Effortless, Page 21

Chapter 21

 

  Hope

  The next few weeks were all about my sister. We spent my spring break holed up in the apartment, me trying to convince her to see a doctor, her telling me no, throwing up in the bathroom, then crying on her bed for hours.

  I'd go sit with her and stroke her hair. I pointed to her Hooters calendar on the wall, told her she was beautiful, and that this was her month to shine. It was April now, and her gorgeous face was proudly featured for the world to see this month. Complaining that she felt bloated and fat already and her tight outfit was getting tighter every day, she'd torn down the calendar and shoved it in her nightstand.

  I hoped on a daily basis that her job wouldn't influence her decision on whether to keep the baby or not. She was kind of top dog at her restaurant, the only girl there that had made the calendar. I wasn't sure if they'd let her continue to be a waitress once she started showing. I mean, I'd never seen a pregnant girl in an opaque tank top and super-tight boy shorts. But I knew that legally she had rights, and if she ever gave her job as an excuse to terminate the baby, I'd bombard her with a list of them.

  I walked on eggshells when I was near her, trying to not freak the stressed woman out. And it didn't take much to stress her out. I didn't entirely blame her for that, her situation was scary and daunting, plus she was being flooded with mood-altering hormones on a daily basis, but I did snap at her to back off when she rudely snarked at me that the smell of coffee made her want to hurl, and I needed to stop bringing it into the house.

  She cried when I barked my response at her and I instantly felt bad and stopped making coffee in the mornings. I guess I could suffer through a few days of caffeine withdrawal to help her. Especially if it helped to convince her that she could be a mom. And I knew she could. Under all the carefree playfulness was a woman with a great well of love in her. She may not have found the right man to share it with yet, but I knew it was there.

  I even invited her to another one of Jenny's six week long art courses. Why I kept signing up with her, I still had no idea. Pity, I guess, since I still felt bad about the whole Boise trip.

  Anna grudgingly came with me, sulking and moping the entire time as she sat beside me. Jenny raised an eyebrow at the woman who was generally bubbly and happy, but didn't ask about it. Maybe she figured Griffin had been an ass to her. And. . . he definitely had, he just wasn't aware of it yet.

  Nobody was. Anna still wouldn't let me tell anyone, not even Denny, and he'd noticed her mood right away. Probably because he'd come over to pick me up for a movie and Anna hadn't given him a dirty look. She'd barely even glanced at him as she'd muttered, "Have a good time. One of us should. . . "

  She was always saying things like that, like she'd just received word that she had a fatal disease and only had nine months to live. I told her repeatedly that she had a great support system and she could still have a life after a child, but I was pretty sure she didn't believe me. She was still pregnant, though, seven weeks according to an online due date calendar. I kept my fingers crossed that I'd be holding my niece or nephew by the end of November.

  Looking a little green, Anna watched the teacher explain the object of today's lesson. Anna groaned loudly, when she saw what is was. Today we were drawing people, and not just any people. . . today we were drawing children.

  Rolling my eyes, I cursed fate and wished today had been an abstract day. Anna seemed to agree with me and partially stood from her stool, like she was going to leave.

  Her perfect pony tail swishing along her back, Kate tilted her head and asked Anna, "You alright? You look like you're going to be ill. "

  Anna's eyes widened, but she sat and picked up her pencil. As two cute-as-a-button ten-year-old kids sat down to be our models for the afternoon, Anna sighed and muttered, "I'm fine. " I took a second to at least thank fate for not having our model be a sleeping infant. I think that would have driven poor Anna over the edge.

  Jenny was already busy working on her project when the rest of us finally started. I sighed, watching her flawlessly draw out the basic shape of a human head. Mine looked like Mr. Potato-Head. I still couldn't quite get the hang of realism. . . and this was my umpteenth class.

  Jenny smiled over at me when I sighed morosely. "You'll get there, Kiera," she said warmly, any trace of a fight lingering between us gone.

