The Concubine, Page 2

  I shook my head, but he stopped me with his hands and his kiss.

  “You are,” he insisted.

  I closed my eyes and rested against the warmth of his body, and he pulled the robe back up around me to warm my back.

  “When will you…when will you…be with her?” I asked with a shudder.

  I heard his sigh.

  “She will return to Hadebrand for whatever things she wishes to bring to Silverhelm,” he said. “She should return here permanently in a few days.”

  There were many, many questions still in my mind, but considering the state of my husband, I decided not to ask them now. Perhaps I would be able to speak to Sunniva about all of it before she went to bed for the night. It seemed the right thing to do but not at this moment.

  For now, I would tend to my husband.

  *****

  Branford had only just left to speak to Camden when Hadley entered the morning room with her head down, and I knew there were tears in her eyes. She was unable to look at me.

  “Hadley,” I said softly, and I opened my arms to her. She came to me, her sobs escaping as she clung to my shoulders.

  “How can you not hate me?” she cried.

  “It is not of your doing,” I replied. “You will be a child of Silverhelm, and you—like all of us—must perform your required duties for the good of the entire kingdom.”

  We sat on the couch and hugged each other. I continued to reassure her, trying to listen to my own words and believe them as I attempted to convince her. I did not blame her in the slightest, for she was as trapped in this situation as both Branford and I were.

  “I can refuse, Alexandra,” she said at one point. “I can tell them I will not do it.”

  “Yes, Hadley, you can,” I told her. “This is a choice you should not make lightly. If you find the idea abhorrent, then do not take part. Even if Edgar threatens to cast you out into the street, you will still have a home here. But know that if you do not take up this position, then another will. You have choices in the matter, but I do not. I must provide my husband with an heir, no matter what the conditions.”

  “What would happen to me?” she asked. “He would…take me? As he would you?”

  “I don’t believe it would be the same, no,” I said quietly. “But he would not hurt you. He would be gentle.”

  “Do you want me to do this, Alexandra?” Hadley asked. “Do you want me to…to bear a child…for you?”

  “I must let someone do this for me,” I said, though I could barely hear my own voice. “If I have to choose someone, I would prefer it be you. You have always been like my own sister, if I had had one, and if anyone has to bear Branford’s child when I cannot, I want it to be you.”

  Hadley’s deep eyes widened, and she looked at me for a long time before she seemed to make a decision.

  “I will do this, Alexandra,” she said. “For you, my sister.”

  Our arms were around each other again, and even though there were tears in our eyes, they were not entirely due to sadness. We sat for some time before a slight knock at the door startled me, and I opened it to find Janet, her face grave as she looked from me to Hadley.

  “Is there anything I could do for you?” she asked quietly. “I have asked for supper to be brought to your room in an hour, but is there anything you need before then? I could make you tea.”

  “Thank you, Janet,” I said. I took a deep breath and looked at Hadley, who sat with her face still in her hands. “I think that would be most welcome.”

  Janet moved to the fire to prepare the tea, and I sat next to Hadley again. Her tears had slowed but not completely stopped, and I offered her a handkerchief to wipe her face.

  “Lady Hadley?” Janet stepped in front of us with her head bowed. Hadley paled when she heard herself addressed in such a way. “I made this for you as well. Lady Alexandra drinks it in the mornings, and it can help calm a person.”

  Janet proffered a cup to Hadley with a bright smile. I recognized the scent of my morning tea and was glad Janet thought to give the same to Hadley. I nodded to her, and Hadley took the steaming cup from Janet’s hands.

  “Thank you, um…Janet,” Hadley said. She took a sip, and her brow furrowed. “The taste is unusual.”

  “It takes a little getting used to,” I told her with a smile, “but I quite enjoy it now. I can’t imagine how my days would be without it.”

  She took another sip and leaned back in the seat. We spoke quietly for some time about the more mundane topic of what she would need to bring with her from Hadebrand. It was not long before a messenger came to collect her for the journey back to Hadebrand to say goodbye to her home.

  As soon as I was able, I sought out the Queen of Silverhelm. I called for her as I entered the garden, being sure to step carefully over the slippery, snow-covered path. I found her quickly.

  “Alexandra?” Sunniva’s soft voice floated over the bare trees in the garden, and I looked up to see her tighten her cloak around herself as she approached. I walked up to her, and she waved her hand at me and told me to sit down. She took the spot beside me, and her arm immediately went around me. I took a deep breath, and I lay my forehead against her shoulder.

  “I have…questions,” I said.

  “I am sure you do,” she replied with a nod.

  “Where will she stay?”

  “I will prepare a room for her,” Sunniva stated. “It will be on the other side of the castle from your rooms.”

  “Branford will…take her there?”

  “He…he will,” she said quietly. I nodded.

  “What will she do when she is not…performing her duties? Will she be required to be at his side?”

  “Not at all,” Sunniva said. “You are still Branford’s wife in every other way imaginable. You will still hold your position in the court, and you will be at Branford’s side as you have been. Even when the child is born, he will be considered your son, not hers.”

  “Once she has given us a child, what will become of her?”

