“Givemetenminutes.”
Inod,andwatchKellandisappear.Isiton thecouch.Kanewalksoverandhandsmea drink.
“Thanks.Whatisit?”
“Vodka.”
Iscrunchupmynose.Notreallymycupof tea,Ihanditback.Helaughs.
“Whatwouldyoulike?”
“Waterisfine.”
Hereturnsafewminuteslaterandhands meabottleofwater.
“Thanks.”
“So,youandKel anareserious?”
Ilookathim.Hehadn’tbeenwiththeband fromthebeginningbutinthefiveyears sinceRykerdied,hehadbeen.Hehas becomeasclosewithmeastheotherguys.
“Iguessso.Itstil doesn’tseemreal.”
“Youlovehim.”
Idon’tanswerhim,Ijuststaredownatmy hands.IdoloveKel anandhaveforyears, butadmittingthat,wel Ican’t.
“Iknowyoudo.Youdon’thavetosay anything,it’swrittenalloveryourface.”
Istilldon’tsayanything.WhenIlookupat Kane,heissmiling.
Finally,Iwhisper,“yeah,Ido.”
“Good,becausehelovesyoutoo.”
“Howdoyouknow?”
Helooksaroundbeforesaying,
“Whenyougotengagedtothatotherguy,I thoughtKellanwasgoingtokillhimself.He wassomiserable.Hewouldmumbleabout youandanytimesomeonesaidyourname hewouldleavetheroom.Thatwasthefirst timesinceIhavebeenwiththebandthatI reallyseenhimlooseit.”
“Areyouforreal?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.”
IknewKellanhadahardtimewithme beingengaged,hel heeventoldmeas much,buttohearitfromsomeoneelse, wel thatjustmakesital themorereal.
Heshoulderbumpsme.“Heishappyout here,butyou….youmakehimeven happier.”
Idon’trespond.WhenIlookup,Kellanis standingontheothersideoftheroom talkingwithJasper.IplaceakissonKane’s cheek,beforestanding.Iturnbacktohim,
“thanksfortel ingme.”Then,Iturnand stridetowardKellan.However,Idon’tmake it.Danestepsintomypath.
Ihughim.Heisthequietoneofthegroup.
“Howareyoubeautiful?”
Ismile,“goodandyou?”
“Good.Youlookhappy.”
“Iam.”
“So,youandKel an,huh?”
“Youknowthat’sayes.”
“CanIstealyouaway?”
“Notachance.”
Helaughs,“good.”Thenhekissesmycheek andstepsback,grabbingagirlashedoes.
Icontinuemypathtowardmyman.Finally, Ireachhim.Hewrapshisarmsaroundme.
“Youready?”
“Forwhat?”
“Theparty.”
“Dowehavetogo?”Ipout.
Helaughs,“yeah,foralittlewhile.”
“Wel shit,theregoesmyplans.”
Helaughsagain.“So,youready.Thefaster wegettherethefasterwegettoleave.”
“Iguess.”
Hegrabsmyhandandweheadtothe party.
Chapter20
Katy
Theguyshavebeenhomeforaweek now.I’mlyinginbedandKel aniswrapped aroundme.Whenasoftkisslandsonmy neck,Iknowhe’sawake.
“Babe,Ineedtoaskyousomething?”
“Ok.”
“Theawardshowistwoweeksaway, andIwantyoutogowithme.”
Iturnandlookathim.
“What?”
“Iwantyoutogowithme.”
“Idon’thaveanythingtowear,andI don’tknowhowtoact.”
“Youcanmakeyourdressandjustbe yourself.”
“Ok,”Iwhisper.
WhenIgettomyshop,Igostraighttomy office.Ipulloutmysketchpadandbeginto sketchoutdresses.
WhenIhearacommotion,Ilookatthe clock.Ihavebeeninhereforoverthree hours.Istandandgotoseewhattheissue is.
There’sadark-hairedwomanyel ing atMonica.Iwalkover,“I’msorry,I’mKaty,I ownthisshop.Whatseemstobethe problem?”
Thewomanletsoutahuff,“Youdon’tknow me,butIknowyou.Iamgoingtogiveyoua littlepieceofadvice,Kellanismine.He alwayshasbeenandalwayswil be.Once heisdonewithyou,hewil comebackto meandoh,hewil gettiredofyou,justlike alltheothers.”
Ijuststareatthiswoman.Idon’tknowwho sheis,butIcantel youshewil notrunme off.IhaveknownKel anahel ofalot
longerthanshehas,andIknowhimbetter thansheeverwill.
“Look,thanksfortheadvicebutI don’tneedit.MyrelationshipwithKel anis noneofyouroranyoneelse’sbusiness.
Now,Iamgoingtoaskyoutoleavemy storeandnotcomeback,unlessyouare purchasingsomething.”
Shelooksaroundmyshopthenstates,
“thanksbutnothanks.Thisstorecarries nothingIneedorwant.Idon’tweartrash.”
