stage. It just sat there. “Look how not spinning it is!”
After a minute, I bowed and left the stage.
But Mrs. Rinkle jumped from her seat, shouting, “Excellent! Wonderful! And, well, awesome! I can’t wait to share you with the audience next Friday night!” she said.
Joey turned to Mrs. Rinkle. “You mean Saturday night, right? It sort of says that on the sign.”
Mrs. Rinkle held up the sign we saw outside. “I’m sorry. I thought the show was both Friday and Saturday nights. So I started to spell them both. Then I found out that the high school needs the theater next Saturday night. So our show will be only on Friday.”
She changed the spelling on the sign.
But little did we know that when Mrs. Tabitha Rinkle took the “tur” out of Friturday, the Mysterious Talent Show Mystery was about to begin!
3
Things Start to Happen
When we arrived on Tuesday afternoon, we found Mrs. Rinkle stamping her foot over and over on the stage.
“Are you trying to learn Tiffany’s dance?” asked Mara.
“Or stomping Billy’s wild snake?” asked Kelly.
Mrs. Rinkle laughed. “Neither. My foot fell asleep!”
