The Collar

  can come when you’re able, and there’s no need to be silent.”

  “Thank you, Sir.”

  He brushed his mouth back and forth across the juncture where her thigh met her body. “You’re welcome.”

  He placed tiny kisses along the apex of her legs, ignoring for a moment the spots he knew longed for his touch. Making her wait for it would only increase her pleasure. From kisses, he progressed to nibbles and then to a soft bite on the flesh above her clit.

  “I can’t wait to taste you,” he murmured against her skin.

  “Please, Sir.”

  He leisurely licked her entrance from one end to the other, dipping his tongue into her briefly. On his next pass, he ended with a lick to her clit and then settled his mouth over her and flicked that sensitive area with his tongue.

  “Oh, fuck, yes,” she panted.

  Her muscles tensed as she tried to hold back her orgasm. He took the end of the plug and moved it in and out in time with the actions of his tongue. She wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer, and he wanted to drive her to the brink.

  From their years together, he knew exactly where and how to touch her, and he used all that knowledge to drive her closer and closer to the release her body craved. He fucked her with his tongue and ran his teeth along her sensitive flesh.

  Within minutes, her body tensed further, and she softly came around his tongue. Wanting to push her into a second release, he pulled the plug out while at the same time pushing two fingers inside to press against her G-spot.

  “Fuck!” she screamed as the second climax hit.

  Satisfied he’d made her forget whatever happened at work, he climbed up on the table and pulled her into his embrace so they were spooning. She sighed and snuggled against him.

  “I’m not finished yet.” He spoke coarsely into her ear while dropping a hand between her legs and pumping two fingers inside her. “Come for me again, Dena. Give me your pleasure one more time.”

  “I can’t, Sir.” But already he felt her body tremor as her arousal grew.

  “Are you lying to me?”

  “I didn’t think I could, Sir,” she panted. “But, fuck, I think I can.”

  “Oh, I know you can.” He pushed his fingers deeper. “Fucking you with my fingers feels so good. You’re pushing your ass against me, trying to make me go harder.”

  She bucked against him, brushing his erection, and for a minute he thought he might come in his pants, but he did his best to ignore his need and turned his energy toward her. He brushed his thumb around her clit, and her inner muscles tightened around his fingers as her third climax crashed over her.

  He stroked her back while her breathing and racing heart calmed. Dropped his head into her hair and inhaled, breathing in the smell of her. His chest hurt because he knew he had to tell her now. He couldn’t wait until morning.

  “Will you let me take care of you, Sir?” she asked, snaking her hand behind her.

  “Not right now,” he said, surprised at the catch in his voice. “It’s not a good time.”

  “Why not?” She turned in his arms and stopped cold when she saw his expression. “What’s wrong?”

  “Dad’s dying,” he stated simply. “Prostate cancer. Advanced. He’s not retiring.”

  “Oh, Jeff.” She palmed his cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

  He nodded.

  “You have to go,” she said.

  “I know. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I haven’t had any luck finding out who’s threatening you. I’ve been through your old cases and I’ve been able to rule out anyone you’ve prosecuted.”

  “I’ll be fine. You need to be with your dad.”

  “You know damn well I’m not leaving you alone right now.”

  Her forehead wrinkled. “So what are you going to do?”

  He took a deep breath. “Nathaniel has agreed for you to stay with him and Abby in New York while I’m gone.” He waited for her to explode and argue that she wasn’t going to do it, but though her face showed shock, she didn’t say anything at first.

  Finally, she spoke slowly. “I think that would be the best option for everyone.”

  “You’re not going to argue with me?”

  “Give me some credit, why don’t you. I’m not the important one in this equation. Your dad’s dying and you need to be with him. If my staying with Nathaniel and Abby will help you get through this time, I’d be petty to argue.”

  He was in awe of the woman in his arms. Just when he thought he understood her, when he thought he knew exactly what she’d do, she’d surprise the hell out of him. He tightened his arms around her. “Thank you.”

  Chapter Ten

  Present day

  Hours later, Dena rolled onto her side in the guest bed. Her mind wouldn’t slow down enough for sleep to catch her. Between thinking about Jeff moving to Colorado and her own move to New York, paired with the orgasms she’d had earlier, she decided she’d probably be awake for another few hours.

  Jeff hadn’t said when he was heading across country, but she had the feeling it would be soon. After all, from the way it sounded, his father didn’t have much time left. She wasn’t ready to leave Jeff’s house, but she hadn’t put up a fuss about moving in with Nathaniel and Abby, partially because she didn’t want to go back to her empty apartment.

