WatchingaControl edChaosshowis somethingawesome.Betweenthelights, crazystagesetupandtheallthefans,I’m notsurewhatismoreawesome.Theguys, wel theytransformaswel .Theygofrom thesweetlovingguysIhaveknownallmy lifetotheon-stage,I’mheretomakeall yourfantasiescometrueguys.It’sfunand crazyallatthesametime.
Oncetheystepoffstage,theygo backtothesameguysIhaveknownal my life.Idon’tknowhowtheymanagetoturn itonandofflikethat,buttheydo.Ifollow themtotheirdressingroom.Theirmanager Samanthaisstandingthereonthephone.
Pul ingthephonetohershoulder,shegives meanod,beforesayingtotheguys,“you haveaninterviewinfifteenminutes, changeandmeetmebackhere.”
Theguysdon’tsayanything,justnodand headtotheshowers.
Aftertheinterview,weclimbontothebus.
Kellanlookstired.Takinghishand,Ilead himtowardthebedroom.Ishutandlock thedoor,beforeturningandremovingmy clothes.Kellan’seyeslightupwitharousal.I shakemyhead,“nottonight.Youlooktired andweneedsleep.”
Hedoesn’targue.Slidingintomysleep shortsandtank,Iclimbintobed.Hepulls meagainsthim.Ilaymyheadonhischest, wrapmyarmaroundhiswaistandthrowa legoverhis.Hewrapshisarmaroundmy waistandkissesmyhead.Withinminutes hisbreathingevensout,andIknowhe’s asleep.Iclosemyeyesandfol owhiminto dreamland,onlymydreamsarenotgood ones.IdreamthatKellaniswiththatgirl andtheyaregettingmarriedandIam standingtherewatchingasmyheartbreaks inhalf.
Ijerkawake,sittingupinthebed.The dreamwassofreakingreal,Ihavetears runningdownmychecks.Ilookoverand Kellanisstillfastasleep,Iclimbfromthe
bed,grabmysketchpadandlaptop,before walkingtothefrontofthebus.Isitatthe table,openmysketchpadandbootupmy laptop.
Ihaven’thadanylucksofarinfinding anythingwithKellanandthatwomaninit.
So,forthenexthour,IsearcheverywhereI canthinkoftoseeifIcanfindanything.IfI hadhernameIcouldatleastsearchthat, butshenevergaveittome.So,Iamstuck tryingtofindpicturesthatmightgiveme hernamethatway,butnodamnluck.
Feelingfrustrated,Igrabmypenciland begintosketch.I’mlostinmysketches whensomeonesitsdownbesideme.Ijump makingalineacrossmypadwithmypencil.
“Shit.”
“Sorry.”IlookoverandseeMaddox.
Ilooktotheclockandseeitsaysseven.
“It’sok.You’reupearly.”IsayasI begintoerasetheline.
“Whatareyouworkingon?”
“Justsomestuffformyshop.”
“Notus?”hepouts.
“No.”Ilaugh.“Ialreadyhaveplenty ofstuffforyouguys.”
Ihandhimseveralpiecesofpaper.
“Thesearegreat.Simple,yetsous.”
“Yeah,Iknow.So,howisthewriting withSophiacoming?
“Aboutasgoodasexpected,Iguess.”
Fromthelookonhisface,IknowI’mnot goingtogetanymoreoutofhimonthat situation.Hehandsthembacktome.I placetheminthebackofmysketchbook.
“What’swrong?”
Ilookathim.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Somethingisbotheringyou.Whatis it?”
“Nothing.Ijusthadabaddreamand neededtodosomethingtogetitoutofmy head.”
Maddoxjustlooksatme.I’mnotsurehe believesme,buthedoesn’tsayanything else.
Istand,stretchandwalkbacktothe bedroom.Iopenandclosethedoorquietly.
Kellanisstil asleep.Igentlyslideinand wrapmyarmsaroundhim.Hestirs.
“Youawake?”
“Yeah.Ihavebeenforawhile.”
“Youok?”
Ikisshimonhisneck.“I’mgood.Gobackto sleep.”
Herollsoverpinningmeunderhim.He looksintomyeyes,thenkissesme.
“Iloveyou.”Iwhisper.
Hiseyeslightup.“Iloveyoutoobabe.”
