Tainted Forever, Page 4

  My throat bobbed as I saw the woman who’d adopted Kassa and me, who’d kept us from having to experience the same hell Eden faced. The woman who loved us as her own and never judged us for the mistakes we made, no matter how catastrophic they might have been.

  Alicia was dressed in her night clothes with a robe tossed over them, the belt untied. Her hair was in disarray, rumpled from sleep, but there were pure love and concern on her beautifully aged face as she took the steps from the porch and practically sprinted toward us.

  “It’s time to tell us everything,” Kassa informed me as Alicia rushed forward. “I want to know what the hell has been going on, and I don’t want bullshit answers.”

  “Kassa,” I began, but she lifted her hands, urging me to stop.

  “Don’t. What part of no bullshit do you not understand, brother mine? The minute we walk into that house, you are going to spill your guts, or I will refuse to speak to you ever again, Jace.” Tears filled her eyes, but her voice was full of frost. “You not only destroyed what you had with Kin by keeping this from her, which I still don’t understand at all. But you have completely broken my trust in you. I want answers, and if you don’t give them to me, then we’re done as a family. Because, apparently, you don’t need anyone but Eden anymore.”

  I groaned, scrubbing my hands down my face. Kassa had never been mad at me like this in our entire lives. We had arguments growing up, but she always knew I loved her, and I never questioned her love for me. But I could finally see how keeping her in the dark about our older half sister had been a bad mistake all around. Even if I only wanted to protect Kassa, I should have told her regardless once I knew Eden wasn’t really a threat to her.

  The back door of the car opened, and Alicia stuck her head in. “Jace,” she cried, throwing her arms around me. “Kassa said you and Kin broke up. Ah, honey, I’m so sorry.”

  I hugged her back, realizing just how much I missed her now that we were living on the other side of the country. I’d just seen her on Thursday, when we spent the night before driving down to Charlotte for the festival, but before that, I hadn’t seen her in months. “We’re not broken up,” I told her, my jaw clenching in determination. “It’s all just a huge misunderstanding. As soon as we all talk, I’m going back for her.” No way was I going home without her. We could move in together as soon as we got back.

  Now that I knew just how much Kin wanted it, that was all I could think about. I shouldn’t have been such a chickenshit. I should have listened every time she brought it up instead of freezing her out because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide the truth about Eden if we were living under the same roof full time.

  None of the reasons why I hadn’t wanted to move in together mattered any longer. I would move heaven and earth to give Kin what she wanted. But first, we had to talk.

  And before that could happen, I had to confess everything to Kassa and Alicia.

  Once in the house, we all ended up in the kitchen. Gray started pulling out leftover takeout containers, along with some fresh fruit for Kassa. I sat at the table, a mug of strong coffee in my hands, waiting for my sister to take her seat before I began.

  Gray placed the bowl of strawberries and raspberries in front of her, kissing the top of her head reverently before going back to the microwave to take out the food he’d just finished nuking.

  Once he was seated, Kassa lifted her brows at me. “Well? Let’s hear it. I want to know everything.”

  Blowing out a hard sigh, I placed the mug on the table and pushed it away. “Remember the Petrova party in Miami?” She frowned for a few seconds before nodding. “I ran into Eden there. She was with the drug dealer passing out coke and pills like they were party favors at the request of Petrova himself.”

  “Jace!” Alicia exclaimed, outraged. “How could you take your sister to a party where there were drugs?”

  “None of us touched the drugs, Alicia,” Gray assured her. “Emmie would have all our balls in a vise if we even tried that stuff.”

  “Thank God for her, then,” she grumbled.

  Kassa paid them no mind as she watched me closely. “Was Eden doing the drugs as well as passing them out?”

  “She was high off her ass,” I admitted, disgusted even now by the memory of how off the rails she seemed that night. “We recognized each other immediately, even though we hadn’t seen each other since we were kids. She looked just like our mother did. In every way, since she was tweaking out from the coke, some of which was crusted under her nose.”

