One-Sided Love Online

ONE-SIDED LOVE ONLINE

  By Sav C.

  Copyright 2016 Sav C.

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  An Almost Love Online Story

  Let me first introduce myself before I tell you my story. My name’s Jaz I am 21 years old. I have brown eyes which is not too visible because I wear glasses, brown skin, reddish brown shoulder length hair, and a fit body which I try my best to maintain by working out at least 3 times a week. I would be that girl you will see hanging out with herself at the park eyes all on her phone and head banging on the sound of her music coming out from her headphones. Yes I am a ‘loner’ if that’s how you put it but I have few friends, 3-5 at most. I don’t really like having a large circle of friends, others are just acquaintances, I only keep those who I know are true and who’re there when I needed them the most. So those are the basic things you need to know about me and there are more to follow.

  I was bullied during my high school years, I made friends on freshmen year, yes and it stayed ‘til the end of high school years but those friends are also the ones who used to mock me, that’s of course just for fun, at least to them it is, but to me, it’s not. I know you shouldn’t take jokes and pranks too seriously but since I was a quiet and shy kind of girl who never did them wrong, I thought what did I do to be done this wrong? I’ve been there when they needed me and yet I’ve been the center of fun, maybe because of how I looked, I do not know and I never wanted to know. If you think that’s all, I’m telling you now that that’s not it yet, even in my own house, when I get back home after school, there are my siblings waiting for me just to tell me things (You’re ugly…too ugly you wouldn’t be able to get a guy to love you, heck they wouldn’t even like you cause damn look at you, you are so thin that a single blow of wind from my lips can bring you down…blah blah blah) that I didn’t want to hear and to laugh at me, you see, I am the joke on everyone’s eyes. That is what made me this…fit and yet fragile body, strong mind weak heart, open wounds closed world. I had no more friends, never did I make any more any longer.

  The thought of having no more real friends brought shivers to my bones, who can I go and tell my stories to? Who will be there when I am down? I didn’t know. I didn’t know until one day, on my 3rd year of high school, my brother gave me a phone with internet for my 15th birthday. I had it, my phone. It’s been my friend since I lost the real ones. And there started my story….

  I heard you can find and meet other people on the internet in an instant. I was born and raised in a really underdeveloped small town so we are way too far behind technologies. Anyway, at that moment when I heard about meeting new people on the internet, I rushed to browse the internet where I can find friends and I saw this one dating site (I can’t say the name sorry). It seemed pretty interesting and legit so I signed up and tried it. At that time, the profiles are still real but there were too many pervert old men always wanting to trade pics even though you’ve ignored and blocked them a thousand times so I left the site.

  Four years later, I was on my sophomore year in college, I went back to the site to see if there have been a lot of changes and yes there have. The real profiles are almost gone… all you’ll see now are RP (roleplay) pros. People on it are now using different characters from who they really are. The essence of the site being a dating site has been gone, it has been transformed into a roleplaying site where people can use any character they wanted to use and act to it. It is now hard to tell the real ones from the fake ones so I went off again for two years. But then, I wanted to make new friends who are stranger to me so I tried it again, signed up to a new account (because I have forgotten the old one) and logged on but I still used my real photos, I did not follow the trend of using other people’s pics just to get good and ‘hot’ friends, I used my real photo and to my surprise, I got a request from someone REAL. I was using the title of my then favorite TV show as my username, and she was using the title of one movie that I think she liked the most. We had that thing in common at least ;)

  So here’s the real catch. I wasn’t really sure if I liked girls or boys. I have been struggling on that thought since I was in high school but now I am sure that I’m a bisexual female. I like guys and I like girls, so that’s me. And, the thing is this stranger who sent me a request (which I accepted right that moment I saw her request), she just got me mesmerized. There was something about her that captured me, I know I said I like both men and women but she… she gives me this feeling of butterflies flying around and playing inside my stomach every time we chat.