  Jenny didn't hold grudges for long, which was a good thing. Plus, she'd gone to see Evan while I'd been on break. She'd called to ask me to go to Texas with her and Rachel, but I'd had to stay with Anna, to make sure she didn't do anything stupid while I was gone, and Anna did not want to see Griffin yet. Hating that I was missing out on spending a week with Kellan, I'd told Jenny that I couldn't go. I don't think Jenny understood why, but any resentment she'd had towards me had faded when she got back.

  Sighing again, I erased part of the line I'd just drawn. "I don't know why I keep coming to these classes with you. I'll never be good at this. " Jenny laughed a little and I joined in with her. "I guess I'm trying to be well-rounded. "

  Giggling, Jenny pointed at my misshapen person. "Well, I think you need the practice, cuz that looks oblong to me. "

  I smacked her on the shoulder, then watched, amazed, as she went back to her incredibly lifelike drawing. I was horrid at this, and Kate was okay, but Jenny. . . she was amazing.

  By the end of the class, I had something that could possibly pass for a mammal. That beat my sister, though. . . she had a stick figure. Kate's was good, a little un-proportional, but good. Jenny's took my breath away. She'd decided to not draw the offered models. Well, maybe she had drawn them, but she'd chosen to draw them as babies.

  I wasn't sure if Jenny was just having an, I love my man and I want to have his kids someday moment, or if she'd maybe subconsciously picked up on something, but the infants she'd turned the models into were perfect. Almost real.

  "Wow, Jenny. . . wow. " It was all I could think to say.

  A scraping noise on the other side of me brought my attention back around to Anna. She'd scooted her chair away from her easel and was staring at Jenny's picture with her jaw dropped. One hand was resting on her stomach as her eyes slowly glassed over.

  I put my hand on her thigh right as Jenny asked, "You okay, Anna?"

  My sister nodded, not looking up at the artist. "Yeah, that's just. . . really good, Jenny. "

  The perky blonde beamed at Anna's awed face. "Thanks! I'm glad you like it so much. Do you want it?"

  Anna finally glanced up at her, her eyes getting thicker by the second. "You'd give it to me?"

  Jenny shrugged, tearing it off the paper stand. "Yeah, I was just goofing around. " Rolling it up, she handed it to Anna. "Here, since it moves you so much, you should have it. "

  Anna took it with trembling fingers. I thought she might break down into a sobbing, hysterical, hormonal mess, but swallowing a few times, she managed to wrangle in her mood and smile at Jenny. "Thank you, I really like it. "

  Leaning close to my sister, I quietly asked her if she was okay.

  She nodded. "Yeah. " Looking me in the eyes, she jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "I'm not feeling so hot. I think I'm going to go home and crash. "

  I nodded at her and patted her shoulder. As she left, Kate bunched her brows together, her topaz eyes seeming a little confused. "Is your sister. . . alright?"

  Thinking about the look on her face as she'd stared at Jenny's infants, I smiled. "Yeah, yeah I think she'll be just fine. "

  Since the lot of us didn't have anything to do until work later tonight, we headed over to one of my favorite coffee spots. Since Anna had banned the substance from our home, I'd started going out to get it. It was a heck of a lot more expensive, but I was a fulltime student with a fulltime job. Smart or not, I needed all the help I could get.

  Kate, Jenny and I sat in a booth in the back, since we planned on hanging out here for a while. Rachel joined our group after Jenny texted her, a
nd the party of four quickly turned into a gossip session about boys. Kate especially stroked the conversation, wanting to hear all about our loves, since she still didn't have one.

  Biting my lip, I thought about mine. I thought about Kellan and the thing he was hiding from me. He'd almost told me a couple of times, and that last time, the time before our intimate session over the phone, he'd been choked up over how to do it.

  His words flew through my brain as Rachel quietly admitted that Matt was an excellent kisser.

  God, this is hard. . .