  With Jeff leaving, there was one thing she had to do before moving out of his house. She had to face the empty nursery at the end of the hall. The door was always closed, unlike every other door in the house, and she wondered why. Had Jeff shut that door in an attempt to shut off his feelings associated with it?

  Maybe, she thought, if she could deal with seeing the nursery again, she’d be able, once and for all, to put that part of her past behind her. She’d never felt as if she had closure after her grief over the miscarriage. Hell, she’d never really even spoken about it with Jeff.

  She sat up and swung her legs to the side of the bed. Yes, seeing the nursery would be one of the final steps in her healing process. She left her room and walked softly down the hall. Jeff’s door was closed. Once again he’d ended a scene without taking his own release, but she felt certain he’d done something about it once he was by himself.

  She decided not to dwell on how much that hurt. Why wouldn’t he allow her to pleasure him? Surely he knew how much she loved getting him off.

  Later, she decided. Maybe she’d talk to him about it in the morning. Right now she had to deal with that room.

  She stood before it, unable to twist the knob.

  “It’s a room,” she whispered as if not to disturb the secrets inside.

  “Just a room,” she repeated.

  With a deep breath and a determined twist, she opened the door. It was several moments before she could move or even form a coherent thought.

  “Oh, Jeff,” she whispered in the stillness. “You didn’t.”

  But he had. He had kept the room untouched for more than three years.

  She blinked back the tears that gathered in her eyes, but it was useless. They ran unbidden down her cheeks.

  The curtains were drawn, but a faint light from outside lit the room. She walked to the far corner and, without thinking, brushed her fingers across her belly.

  The crib before her stood exactly as it had three years ago. Back when everything had seemed so right. So complete.

  They had not planned for her to get pregnant. Jeff had been so upset at first. When he’d come around, though, everything had been perfect. Or so she’d thought. Her pregnancy had actually marked the beginning of the end.

  But for a brief moment in time, she’d believed she had all she’d ever wanted. Then that moment had passed, and now she was alone.

  There was no bedding in the crib, just a bare mattress. Jeff had been convinced the baby would be a girl, however, and had even gone so far as to get his grandmother’s rocking chair with a delicate pink floral print and put it in the nursery. It was still there, just as they’d left it.<
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  Dena smiled through her tears, remembering the way she’d stood in this very room with her hands on her hips, telling him that was a fine way to ensure they had a boy.

  “It’s a girl,” he’d said. “A daddy knows these things.”

  She remembered now how he’d originally set up the nursery to surprise her and as a way to show her he’d accepted the idea of the baby and grown excited about it. She’d come home from a long day at the office and he’d barely been able to contain himself, leading her down the hallway with his hands over her eyes. He showed her the crib he’d bought and put together. For hours that night they sat on the nursery floor and spoke in excited whispers about their hopes and dreams for their child.

  Five weeks later and for reasons unknown, barely twenty weeks into her pregnancy, she’d miscarried. Their tiny daughter was born too fragile to even take her first breath.

  Excitement had turned to grief and their grief had become bitter.

  “Never found the strength to put her things away.”

  Dena jumped at Jeff’s voice, but she didn’t turn around.

  “She’d be just over three now,” he continued. “Too big for a crib. We’d have to get her a bed…”

  He remembered her. Thought of her. Missed her. A father’s love, unchanged by death.

  “Sometimes at night,” she whispered, “I put my hand on my belly. It’s almost like I can feel her kick.”

  “I only felt her that once.” His voice was laced with pain.

  “I tell myself she was …” Dena paused, wiping at the tears running down her cheeks, but it didn’t do any good; others fell in their place. “She was too perfect for this world. She left before anything bad or evil could touch her.”

  Nothing from Jeff. She looked up to the window but couldn’t see his reflection.

  She closed her eyes. “Then I think, what if it was me? What if she had to leave because I would have messed her up?”

  “For God’s sake. Dena, no.” He was behind her in a second, his hands rubbing her shoulders, and she resisted the urge to sag against him. “It wasn’t you.”

  “She was all that was good and whole and pure.” A sob ripped from her throat. The doctors had been unable to tell her what had gone wrong. They said it could have been any number of things. “And I wasn’t good enough to hold on to her.”

  His hands tightened on her shoulders. “You are. You are good enough.”

