2 Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá, Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality (New York: HarperCollins, 2010), 139.
3 Ibid., 143–44.
4 Ibid., 148.
5 Anapol, Polyamory in the 21st Century, 112.
6 Ronald Mazur, The New Intimacy: Open-Ended Marriage and Alternative Lifestyles (Bloomington, IN: iUniverse, 2000), 98.
7 Ibid., 100–112.
8 Amanda Holman and Alan Sillars, “Talk about ‘Hooking Up’: The Influence of College Student Social Networks on Nonrelationship Sex,” Health Communication 27, no. 2 (2012): 205–16.
Chapter 7: Relationships without Borders
1 Louisa Leontiades, “Poly Parenting: 30 Days to Clarity & Confidence When You’re Raising Small Children,” LouisaLeontiades.com, http://louisaleontiades.com/30-days-to-clarity-on-your-parenting-problem/.
2 Robert Fieseler, Cassie Harvey, and Marina Lopes, “Open House: Inside a New Kind of Family,” Atavist.com, June 18, 2013, https://openhouse.atavist.com/.
3 Anonymous, “Loving Hard and Often,” Neutrons/Protons, May 31, 2015, http://neutronsprotons.com/2015/05/31/loving-hard-and-often-2/.
4 Antonia Abbey, PhD; Tina Zawacki, MA; Philip O. Buck, MA; A. Monique Clinton, MA; and Pam McAuslan, PhD, “Alcohol and Sexual Assault,” National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, National Institutes of Health, https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh25-1/43-51.htm.
Chapter 8: Bird-Watching
1 Jonathan Rosen, “The Difference Between Bird Watching and Birding,” The New Yorker, October 17, 2011, https://www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/the-difference-between-bird-watching-and-birding.
2 “Polyamory,” Urban Dictionary, https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Polyamory.
3 Rosen, “The Difference Between Bird Watching and Birding.”
4 Anapol, Polyamory in the 21st Century, 87.
Bibliography
Abbey, Antonia, PhD, Tina Zawacki, MA, Philip O. Buck, MA, A. Monique Clinton, MA, and Pam McAuslan, PhD. “Alcohol and Sexual Assault.” National Institutes of Health. https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh25-1/43-51.htm.
Anapol, Deborah M. Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2010.
Ananthaswamy, Anil. “Hormones Converge for Couples in Love.” New Scientist, May 5, 2004.
Anderson, Monica. “Teen Voices: Dating in the Digital Age.” Pew Research Center. October 1, 2015. http://www.pewinternet.org/online-romance/.
Angier, Natalie. “The Changing American Family.” New York Times, November 25, 2013. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/26/health/families.html.
Anonymous. “Loving Hard and Often.” Neutrons Protons, May 31, 2015. http://neutronsprotons.com/2015/05/31/loving-hard-and-often-2/.
Aristotle, W. D. Ross, and J. O. Urmson. The Nicomachean Ethics. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press, 1980.
Aughinbaugh, Alison, Omar Robies, and Hugette Sun. “Marriage and Divorce: Patterns by Gender, Race, and Educational Attainment.” Monthly Labor Review, October 2013.
Bachman, J. G., L. D. Johnston, and P. M. O’Malley. Monitoring the Future: A Continuing Study of American Youth (8th-, 10th-, and 12th-Grade Surveys), 1976–2012. Conducted by University of Michigan Survey Research Center. ICPSR ed. Ann Arbor, MI: Inter-university Consortium for Political and Social Research [producer and distributor].
Beck, Julie. “How Friendships Change in Adulthood.” The Atlantic, October 22, 2015.
Belam, Martin, and Eleni Stefanou. “What Is Love—Can It Really Be Defined and Explained?” The Guardian (UK), February 12, 2016. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/feb/12/what-is-love-valentines-day-experts.
Brookshire, Bethany. “Dopamine Is ______.” Slate, July 3, 2013. http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/07/what_is_dopamine_love_lust_sex_addiction_gambling_motivation_reward.html.
Bugler, Caroline. The Bird in Art. London: Merrell, 2012.
Burns, April, Valerie A. Futch, and Deborah L. Tolman. “It’s Like Doing Homework.” Sexuality Research and Social Policy 8, no. 3 (2011): 239–51.
Busboom, A. L., D. M. Collins, M. D. Givertz, and L. A. Levin. “Can We Still Be Friends? Resources and Barriers to Friendship Quality after Romantic Relationship Dissolution.” Personal Relationships 9 (2002): 215–23.
