Snow Angels, Page 4

you."

  He rubs his chunky brown hand against my face. My son loves me. And I cannot imagine life without him. Ever. My mind is drifting to a spiraling motif - what would life be if Olivia and I worked out our problems? I want to move on. I want to believe that the crossroads of reality and true love with meet again. Disillusionment trickles in. I need a glass of water.

  Dear Heavenly Father,

  I feel so lost. The wheels of my life are spinning out of control. My heart is shattered. The love of my life walked out on me. What is going, Lord? Why is this happening to me? Why me, God? Why doesn't she love me anymore?"

  Whew. And, I had this headache for days. Each pound is a reminder of my life falling apart, brick by brick. I feel so sick, but I know the pain will go away. One day. When all this baloney ends. There is a hard knock at the door. Opening the door, my cousin Kory walks right in.

  "Aye man, you alright?"

  "Man, I don't know. And don't be banging on my door like that again dude." Kory pushes his way into my apartment, heading straight to the refrigerator.

  "Come on man, she wasn't the one. The real one will come along."

  "Man, I swear Olivia is the one. We have a child man."

  "Yeah, but nowadays, that means nothing. People having babies with everyone."

  "Not helping Kory."

  "Ok man, I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you like this, especially over Olivia. We all could tell something was going on with her. She was kooky."

  "I know.... it is so hard. Especially knowing that she moved down in the next complex."

  "Oh that’s cold. That girl has no heart at all man."

  My mind is seizing with million reasons why Olivia left me. But no matter, what I come up with, these reasons clash. And I am tired of defending my love for her. Patting on my back, Kory tells me to not focus on that anymore. He is pretty adamant about this.

  "It's over and done dude. This is not a never-ending story. You will meet the one. Just chill. And just let God take care of this."

  “Oh yeah?” I ask, knowing I am now facing the crossroads of my life. I have no choice but to move on.

  Aubry

  "Make sure that you bring the CD player by 8:30 a.m."

  Today is the first stop of the magazine’s music tour which involves local artists from the city of Detroit visiting schools, performing, and encouraging students to maintain a 3.0 or higher GPA. A gloomy day, but a highly anticipated day. I walk down to the basement of the newsroom and grabs bundles of copies of the latest issues of the magazine. Humming to myself, I walk back upstairs in my new high-heel boots. Fall is making its way. One by one, I place the heavy bundles of magazines inside my trunk, which was already filled with previous issues. I keep every single issue since I began in my internship, especially the one that showed my cover story. Heading to George Washington School, which was only five minutes away, I pull up. Rain pours heavily down. Detroit looks depressing. But not as depressed as I am.

  Still haven’t received a text from Brian so I am beginning to get irritated. He used to text me every single morning. But of course, times have changed.

  "Good morning Jamie."

  "Morning Aubry, I am glad that you made it safely. You can place the CD player over there and the magazines over there on the table on stage."

  "Oh ok, cool beans."

  Walking through the doors, 4 glamorous girls walk through the door. Each girl wore makeup so thick, I feel like I am at a photo shoot, not a school program. I smile at them and keep walking. My mind is not focused on the artists or the students. I need to hear from Brian. Pulling out my phone, I slowly start texting him. The auditorium main doors creak and this guy walks in, holding a camera in one hand.

  Our eyes meet. I smile softly and he shyly nods at me. He is very handsome. Oh, let me finish this text before the show starts.

  "Brian, hey, how are you, baby?"

   Charles

  Wow, that girl is beautiful. Who is she?

  Aubry

  I just can’t believe how fast summer has passed. It’s getting cold so fast. Bitter brisk November days swallow the city whole. The magazine’s music tour is at its fifth stop at one of the premier elementary schools on the Westside. I enjoy these events because they give me a chance to live outside the newsroom. Oh wow, there is the handsome guy again. While pulling in, I wave at him. I smile and lose my focus on him as I parallel parked. Walking towards my car, the guy smiles at me.

  "Hey!"

  "Oh hey! How are you again?"

  "I am pretty good. And you?"