Chapter22
Kellan
Iamsteppingfootinsidemyhouse forthefirsttimeinoveramonth.Ihave neverwantedtobehomeasmuchasIdo rightnow.Ilookdownatthetime,Ihave aboutanhourbeforeKatyshowsup.It’s beenoverthreeweekssinceIlastsawher, andsinceweareonlyhomeforaweek,I wanttospendasmuchofmytimewithher asIcan.
Ihavejustfinishedgettingdressedwhen thereisaknockonmydoor.WhenIpullit open,it’snotKaty,it’sMaddox.Helooks horrible,defeatedandmaybedrunk.
“What’sup?”Ilookhimupanddown.“Are youdrunk?”
“No.”
“You’relying.”
“No,I’mnot.”
“Nope.”Hepopsthep.
Ifrownathim.“Comein.”
Hewalkstothecouch,andflops
down.Idon’thavetimetoaskhimagain what’swrongbecausethedooropens.We bothturnandseeKaty.
“Heyguys,what’sgoingon?”
Iholdmyarmouttoher.Shestepsintomy side,leaningupontiptoetoplaceakisson mylips.Slidingherlipstowardmyear,she whispers,“what’sreal ygoingon?”
“Idon’tknow,hejustgothere.”
SheslowlywalksovertoMaddoxandtakes aseatonthecouchbesidehim.Shetakes hishandinhers,andasks,“Mad,what’s goingon?”
Hetakesabreath,thenanswers,“Suzanne isthreatingtotakeAxelfromme.Shesaid,”
hemakesairquotes,“I’mbadforhim.”
IwatchasMaddoxputshishandintohis pocketandpullsoutapil ,popsitintohis mouthandswal ows,beforeIcanevensay hel no.
Suzannedoesthisatleastonceamonthto Maddox.Ifhedoesn’tdowhatshewants, thenshethreatenstotakeAxel.Axelisthe onlythingthatkeepsMaddoxsomewhat sane.
Katygetsthislookonherface,it’sone between,pissedandfrustrated.Iknowshe isabouttolayintoMaddoxandIwantto stopherandletyougoatthesametime.
“Mad,Iloveyou,soIamgoingtotell youthis,itmightpissyouoff,butitneeds tobesaid.Poppingpil sisn’tgoingto changehermind,orhelpthesituationany.”
Heturnstowardher,“Neitheristheother drugsyoudoorthedrinking.Ifyouwant Axel,thenyouneedtogetcleanandstay thatway.”
“Youwantmetostopeverything?”
“What’smoreimportant,Axelorthe drugs?Youdon’thavetostopdrinkingbut cutbackonitandyou muststopthedrugs.
Wecanhelpyou,ifyouwant.”
Shelookstome.
“Maddox,listen.Wehavebeen
friendsdamnnearourwholelife.Ihave beenwatchingyoudothistoyourselffor thelastseveralyears.It’sgottenbadsince Rykerdied.”Iwalkoverandsitdownonhis otherside.“Iknowitwasharderonyou whenhedied,butyouhavetostopthe drugs.Ifyoudon’t,you’regoingtoendup justlikeRykerandleaveAxelwithoutadad.
Iknowthat’snotwhatyouwant.”
IwatchasMaddoxstands,“I’l thinkabout it”isallhesaysbeforeheturnsandheads towardthedoor.Turningbacktowardme, hesays,“don’tlethergo,”thenheisgone.
Thenextday,meandKatydosome shopping.Wegrabal kindsoffood,games andabunchofshitwedon’tneed.
WemakeastopatKaty’shouseon thewaybacktomyplace.Iamstandingin herlivingroom,watchingherflyaroundher house.
“Babe,whatareyoudoing?”
“Lookingforsomething.”
“Wel ,Igetthat,butwhat?I’l help you.”
“No,youwon’t.”
There’saknockonherdoor.“Babe,want metogetthat?”
“No,Igotit.”Shesaysassherunsto thedoor.Istepupbehindherassheopens it.
Laughingshesays,“CanIhelpyou?�
�
Howeverassoonassheseesthewoman standingthere,alllaughterleavesher,andI knowsheknowswhothiswomanis.
“HowdidyoufindoutwhereIlive?”
“It’snotashardasyoumightthink.
HeyKel an.”ThewomansaysinwhatIthink issupposedtobeasexyvoice.
“Um…DoIknowyou?”
Theflashofangerinhereyes,tel smeI shouldknowwhosheis,butforthelifeof meIhavenoideawhosheis.
