Solatium!

1/29/2010

  Solatium For The Child of Events!

  By:Sir Teymur Roshdi

  Copyright2010-Sir Teymur Roshdi

  1

  ...I was so plunged in my thoughts that I didn't pay any attention to the flow out of the time neither to the sort of vessel which was fissioning the awesome waters of the sea in the darkness.Few fading lights were noticeable in the ship,which obviously was not a navy neither a trawler, but some sort of cargo-boat.

  I began observing the sky.I remembered that in our astronomy courses we became familiar with the configuration of the stars which like a compass could help us to know where we were and in what direction we were moving.I couldn't continue the trend of my 'study' of the celestial bodies because a sudden turbulence awakened the whole 'crew'.

  I heard the voice of the captain who was shouting, giving some orders to the sailors,apparently we became the prey of some marine tornado.In a second the stars disappeared behind thick clouds and a terrible rain collapse began beating my face and body like the stroke of belts.I was completely wet and tried to move for finding some safer place than the guardrail of the deck , but it was quite impossible moving against the force of the wind , as if it has sticked me to the rail. I shouted and asked for help but no one payed attention to me because no one was hearing my voice, they were all upset and busy and seemingly they couldn't understand this sudden and unexpected change of weather and the marine tornado which was about to swallow the vessel.

  My face was paralysed by the force of the cold wind and the beats of the rain, in a wink the whirlpool affected the ship in a way that the guardrail submerged and I found myself in the dreadful and wild waves of the dark waters and I lost consciousness.

  2

  When I opened my eyes, a pleasant warm daylight reigned over the surrounding.I was lain down on a soft and clean big bed wearing a sort of silky and soft sleep clothes.I simply couldn't realize all of this,in a moment I thought that I was dead but I was still breathing,so I deduced that maybe I was dreaming.I stood up and sat on the bed and began looking around myself to find out in what sort of place I was. First of all I remembered my drowning in the dark waters of the sea and the whirlpool which was swallowing the ship and after that moment the darkness. If I was not dead and if I was not in the 'heaven', then who or what saved me? How much time I was here and how much time I remained in unconsciousness? I threw a look around and I noticed that I was in a sort of very beautiful and big flat with a large window through it I could see a green and heavenly garden with all sort of old trees and here and there some arranged multicolour flowers on a grassy ground. I approched the window and the sunlight greeted me.That seemed really strange and unbelievable, it was just like the garden, the sunlight and that flat were something otherworldly.

  I sat on a sofa in front of the landscape and tried to review all my memories since the moment I have been left in the orphanage till the moment I lost the train which was moving toward the destination of the homeland of my parents, also I thought about everything and everyone I left behind myself in that city of adventures. I noticed that lot of things have been changed even in my feelings and point of view, a sort of relief has invaded my mind and heart. I could hardly recognize myself, I was not anymore the same sensitive abandoned miserable boy who was always feeling pity for himself. Then what was going on and what was happened to me ?

  Just in the other side of the flat I noticed a door and I thought that maybe by opening that door I would finally find out where I was, meanwhile,by looking at the walls I was surprised that not any picture was used for the embellishment of the place, but instead lot of beautiful vases of flowers were put here and there and I should acknowledge that although everything there were extremely simple, but the place was very impressive,rather awesome. I still looked at the door, but because by nature I was not a bold boy and all my life I always behaved out of discretion and fear,I hesitated going toward the door and opening it.Maybe if I dared doing that everything would be clarifyied,but I didn't dare and I prefered waiting and thinking or guessing.I was struggling with my hesitation and all the questions for which I was awaiting some answer that at my astonishment I saw that the door has been opened quietly and slowly and a young girl of almost my age appeared and entered the place very carefully and was looking at me.

  This creature was the most beautiful thing I ever seen in all my life if I had to call 'life' my miserable childhood.She had a tray in her hands with lot of meals on.She moved toward me with harmonious and slow steps and still looked at me with her grey-blue eyes.I couldn't say that I found some kindness,compassion or something like this in her eyes, as if she has been vacated of any emotion.Her gold-blond hair framed her pale face.She put the tray on a small table with a sort of ethereal movements.I was so impressed by her indescribable beauty and my throat was so dry out of emotion that I could hardly formulating my question and my voice sounded very strange to myself when I asked her :"who are you?".She stopped staring me and looked at some unknown point of the garden and replied with a musical tone of voice:"I'm Angella".I couldn't believe what I was seeing and what I was hearing,so out of curiosity with a trembling voice I asked:"are you an angel?".She didn't answer my question but simply said:"eat your meal,drink the beverage and enjoy that,stay here,get some rest and wait,someone would come to see you".Then with her ethereal attitute she moved away till the door and disappeared.