  Kellan's words mixed with Denny's warning in my brain and ice formed in my stomach.

  If you think he's cheating on you, Kiera. . . then he probably is. . .

  Finally getting a chance to think about it, now that the stress with my sister was on a back burner for a moment, I considered all of the conversations with Kellan recently. While always sounding glad to talk to me, and always eager to try and turn me on, he also seemed. . . worn, tired, like he was carrying a weight with him.

  I didn't know what that meant, but my heart told me it wasn't good. My heart told me he'd fallen for someone else, and he didn't know how to tell me. I understood how it could happen. . . it had happened to me after all, but it killed me that he was stringing me along, biding his time to rip my heart out. Like Denny must have thought at some point, it would just be better if he told me. . . better to know, than constantly wonder.

  Feeling a well of despair start to creep up on me, I stared at my creamy coffee and ignored the conversations flowing around me. A chin on my shoulder brought me back to the present. Tilting her head at me, Jenny asked, "You alright? You sort of look like your sister did earlier. "

  I glanced at Rachel and Kate, the pair deep in a conversation about who Kate could start seeing. Looking back at Jenny, I worried my lip and considered what I should say to her. She'd just seen the guys. Had she noticed anything? Had Evan said anything?

  Curiosity burning holes in my stomach, I finally asked, "When you were out visiting the boys. . . how was Kellan?"

  Jenny blinked, not expecting my question. "Uh, fine, I guess. Why?"

  Looking back down, I shrugged. "I don't know. I just feel like he. . . wants to tell me something. . . "

  "Maybe you're just deferring your own guilt?"

  I looked back at her after her comment and she raised a pale eyebrow. "You know, because you haven't told him about Denny being in town. . . right?" Shaking her head, she added, "I'm guessing that he knows nothing about how much time the two of you spend together. "

  I sighed, shaking my head. "No, I haven't told him yet, but I will, I just. . . " My eyes watered on me and Jenny's disapproving scowl faded. "I need to know what he's hiding first," I whispered.

  Jenny's face softened as she put an arm around me. "Hey, it's okay, Kiera. I mean, I didn't notice anything suspicious, and Evan would have told me if Kellan was. . . doing anything wrong. "

  I swallowed, secretively wiping my eyes. Glancing at the pair across from us, still deep in their own conversation, I muttered, "Kellan's good at hiding things if he needs to. . . Evan had no idea about the two of us, remember?"

  Sighing, Jenny pulled me into her shoulder. "Yeah, but Kellan is so in love with you. . . he wouldn't cheat on you. " She whispered it, but I felt like it crashed around the room.

  I cringed, swallowing back more tears. I really didn't want to break down in front of Kate and Rachel. I didn't want to discuss this with a table of people. Really, I wanted to push it back to the far corner of my brain where I never thought about it. . . that would be wonderful.

  Trying to cheer me up, Jenny spunkily said, "Besides, I only ever saw him on his phone, talking to you. Would he talk to you so much if he were cheating on you?"

  All of the color drained from my face. "He was on the phone? A lot?"

  Bunching her brows, she nodded. "Yeah. . . with you. . . right?"

  I slowly shook my head. My sister had been such a mess the week that Jenny and Rachel were gone, that I'd barely had time to answer my phone, let alone talk to Kellan. In fact, the only times I had talked to him were really late at night, after Anna had finally passed out from exhaustion. Jenny would have surely been asleep as well during those conversations, so whoever she'd seen him talking to. . . it hadn't been me.

  Clutching her arm, I leaned forward intently. "What was he saying on the phone? Did he sound. . . happy, in love?"

  My voice broke on the word and Jenny's pale eyes glassed over. Shaking her head, she murmured, "I thought he was talking to you. . . "

  Near hysterics in my voice, I tugged on her arm. "What did he say?"