  This guy seems quiet. But work must be done. Jaime asked me to bring a lot of copies with me to the school so I can pass them out to the school. I’m itching to get in my car and drive straight down to Ohio. I can't wait to get back on campus and see Brian. I know he misses me. That's why he acts like he doesn't care.

  "You can sit the papers right here, Aubry."

  "O ok, Jaime. How is everything coming along?"

  "It is pretty good. The artists are on their way. What time are you leaving again?"

  "Oh, I am not leaving until after the concert today. Then I will hit 75!" I say, giddy with ammunition to get on the road.

  "Oh ok, I am going to make sure that the stage is ready. Please go see if the office has any waters that we can give the artists."

  "Oh ok, I sure will."

  I’m in the happiest mood right now. Nothing can kill the little bit of happiness I have right now. What? My Blackberry is buzzing like crazy. Four text messages are coming through. It’s probably Brian telling me how excited he is to see me. No, wait, these messages are from my girl, Tina.

  "Girl, I just want to tell you that Brian has been seen with this one chick on campus a lot. I am not sure who she is. Just thought I tell you what was said to me."

  My heart stops. I want to throw this stupid Blackberry! I knew this was going to happen. I just knew it. But this can't be true. Brian wouldn't do this to me. He wouldn't cheat on me. And he wouldn't lie to me. Another text is coming through. From Tina again.

  "Aubry, I know you probably don't believe me, but it’s true. Don’t believe anything he tells you."

  Who is this tapping on my shoulder?

  "Huh?"

  "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, but Jaime wanted me to tell you to come out to the stage after the 2nd act."

  It was the handsome guy.

  "Oh, ok, it’s ok, thank you." I keep looking down at my phone.

  "No prob."

  Hiding my tears from him, I quickly turn my back and start typing a text to Tina. I just can't believe this and I won't.

  "Tina, what are you talking about?"

  Charles

  Man, that girl is so beautiful. Why does she always look so sad? 

  Aubry

  Flying down the highway down I-75, I make a few phone calls to a several people who I know still live on campus and they admit the same thing that Tina told me. How could Brian do this me? I trusted him. I always have. Even when I didn’t fully trust him, I foolishly still give him the benefit of the doubt. Damn. I am so stupid. And embarrassed. Here I am bragging on Facebook about him being the perfect man, he is in and out of other girls’ beds. I’m done! He knows that I am on my way down to his place. He just sent me a text that he is going to take a nap. Whatever. We are going to talk. That 2 hour drive seemed like a 20 minute drive. I am fueled with rage. But I can’t let him see this. Not just yet. I want to see how he is going to act.

  Brian opens the door and gives me the most delicious hug ever. But it leaves a stale taste in my mouth because I know he is acting. I take off my coat and sit on the couch. I grab his hand.

  "Brian, please baby, I have a question to ask you and I just want you to tell me the truth. I promise I will not get mad."

  "What is it?"

  "Brain, I was told that you have been seen with a young lady here on campus, kicking it with her.

  Is that true?"

&n
bsp; Silence has never been so loud. My heart pounds thickly in my ears. My blood is thickening inside. I didn't drive all the way down here just to get lied to. I demand the truth. I figure if I ask him nicely about the other girl, he would sit down and just tell me the truth. Instead, he throws his hands from under mine, hysterically.

  "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE."

  "What?! Brian!? What is the matter with you?"

  I am so lost. Why is he acting like this? Why is he so angry? Grabbing me, he pulls me so close that I can’t see anything but his eyes. His eyes are so red. Full of anger and sadness. He knows what he is doing. And I do too. It is over. We’re done. And there is nothing I can do about it. Brian lets go, punches the wall then pushes me towards his bedroom door. I run and grab my coat and quickly throw it on. I try to walk up to him and kiss him to calm him down, but he shoves me off of him, pushing me against the wall. He doesn't even want to touch me.

  "Aubry, GET OUT!"

  "Oh my God, Brian! What is wrong with you? Baby, why are you acting like this?" My heart is racing. “I love you and this is why I am asking you so I can get the truth from you, nobody else!”

  Brian storms towards his bedroom door, runs down the stairs. Oh my God, what if he kills me?

