Trade It All

“How was work?” Lance asked after they’d both dug into their food and exhausted all safe topics like the temperate weather that evening and the quality of the waitstaff.

  “Better than my first day,” Willa answered honestly. She still couldn’t believe she and Lance were out on a date. “I never pictured myself working in an office, but it’ll pay the bills, and I’m grateful for the opportunity.”

  “Did Clay take the office in Dax’s building?” Lance asked before taking another bite of his sandwich.

  For a moment, Willa debated exactly how much to say. This was a fresh start, and she wanted it to be an honest one. “No. It didn’t work out with Clay. He didn’t really have a need for a personal assistant. I’m working with Kate instead. Filing. Typing. Things like that.”

  “I’m sorry it—” Lance smiled sheepishly. “I’m not actually sorry. That wasn’t the job for you, Willa. The one for Dax isn’t either, though. You’ve always loved art. You should ask Emily if she knows of something. Her museum is doing well.”

  Willa nodded. “And she has that whole school she and Asher are building in New Hampshire.”

  “You wouldn’t want to live in New Hampshire,” Lance said confidently.

  Willa sat back in her chair. “Really? And why is that?”

  He winked. “I’m in Boston.”

  With more amusement than sarcasm, Willa asked, “Are Barrington boys born with enormous egos or do they develop over time?”

  Neither Lance nor Willa could stop smiling. He wiggled his eyebrows at her. “I could say what we’re born with that is impressively large, but I’m on first-date best behavior.”

  Willa burst out laughing then bent forward, embarrassed she’d laughed so loudly. “What would your mother think of a comment like that?”

  Covering his heart with his hand, Lance laughed right along with her. “She’d be mortified. Dad would give me that disappointed look of his. You know the one.”

  “Where his eyebrows try to meet in the middle and you can actually count the lines on his forehead?”

  “Two lines and you’re safe. Four and there is no escaping the lecture.”

  “I never thought of it that way, but you’re right. Oh my God, now I won’t be able to keep a straight face if he does it. I’m in trouble.”

  Lance reached over and took her hand in his. “We can be in trouble together.” His action and comment surprised both of them. They both froze.

  Willa’s heart started beating wildly. It was good, but it was also too good, too soon. She felt panic closing in.

  Lance seemed to sense her reaction and said, “Like the time Andrew took Asher’s Lamborghini for a joy ride.”

  Willa remembered the story. “So Asher took your father’s and hunted him down.”

  “Both cars came back with dents. Dad was so angry, but he wouldn’t say it because he didn’t want to upset Mom.”

  Willa saw a flash of something in Lance’s eyes, and she understood why. As funny as the memory was, it also highlighted Sophie’s fragile mental state. Willa gave Lance’s hand a gentle squeeze.

  Lance turned Willa’s hand over in his, tracing her wrist with his thumb. That simple act was enough to send flutters of need through Willa. Her eyes flew to his lips then up to meet his heated gaze. She could almost feel his mouth trailing kisses down her neck, his tongue circling her nipples. She didn’t want to hold his hand, she wanted to feel it gripping her ass, sliding around to caress her sex. Her mouth parted as she imagined his strong fingers wet from her juices, thrusting up into her. Oh, yes. All that, from just his thumb caressing her wrist.

  His eyes burned with a passion that flamed hers. “God, I want to fuck you.”

  Yes.

  He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with the hand that had held hers. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  Right. Bad idea. Remember that, Willa.

  Willa fought to bring her breathing back to normal and didn’t agree or disagree. This part of their relationship had never wavered. It might have been denied, but it was as strong now as it had been when they were younger. I want him, too. If I’m honest about that, will it balance the score card? I never told him what happened. Is saying nothing lying?

  Can we do this? Can we choose our own reality as long as it’s one we both agree on?

  Why is being with Lance as terrifying as it is good?

  Because this time, Lexi isn’t messing it up. Lance’s level of interest in me isn’t in question.