  “Gross,” she whispered.

  “I was worried about her, so I gave her my number. It wasn’t long before she started texting me. I wanted to get her help, Kas, but she didn’t want to take it. Then she found out she was pregnant. That was when she decided to get clean. For the baby.”

  “So, you did what? Found her a rehab center to go into?”

  I nodded. “It took me a little while, but I got her into one and paid for the treatment. Once she was out, she told the baby’s father, and they got married a few weeks later. He’s one of Petrova’s people, and they’re both going to stay clean for the sake of the baby.” At least, that was what Eden promised me. I wasn’t completely sure whether I believed her yet or not. Addiction wasn’t easy to beat, even when there was something as precious as a baby to keep you on the straight and narrow.

  Kassa was quiet for a few minutes, digesting all of that. But then her nostrils flared, and she crossed her arms over her chest. “None of that explains why you kept this from me and Kin.”

  “Kas, it’s complicated. I didn’t know if it was safe for you to be around Eden.”

  “What does that mean, Jace?” she cried in frustration. “Why wouldn’t it be safe for me to know about our sister?”

  “Because she tried to hurt you!” I exploded, the words rushing out of me.

  “What?” Kassa and Gray demanded at the same time that Alicia put a supportive hand on my arm. She knew about how Kassa and I lived before we were taken into foster care. There was plenty of documentation on just how deplorable and dangerous our mother was back then. It was a nightmare I’d only ever wanted to put behind us once we came home with Alicia. But finding Eden had brought all of it back, and I was still trying to work through what were memories and what was just my overactive imagination at the time.

  “Before Eden was taken into child services, she tried to smother Kassa with a pillow.” I groaned and pushed my free hand through my hair. “Or so I thought. I was a kid, Kas. My memories were little-boy memories, and my imagination altered things. I talked to Eden about it, and then I did some digging into our own case once we were put into the foster system. It wasn’t Eden who tried to smother you. It was our mother.”

  “Wh-why would she do that?” my sister whispered, horrified.

  Gray put his arm around her, kissing her temple reassuringly. “It’s okay, butterfly.”

  “Hell, I don’t know what to tell you, Kassa. She was a junkie, loved her parties more than she loved us, or anyone else, for that matter. Eden was put into foster care, but then when her dad was located, she went to live with him in Florida. That was why we never heard from her again. But when our mother relinquished her rights to us, our father was never mentioned, so Alicia was able to adopt us.”

  “I don’t even remember our dad,” she said sadly.

  “I don’t either. I mean, I have some memories of him, but I can’t see his face clearly. I guess I was too young the last time he was around.”

  We were all quiet for several long minutes, the only noise the annoying sound of Gray chewing his food from time to time.

  “Okay, so what happened once you realized Eden wasn’t a threat to me?” she asked after a brief hesitation. “How long was it before you came to that conclusion?”

  “A few months. It wasn’t until after she got out of rehab that we had a conversation that didn’t involve one of us screaming obscenities at the other.” I tapped my fingers on
the tabletop. “But afterward, she begged me not to tell anyone. Eden wasn’t ready to face you, and she had a lot on her plate with the baby on the way and sorting out her relationship with her new husband. She made me promise not to tell anyone, not even Kin. Otherwise, she said she would disappear, and I didn’t trust her not to start using again if I wasn’t holding her accountable. I was worried about the baby, Kas. I didn’t want what happened to us to happen to our niece or nephew.”

  “Dude, I get you keeping all this from Kassa,” Gray surprised me by saying. “I’m not happy you’ve upset her, but I understand. What I don’t get is you not telling Kin. That’s just not right, man. She’s your woman. You two have something good. You should be telling her everything that goes on in your life and trust her to keep it just between the two of you. She deserved to know regardless of your promise not to tell anyone. Your loyalty should be to her, first and foremost.”