  She swallowed, shaking her head. "I don't. . . I wasn't paying attention, but. . . he. . . " She swallowed again, her eyes nearly to the brim now with sympathetic tears. "He was laughing. . . he seemed. . . happy. "

  Feeling like I was going to start hyperventilating, I stood up. Jenny started to stand with me, but I held my hand up. "I just. . . need a minute. "

  I quickly dashed to the bathroom, hoping Jenny and the others would let me fall apart alone. She'd practically confirmed my greatest fear. Kellan was involved with someone else, someone who made him laugh. And I bet she was gorgeous, too. . .

  My hand was over my mouth and I was holding in the sobs as I sank against the cool, tile wall. Letting myself slide down it, I sat on the floor and dropped my head into my hands. How could he do this to me? Was it payback, for all the times I'd hurt him? Was it the universe getting even with me, for being so awful to Denny? Or was Kellan really just the sex addict that Candy had made him out to be, and this was an inevitability?

  Maybe Kellan had found that going months without physically being with a woman was impossible, and he'd caved. It happened all the time, so I don't know why it surprised me. Maybe because I'd expected more from Kellan. Maybe I'd expected too much.

  Sobbing uncontrollably now, I let every doubt in my body leech out through my tears.

  "Kiera? You okay?"

  I glanced up to see a blonde in the doorway staring down at me. It wasn't the blonde I'd been expecting, though. It wasn't Jenny. . . it was my friend from school, Cheyenne. Wiping my eyes, I quickly muttered, "It's nothing," and started to stand.

  She came up to me and helped me up. "You sure? You look devastated. " Her eyes widened. "Did something bad happen? Is everything okay?"

  Feeling a little strange, since Cheyenne and I mainly had an academic relationship, I shrugged and again said, "It's nothing, I'm fine. "

  Squaring my shoulders, she looked me in the eye. "It's not fine and you're not okay. " Softening her face, she said, "I know we haven't known each other all that long, Kiera, but you can talk to me. "

  Smiling at her gesture, eased by the warmth in her mild accent, I leaned back into the wall and swiped my eyes dry. "It's just. . . Kellan. I think he's seeing someone else. " My gut felt torn in half, just admitting it to someone.

  Cheyenne's arms immediately wrapped around me. "Oh God, Kiera, I'm so sorry. " She pulled back to look at me, her face warm and open. "I know you really liked him, are you sure?"

  I shrugged, sighing. "No, I'm not sure of anything right now. . . except men suck. " I sniffled and smiled a bit, but Cheyenne twisted her lip at me.

  Stepping back, she threaded her fingers through her hair. She almost seemed nervous and I cocked an eyebrow at her. Swallowing, she looked around the empty bathroom. "Okay, I know I'm going to sound like an idiot, but, I think you're really great and smart and funny, and I know you like guys, but I was wondering if. . . "

  My eyes widened as I listened to her. Was she saying she. . . dug me? Was I not so far off in thinking that she liked me? Wondering how to let someone down easy, since I had zero experience in that, I took a step forward. "Oh, um, Cheyenne, I think you're great, too, and I like you-"

  She visibly brightened and I stammered for a way to change what I'd been about to say. "No, I mean I like you, like you
. . . not. . . like you, like you. . . like you. . . "

  Yeah, even I was lost by my explanation, but Cheyenne didn't seem to care anymore. I'd said I liked her, and that seemed to be enough. Smiling ear-to-ear, she exclaimed, "Oh, I like you too!" Then she grabbed my face.

  I didn't even know how to react. There is just no course on what to do or say in this situation, at least, none I'd ever taken. . . but maybe I should.

  She brought her lips down to mine, pressing us firmly together before softly moving against me. I had just enough time to think, huh, that's different, before I pushed her shoulders back. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. I thought she looked mortified at herself, and I couldn't help but feel bad for her. Being rejected was no easy thing.