  It’s all on me.

  And if I can hold my shit together enough to let myself have this.

  I’m a fucking idiot. I finally get Willa on a date and all I can talk about is the size of my dick and how much I want to do her.

  Brilliant.

  Well, played.

  Fuck.

  Willa was looking like if she could think of an excuse to flee from him she would. He didn’t blame her. He wasn’t a hormone-crazed teenager anymore. He dated women on a regular basis, but none of them could shut down his brain with a single look.

  He’d promised her they’d take it slowly. He’d spent the night charting out how that would likely manifest. He’d been prepared to drop her off at her place, kiss her briefly, and walk away.

  He needed to rethink that plan.

  He didn’t trust himself alone with her.

  Whenever their eyes met, the attraction they shared sizzled. It wasn’t that he thought she would turn him down. He imagined having her half undressed before the elevator made it to the floor of her apartment. He could have her panties gone and be joyfully, intimately tasting her before they made it a foot in the door. He would use everything he learned about pleasing a woman and see what sent her out of control. Her pleasure would be his. Again and again until he finally fucked her against the wall, or the couch . . . whatever was closest. He knew she would welcome him inside her as she had before. Only this time, she’d be calling out in orgasm as he pounded into her. He wouldn’t come until she had more than once.

  And then?

  He remembered how she’d looked tucked against him, declaring that she loved him. His gut clenched with guilt. He’d hurt her once. And given how she had bolted from his office yesterday, she wasn’t over it. Yes, they had begun the process of clearing the air, but they had a long way to go. This wasn’t just any woman. This was Willa. She had always held a precious part of his heart. Her gentleness, her sincerity, her loveliness.

  I won’t hurt her again.

  This wasn’t about having her body. He wanted all of her.

  That would take self-control.

  In a strangled voice, he asked, “Are you working tomorrow?”

  She looked as confused as he felt. “What is tomorrow? Saturday? No.”

  He took her hand in his again. “Spend the day with me.”

  Her mouth parted, and her tongue wet her bottom lip in the most delicious way. “What do you have in mind?”

  “I don’t know yet.” Because I have no fucking idea what we can do that will keep my hands off you, but I’ll find something.

  She looked uncertain. “What should I wear?”

  His dick throbbed as a hundred suggestions came to mind that he dismissed as inappropriate. “Something casual. Jeans. It’s the season for outdoor art festivals. I’ll see what’s around. We can start at the south end then find someplace for dinner. Maybe walk around Faneuil Hall afterward.”

  A huge smile spread across her face. “Sounds perfect.”

  Perfect? Maybe not, but safer than anything else I could think of. “Have you been to Emily’s museum?”

  “Yes, but only briefly with Kenzi.” Willa’s blonde curls shone beneath the café’s lighting that turned on as the sun set, giving her an angelic glow. “I don’t fangirl over much, but I am in awe of her. And her mother? I wish I could have met her. Have you experienced her works? I thought I understood what three-dimensional art was until I touched hers. Somehow she captured the essence of moments in time. That’s the only way I c
an describe it. You don’t know what the piece is about, and then, suddenly you do. It rips through you, pulls an emotional response out of you, and leaves you different than before you touched it. Better somehow. Emily has the same gift.” She stopped, looking self-conscious. “Sorry. I guess I have a strong opinion.”

  “And I have somewhere to take you on Sunday. If you’d like, I’ll ask Emily to give us a private tour. She loves that.” Two dates. Say yes, Willa.

  “She offered one to me, but she’s so pregnant I declined.”

  “I’ll see how she feels. She really does enjoy explaining the process and telling the story behind each work. It would be good for me to hear some of it again. I’m looking for inspiration for the Capitol Complex. They accepted my initial proposal, but I want to add to it. It lacked—” He stopped. He almost said warmth, but he didn’t want to spook her again. “Depth. You could help me rectify that.”

  Willa’s eyes widened again as if he’d offered her a chance at something she wasn’t ready to believe was possible. “I could try.”