  “I know,” I told him, realizing the magnitude of my fuckup.

  “That’s all you can say? ‘I know’ seems pretty damn inadequate if you ask me.” Gray pushed his nearly empty plate aside, glaring at me. “I tell Kas everything. Even when I know she might be mad or hurt, I still tell her. It’s not that I want her to know everything. Sometimes, I could really do without her bitching at me. It’s because I need her to know. Because I love and respect her enough not to blindside her with secrets that could tear us apart.”

  “I don’t need a lecture from a guy who fucked everything with a pussy up until he grew a pair of balls and then handed them over to my sister,” I snarled at him, pushing to my feet.

  “Jace,” Alicia scolded. “Watch what you say, mister. And be respectful of your sister before I smack you upside the head.”

  Kassa hmphed at me. “You should really take a close look at the words that come out of your mouth sometimes, big brother. You make it sound like Gray treating me like his life begins and ends with me is a bad thing. Why is that? Don’t you love Kin enough to let her have every part of you?”

  “Of course, I do. Stop putting words in my mouth, Kas.”

  My life did begin and end with Kin. That was why it was killing me to be away from her. When we went on tour the year before, I nearly quit the band then and there because I didn’t want to go without her. She was my everything.

  But I hadn’t done a very good job proving that to her this past year. My actions gave her cause to distrust me, and now I had a fight on my hands to get her back.

  I would, though.

  --

  It was hours later before I was able to sneak out of the house. Gray and Alicia both hid their keys, so after Gray and my sister went to bed and Alicia went to work even though it was a freaking Saturday, I booked an Uber. The driver dropped me off at the local car rental place, and I rented the last vehicle they had to drive back to Wytheville.

  The hour drive felt like it took longer because I was going on more than twenty-four hours without sleep. I would sleep after I knew I still had Kin, I promised myself as I pulled into her stepfather’s driveway. Jogging up the walkway, I rang the doorbell and waited impatiently for someone to answer.

  It was a few minutes before the door opened, Caleb standing on the other side with a mug of coffee in his hand. “She’s not here,” he told me without preamble.

  “Did she go home?” I asked, already pulling up the airline app on my phone.

  “Nope,” he said, popping the p.

  I looked up from my phone. “So, where is she?” He shrugged, and I felt panic begin to choke me. “You don’t know where the fuck she went?”

  “Nope. She said Emmie was helping her, told me she would keep in touch so I wouldn’t worry, then threw her things into the back of her rental and took off. That was two, maybe three hours ago.”

  I grabbed him by his shirt, making him drop his coffee, but the fucker was so weighed down with muscle he didn’t even budge when I got in his face. “You just let her go? The fuck, man? She was upset, and you let her go alone to who the fuck knows where!”

  For the first time, I wished Angie were around, because as much of a ballbuster as she was, she never would have let Kin just leave.

  “Kin’s a big girl. She knows what she’s doing and what’s right for her.”

  I released him and flipped him off before calling Kin for the thousandth time.

  It went straight to voice mail. Cursing, I jogged to the rental, but when I got to the highway, I didn’t know which way to go. One way took me back to Bristol, the other toward North Carolina, and then West Virginia was just a twenty-minute drive away. She could have gone in any direction, could have been anywhere since she’d left hours before. Two-and-a-half-hours’ drive would have taken her to Charlotte, less time than that could have taken her to Roanoke, both of which had major airports. She could have been on a fucking plane to another country for all I knew.

  Exhaustion and frustration had my eyes burning, and I sent her a text, praying she would see it before deleting it.

  Baby, come back to me. I love you.

  Kin

  Nashville was a seven-hour drive from Carter’s house, but Tennessee had some of the most beautiful scenery, even from the interstate. Any other time, I would have been lost in the mountainous views and all those green trees. I would have stopped at the Sevierville exit to get some chocolate and a milk shake from the Russell Stover’s store, or even taken a side trip all the way up to Gatlinburg.