  “The station of former concubine in this sort of situation is still very well-regarded. She would remain here in Silverhelm as long as she wished. She could become another handmaid to you or a nursemaid to your children.”

  “She may have more than one?”

  “She must provide a boy-child.”

  I took a deep breath. Of course this would be the case, for a girl could not take the throne of Silverhelm. What if she provided a girl child first? It was a question I did not wish to consider just yet.

  “What if Hadley does not wish to continue in such a role once a son is born?”

  “She will have many options,” Sunniva assured me. “Since she will have given birth to the future king, she will be in very high demand as a wife.”

  This news, I thought, was the most welcome. Hadley had feared for her own future, and at least in this matter, she would be more secure.

  “What if I become with child?” I asked.

  “Before or after Hadley?”

  My throat felt tight, and I had to swallow before I could speak again.

  “Either way,” I said.

  “If you bear a male child before Hadley, her duty would no longer be needed. She would stay here and would be treated with great respect because of her willingness to serve in such a way. If she bears a male child first, and you second, your child would have the line of succession. Her child would have to be recognized separately or not at all—it would be up to Branford to decide.”

  “What would become of Hadley and her child if he refused them?”

  “I do not think he would,” Sunniva said with a shake of her head. “But if he did, he would have to decide if they were to stay here or not. It would be unusual not to allow them to live with their station intact for the service she provided in the kingdom’s time of need even if it was ultimately unnecessary.”

  For many moments I sat with my head on my queen’s shoulder, my thoughts jumbled inside of my head. I tried to s
ort through the information Sunniva had provided, and I was at least certain that Hadley would be cared for regardless of what happened.

  I did not want her to suffer when all she was doing was trying to help us.

  I shivered as a cool breeze came from the top of the castle walls, and Sunniva told me we should find a warm fire inside. I stood on shaky legs, but she assisted me, stopping me briefly before we entered and turning me to face her.

  “When I first met you, I knew you were noble in your heart,” Sunniva said. “Now I know inside of your breast beats the heart that is truly royal.”

  “Thank you,” I replied as I bowed my head. “May I ask you one more question?”

  “Certainly.”

  “What will happen if Hadley does not become with child by summer?”

  Sunniva’s face paled.

  “Let us just pray it does not come to that.”

  *****

  “I do not see how I can do this,” Branford said quietly. “How I will even be able to…”

  His voice trailed off, and he huffed a breath through his nose.

  We sat on the edge of our bed as the winter winds began to whistle and moan against the windows. Hadley had returned to Silverhelm earlier in the day and was now waiting for him in the room Sunniva had prepared for her. Though I offered to help, Sunniva insisted on doing it herself.

  “You will have to close your eyes and think of me,” I whispered back. I looked away, trying to maintain whatever dignity I had left on this night.

  “I am not sure even that will work,” he said. “The very thought is…”

  He closed his eyes tightly and scowled.

  “I should not burden you with this,” he said.

  “Of course you should,” I said, correcting him. “I am your wife. We share all of our burdens, this one most of all.”

  He huffed again before looking back to my eyes and reaching out for my hand. He gripped it tightly and then pulled it to his lap as he ran his fingers over mine.

  “One day in the near future, you will take the throne,” I said, “and I will be at your side as your queen. We must perform our duties to Silverhelm, no matter what they are. If we will not sacrifice for the good of our people, how could we ask them to sacrifice for us? How could we ask them to give up the grain they give to feed those on the other side of the kingdom? How could we ask them to send their sons to die in our wars if we will not do this for them…for Silverhelm?”

  “Have we not done enough?” he asked. “Have you not done enough for your people? You already endure my presence, regardless of my mood. You…you are the only thing that keeps me grounded in my duties.”

  He chuckled though there was no humor in the sound.

  “And here you are, reminding me of my duty again,” he said, “but at what cost to you?”

  “The cost to me is less than it would be if I were forced aside for another,” I reminded him. “This way we will have our child, and I will still be at your side.”

  “I do not want to do this to you,” he said again.

  “You must do this, Branford,” I said softly as I brushed my lips against his. “Go to her and create the child we need. You must do this for our people.”

  “You are…so much better than I,” he whispered. “How can you bear this with such grace when I can hardly contain what this is doing to me?”

  With my fingers placed just below his jaw on either side of his face, I tilted his head to me.

  “Branford,” I started to say, attempting to use a tone I thought would be most convincing—a tone most like Sunniva’s, “sometimes I need Janet’s help when lacing up a dress, especially some of the fancier ones you enjoy the most when you take me out onto the dance floor and show me off to visitors.”

  His expression was confused, but he nodded.

  “Would I have been less dressed if Janet had not helped me?”

  “Less dressed?” he questioned.

  I obviously was not making my point clear enough. I tried again.

  “Do you recall the Harvest Celebration this year?”

  “Of course.”

  “Do you remember what I wore?”

  “Very much so,” Branford said, and a hint of a smile returned.

  “All those laces and ribbons!” I smiled at the memory. “The gold and black interlaced with the browns and oranges of harvest.”

  “You were stunning,” he whispered as he reached up and stroked my check once.