“Yeah,youknowme.Wespentthe
nighttogetherwhenyouwereinVegas.”
Thewomantakesadeepbreath,then handsmeapaper.
I’mstilltryingtoplaceherbutItakethe paperandlookdownatit.“Whatisthis?”
“It’sapregnancytestfromthedoctor andI’mpregnantandyou’rethefather.”
IhearKatydrawinabreath.
Ohhel no.Thiswomanisnotgoingto blamemeforherunbornchild.Iwil have everyDNAtestdonetoproveIamnotthe fatherofthisbaby.
Iwatchthewomanturnandleavewitha smileonherface.IlookdownatKaty.She issheetwhite.“Babe.”
Itakeaholdofherarmandleadher tothecouch,“Katy,listentome,Iwillfix this.”
Ijumpwhensheyells,“thatbitch!”
Shestandsandstartspacing.“Howdareher followmetomyhouseandthentellusthat you’rethefatherofherunbornkid.She doesknowthatwomendothistopeople everydayandtheirprovedtobeliars.”
Shestopspacingrightinfrontofme, pointingtothedoor,shesays,“Doyou knowthatwoman?”
“Listen,I’mnotgoingtolietoyou.
WhenIwasdrinkingalot,Ididsleepwitha lotofwomen.IusedprotectionjustlikeI toldyou,butIhonestlycan’trememberall thewomen,soIcouldhavesleptwithher.”
“Look,thatsamewomancameinto
myshopaboutamonthago,andsaidthat
youwerehersandthatyouwouldcome backtoherwhenyouaredonewithme.”
“Whatthehel !”Thiswomancame
intoKaty’sshopandshedidn’ttellme.
“Katy,whydidn’tyoutel meaboutthat?”
“Itoldyouabouthercomingin,Ijust toldyoushewasanunhappycustomer,not thatshewasyellingaboutyou.”
IthinkaboutthatforaminuteandIam prettysurethatshenevertoldmeabout somewomancomingintohershoptelling herIwashersandIwouldleaveher.
However,Idorememberhersaying somethingaboutanunhappycustomer.
“Ok,sointhemorningIwillcontact myattorneyandgetheronthisissue.”
“Good.That’sprobablythebestthing youcoulddo.”
Istraightenandlookather,“Katy,thisisn’t goingtomessupourrelationship,isit?”
Shewalksovertomeandclimbsintomy lap.“Look,Iloveyouandhaveforalong
time.Youtoldmethatpeoplewil makeup stuffallthetimeandthatIshouldtalkto youaboutitfirst.Well,Italkedtoyouandif sheistellingthetruthandthebabyisyours, IwillbeupsetbutIwillstillbeheretohelp youtakecareofthebaby.Ifit’snotyours thenIwillkickherassallthewaytoTexas.”
Ican’thelpit,Istarttolaugh.Iplaceakiss onthetopofherhead,thengrabmy phone.
MovingKatytotheside,Ihitthenumberto mybuddyBradley.
“Hey,Ineedyoutodomeafavor.”I saywhenheanswersthephone.
“Yeah,what’sthat?”
“Somewomanshoweduptodayand
saidIwasthefathertoherunbornbaby.I needtoyoufindouteverythingyoucan aboutthiswoman.Idon’tknowhername, butIcangiveyouadescriptionofwhatshe lookslikeandshewasatKaty’sshop,soshe mayhavevideoofher.”
“Ok,howdoyouknowsheis
pregnantandhowextensivedoyouneed thisreport?”
“Shegavemeapaperfromher
doctor,andanythingyoucanfindonher, ohandwhileyou’reatthat,searchaColt Jamesonformetoo.”
“Ok,lookonthatpaperandseeifit hashernameonit?”
Igrabthepaperfromthecouch,and lookatit,ithasherlastnameonit.“Itonly hasherlastnameonit.”
“Ok,whatisit?”
“ItsaysBrown.”
“Doesithavethedoctorsnameor theofficenameonit?”
“ItsaysDr.MasonatMason’s
OBGYN.”
“Alright,I’llbeintouch.”
Katygrabsherstuffandweheadbackto myhouse.She’squietontherideoverandI wanttoknowwhat’sgoingoninherhead.
“Katy,youwanttotalkaboutit?”
“What’stheretotalkabout.This bitchistryingtotaketheonething,other thanyouthatIhavewantedforforever, awayfromme.ThefactthatIwantedtobe theonetohaveyourbabiesandnowshe maybethefirst,thatjust…Ihavenowords forhowthatmakesmefeel.”
