Happiness Class
Thomas Cannon
"I am different not less." - Temple Grandin
Chapter 1
What is the one thing people need to know about people with mental illness and people with a disability? It is this: They are no different from anyone else. They do the same thing everyone else does. It is only that life and chemistry makes their actions extreme. A person may hear voices. You may not, but you do have an internal monologue that talks to you. There are many people in a mental hospital that cut themselves. Many people do not. But they do self-destructive things. Everyone thinks of suicide. Because of depression. Chemical imbalances make that desire stronger.
Children with autism may twirl their fingers. It is self-stimulation. A way to calm down. If everyone took note, they would see something similar. Hair twirling. Pen cap chewing. Beard stroking. A child with autism may become violent. People have violent tendencies. Because they know of social conventions, they suppress it. A child with autism may hit a teacher. His or her reactions are extreme, but everyone has physically fought with a sibling (maybe at age 2). By they are in school, they know that is not social correct to hit a teacher. That they will get in trouble.
It is difficult, but everyone needs to learn that mental illness is just that. An illness. We don’t make fun of a person with cancer. We do not shun them or think them as weird. Mental illness is not the person’s fault. Do what you can with what you can.
The secret to happiness is an often-used phrase. There is not really a secret to it. There are only habits to have that lead to it.
These habits, however, do not replace treatment of mental illness.
They can add to it. Enhance a person’s life, but they cannot take the place of therapy and medication.
Think of it as a person with high blood pressure being told that running was too dangerous for them. The doctor would prescribe medication to lower her/his blood pressure. Then that person could run a race. The medication helps make it possible for them to run. So does medication for various mental illnesses.
Chapter 2
Choose Happiness
Things found here are not groundbreaking research or new ideas. It is simply ideas culled from various sources that may lead to happiness. I hope that it will be a collaboration with patients to put down ideas that lead to a good life (if they are willing to do so anonymously.
The supposition here is that anyone can be successful in life. Very successful. Who wins in the game called life. Those that are happy. How can you be happy? By not worrying about the future. Felling guilt about the past. To be in the moment and appreciate that you are alive. Be grateful for what you do have. If you can do that, then you have more than many. This probably includes the richest, most famous person. They may have a lot. If they are not appreciative, then they will not be as happy. If you choose at any moment to be happy, then you have something to be envious of.
As you go about your day, you can focus on problems. You can also focus on what others have. Other students have lots of friends and good grades. There is always going to be problems.
Or you could look for what you do have. Everybody has something. If you do not compare it to what others have, you will see what you have is special.
Compare down
People compare themselves with other people. Everyone does it. It is so easy to wish that you had what other people have. That does not lead to happiness.
Instead, compare your life to others than have it worse. Not in a pitying way, but realize that you can have it worse. You have a mental illness. Some people are confined to a wheelchair and have chronic pain. Other people have a terminal illness.
Compare down and then be thankful you have a lot. What ’s more, you always have the potential to have a better life.
Chapter 3 Happiness Does dues Dos
Happiness depends upon ourselves.” –Aristotle
Adopt habits that make you happy
Even when you accomplish something great, that high won’t last. It won’t make you happy on its own; you have to work to make and keep yourself happy.
Your happiness, or lack thereof, is rooted in your habits. Permanently adopting new habits -- especially those that involve intangibles, such as how you see the world -- is hard, but breaking the habits that make you unhappy is much easier.
There are numerous bad habits that tend to make us unhappy. Eradicating these bad habits can move your happiness set point in short order.
Being happy or unhappy comes from your habits. Bad habits make us unhappy.
1. Immunity to awe.
Amazing things happen around you every day if you only know where to look. Technology has exposed us to so much and made the world so much smaller. Yet, there’s a downside that isn’t spoken of much: exposure raises the bar on what it takes to be awestricken. In addition, that’s a shame, because few things are as uplifting as experiencing true awe. True awe is humbling. It reminds us that we’re not the center of the universe. Awe is also inspiring and full of wonder, underscoring the richness of life and our ability to both contribute to it and be captivated by it. It’s hard to be happy when you just shrug your shoulders every time you see something new.