Buss, David M. The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex. New York: Free Press, 2000.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “National Marriage and Divorce Rate Trends.” National Center for Health Statistics, November 23, 2015. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss/marriage_divorce_tables.htm.
Clark, Russell. “Gender Differences in Receptivity to Sexual Offers.” Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality 2, no. 1 (1989): 39–55. doi:10.1300/j056v02n01_04.
Davidson, Amy. “Parental Controls.” The New Yorker, August 1, 2016, 65–67.
DePaulo, Bella, PhD. “Ditched by Friend Who Got Married: Can You Relate?” Psychology Today, September 7, 2011. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201109/ditched-friend-who-got-married-can-you-relate.
———. “The New Science of Friendship.” Psychology Today, December 9, 2012. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201212/the-new-science-friendship.
Easton, Dossie, and Janet W. Hardy. The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 2009.
Fieseler, Robert, Cassie Harvey, and Marina Lopes. Open House: Inside a New Kind of Family. Self-Published. https://openhouse.atavist.com.
Figes, Kate. “The Infidelity Epidemic: Never Have Marriage Vows Been Under So Much Strain.” Daily Mail, April 19, 2013. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2311947/The-infidelity-epidemic-Never-marriage-vows-strain-Relationship-expert-Kate-Figes-spent-3-years-finding-adultery-worryingly-common.html.
Furman, Wyndol. “The Emerging Field of Adolescent Romantic Relationships.” Current Directions in Psychological Science 11, no. 5 (2002): 177–80.
Furman, Wyndol, and Elizabeth A. Wehrner. “Adolescent Romantic Relationships: A Developmental Perspective.” In Shmuel, Shulman, and W. Andrew Collins, eds. Romantic Relationships in Adolescence. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1997, 21–36.
Garcia, Justin R., Chris Reiber, Sean G. Massey, and Ann M. Merriwether. “Sexual Hookup Culture: A Review.” Review of General Psychology 16, no. 2 (2012): 161–76.
Grohol, John M., PsyD. “How Common Is Cheating & Infidelity Really?” World of Psychology, 2013. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/03/22/how-common-is-cheating-infidelity-really/.
Hazan, Cindy, and Phillip R. Shaver. “Attachment as an Organizational Framework for Research on Close Relationships.” Psychological Inquiry 5, no. 1 (1994): 1–22.
Hefner, Veronica, and Barbara J. Wilson. “From Love at First Sight to Soul Mate: The Influence of Romantic Ideals in Popular Films on Young People’s Beliefs about Relationships.” Communication Monographs (2013).
Holman, Amanda, and Alan Sillars. “Talk About ‘Hooking Up’: The Influence of College Student Social Networks on Nonrelationship Sex.” Health Communication 27, no. 2 (2012): 205–16.
Holmes, B. M. “In Search of My ‘One and Only’: Romance-oriented Media and Beliefs in Romantic Relationships Destiny.” Electronic Journal of Communication 5, no. 3 (2007).
Kim, Jen. “Sorry, But This Is Why You Can’t Be Friends with Your Ex.” Psychology Today, November 29, 2012. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201211/sorry-is-why-you-can-t-be-friends-your-ex.
Kross, E., M. G. Berman, W. Mischel, E. E. Smith, and T. D. Wager. “Social Rejection Shares Somatosensory Representations with Physical Pain.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 108, no. 15 (2011): 6270–75.
Lawl
er, Joseph. “Women Are Having Fewer Kids, and Demographers Don’t Know Why.” Washington Examiner, June 7, 2014. http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/women-are-having-fewer-kids-and-demographers-dont-know-why/article/2549445.
Leontiades, Louisa. “Poly Parenting: 30 Days to Clarity & Confidence When You’re Raising Small Children.” LouisaLeontiades.com. http://louisaleontiades.com/30-days-to-clarity-on-your-parenting-problem/.
Levine, Irene S., PhD. “For Better or For Worse: Weddings and Friendship.” Fractured Friendships, February 9, 2009. http://www.fracturedfriendships.com/blog/better-or-worse-weddings-and-friendship.
M, Alan. “Building the Poly Movement.” Address, Rocky Mountain Poly Living Convention, Denver, Colorado, April 15, 2016.
———. “Deborah Taj Anapol, 1951–2015.” Polyamory in the News!, August 19, 2015. http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2015/08/deborah-taj-anapol-1951-2015.html.