  It’s weird I know cause you cannot fall for someone you don’t see but chatting with her, it’s different, she’s been my confidant. I am myself when I talk to her, I need not hide behind the mask and wear a fake smile for she knows when I lie about how I really am. We tell each other almost everything, from our plans to our feelings for other people. We got along well together until one day, she just stopped mailing me, and if she does, it’s only to ask me how I’m doing, I would reply and ask her the same and it stops there.

  And….

  There came a day when finally we had a long talk and that’s when I knew she already has someone she has her eyes on to, I was wishing it was me but clearly it’s not. She hasn’t known about my feelings for her then, I never told her. I knew that she really loves her girl so I chose to just keep my little secret from her, I didn’t wanna ruin anything so I just went and got together with someone and tried to forget my feelings about her, tried to love mine the way she did me. It didn’t work.

  Online love is too complicated especially when you both are not so sure if you both are really REAL though you’ve talked on the phone for some time and you’ve both proven yourselves to be real. She’s not an easy girl I should say she won’t give away any information about her unless she’s certain about you, she’s a snob for other people but that’s just the way she is and I adore her for that.

  *****

  Vae was 17 when I met her on the site (I was 19). She has a really perfect shaped body, fit and toned, silky straight hair hanging out to her shoulder, and captivating brown eyes. She has been hurt and lied to by the girl she loved and I guess still loves and of course as a real friend, I’ve been there for her, to listen, to talk and to comfort her. She left the site for a long time after that incident and I waited for her to come back, I checked and checked my mails hoping she’s back and that she mailed me but there was nothing. The last time I heard from her was that time when she told me she will be moving to another country to study, little did she know that the country she’s moving in is just two hours away from mine.

  I went to the country to work after I graduated college to look for her. I wanted to meet her and finally tell her how I’ve been feeling since that first day we chatted together. I wasn’t a strong and brave person who can say things so straight especially when it comes to feelings I’m a complete idiot to that. But this time is different. I texted her asked her if she wants to meet and she said yes. I gave her the address of our meeting place and waited.

  Moments later…..

  She’s there walking towards the coffee shop I’m in. God she’s beautiful even with those eyes that are saying she’s been staying up all night, she’s always been gorgeous to my eyes.

  “Hi uhm Jaz?” she said and smiled at me

  Surprised as I was, I said “Hello”

  That was the first time we saw and really talked to each other.

  She talked about everything she
has been through and the same goes to me. It was going very well until I spit it out. The words I’ve wanted to tell her since day one.

  “I love you. NO. I’m in love with you Vae” I looked at her as I held back the tears and kept it lock in behind my eyes, I was afraid and yet excited. We have been friends for a long time now and we’ve told each other our secrets and stuff. There was a moment of silence after that confession.

  Breaking the silence Vae spoke. “I… I… I don’t know what to say. I love you too Jaz but not the way you want it to be. You’ve been like my best friend on the site, and I don’t know maybe we can try but I can’t promise you that it will work.”

  Hurt I was, but I was still happy on the thought that we can try but waking up to it, it’s not going to work, I know. She just said it to satisfy me and it didn’t work too. She still loves the girl who hurt her the most and I understood that. It’s her decision and I respect it so I said “It’s okay we don’t need to try, I already know the answer. But we can still hang together right?”

  “Yea sure why not” she said smiling at me.

  “Let’s have a deal.” I said chasing away the awkwardness of what just happened

  “Yea what is it?” she said looking at me confused

  “If by a year you haven’t found someone you think is right for you, let me have that chance to prove to you that I can be that one and that you’ll never regret being with me” I said as I held my hand to pinky swear formation

  She smiled at me and entwined her pinky to mine promising and closing our deal. “Sure it’s a deal”

  The love online I thought I could and would have got washed away by her faith to Jo (Vae’s love interest). It’s not so bad though, I have her as a friend and we have a deal which I know will never happen, not now that she and Jo are okay and so much better now. I just hope she’ll be happy for a lifetime (there’s no such thing as forever).

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