Thensheturnsandwalksout.
Iwanttoscreamather,slapandpunchher.
Mystoredoesnotcarrytrash.Iwil notlet someonelikethat,getmeupsetanddo somethingstupid.
Iturnandcatcheveryoneintheshop staringatme.Myfaceheats,butI straightenmybackandwalkbacktomy office.
WhenIstepinside,myphoneis
ringing,HearingtheringtoneIhavesetfor Kellan,Igrabit,andanswer,“Hey”
“Heybabe,what’swrong?”
“Howdoyouknowsomethingis
wrong?”
“Icanhearitinyourtone,whenyou saidHey.”
“It’snothingreally,justanunhappy customer,andlet’sjustsay,shemadesure everyoneinmyshopknewshewas
unhappy.”
“So,youreadyfortheawardsshow?”
Ilookdownatmysketchpad,andjust shakemyhead.Ihaveseveralideasfora dress,butonereal ystandsoutatme.So,I thinkIwillgowiththatone.
Itellhimaboutmydressdesign,heassures methatIwil lookgreatinwhateverI decidetowear.
Whenwehangup,Ican’thelpit,Igeton mylaptopandsearchanyandal photosof ControlledChaos.IhavetoseeifIcanfind anypicturesofKellanandthatgirl.While it’ssearching,Igobacktodesigningmy dress.
Alittlewhilelater,there’saknockon mydoor,lookingupfrommysketchesI answer,“comein.”
Monicaisstandingthere.“Hey,someoneis heretoseeyou.Doyouwantmetosend thembackhereoryouwanttocomeup front?”
“Justsendthembackhere.”Ihave alreadyhadoneshowoutintheopen today,Idon’twantanotherone.
Iclosemysketchbookandwhenthedoor opens,Coltisstandingthere.
“HeyKaty,canwetalk?”
“Thereisnothingtotalkabout.”
“Iwanttoexplainandapologize.”
“Youalreadytriedthat,remember.
Youcan’texplainwhatisplaintosee.Iget it,youwherecheatingonmeandthat’s that.Iamdonewiththisrelationship.I shouldhavebrokenitoffwaybeforeIdid.
I’msorryIletitcontinuewhenIknewit wasn’tworking.”
“Pleasedon’tsaythat.Wecanmake thiswork.”
IwatchasColtturnsandleaves.Ireally hopehejustleavesmealoneandmoveson withwhoeverhewascheatingonmewith.
Igrabmysketchpad,thematerialIwantto useandheadhome.
Ilookatmyselfinthemirror,tonight istheawardsshow.Iapplymylipstick,then stepback.I’mwearingalongsilverdress, it’scutlowinthefront,comingtoapoint, justabovemynavel.Ithassequinsallover
it,soitsparkleswhicheverwayImove.I mean,I
hadtohavesomegirlyinit somewhere.Ilovethefeelofthesilk materialonmyskin.Myhairhasamatching clipinit,pullingonesidebackawayfrom myface,whiletheresthangsincurlsdown myback.Ihadadiamondnecklace,earrings andbraceletbeforetakingadeepbreath, andopeningthedoor.
Kellanisstandinginthebedroom, fixinghistie.Whenhiseyesmeetminein themirror,heswingsaroundandstaresat me.
“Holyshitbabe,youlookamazing.”
Mysmilespreadsacrossmyface.WhenI reachhim,hekissesmyhead.
“Youready?”
“Iguess.”
Theguyslookalittleonedge.Notonlyare theyperformingtonightbuttheyare nominatedfortwodifferentawards.Iknow
theywilldogreat,andiftheywinthe awards,thatwil maketheiryear.
Thehighlightofthenightwaswhen ControlledChaoswononeoftheawards.I havenoideawhichone,whichsounds awfulbutIcan’thelpit.Theywereso excitedandsomuchwashappeningthat mymindcouldn’tkeepup.
Whenmyphonevibrates,Ipul it frommyclutch.It’sColt.Ihaven’tspokento himsincethatdayinmyshop,buthe continuestosendmeflowersandcall.I silencemyphoneandreplaceitinmy clutch.
Thenextweekfliesby.Iamsobusy atworkthatIdon’thavealotofsparetime.
I’mgladthatthecrapwiththatwoman, didn’tmesswithmybusiness.I’minmy officeworkingonsketchesforaclientwhen Carolpokesherheadin.
“HeyKaty,sorrytobotheryoubut youhavesomeoneheretoseeyou.”
Inod,thenwalkingintothefrontofmy shop.IstopwhenIseeColtstandingthere.
Hehashishandsinthepocketsofhis slacks.Helooksthesame,notastrandof blondehairoutofplace,hisshirtis perfectlytailoredandpressed.Idon’tknow whyIeverthoughtamarriagebetweenus wouldwork.
“Whatdoyouwant?”
“Youhaven’tbeenansweringmy
calls.”
