Harold Creeny's Unfortunate Day, Page 3

with me! And to think I didn’t screw the delivery man when I had the chance, because God knows I could have!”

  “Just calm down and let me explain!”

  “Calm down? CALM DOWN? Don’t you tell me to calm down when for the last few years you’ve been treating me like some maid who takes care of your house, and not with the respect and attention I deserve as your wife! And now I watched you get thrown out of the dirtiest strip club in town, with your clothes all ruined and glitter all over your face! Well, I hope it was worth getting pepper sprayed!”

  Harold had only enough time to briefly ponder the implications of her last words, when as quick as anything she withdrew a canister from her purse and unleashed a generous portion of Satan’s urine across his face. He blinked twice, and then pain like tiny shards of glass scraping his eyes brought him to his knees.

  “My eyes!”

  By that point, the spectacle on the sidewalk had drawn a modest crowd. Some of the people were now scrambling to Harold’s aid, restraining his wife from causing further harm.

  “Don’t you dare show your face at home tonight!” she yelled over the heads of those trying to subdue her.

  Harold had heard nothing. The only thing that was going through his mind was, oh god, I can’t breathe! It burns so bad and I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe and I’m going to die!

  So deep in the grip of his pain and panic was he that he hadn’t noticed someone was trying to flush his eyes with water.

  “Easy now,” said a woman’s calm voice. “Try to open your eyes as much as you can and rinse them out with this.”

  “Can’t breathe!” said Harold unintelligibly.

  “Yes you can or you wouldn’t be able to talk to me. You’re panicking. It’ll feel much better once you rinse your eyes out with this.”

  Soon things were quieter. Surprised, Harold was able to see that he was actually in a hospital. How did he get here? He couldn’t remember. But two hours later he was leaving the hospital and going back into his chaotic world. It seems that during the incident at the strip club, one of the bystanders who had watched all the proceedings had called an ambulance and Harold was taken to the emergency room.

  Harold now reflected on these last few terrible hours. He had nearly broken his neck falling down a flight of stairs, he was the random victim of a car hijacking, had been threatened with a gun, nearly became the collateral damage of the mob, had accidentally barged into a strip club dressing room, then was accused by his wife of being unfaithful, which got him pepper sprayed. By anyone’s standards, it was one hell of a day.

  After considering all of this, he had learned an important lesson while being treated in the ER. No matter how hard a person tried, no matter how careful he could be, it’s impossible to evade the bad things. At some point the tragedies of life will come bearing down on you just as it does onto everyone else.

  So why bother stressing out about it?

  With that thought, a great weight seemed to lift off Harold’s shoulders. If bad things are going to happen, they’re going to happen. Why not just live in the moment, savoring the good things while they last? By trying to avoid every bad and unpleasant thing, you miss out on the good things, too. Finally Harold understood what his wife had been trying to tell him all along. He hoped he could still convince her of his story before she was out of his reach. But for now, it was best to give her some time to calm down.

  Suddenly Harold’s world was more than business deals and safety innovations. It became something dynamic and wondrous waiting to be explored and experienced in a way he never had before. So what if his car was stolen? He could buy another one. He would finally do something with all that money in the bank! Another time, he would have stood for hours trying to decide which new and exciting thing to do first. But now things were going to change… beginning with a popular Italian restaurant. He had never eaten at a restaurant before. The thought of someone other than himself preparing his food was beyond disgusting. He had no idea where other people’s hands had been and how many mouse droppings were mixed into the rice. But the new Harold decided he wouldn’t give a damn! For the first time in his life, he trusted that his immune system would deal with any possible threat.

  So, here he was, in front of the restaurant. Harold walked in and inhaled deeply the powerful aromatic scent of stranger prepared food. He surprised himself by not thinking about germs, but about how delicious everything smelled instead. That decided it. No more hesitations. It was time to eat.

  When the waitress took his order, Harold asked for whatever the house special was that day. “Whatever is being featured is good enough for me!”

  “I have no doubt that you’ll enjoy the salmon. It’s fresh, straight from the harbor.”

  Harold sat back in his seat and smiled. He couldn’t remember the last time he had someone else cook for him. It felt good to trust for a change. However, if he could only have predicted that on this particular day, during this particular hour, for this particular meal, that the chef would mistakenly miss the fish bone that had lodged in the salmon, then Harold may never have choked to death.

  ###

  About the Author

  Scott J. Callaway was born and raised in the small Maritime fishing community of Escuminac, New Brunswick. As a child, his most despicable moment was when he left his sister for dead in a hole in the snow while trying to escape the evil clutches of a talking doll. Because seriously… That thing was scary! It was that moment when he realized he could never be a hero, and would have to settle with writing about them instead. Currently, he and his wonderful wife and beautiful daughter live by the sea with a cat who loves to sing for her breakfast whether they like it or not. He draws energy from peace and quiet and values the stillness of a room while enjoying a good book. His dream is to someday be able to share all the things he makes up in his head with the world.

  For more information about the author, visit his blog at www.scottjcallaway.blogspot.ca or his Facebook page at www.facebook.com/ScottJCallaway.

  Discover other titles by Scott J. Callaway:

  Charlie Cradle’s Wonderful Existence: A Novella