  3

  The door has been shut down and I thought about the apparition and disappearance of 'Angella'. Was she real?Then I began doubting about the reality of everything around.A glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee were on the tray ,beside a good smelling fresh bread,cream , jam and some fruits.I took the glass of orange juice and drunk few sips,it was real.Then I tried the coffee,I tasted the bread,the jam and the banana.They were real and they tasted real.I stood up because I had the impression that I became a bit taller,then I touched my knee which has been wounded in the rail-road station,but at my astonishment I didn't find any sign of inflammation or thrombosis.I looked around to find a mirror just to see my appearance,but nothing of this sort was there,simply I noticed in a side of the flat a light brown wood wardrobe.I moved toward that and opened it and found just a three-piece majestic clothes of my size,a complete underwear, a pair of silky socks and a pair of bright leather shoes.The jacket was made of marine blue velvet stuff embroidered with golden bands,the waistcoat was in white satin and the trousers was made of a white unknown stuff but it was very soft and beautiful.I remembered that I had already seen this sort of majestic clothes worn by some of the guests of the 'charitable woman' during the evening parties she gave at those days when everything seemed 'good' to me after I left the orphanage and had been adopted by her.Also I remembered that I had seen such clothes in the pictures of the aristocratic families before the civil war.Anyway I decided to put them on because seemingly I would have the visit of 'Someone' as 'Angella' told me,if by any chance everything there was 'real'.

  4

  I was a bit surprised that I didn't feel in my heart any disturbing emotion or some stress or the least worry,after all why I might worry about something?Dead or alive I was in a safe place and nothing threatening around me.Wasn't my very wish in that morning when I woke up after my sweet dream in that miserable place under the stairs at my family home to never been awakened?When I was relying at the rail of the deck in that ship,didn't I wish that the nightmare stops?In fact I was living a nightmare since my birth and all the years I spent at the orphanage,at the strangers home during those chaotic period of war,suffering loneliness,starvation,abuse and discrimination and then began the nightmare of my biological parents home where I have been insulted and mistreated worse than anywhere else and by whoever else.So I had no reason for being up
set or fearing something because in all cases the nightmare stopped and I was in peace at least with myself, no matter if I was dead or alive.

  5

  That 'Someone' appeared.I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't pay attention how and from where the 'Someone' appeared.Anyway I have been impressed by his presence,his look and his attitude.I stood up and looked at his

  face with astonishment.He had the same look,smile than 'sherven' and his stature was almost the same.In a moment I thought that he was 'sherven',but something more impressive inhabitated his 'person'.He shaked my hand and said hello to me without introducing himself and invited me to sit down on the sofa and he sat on a chair in front of me.He guessed and noticed my surprise but said nothing apart a sort of meaningful smile which could be very eloquent if only I was able to understand.For few 'moments' I remained silent looking at him.Finally I asked politely who he was and what was that place.He was not someone talkative because instead of answering my question he just moved his head in the direction of the garden and was looking,just like 'Angella',at some unknown point of the garden.I simply knew that this silence was comfortable and I felt myself at ease.I began observing his clothes, his profile,his hands and his whole person.He had the same otherworldly look than 'Angella'.His clothes were perfect as if he was a sort of prince of some dreamland.Then I renounced asking about his identity and just asked:"what happened to me in that ship and what happened to the ship?".This time he said with the same musical tone of voice than 'Angella' :"you passed through a time-crack and the ship continued its way safely".

  To digest this statement I spent lot of 'time'.I remembered suddenly all the strange ideas and projects of 'sherven' I couldn't understand.I knew that he had very strange scientific projects for his engineering school,I remembered that he was talking about the building of a submarine which would be able to even fly or disappear in the space, also I remembered that sometimes he was talking about the extraterrestrial beings and intelligence for which he had lot of proofs,but at those moments I was so busy with my miserable personal life and destiny and all the struggles I had with everything and everyone that I really didn't pay attention to what 'sherven' was talking about and I even didn't take it seriously and I thought that maybe he was joking or he was talking about some fairy tales or his own fantasies.But in front of this 'Someone' all of the statements of 'sherven' became suddenly alive and real. So,as if I could realize everything in a wink , I dared asking :"are you the captain of a submarine?are we here in a submarine with some illusionary landscape?are you an extraterrestrial?".

  The 'Someone' or the prince of a dreamland realized that my intelligence was'growing', so he explained:"no,we are not in a submarine and I am not the captain.We are just in another dimension.If you prefer in another'world'. Now he was talking like a professor who is teaching a student.He stood up and began walking with slow and harmonious steps in that 'space' and added:"in the universe we have innumerable 'worlds',parallel worlds,cross-worlds,spiral-worlds,worlds-inside-worlds and so on.You will never find a 'map' for these 'worlds' because the 'humans' live and follow the 'logic' and for logical minds, these are just nonsence.Only visionary people are able to feel and to see these worlds.You can never say that these worlds are 'located' above,beneath, in or out of the logical world, but for sure they exist.

  In some of these worlds the 'doomed' becomes blessed,the sick , healed, the poor,rich ,the'ugly',gorgeous and the miserable hurt one becomes the most fortunate.I already know all your questions,but just listen.