  Stammering, she stepped back from me. "Sorry, oh God, I'm sorry. I thought you. . . I'm sorry. "

  Sighing that I was misleading to even my own sex, I shook my head. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think. . . " Exhaling, I switched to blunt honesty. "I'm not attracted to girls, Cheyenne. No offense or anything, but I like men. . . even philandering ones. "

  I sighed sadly as she flushed bright red. "Of course, I knew that. . . I really did. You have a boyfriend and you love him. I was just. . . caught up in the moment, and I've really liked you for a while and. . . " She closed her eyes and dropped her head back. "God, I'm an idiot. "

  Chuckling at how similar to me she actually was, I shook my head. "No, you're not, and it's fine, Cheyenne. . . really. "

  Groaning, she looked back down at me. "So, do you never want to see me again?"

  I blinked, tilting my head. "Why would you think that?"

  She flung her hands at where our moment had just happened. "Because I totally took advantage of you. " She gave me a sad smile. "Because I like you. "

  I looked down, shaking my head again. "Of course, I still want to see you," I looked up, "as a friend and schoolmate, but that's all we'll ever be. . . I'm sorry. "

  Her eyes watered but she smiled. "I know. I've always known it wouldn't happen. I guess I just. . . hoped. "

  I nodded at her, not knowing what else to say. Maybe having had enough embarrassment for one day, she grabbed the door handle. "Well, I should go. " She pulled open the door, then raised an eyebrow at me. "We're still studying next week. . . right?"

  Containing a sigh, I smiled. "Sure, yeah. " I knew from now on I'd have to be more careful around the girl. I didn't want to hurt her in any way. But, you can't help who you fall for. I knew that from experience.

  As she walked away, I considered one good thing from the encounter-she'd stunned me out of my moment of agony, that was for sure. And I could now cross "being kissed by a girl" off my bucket list.

  I was still stunned when I got home after my shift at the bar. I hadn't mentioned the kiss to the girls at the table, and really, when I'd returned all they'd cared to know about was why I'd left. Jenny hadn't told them about our conversation and I thanked her for that later.

  I was wondering if Cheyenne was going to be a problem at school now, a new one to replace Candy, since her path had finally deviated from mine. In fact, last I heard, Candy had went and gotten herself pregnant. Seemed to be going around these days.

  That thought that was reaffirmed to me when I opened my bedroom door and found a pregnant girl sitting on my bed. Surprised that Anna was still up at this hour, when she'd started going to bed pretty early lately, I sat beside her.

  Face sad but serene, she looked over at me. "I've decided. "

  "And?" I held my breath, waiting for her answer.

  She looked over my face for long seconds that felt like years. Lifting one corner of her lip, she finally said, "I don't know if I'm going to keep this baby or not. . . but I won't kill it. " She shrugged, looking down at her hands in her lap. "I can't," she whispered, her palm moving to rest on her abdomen.

  My eyes watering, I threw my arms around her. "I'm so glad, Anna. "

  She nodded as she held me back, and I stroked her hair soothingly, like mom used to do when we were little and frightened. "It will be okay, Anna. I'm here. I'll help you with everything. "

  She smiled at me when we pulled apart. "I made an appointment with the doctor for next week. Could you go with me?"

  Nodding, I pulled her in tight again. "Of course, or course I'll go with you. " Pulling back again, I raised my eyebrows. "Can I tell people? Kellan? Jenny?"

  Anna immediately shook her head. "No, not yet. " I frowned at her and she sighed, slumping. "Look, I don't know if I want to raise a baby, Kiera, and I don't want a million people giving me their opinion right now. " She looked up at me, her bright jade eyes determined. "I want this to be my choice, and I want to make it, before the world condemns me for it. "

  Sighing, I stroked her hair. "Yeah, okay. . . I won't say anything. " She was silent a moment and I added, "Don't you think Griffin should know? Shouldn't he have a say?"

  She stared at her hands, not able to look at me. "I know you won't approve of this, Kiera, but if I decide to give it up for adoption. . . " she looked back up at me, "Griffin will never know that he was the father. I'll never admit to it, and I'll deny it if anyone says otherwise. "

  Seeing the firm decision already in her eyes, I shook my head. "Why, Anna? Why wouldn't you want him to know?"