  Jace and I used to do that every time we came back for a visit with Alicia and Carter. We had even talked about taking a few days to ourselves up in the Smokies after Christmas with our families this year. The plans were made right after Lucy’s bachelorette weekend, when things felt like they were getting better between us. I thought making future plans meant that we were going to be okay, that we were getting over the rough patch all couples went through.

  I thought wrong.

  Annabelle Brockman lived in a gated community with her rocker husband and their adorable son, Jaco. Lucky for me, Emmie’s business partner was home for once, and she was already waiting at the door when I pulled into her driveway.

  As I got out of my rental, she came out of the house with her purse tossed over her shoulder. Zander waved from the doorway, his piercings glinting in the sunlight. “Love you, Anna,” he called. “See ya, Kin.”

  I waved to him as I got into the passenger seat of my car, and Annabelle blew him a kiss before getting behind the wheel so she could drive me to wherever the hell Aunt Emmie set up for me. The entire drive down, all I could think was that I was running away, just as Lucy did. But instead of feeling guilty or disappointed in myself for doing what I once thought was the coward’s way out, every mile I put between me and the person responsible for my aching heart was a relief.

  “You okay?” Annabelle asked as we got on the road again.

  I leaned my head against the passenger window, contemplating my answer. “No?” I honestly wasn’t sure how I was any longer.

  Ghosting Jace seemed wrong, but I felt zero remorse for doing it. Last night, I’d wanted him to fight harder for me, while at the same time wishing him anywhere but in front of me. Three years was a long time to be with someone and just walk away without a word about where I was going, how long I was going to be gone, or if I would ever come back.

  Right then and there, I didn’t ever want to come back. I just wanted to be alone, to contemplate how I put up with him holding back so much of himself during the past year. I didn’t like how I’d let him keep his secret for so long, how even though I’d thought he was cheating, I still stayed with him. I loved him more than any other person in the world, yet I was realizing I’d stopped loving and respecting myself somewhere along the way.

  That only added to my anger at him, because being mad at myself wasn’t something I was ready to examine just yet.

  Annabelle drove for two hours up into the mountains, up the steepest, most winding mountain in the whole region, it seem
ed, before coming to a cabin at the top. The view took my breath away, but the realization that I was going to be there all on my own for Lord knew how long was starting to set in.

  “Are their bears?” I asked her, looking around as if one were going to jump out at us and eat us whole any second.

  “That is a big fat yes,” she told me with a grimace. “But the cabin is equipped with guns, and there is a CB radio that is already programmed so you can contact the local ranger station if you need assistance. The fridge is stocked, and either I or my daughter, Mieke, will bring you groceries every few weeks if you need it. This is my own personal cabin. Z and I bought it right after we got married, but you are more than welcome to stay as long as you want, sweetie.”

  “Thanks, Annabelle. I really appreciate you lending it to me.”

  “Ugh, I know good and well just how stupid guys can be, Kin,” she said with a twist of her lips. “Z and I spent seventeen years apart because he was such a dumbass.”

  She opened her door, and I followed. “The garage has one of those caged ATV things. Everything you need for that is in there with it, including helmets. Z loves his big-boy toys just as much as Jaco does. It is actually the easiest and quickest way to get down the mountain, so if you need to go anywhere in a hurry, that’s the way to go.”

  She showed me around the inside of the cabin, making sure I knew where the guns were and how to use the CB radio. Growing up, Carter made sure all of us kids knew how to use a gun. I knew how to handle one, but I wasn’t nearly as good as Angie, who scared the living hell out of even her dad when we were kids.

  Cell service was pure shit, but the internet was fast, which would let me text everyone I needed to stay in contact with, or Skype with those most important to me—mainly Lucy and Angie.

  After Annabelle left, taking my rental with her so she could turn it in for me, the house was too quiet. I hadn’t been this alone in my entire life, and it was definitely going to take some getting used to.