Marazziti, D., H. S. Akiskal, A. Rossi, and G. B. Cassano. “Alteration of the Platelet Serotonin Transporter in Romantic Love.” Psychological Medicine 29, no. 3 (1999): 741–45.
Mark, Kristen P., Erick Janssen, and Robin R. Milhausen. “Infidelity in Heterosexual Couples: Demographic, Interpersonal, and Personality-Related Predictors of Extradyadic Sex.” Archives of Sexual Behavior 40, no. 5 (2011): 971–82.
Martin, Rachel. “Sorting through the Numbers on Infidelity.” Transcript. Weekend Edition Sunday. NPR. July 26, 2015.
Mazur, Ronald Michael. The New Intimacy: Open-Ended Marriage and Alternative Lifestyles. Boston: Beacon Press, 1973.
Meeker, Margaret J. Epidemic: How Teen Sex Is Killing Our Kids. Washington, DC: LifeLine Press, 2002.
Meighan, Clement W. “Prehistoric Rock Paintings in Baja California.” American Antiquity 31, no. 3 (1966): 372.
Metts, S., W. R. Cupach, and R. A. Bejlovec. “ ‘I Love You Too Much to Ever Start Liking You’: Redefining Romantic Relationships.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 6, no. 3 (1989): 259–74.
Miller, Jean Baker., and Irene P. Stiver. The Healing Connection: How Women Form Relationships in Therapy and in Life. Boston: Beacon Press, 1997.
Morin, Rich. “The Public Renders a Split Verdict on Changes in Family Structure.” Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project. 2011. http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/02/16/the-public-renders-a-split-verdict-on-changes-in-family-structure/?src=family-interactive.
Nash Information Services. “Box Office History for Romantic Comedy: Ticket Sales and Market Share by Year.” 2016. http://www.the-numbers.com/market/genre/Romantic-Comedy.
Nordgren, Andie. “The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy.” Andie’s Log, July 6, 2012. http://log.andie.se/post/26652940513/the-short-instructional-manifesto-for-relationship.
Northrup, Chrisanna, Pepper Schwartz, and James Witte. The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples and What They Reveal about Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship. New York: Harmony Books, 2012.
Nutnot, Wayne. “I’m a Feminist, But I Don’t Eat Pussy.” Thought Catalog, July 7, 2013. http://thoughtcatalog.com/wayne-nutnot/2013/06/im-a-feminist-but-i-dont-eat-pussy/.
OkCupid. “A Woman’s Advantage.” Deep End, March 2016. https://www.okcupid.com/deep-end/a-womans-advantage.
Orenstein, Peggy. Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape. New York: HarperCollins, 2016.
Plato, Benjamin Jowett, and Hayden Pelliccia. Symposium: The Benjamin Jowett Translation. New York: Modern Library, 1996.
Plotz, David. “This Is the Last Time I Will Ever See You.” Slate, June 12, 2013. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/weddings/2013/06/wedding_guest_goodbyes_friendships_that_end_after_your_wedding.html.
“Polyamory.” Oxford English Dictionary, 2015. Accessed January 2, 2017. http://oed.com.
Rosen, Jonathan. “The Difference Between Bird Watching and Birding.” The New Yorker, October 16, 2014. http://www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/the-difference-between-bird-watching-and-birding.
Ruderman, Zoe. “What the Big O Feels Like for Me.” Cosmopolitan, 2016. Accessed January 2, 2017. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g1551/what-an-orgasm-feels-like/.
Ryan, Christopher, and Cacilda Jethá. Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality. New York: HarperCollins, 2010.
Sales, Nancy Jo, and Justin Bishop. “Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse.” Vanity Fair, September 2016. http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating.
Sandberg, Sheryl. Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. London: WH Allen, 2014.
Sciortino, Karley. “Breathless: In Defense of Hookup Culture.” Vogue, September 9, 2015. http://www.vogue.com/13332301/breathless-karley-sciortino-hookup-culture-casual-sex/.
Sexual Information and Education Council of the United States. “A History of Federal Funding for Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage Programs.” SIECUS, 2012. http://www.siecus.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=page.viewpage&%3Bpageid=1340&%3Bnodeid=1.
Shakespeare, William, A. C. Curtis, and Sandro Botticelli. Sonnets. Guildford, UK: A.C. Curtis, 1902.
Spade, Dean. “For Lovers and Fighters.” Make Zine, 2006. http://www.makezine.enoughenough.org/newpoly2.html.