  Looking away from me, she shrugged. "It's just the way it has to be, Kiera. " Looking back up, she shrugged. "If I do keep it. . . I'll tell him, okay?"

  I nodded, hoping I could talk her out of this one. My feelings about Griffin aside, he had a right to know he had a son or daughter in the world. I wasn't sure what he'd do with the information, but I felt like he should have it.

  Maybe seeing my inner monologue in my eyes, Anna narrowed hers. "I'm serious about this, Kiera. You can't tell anyone. "

  Sighing, I shrugged. "I won't. . . I promise. "

  Feeling satisfied with that, she stood and left me alone in my room, my head swirling with the drama that seemed to gravitate towards me, like I was some pain-filled planet, pulling angst around me.

  But my sister's mood lightened some, the stress around the house easing as well. That next week I did meet with Cheyenne, inviting her over to work together on our projects. She was taking an advanced poetry class in her last quarter and I was taking an advanced expository writing class. It was tough, and in the middle of it, and my other classes, I was also working on getting three letters of recommendation and coming up with a critical-writing sample for my degree requirements.

  Even though I enjoyed school, I was very tired, and ready for it to be over with, in a month and a half.

  Equally swamped with her own workload, Cheyenne felt my pain. Laughing, we joked about the poetry paper I'd turned in last quarter, that, really, barely classified as college-level material. Sitting across from me at my rickety card table, our books and papers spread between us, Cheyenne sighed and leaned back in her chair.

  I started working on my paper when she spoke. "Hey, sorry about. . . kissing you last week, you know?"

  Glancing up at her, a flush filling my cheeks, I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. "

  She bit her lip and looked down, getting back to work on her own stuff. "Yeah, well, thank you for not freaking out and refusing to ever talk to me again. . . that would have really sucked. "

  I laughed a little at her comment, then shook my head. "I've done so many impulsive things that I've regretted later. . . " I sighed. "I completely understand and I wouldn't make you feel bad about it. "

  "You? Impulsive?" She giggled a little. "Do tell. " Throwing a pencil at her, I frowned at her amused expression. It sort of reminded me of Kellan's.

  My sister bounded into the room a couple of seconds later, dressed in sweatpants and a baggy shirt. She wasn't huge or anything yet, but she was trying to hide the slight bump she did have. I had no idea how she was going to explain it away to her work when she got bigger. Her plan for now was letting them all see
her constantly eating, so she could blame any chubbiness on over-snacking. Yeah, that might work. . . for the first few months.

  Sucking on a lollipop, that I knew was actually something she'd found at a store called a "Pregger Pop," that supposedly helped with nausea, she widened her eyes at me. "You got kissed, Kiera? I'm so telling Kellan. "

  I narrowed my eyes at her, silently telling her that she owed it to me to not say a word, and she flushed, quickly saying, "Or not. "

  Cheyenne started looking a little uncomfortable and I rolled my eyes at my sister, wishing she had just a little bit more tact. The poor girl felt bad enough as it was, she didn't need Anna rubbing salt in the wound.

  Looking properly chagrined, Anna put a hand on Cheyenne's shoulder. "Hey, don't worry about it. . . everybody kisses Kiera. "

  I smacked Anna's arm but Cheyenne giggled and playfully responded with, "Yeah, well that's because she's so cute. "

  The both of them started laughing as I shook my head. Was everybody's favorite past time embarrassing me? Anna leaned over and kissed my head at seeing my expression. While I was happy that she was bouncing back some, I wasn't thrilled that she was picking on me again.

  She smiled down at me, then frowned a little. "Hey, it's time to go to my. . . thing. "

  She shrugged and I knew what she meant-her first doctor's appointment. Inhaling deep, I nodded and started packing up my stuff. Cheyenne took the hint and started packing up hers, too. Walking us down to the parking lot, Cheyenne smiled at Kellan's car as I opened it. "That car is hot. . . see you later, Kiera," she drawled.