  "BRING YO SELF DOWN THESE STAIRS OR I WILL DRAG YOU DOWN MY DAMN SELF."

  Pacing down the stairs, I pray to God that Brian doesn't hit me. I chase him but he keeps his back to me. I am losing my love. The one guy who I wholesomely adored from the bottom of my heart.

  "Oh my God, Brian! Stop acting like this! You are acting so dumb! Grow up!"

  "GET THE HELL OUT OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE."

  Charles

  "It is time to find a new job, ma."

  Setting Cayden on the couch, I start telling my mother I am tired of my job. It does nothing for me. I would like to find a new one. New job. New money. New life. It's been months since Olivia and I broke off the engagement. We cordially pass Cayden back and forth on the weekends. I have nothing to say to her. She has nothing to say to me. I often wonder if she misses me. But the way she looks away from me, I doubt it.

  Aubry

  Back in the newsroom, I sit at my desk in a daze.

  "Are you ok?" Jaime asks, looking at me with worrisome.

  "Oh, I am pretty good. Just tired. Had a crazy weekend. But I am glad to be back at home. I am almost done writing this story." I say, shamefully. If only she knew I am recovering from embarrassment and humiliation.

  "Oh ok, just sit it on my desk when you are finished. I am about to head out for lunch."

  I need to snap out of this, but my mind keeps pondering. Is God ignoring my prayers? My Blackberry is infested with so many text messages from my friends, especially from my best friends Jena and Terry. I told them about what happened at Brian’s place and they are furious. Most of all, they are so worried about me. But I lie I am alright. I decided that I am going to focus on my work here at the magazine and work on myself. My relationship with Brian shattered my self-esteem. I gave my all to a man who didn’t deserve a drop of my love.

  Walking up the stairs is the photographer from the music tour. In his arms, he has a folder with photos inside that he takes for Jaime at the schools. I watch him like a hawk as he walks over to Jaime’s desk. Then he turns around at me.

  “Hey, how are you?”

  “Oh, I am alright. How are you today?”

  “Oh, I am great. It’s snowing pretty bad outside, but other than that, I am happy. Is Jaime here?”

  “Ah, no, she isn’t. She left early today, but you can leave those photos on her desk if you would like. She will review your photos in the morning.”

  “Oh ok. Are you her intern or something? Her personal assistant?”

  “I am her intern.” I chuckle.

  “Oh ok, that’s cool. I see you a lot at the concerts. You are always running around.”

  “Oh yes, I always am. I have to make sure that everything is going well.” I locked my computer screen and walk over to the guy.

  “So, what is your name, intern?”

  “Aubry.”

  “Oh ok, Aubry. My name is Charles. Nice to meet you.” He reaches out and his large warm hand softly holds mine. So warm.

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “Are you here a lot?”

  PAUSE.

  Did I mention how handsome this guy is? Light brown skin. Freckles. Perfect almond-shaped eyes. Thick eyebrows. Strong physique. Adorable smile. Dimples. Whoa.

  UNPAUSE.

  “Yeah, a few days of the week, I work in the newsroom.”

  “Oh ok, that’s cool. So you like to write?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “A writer. That is an impressive talent, Aubry. Do you also hang out on the weekends? Or are you always busy like I see you at the schools?”

  I laugh. If only he knew.

  “Oh nah, I do have a second job at the mall. But I work part-time there. So I do have free time sometimes.”

  “Oh ok, well, maybe we can hang out.”

  “That would cool. My friends and I are having a game night in a few weeks. Maybe you can come one day.”

  “Yeah, I would love to.”

  Charles reaches and grabs a pen off Jaime’s desk, tearing off a piece a paper that was slipped in his folder. He writes his number and hands me the slip of paper.

  “Just let me know when the next game night is and I will be sure to come out.”

  “Oh ok, great. I will call you.”

  “I hope so. Enjoy the rest of your day, Aubry.

  Aubry

  “Ever just sit? And breathe?”

  Charles and I have been talking for hours. I love our conversations. They are filled with enchantment. For almost a month, we can’t stop talking to each other. We talk about everything, which always leads to conversations where we both happily get lost in.