  They fell into an awkward silence.

  A man with a huge dog walked by. Lance chose a safe topic. “I never thought much about dogs, but my sister loves the one she adopted.”

  “Who wouldn’t love Taffy? She’s the biggest love bug. I watch her sometimes when she and Dax travel.”

  Lance remembered something Kenzi had said about Willa wanting to travel. “If you could go anywhere, where would that be?”

  “You’ll think I’m crazy.”

  “Tell me,” he said. He wanted . . . no needed, to know what she yearned for.

  “Disney.”

  “The theme park?”

  Willa fiddled with the silverware beside her plate before answering. “Any part of it. My family used to talk about going when Lexi and I were young. We never made it there.” She shrugged one of her delicate shoulders. “It’s silly, really. It’d probably make me sad now.”

  Okay, so no Disney. At least, not yet.

  “Where else would you want to go?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t been many places.” Willa looked painfully unsure of herself. “Most of the vacations Lexi and I took were either with your family or places we went together. And Lexi hates to fly. It’s how our parents died.”

  He’d known that, but it was different hearing about it from her. It made it more real. It also explained the bond she had with Kenzi. When it came to family, he’d never heard of her having any outside of Lexi. “How about you?”

  “Oddly, flying has never bothered me. I guess I figure that if something is going to go wrong it will—you don’t have to leave the ground to crash and burn.”

  The way she said the last part made Lance wonder what he’d missed. He’d known her, at least from a distance, for a long time. Outside of her parents he wasn’t aware of anything tragic happening to her. Apparently, he didn’t know her as well as he thought he did.

  That’ll change. I want to know everything about her this time.

  First, I’d be satisfied with simply seeing her smile again. He pointed to an elderly couple walking hand in hand by the café. “Do you ever look at people and try to guess their stories?”

  Willa looked at the couple, then back at Lance. “All the time. I love things like that. I bet she was a ballet dancer. The elegant way she walks, her posture.”

  Lance nodded and added, “He had a boring life before someone dragged him to Giselle, and he saw her.”

  With a dreamy expression, Willa put her hand on Lance’s arm as she watched the couple disappear down the street. “He bought tickets for every performance just to see her until he worked up the courage to ask her out.”

  “She said no because she was dating a man with no neck and the body of a linebacker.”

  “She changed her mind when he sent her a card with flowers and a poem about how beautifully she danced.” Willa laughed and realized she was still holding Lance’s arm. There was wonder in her eyes. “I didn’t picture you as someone with an imagination.” She looked instantly contrite. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

  He caressed one of her cheeks lightly with the back of his fingers. “I can see why you’d think that. You only know me as the person I am around my family.” He thought about how his life had become more and more structured, closing in until there wasn’t much beyond who his family had wanted him to be. Asking Willa out was the first impulsive action he’d taken in a long time. “I like you, Willa Chambers. And I like who I am when I’m with you.”

  She nodded but didn’t say anything. It was ironic in a way how their roles had reversed the second time around. She looked as scared by his declaration as he’d been by hers ten years earlier. To put her at ease he pointed to a mother and a daughter and asked her what she thought their story would be.

  Their conversation fell into a comfortable pace and time flew. A waitress apologized and said the café was closing. Lance paid the bill and handed her a generous tip.

  With his hand on her lower back, Lance guided Willa out of the café and to the street. He hailed a cab and held the door open for her. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow at ten.”

  She nodded and looked up at him, expecting the kiss he was dying to give her. He had watched her lips all evening. When she spoke, when she sipped her coffee, when she laughed. So beautiful. Kissable. Not his yet. But almost.

  He bent until his lips hovered above hers. His breath mingled with hers. He could almost taste her but he wouldn’t. Patience.

  “See you tomorrow,” Lance said and raised his head.

  Willa blinked, shook her head, then ducked into the cab. “I’ll be ready.”