  I laughed at her comment and nodded goodbye to her. Yeah, the car was pretty hot, and pretty fun to drive too. I'd never tell Kellan, but I'd taken more than a few long drives in it.

  Anna got quieter on the ride over, playing with the zipper of her light jacket. I smiled over at her reassuringly, sort of reminded about how I'd looked and felt when she'd been driving me against my will to see Kellan, over a year ago. I'd been so nervous that night, the night we'd gotten back together, not sure if he'd want to see me, not sure if I'd be able to see him, but that had all worked out for the best, and I was sure this would too.

  When we pulled up to the doctor's office, Anna let out a long, unsteady exhale. I put my hand on her shoulder. "Hey, I'm right here, Anna. "

  She smiled at me, nodding . "Alright, let's do this. "

  "Doing this" turned out to be a little boring. It mainly involved waiting and filling out paperwork. Anna seemed uncomfortable by all the other pregnant women in the lobby and focused on her issue of Cosmo instead. I looked around at all of the blossoming bellies and tried to picture my sister that way, or me even. Life was so chaotic right now, it was hard to imagine having a baby in the middle of it. Feeling sympathetic, I grabbed Anna's hand while we waited.

  Once in the office, we waited some more. Anna stared, horrified, at a diagram posted on the wall of a baby inside a womb. "Oh my God, Kiera, look at the size of it!" She looked back at me, her beautiful eyes as wide as they could go. "How the hell is that head supposed to come out of this hole?"

  She pointed down at herself and I shushed her for her very loud comment. "I don't know, Anna, but women do it every day so it must work. . . somehow. "

  Closing her eyes, she leaned against my shoulder. "Yeah, and it's going to hurt like fucking hell. "

  Bumping her shoulder with mine, I twisted my lips. "Do you think you could tone down the language, you are holding an impressionable embryo after all. "

  She rolled her eyes at me. "It can't hear me, it doesn't have ears yet. " Her eyes widened a bit. "Or does it?" Looking down at her stomach, she murmured, "Sorry kid. . . Mommy's got a potty mouth. "

  I bit back my grin, amused that she'd referenced herself as a mom. She'd never done that before. I wisely didn't comment on it, though. Anna was in a fragile enough state right now.

  I hopped off the table when the doctor came in and Anna immediately grabbed my hand, forcing me to stand next to her. We went through dozens of questions with her and then she brought out a machine that looked like it was used in some torture chamber. . . or sex shop. Anna eyed the female doctor curiously. "Uh, where does that go?"

  The doctor held up a phallic-shaped wand connected to a portable computer. "You're too early for a traditional ultrasound, so we'll have to take an internal one. " She smiled as she warmed up the machine. "Ready to see your baby's heartbeat?"

  Anna sat up on her elbows, the paper lining beneath her rustling. "You can see that already?"

  The doctor nodded and, curious, Anna let her do whatever she wanted with the odd machine. Moments later, my sister saw her first glimpse at her child. Surrounded in a sea of black, a tiny gray speck blinked at us repeatedly, like it was saying hello in Morse code. Anna's jaw dropped. "Is that. . . ?"

  The doctor nodded, pointing at the speck we could clearly see. "Yep, that's the heart, strong and steady. . . perfectly normal. "

  My eyes teared up watching it and Anna squeezed my hand. When I looked down at her she had one hand on her stomach and tears in her own eyes. "Oh my God, Kiera. . . " She looked back at me, wide-eyed. "There's something alive in me!"

  I chuckled at her response and gave her a quick hug. "Yeah, I know, Anna. " Leaning down, I kissed her head. "And it's going to be beautiful, just like its Mom. "

  She laughed and a tear rolled down her cheek. I think it was the first happy tear I'd seen from Anna lately, and seeing it, gave me hope.