  “Yeah, but have you?”

  “No, not really.”

  “What goes through your mind?”

  Wow. This man really cares about what goes on in my head. More importantly, he listens. He wants to listen.

  “Well, I drift away into deep meditation. I sail around the world in the choppy waters of my curiosity.”

  “Oh really, that’s sexy.”

  “Stop!” I laugh.

  “What? I am just saying.” He laughs.

  “But no seriously, I do.”

  Charles

  If only this girl knew what I was going through. I still cringe when thoughts of Olivia sneak by.

  Aubry

  Wow. This guy is really into me. Charles is really soulful and he listens. We sacrifice sleep for discussions. Our good-byes seem to always linger, with the inception of not knowing the next time we would speak to each other. I appreciate this because it feels pretty good to have someone care about what is on my mind. Haven’t felt this way for a very long time. Most of all, I can expose all of myself to Charles, with no secrets. Nothing between us is trivial.

  “What’s on your mind tonight Aubry?” Charles whispers.

  “Well… lately, my relationship with God.”

  “What about it?”

  “Well, sometimes I wonder if I am pleasing God. I worry so much about doing the right thing. Especially now because of my past.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why are you so curious?”

  “Because I really want to know.”

  “Ok. I used to run away from God. For some dumb reason, I thought I could ignore him. But of course, I suffered.”

  “Word?”

  “Yeah. But within the last few months, I realize that I have to stop running away from Him. And let Him hold my hand.”

  “Yes, I am glad that you realize this. You have so many positive things going for you. And it is because of God.”

  “Oh yes, and I know this. I am realizing that sometimes God has to break your heart. In this human world, a broken heart has no life. But in God’s world, a broken heart is an
open heart. The perfect valve for His love.”

  “Yes, I totally agree with you Aubry.”

  Most of our conversations were like this. Enticing. Enchanting. And emotional. I can’t believe that I open up so candidly to this man so quickly. But it feels right. My mind screams out to Charles. Our friendship and relationship lacked a certain type of intensity; calmness I never felt before. Plus, Charles seems like a gentleman, loyal, and a romantic.

  “Makes sense, right?” I ask sheepishly.

  “Yes, it does Aubry. But you have to continue to learn yourself, and love yourself.”

  “Yeah, it just that, but it feels like God forgot about me a long time ago.”

  “But He didn’t. I know I couldn’t ever forget you myself.”

  “Awww, so sweet.”

  “No, seriously. You are very smart and ambitious. You are full of life and energy. That’s what I like about you.”

  Charles

  Man, I am not feeling well.

  Lately, I have been feeling so sick. This sickness is so strong, it knocks me out. Aubry keep suggesting that I go to the doctor because she does not want Cayden to get my infection, whatever it may be. But it is not that serious.

  "It is that serious Charlie. It could be the stomach flu."

  "Babe, I am fine."

  "I know you say that, but I just would feel better if you want to go get checked out. It may be the stomach flu, since you can't hold anything down. I am your friend and I am really worried about your health. I had the flu twice already and it is not fun."

  Sitting back down on the sofa, I gently pull Aubry down to sit beside me. Her eyes are full of seriousness.

  "Aubry, I am fine. I promise. I will be ok. I just need a few days of rest, I guess."

  "I don't believe you, Charlie, but if you say so, I will leave it alone. I just can't stand to hear you sounding like this. Something is wrong with you, we just don't know what it is." She says with frustration.

  But man. I really do not feel good. For the last few weeks, I’ve been feeling really sick. I can’t hold it in anymore. I feel like I am going to throw up.

  “Aubry, wait, hold on.”

   

  Aubry

  Parking in the mall parking lot, my mind is frazzled. Burnt with endless thoughts. The same thoughts. The same thoughts that I pray would miraculously change. I just don’t get it. Charles stopped talking to me. He told me that he is going to call me. But he didn’t. And I remember him vomiting in front of me. Disgusting. Locking my things in the locker, my Blackberry starts to ring. Who is this calling me? This number is unfamiliar. Who would be calling me today? It's Sunday and I am