  She turned to face him. She had to see his face when he answered her question. She didn’t know why she could ask him now when they’d gone so long without talking about it. Maybe it was because he was moving away for who knew how long or because they’d been intimate. Maybe she’d finally gotten to the point where it didn’t cause her physical pain to talk about it. “Then why aren’t I good enough for you?”

  He turned white. “That’s what you think? That you’re not good enough for me? Christ, Dena. What have I done to you?”

  “I know you’re leaving for Colorado because of your father. But it feels like you’re leaving me. Again. What is it I keep doing that makes you not want me anymore?”

  “That’s not it. That was never it.” He cupped her cheek. “Letting you go ripped a hole in my heart so big it aches every time I breathe.”

  Standing so close to him, she almost believed him. But it was easy to say the words. Words were cheap. “I don’t believe you. You won’t even let me get you off, much less really take me. What am I supposed to think?”

  “I want you.” He ran his thumb over her lips while he gazed into her eyes. “I’ll want you till I die.”

  She’d balled her fists so tight, her nails dug into her palms, but she forced her chin up. Words. Again with the words. She wanted more. “Prove it.”

  “Dena.”

  “I’m not asking for anything beyond tonight. Just tonight. I need you. I need to feel … something.”

  He wouldn’t do it. She knew he wouldn’t. He’d turn her down, and in the morning she’d be ashamed to face him, but she couldn’t stop herself from asking.

  “Make love to me. I know I said you’d have to beg me, but now I’m begging you. Please.”

  “Don’t, Dena.” He kissed the tears from her cheeks. “Don’t beg me. I want you. I need you. And I’m finished pretending otherwise.”

  He nearly shook with the knowledge that she blamed herself for the miscarriage. Was that why she’d left him so many years ago? Out of guilt? Did she think he blamed her? The doctors had told them there was nothing she could have done differently. Damn it all. He should have made her talk to him instead of just letting her move out of his house.

  He should probably talk to her now, but he couldn’t stop touching her. His lips needed to be on her and his hands needed to feel her.

  Later, he promised himself. We’ll talk later.

  He swept her into his arms, picking her up and eliciting a whimper of surprise from her. Effortlessly, he carried her down the hall to his bedroom. “You damn well belong in my bed.”

  She stared at him wide-eyed as he deposited her on the bed and stood back to undress.

  “I’m an ass, Dena. I’m an overbearing, know-it-all, selfish ass. And I’ve hurt you. I’ve made you feel unwanted, undesirable, and unloved.” His shirt fluttered to the floor, and he went to work on his pants. “Let me make it up to you. I can’t come close and it’s not nearly enough, but it’s all I have.”

  She sat up and started to take her shirt off.

  “No,” he said. “Let me. I don’t want you to do anything but let me bring you pleasure.”

  “Damn it,” she said, and she took her shirt off anyway. “What will it take to make you understand that serving you brings me pleasure?”

  She amazed him. She always had. And he didn’t deserve her. But if she wanted him, he wasn’t going to argue tonight.

  “That’s the way you want it?” he asked.

  “Please. Sir.”

  He grew harder, and he forced his voice to remain low and soft as he spoke the words he knew he needed to give her. “Come to me, my Angel.”

  Her eyes darkened and her breath hitched. One lone tear streaked down her cheek, but she rose to her knees and made her way to him.

  “Don’t cry,” he said, taking her in his arms. “Please, don’t cry.”

  “Say it again.”

  He brushed his thumb under her eye, capturing a new tear. “Angel.”

  She sighed, and her breath was shaky. “Thank you.”

  “You will always be my Angel.”

  She looped her arms around his neck, and he dropped his lips to hers. He wanted to show her how much he still needed her after all their years apart, and suddenly he couldn’t touch enough of her. He kissed her like a hungry man, drinking in the smell and feel of her, relishing in the warmth of her skin.

  He gently pushed back on her shoulders so she rested on the bed, and he held himself over her. She stroked his cheek softly. The hole she’d made in his heart by leaving didn’t feel quite as empty anymore.

  He nuzzled her neck, knowing it was one of her most sensitive spots. He was just getting ready to nibble her ear, another favorite spot, when the phone on his nightstand rang. Dena stiffened under him.

  “Ignore it,” he said.

  “Phone calls this time of night are never good.”

  He shifted to the other side of her neck and peppered it with kisses. “Then I won’t answer. Ignore it.”

  “What if—”

  “Relax, Angel. I’ve got everything under control. Nothing’s going to interrupt us.” He ran a hand down her body, tracing her curves.

  He continued teasing her with his lips and touch. He’d once known every inch of her. He’d known how and when to touch her. When