 

  The 'humans', who are they? the animals, what are they? the'angels', the'demons', what sort of beings or creatures are they?The extraterrestrials, do they really exist?I know , I know , you want to learn and to know all of this.Quite

  simply I just try to show you how to 'see' things.About the humans,animals,angels,

  demons and ghosts, you should know that we consider all of these beings as

  species.You can find an angel in a snake , or a demon in a lamb, so it is with humans.What is confusing with humans is their shape, I mean their human like body,or their 'humanhood' but we never consider the body as a category of being.

 

  In humans you can find all the species of all sort of animals,angels ,demons ,ghosts or whatever name you would like call them.We just see all of these as 'forces'.These are the 'forces' of 'nature' if you prefer using the word nature, or the 'forces' of the 'universe','cosmos' or whatever word you will use to call this entity."

 

 

  I can't say that I was amazed,stuned or hypnosed by the teaching of the 'Someone', but I was just absorbing what he was saying because it was like as if I already knew all of that simply very confuse in my mind in the past and the 'Someone' helped me to understand clearly what I was always thinking about, in those days left to my own,living my miserable lonely childhood.The 'Someone' noticed my thoughful state , smiling he said :"now you have matter to think about and to digest all of this knowledge , so I will leave you alone and let you enjoying your journey in this 'other world' or this 'other dimension' untill the next 'time'". He walked toward the 'door' and disappeared.

  6

  In fact I had to discover lot of things there.First of all speculating about the 'rythm' of 'time' which was 'spent' there.I realized that 'time' was stopped.No day,

  no night,the garden was plunged in an 'eternal' daylight.I lost all the physiological

  needs,I was never hungry,neither thirsty,nor tired,no sleep,no wake up,not any need at all.Apart my eagerness to see again 'Angella' I felt nothing in my heart.I

  moved toward the 'window' and I touched it,that seemed 'real glass' but not any

  way to open it.Absolutely close.Then I began to observe the 'things' in the garden

  to find some sign of reality,but at my astonishment I noticed that few things were repeated non-stop:the wind shaked the branches of an old tree,then some multicolour birds and butterflies were flying over the blue sky and around the flowers and this scenery was repeated with a regular rythm.I tried to keep an

  account of the times this regular scenery was repeated to find out at least a base

  for the flow out of the time.But my endeavour was useless because nothing new

  was happening neither in the scenery,the sky,the sunlight , nor inside in that room

  or at least in my mind.That was crazy.I thought that maybe I became crazy and

  maybe I was in some mental institution.Then I began touching the walls,they were

  apparently real.I smelt the flowers,they were real and beautiful.I couldn't understand how some 'real' things were mixed with 'unreal' things.I decided to

  check the door,thinking that maybe by opening it I will finally realize where I was.

  The door was real and had a real hilt.I dared whirling it carefully and found myself

  face to face with the darkness.

  7

  I can't say that I was scared or terrifyied,because as I told it previously I did lose

  most of the 'human' emotions I was prey of in my childhood, but I should confess

  that I just remembered all the terrors I was victim of on the terrace of the 'charitable woman' house,alone and awake the whole nights in those disturbed

  days of the civil war.Then I also dared to find out the 'nature' of this darkness, so I

  approched my hand to touch this darkness to see what will happen.Not any resistant matter,but a sort of 'vaccum'.I inserted my hand till my elbow and

  noticed that it disappeared from my sight but I still felt it and had control on.

  I realized that these were the limits of the 'dimension' in which I was living.I moved back and the door has been shut down automatically.My surprise didn't last long because when I return my head , the 'Someone' was there.

  8

  The 'Someone' was smiling at my surprised aspect and said:"don't worry, nothing bad would happen to you, I just want
showing something to you and will

  explain everything ,maybe you will find the answer to your questions".His calm and harmonious manner and talking comforted me,then he invited me to take

  some beverage.I moved toward the sofa and the little table in front of it where

  a glass of beverage was put.I was supposed to leave the 'logical' way of thinking,

  because if not I might ask myself how the 'Someone' appeared and how the tray

  of meal 'Angella' brought disappeared.I sat down and took the glass of beverage

  I drunk a sip ,it tasted good but I couldn't say what fruit juice it was or from what it

  was made.Before I let him to continue his 'teaching' or showing me his 'something', I just asked:"what would happen if I dared leaving here through that

  door and joining that darkness?are we in a sort of space-craft?".He smiled again

  and said:"no,we are not in a space-craft and as I told you before,we are not in a

  submarine either or some location like this,we are just in 'another dimension',

  and if you dared throwing yourself in that 'dark vaccum', you would just find yourself in 'another world' as I explained in our meeting,and no matter in what

  'other world' you might find yourself,but for sure none would be as 'friendly' as here".I just wanted to find immediate answers for my immediate questions, so I

  asked:" we don't have 'time' here,do we?".He replied:"accurate remark!we are in

  timeless dimension,or if you prefer we live an eternal 'time', or quite simply we are in 'eternity'.All humans or most living beings fell into the trap of 'time' since the conception,for the foetus the clock is fixed till its last breath,and in the vegetable