Tan, K., C. R. Agnew, L. E. Vanderdrift, and S. M. Harvey. “Committed to Us: Predicting Relationship Closeness Following Nonmarital Romantic Relationship Breakup.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 32, no. 4 (2014): 456–71. doi:10.1177/0265407514536293.
Time, September 11, 2015.
United States Census Bureau. “Quick Facts: Chicago, Illinois.” 2016 United States Census. http://www.census.gov/quickfacts/table/LND110210/1714000.
Way, Mish Barber. “Men Explain, in Great Detail, Why They Won’t Eat Pussy.” Broadly, March 30, 2016. https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/men-explain-in-great-detail-why-they-dont-eat-pussy.
INDEX
A note about the index: The pages referenced in this index refer to the page numbers in the print edition. Clicking on a page number will take you to the ebook location that corresponds to the beginning of that page in the print edition. For a comprehensive list of locations of any word or phrase, use your reading system’s search function.
Ada, 70–71
AIDS crisis, 114
Alan M., xxiv, 203
Anapol, Deborah, xxiii–xxiv, 43, 61–62, 71, 156, 214–15
Aristotle, 36
Audubon, John James, 215
Bass, David M., 154–55
Bauer, Robin, 43
Beatrice, 45–48
Beck, Julie, 35
birds, 136–37, 139, 177
migration of, 212–13, 216
as supposedly mated for life, 3–4, 6
bird-watching, 3, 32, 199, 211–13, 214, 216–17, 220
Bob, xxx, 160–61
love between Sophie and, 172–73, 209
Sophie’s hookups with, 168–70, 176
Sophie’s relationship with, Luke and, 165–66, 181, 200
Sophie’s sexual compatibility with, 111–13, 157
Bogue Chitto State Park, 64–66, 68–69
Boy Meets World (TV show), xxvii, 19–21, 105
casual sex, see hooking up
cheating, 22–23
children, polyamory and, 189–93
class privilege, xxviii
commitment, 122
compatibility, sexual vs. emotional, 110–11
compersion, 174–75, 176
connective conversations, 66–68
Cosmopolitan, 106
Craigslist, 81, 84, 88
Dangerous Passion, The (Bass), 154–55
Davidson, Amy, 31
Derek, 57–59, 63, 64, 69–70, 79, 151
Easton, Dossie, 101
Eli, xxx, 12–13, 14, 18, 21, 22–23, 27, 73
emotions, learning to understand, 188
Epidemic: How Teen Sex Is Killing Our Kids (Meeker), 114
Ethical Slut, The (Easton and Hardy), 101, 200
eye-cont
act, persistent, as dating technique, 85, 86–88
fear:
jealousy as, 156, 158
love and, 180–81
of meaningful relationships, 96
feminist sex, 107, 116
first dates, Sophie’s questions to ask on, 135–36
For Peter Pan on Her 70th Birthday (Ruhl), 219–20
friendship(s):
Aristotle on, 36
ending of, 52–53
between exes, 38–40
media portrayals of, 35–36
polyamorous, 141–42
prioritizing in, 142–43
in Victorian literature, 36–37
Furman, Wyndol, 14
Garfield Park Conservatory, 198–99, 207–9
gays, see queer culture
Girls and Sex (Orenstein), 26, 102
Goldman, Emma, 114
Grand Isle Migratory Bird Celebration, 212–13
group marriages, 195
Hardy, Janet W., 101
Hazan, Cindy, 14
Heinlein, Robert A., 114
heteropatriarchy, xxviii–xxix
Holman, Amanda, 169
honesty, in relationships, 122, 144, 153–54, 166
hooking up, 75
as ambiguous term, 169
dating apps and, 116
history of, 114
polyamory vs., 60, 202
as turning into meaningful relationships, 94–95, 98
How to Transcend a Happy Marriage (Ruhl), 220
Husband Swap, The (Leontiades), 190
Jackson, Kent, 2–3, 9, 102
Jaedon, xxx, 123–28, 130–31, 134, 138, 140–41, 143, 147, 157, 187, 202
jealousy, 71, 92, 124–25, 138, 153–88
Anapol on, 156
competition, 156, 159
ego, 156, 159
exclusion, 157, 159
fear, 156, 158, 187
in human evolution, 154–55
Luke’s feelings of, 167, 176
possessive, 156, 158
Savage on, 153–54, 187
of siblings, 155
Sophie’s feelings of, 176–86