Look for cool things. Enjoy them. Don’t be jaded
2. Isolating yourself.
Isolating yourself from social contact is a common response to feeling unhappy, but there’s a large body of research that says it’s the worst thing you can do. This is a huge mistake, as socializing, even when you don’t enjoy it, is great for your mood. We all have those days when we just want to pull the covers over our heads and refuse to talk to anybody, but the moment this becomes a tendency, it destroys your mood. Recognize that when unhappiness is making you antisocial, you need to force yourself to get out there and mingle. You’ll notice the difference right away.
When you have problems, we go off by yourself. That is the worst thing to do. Force yourself to go be social.
3. Blaming.
We need to feel in control of our lives in order to be happy, which is why blaming is so incompatible with happiness. When you blame other people or circumstances for the bad things that happen to you, you’ve decided that you have no control over your life, which is terrible for your mood.
Humans blame other people. It part of our brains. Nevertheless, when you blame others you tell your brain you are not the boss of yourself. This makes us unhappy.
4. Controlling.
It’s hard to be happy without feeling in control of your life, but you can take this too far in the other direction by making yourself unhappy through trying to control too much. This is especially true with people. The only person you can control in your life is you. When you feel that nagging desire to dictate other people’s behavior, this will inevitably blow up in your face and make you unhappy. Even if you can control someone in the short term, it usually requires pressure in the form of force or fear, and treating people this way won’t leave you feeling good about yourself.
Try to change others does not work. It will only make you unhappy.
5. Criticizing.
Judging other people and speaking poorly of them is a lot like overindulging in a decadent dessert; it feels good while you’re doing it, but afterwards, you feel guilty and sick. Sociopaths find real pleasure in being mean. For the rest of us, criticizing other people (even privately or to ourselves) is just a bad habit that’s intended to make us feel better about ourselves. Unfortunately, it doesn’t. It just creates a spiral of negativity.
Judging others makes us feel bad
6. Complaining.
Complaining is troubling, as well as the attitude that precedes it. Complaining is a self-reinforcing behavio
r. By constantly talking -- and therefore thinking -- about how bad things are, you reaffirm your negative beliefs. While talking about what bothers you can help you feel better, there’s a fine line between complaining being therapeutic and it fueling unhappiness. Beyond making you unhappy, complaining drives other people away.
Tell people what is bothering you is good. Constantly focusing on things you don’t like makes us unhappy
7. Impressing.
People will like your clothes, your car, and your fancy job, but that doesn’t mean they like you. Trying to impress other people is a source of unhappiness, because it doesn’t get to the source of what makes you happy -- finding people who like you and accept you for who you are. All the things you acquire in the quest to impress people won’t make you happy either. There’s an ocean of research that shows that material things don’t make you happy. When you make a habit of chasing things, you are likely to become unhappy because, beyond the disappointment you experience once you get them, you discover that you’ve gained them at the expense of the real things that can make you happy, such as friends, family, and taking good care of yourself.
Things don’t make you happy. Friends and good thoughts do.
8. Negativity.
Life won’t always go the way you want it to, but when it comes down to it, you have the same 24 hours in the day as everyone else. Happy people make their time count. Instead of complaining about how things could have been or should have been, they reflect on everything they have to be grateful for. Then they find the best solution available to the problem, tackle it, and move on. Nothing fuels unhappiness quite like pessimism. The problem with a pessimistic attitude, apart from the damage it does to your mood, is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you expect bad things, you’re more likely to get bad things. Pessimistic thoughts are hard to shake off until you recognize how illogical they are. Force yourself to look at the facts, and you’ll see that things are not nearly as bad as they seem.
Happy people are thankful for what they have
9. Hanging around negative people.
Complainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spirals. You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with negative people. A great way to set limits is to ask them how they intend to fix their problems. The complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.
You should strive to surround yourself with people who inspire you, people who make you want to be better, and you probably do. But what about the people who drag you down? Why do you allow them to be a part of your life? Anyone who makes you feel worthless, anxious, or uninspired is wasting your time and, quite possibly, making you more like them. Life is too short to associate with people like this. Cut them loose.
Think of complainers as smokers- you are breathing in their anger and sadness.
10. Comparing your own life to the lives people portray on social media.
The Happiness Research Institute conducted the Facebook Experiment to find out how our social media habits affect our happiness. Half of the study’s participants kept using Facebook as they normally would, while the other half stayed off Facebook for a week. The results were striking. At the end of the week, the participants who stayed off Facebook reported a significantly higher degree of satisfaction with their lives and lower levels of sadness and loneliness. The researchers also concluded that people on Facebook were 55% more likely to feel stress as a result.