Wel ,Ireal ydon’thaveanythingtosay aboutthat,soIjuststayquiet.Whenwe reachmyhouse,Igrabherbagandwego inside.
Onceinside,Katygoesstraighttomy roomtolaydown.Iknowshewentinthere tocryandreleasesomestress,nowthather madhaswornoff.
Alittlewhilelater,Iknocklightlyonthe door.Whenthere’snoanswer,Iopenit.
Katyislayingonmybedasleep.Shelooks good;rightinmybed.Shelookslikeachild,
withherhandunderhercheek,andherhair spreadoutoverthepil ow.ThecloserIget toher,Icanseethathereyesarepuffy,her noseisredandIknowIwasright.Shehad beencrying.
Iclimbinbehindherandpullherto me.Ifeelherbodiestensionease,justa little.Thenit’sasifherbodyknowsmine, onceshesnugagainstme,Ifeeltherestof hertensionslowlydisappear.Ikissherhead andwhisper,“I’vegotyoubabe,it’sgoing tobeok.”Iwanthertotrustmeenoughas herotherhalf,notjustherbestfriend.I wishIcouldmakethisal goawaybutI can’t,notjustyet.
Iwaketothefeelingthatsomeoneis watchingme.Iopenmyeyesandmeet Katy’s.She’ssmiling.“What?”
“You’resobeautiful.”Sherunsher handdownmycheek.
Catchingherhand,Ibringittomylips,“No, babe.You’rethebeautifulone.”
Shebendsandkissesme.Isuckonherlip, thennipit.Whenshepullsback,Icansee thepassioninhereyes.
“Feelingbetterthismorning?”
“Alittle.”
“Iwanttotalktoyouabout
something.”
“Ok,I’mlistening.”
Isitupinthebedandpropmybackagainst theheadboard.
“DoyouthinkColtmightbebehind thiswoman?”
Katyjustblinksatme.“Well,Ididn’tthink aboutthat.Whatwouldhegetoutof havingsomewomancomeinandsaysheis pregnant?”
“Wel forone,hemightthinkyouwould leaveme,ifIgotsomeoneelsepregnant.”
Iwatchasdifferentemotionscrossherface.
“Ifheis,I’mgoingtokil him.”Shestates.
“Youcan’tkil him.Youwouldn’tdo wel injail.”
Shechuckles,“yourprobablyright.”
Sheissodamnbeautiful.Idon’tknowhowI gotsodamnlucky.Placingmyhandbehind herhead,Ipullherdowntome.
Now,sheislayingontopofme,andweare facetoface.
“Kel an.”
“Yeah,babe.”
“Iloveyou.”
“Iloveyoutoo.”
Thenextfewdayswespendourtimeeither inbedorwatchingtelevision.Ihaven’t heardanythingfrommyfriendBradley.
I’mgettingreadytogobackoutontour anddon’treallywanttoleaveKaty.Istil haven’ttoldheraboutBradleyandIneed tobeforeIleave.
Isendheratextandaskhertomeetmeat myhouse,whensheisdoneatwork.While
Iwait,Iworkonmyso
ngthat’sforher.I can’tseemtogetthelyricsright,butthe melodyisperfect.
Whenshefinal yarrives,it’snearly nine.Isoftlykisshercheek.Shefrownsat me.
“What’sgoingon,Kel an?”
“Ineedtotel yousomething.”
“Ok.”Shesayswarily.
“Whenthatwomanshowedupat
yourhouse,youtoldmethatshehad showedupatyourshopaswell,right?”
“Yeah.”
“OK.Wel Istartedtothinkthat maybeColtwasinvolvedinthissomehow.
So,IcalledmyfriendBradley,whoisinthe privateinvestigationfieldandaskedhimto runacheckonMs.BrownandColt.”
“Howdidyougethername?Neither timesheconfrontedmedidshegivemeher name.”
“Herlastnamewasonthepaperwork shegaveme.”
“Oh,ok.”
Thelookofreliefthatcrossesherface confusesme.I’mnotsurewhyshelooks relievedorwhatshethoughtIwasgoingto say,butnowIwanttoknow.
“Katy.”
“Huh.”
“WhatdidyouthinkIwasgoingto say?”
Now,shelooksashamedandembarrassed.
“I…wel I….”Istareather,sheis lookingdownatthefloor.