  “You found me beautiful?”

  “Oh, most definitely,” Branford said with reverence.

  “Even though Janet had to dress me?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I couldn’t even reach the very first of the laces,” I told him, “and there was no way I could have attached all those ribbons myself. Janet spent several hours making the dress look right on me. Did you realize that?”

  “Not so much, no,” Branford said. He was confused again.

  “Was I less attractive to you because I could not have worn it had it not been for Janet’s help?”

  “Of course not!”

  “So needing Janet’s help did not matter?”

  “It did not.”

  “Then if I brought you a child that Hadley helped us to bring into the world, would you love me less for not bearing it myself?”

  I could see understanding in his eyes as my words began to resonate, and once again I noticed wetness glistening in the firelight, twinkling in his bright green eyes. His breath hitched in his throat, and I could see him swallow before he spoke.

  “Never,” he whispered. “I will always, always love you.”

  “And you will love the child I bring to you even if he does not come from my body?”

  “He will still be our son,” Branford whispered. “Ours. Yours and mine.”

  “Yes,” I said, “he will.”

  With a slight nod, Branford stood slowly, his hand still grasping mine as he started to walk away, our fingers still touching until the last possible second when he took the step that brought our caress apart.

  I did not try to control my tears as the door to our room closed softly, and I was left alone. I sat on the edge of our marriage bed and stared at the candle burning on the table next to me until I could see nothing but dim glowing light, and my eyes ached in their sockets.

  I reached over and doused the light with the tips of my fingers, feeling the slight burn on my fingertips as I extinguished the flame. I lay sideways on the bed, my head resting against my husband’s pillow, and inhaled the scent of him. Unable to ebb the flow of my tears, I pulled his pillow tight to my chest and pushed my face into it to muffle my cries. When I had no more tears to cry, I closed my eyes, refusing to think of what was happening in that room on the other side of the castle, and begged sleep to take me.

  And that was when I performed my greatest sacrifice for Silverhelm.

  Chapter 2—Gracefully Endure

  I did not hear the door when it opened and was only alerted to the queen’s presence when she sat at the end of our bed. I gasped in surprise, sat up, and was about to cry out when her soft voice calmed me.

  “Do not be alarmed, Alexandra,” she said. “It is only me.”

  Sunniva reached her arms around me, and she pulled me against her as I began to sob again.

  “How do I endure this?” I whispered against the fabric of her dress.

  “We are royals,” Sunniva responded, her voice full of sympathy and regret. “We serve our people in whatever way is necessary. Our lives are never easy, but we do what we must to guarantee the safety and prosperity of our people.”

  “How will a son of Branford’s guarantee their safety?” I asked, my voice sounding harsher than I had intended. “It is not as if he can take up arms and defend them!”

  “No, he could not,” Sunniva said, agreeing, “but he would be a symbol of the continuation of the Sterling line. Just as it was with Sterling Castle before Branford surrendered it. It could not be taken fr
om him without the church allowing it. Only when Branford gave up his rights could Edgar take possession of it. The Sterling family has many such places, not just the kingdom of Silverhelm, all of which are secured by an heir.”

  “But one child…”

  “One child is necessary,” she continued. “More are desired, but one son is imperative. When Camden took the crown, it was with great reluctance. I had not conceived a child, and there was much unrest at the time because of it. However, we had Branford’s father and Branford at the time—both of whom could be successors if necessary. But now…now there is only Camden and Branford left, and Camden…”

  Her words faltered, and I gripped her hand.

  “If it were only Camden with no signs of an heir at that time, we would have also been forced to take a concubine to secure an heir. As it was, it was still a tenuous position. Had we also been at war or close to war, we would have had no choice.”

  “As we have no choice now.”

  “Yes, Alexandra.”

  “And you would have allowed it?”

  “How could I not?” Sunniva chuckled humorlessly.

  I rested my forehead on her shoulder and tried to understand everything that had happened. Branford chose me as his wife to anger Edgar into war, and he had succeeded in that venture. Though it had been some time since the final battle had been lost, the repercussions continued to haunt us.

  In many ways, I wanted to be angry with Branford—at him—for his shortsightedness and his lust for revenge. He had placed us in this precarious position, and we all had to pay the price. But I could not be vexed with him because I knew my husband better than anyone else knew him.

  I had seen him through our times together—the pain at the loss of his parents, the guilt and rage he felt at being so powerless to help them when they were attacked had been shown to me many, many times. Above all else, he harbored resentment that they were taken away, and he was left to live without them. After the war, he added to his shoulders the guilt of the lives lost in battle.

  I also knew myself better than I ever had before.

  Without his rash and childish demonstration of disrespect in taking my hand, I would still be a handmaid to Princess Whitney. Though the position itself did not sound abhorrent to me, I had learned that not all servants were treated as she treated hers. I had made it clear that servants in Castle Silverhelm were not to be treated harshly, and the conditions in Silverhelm for the lower classes had improved though they had never been as bad as they were for those in Hadebrand. The people of Silverhelm now looked to me as their commoner princess, the royal who considered their needs before her own.