  Lance shut the door and stepped back. This wasn’t about ignoring an elder brother’s mandate. He wanted Willa as much now as he had back then, but he was different. Her happiness was all that mattered.

  I’m doing it right this time.

  But that didn’t make it easy.

  Chapter Ten

  Willa was in the bathroom of her apartment applying lipstick when Lexi appeared in the doorway behind her. “Whoa. Makeup. Hair down. You look awesome. What’s the occasion?”

  Beside her, Lexi ran a hand through her tangle of hair. When she did, it lifted the hem of her very short nightgown and revealed matching panties. I’ll meet Lance on the street. “I didn’t hear you come in last night.”

  “I hit the sack early. I was beat. You were out late, though. I almost called you. I was worried.”

  “Lex, I was fine.” Just shows how much I haven’t been living life if she is worried about one late night. Not that I ever know where she is lately. Normally Willa would feel sad by their lack of daily interaction, but that morning it actually worked to her advantage. Lance Barrington was not a topic she was ready to talk to Lexi about.

  Lexi turned and half sat on the sink counter. “I hate it when we fight, Willa.”

  Meeting her sister’s eyes, Willa smiled sadly, “Me, too.”

  “I should have told you the flash mob was for Lance. I don’t know what I was thinking. Well, actually, I do. I hate that I messed it up for the two of you the first time, and I know you still like him. I guess I thought that if me pretending to be you didn’t work, then maybe you pretending to be me would. I know that’s fucked up.”

  Willa closed her eyes briefly and gathered her scattering thoughts. Her mother’s words from long ago came back to her after one of their sister-to-sister fights. You’ll only ever have one sister, one twin, Wil. Treasure her. It didn’t need to be perfect to be good. She opened her eyes and leaned over to hug Lexi. “It is, but it’s also sweet in a way.” She thought about the last heated argument she’d had with Lexi and added, “I never meant to make you feel badly about the way you live your life.”

  Lexi hugged her tightly. “Things were easier when we were younger. It was us against the world. What happened?”

  Willa tensed and the hug ended. “Everyone grows up.”

  After another head-to-to
e assessment of Willa, Lexi said, “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

  “Yes, there is,” Willa said firmly. “And that’s okay.” She walked out of the bathroom and Lexi followed her.

  “Since when do we have secrets?”

  Since longer than you know, Willa thought sadly. There was a time when Lexi would have been the first person Willa would tell about something as big as spending the day with Lance. She didn’t want the past to have a hold over the present, but in this situation it did. No matter how much she tried to tell herself that she trusted her sister, she couldn’t trust her with this. How do I make this okay? “I’m going out for the day, and I don’t really want to talk about it with you. I want this to be something that is mine. Just mine. Can you respect that?”

  “Now you really have me worried. Tell me this isn’t about Clay Landon.”

  That’s an easy one. “It’s not.”

  “But it’s about a man, isn’t it?”

  Willa gave her sister a deliberately blank look.

  Lexi waved her hand in frustration. “Sure. Why tell me? I’m only your twin sister.”

  With a sigh, Willa walked into the other room to find her phone and purse.

  Lexi called out as she followed. “Just the one who shared a womb with you.”

  “We’re not talking about this,” Willa called back. Her phone beeped with a message. Lance asked her to meet him downstairs. Thank God. Hesitating at the door, Willa looked across the living room at her sister who was watching her leave. She hated the cavernous divide between them. “I need time to figure some things out before I can share them with you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love and appreciate you, Lexi. That will never change.” With that Willa walked out of their apartment and closed the door behind her.

  Lance met her at the door of her building. For just a moment everything else fell away. The navy T-shirt he’d chosen complemented his muscular chest and arms. His jeans were worn enough so they were a frequent comfort choice. The suited, formal Lance she saw even at his parents’ home was absent. It made Willa wonder, in a good way, if she knew him at all. He kissed her on the cheek in greeting, lingering briefly as if tempted to do more.