The thing to remember about Facebook and social media in general is that they rarely represent reality. Social media provides an airbrushed, color-enhanced look at the lives people want to portray. I’m not suggesting that you give up social media; just take it sparingly and with a grain of salt.
People on Facebook, snapchat and other social media are not as happy as they look.
11. Neglecting to set goals.
Having goals gives you hope and the ability to look forward to a better future, and working towards those goals makes you feel good about yourself and your abilities. It’s important to set goals that are challenging, specific (and measurable), and driven by your personal values. Without goals, instead of learning and improving yourself, you just plod along wondering why things never change.
Having goals gives you hope
12. Giving in to fear.
Fear is nothing more than a lingering emotion that’s fueled by your imagination. Danger is real. It’s the uncomfortable rush of adrenaline you get when you almost step in front of a bus. Fear is a choice. Happy people know this better than anyone does, so they flip fear on its head. They are addicted to the euphoric feeling they get from conquering their fears.
When all is said and done, you will lament the chances you didn’t take far more than you will your failures. Don’t be afraid to take risks. I often hear people say, “What’s the worst thing that can happen to you? Will it kill you?” Yet, death isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you. The worst thing that can happen to you is allowing yourself to die inside while you’re still alive.
Don’t be afraid to take risks.
13. Leaving the present.
Like fear, the past and the future are products of your mind. No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future. Happy people know this, so they focus on living in the present moment. It’s impossible to reach your full potential if you’re constantly somewhere else, unable to fully embrace the reality (good or bad) of the very moment. To live in the moment, you must do two things:
1) Accept your past. If you don’t make peace with your past, it will never leave you and it will create your future. Happy people know that the only good reason to look at the past is to see how far you’ve come.
2) Accept the uncertainty of the future, and don’t place unnecessary expectations upon yourself. Worry has no place in the here and now. As Mark Twain once said, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”
Be happy right now all the time.
Bringing It All Together
We can’t control our genes, and we can’t control all of our circumstances, but we can rid ourselves of habits that serve no purpose other than to make us miserable.
Chapter 4
Coping strategies and skills are the reactions and behaviors one adopts to deal with difficult situations. Coping strategies come in many forms. Some are helpful and others are hurtful.
Humans tend to learn coping strategies from those they come into contact with while growing up. When a person learns and develops habits of negative coping skills, stressors become catastrophes and confidence in one's ability to cope is diminished.
Use this list of positive coping skills to identify new strategies to explore to become more resilient in the face of challenges. Then look at the list of negative coping strategies to look for items to replace with more positive coping skills.
A List of Coping Skills for Anger, Anxiety, and Depression
https://hubpages.com/health/Coping-Strategies-Skills-List-Positive-Negative-Anger-Anxiety-Depression-Copers
1) Exercise is an Excellent Coping Mechanism
A good workout can make you feel a lot better.
Positive Coping Skills
Diversions
1. Write, draw, paint, photography
2. sing, dance, act
3. Take a shower or a bath
4. Take a walk in the hall
&
nbsp; 5. Watch television or a movie
6. Play a game
7. Clean or organize your environment
8. Read
Social/Interpersonal (with others)
1. Talk to someone you trust
2. Set boundaries and say "no"
3. Write a note to someone you care about
4. Be assertive- these means state what you want in a nice way
5. Use humor
6. Spend time with friends or a staff member
7. Help someone
8. Encourage others
Cognitive (Of the Mind)
1. Make a gratitude list
2. Brainstorm solutions
3. Lower your expectations of the situation
4. Keep an inspirational quote with you
5. Be flexible
6. Write a list of goals
7. Act opposite of negative feelings
8. Write a list of pros and cons for decisions
9. Reward or pamper yourself when successful
10. Write a list of strengths
11. Accept a challenge with a positive attitude
Tension Releasers
1. Exercise or play sports
2. Catharsis (yelling in the bathroom, punching a pillow
3. Cry
4. Laugh
Physical
1. Get enough sleep
2. Eat healthy foods
3. Get into a good routine
4. Deep/slow breathing
Spiritual
1. Pray or meditate
2. Enjoy nature
Limit Setting
1. Prioritize important tasks- decide what you want the most
2. Use assertive communication- don’t be bossed around, but follow the rules
Negative Coping Skills