“Really.”Isaysarcastically.“We brokeup.Ihavenothinglefttosaytoyou.”
Iturntowalkaway.Whenhegrabsmyarm.
Ijerkitaway.“Don’ttouchme.”
“Katy.Please.Canwetalk?”
“Itoldyou,Idon’twanttohearit.Now, leavemyshopandleavemealone.”
“So,you’rewith himnow?”Hesneers thewordhim.
“Thatisnoneofyourbusiness.”
Hehandsmeamagazinethathasapicture ofmeandKel anonthefront.It’sfromthe nightoftheawards.
“Ialwaysknewyouhadathingfor him.”Helaughs,“shouldhaveknownI couldn’tcompetewithhim.”
Myangerisrising.“Ifthatnogood,lowlife sonofabitchisthepersonyouwanttobe with,whatdoesthatmakeyou?Heis nothingbutapieceofshit.Ican’tbelieve youactuallywantsomeonelikethat,when youcouldhavesomeonelikeme.Hewil tossyoutothecurbwhensomeotherhot pieceofassshowsinterest.”
Andthat’sit,Isnap.
“Yousonofabitch!”Igetrightinhis face.“Idon’tgiveadamnaboutwhatyou sayaboutmebutdon’tyouevertalkabout Kellanlikethat.Hehasandalwayswil be moreimportanttomethanyoucouldever imaginetobeandheismoreofamanthan youcouldeverbe.WhywouldIwant someonelikehimwhenIcouldhave
someonelikeyou?”Ican’thelpthesarcasm comingfrommenow.“Youthinkyouare betterthanhim?FromwhereIstand,you areworsethanhim.Hedoesn’thidewho heisandyoudo.However,you’renotvery goodatthateitherbecauseyouactuallygot caughtcheating.Didyouforgetthat?Now, youneedtogetthehelloutofmyshopand don’tcomeback.”
Withoutanotherword,Iturnonmyheel andgobacktomyoffice.Myangeris boilingoverandIcan’tseemtogetitunder control.Whothehelldoeshethinkheis?I reallywanttopunchhiminthefaceor throat,itdoesn’tmatter,Iwouldbehappy witheither,orboth.Whenmyofficedoor opens,Iwhirlaround.Kel anisstanding there.Imarchovertohim,fistmyhandin hisshirtandpullhimtome.Ikisshim,long andhard.
Chapter21
Katy
Ipullbackfromthekissandpressmy facetohischest.
“Katy,what’swrong?”Heasksashe wrapshisarmsaroundme.
“Coltjustleft.”
Ifeelhisbodytenseup.
“IkickedhimoutafterIgavehim whatfor.”
“Whatdidhewant?”
“Sameasbefore,thenhesaidthat youwerethereasonwebrokeupandIlost itandkickedhimout.”
Heplaceshisfingerundermychinandlifts myfacesothatheisstaringintomyeyes.
“Whatexactlydidhesay?”It’snot likeyoutogetthisupset.”
Itakeadeepbreath,thensay,“heaskedif weweretogetherandwhenIwouldn’ttel him,hesaidthattheknewIalwaysloved youandthatyouwerethereasonwebroke up,thenhesaidyouwereamanwhoreand Ilostit.”
“Ok,nowIhaveafewquestions?”
“Ok.”
“Whydidn’tyoutellhimwewere
together?”
“Becausehewasjustbeingnoseyand it’snoneifhisdamnbusiness.”
“Ok,Icanseethat.”Heswallows.“Do youloveme?”
Idon’tanswerhimrightaway,Ijuststareat him.Idon’tknowifIshouldadmithow muchIlovehimornot.Whatifheruns?
Whatifhedoesn’tloveme?Ican’ttakehis rejectionorlosingmybestfriend,butI can’tlietohimeither.
“I…I…”I’mstammering.Inever
stammer.
“Katy.”
Istartpacingmyoffice.Thespacefeels smallerthannormal.Itfeelslikethewalls areclosinginonme.Fuck!Icandothis,I candothis,Ichanttomyself.
Istopinfrontofhim,lockmyeyeswithhis andprayhedoesn’trunorrejectme.
“Kel an,yesIloveyou.Havefora longtime.”
Hisjawdropsopen.“Areyouserious?”
“Yes,Ihavelovedyousincewewere inhighschool.”
“Whydidn’tIknowthat?”
“Becauseyou’reblind.”Ilaugh,“I thoughtIwasgoodathidingit,except apparentlyeveryoneknew,welleveryone butyou.”
Isitdowninmychairandputmyhands overmyfaceandbegintorubmyeyes.
Kellansquatsdowninfrontofmeand movesmyhandsfrommyface.
“Ihavebeeninlovewithyou,just aboutaslong.”
Ismile,“Youhave?”
Hesmilesback,“yeahbabe.”
“HowcomeIdidn’tknow?”
“Youweretheonlyonewhodidn’t.”
Ilaugh,“wereallyareapair,huh.”
“Ihaveanotherquestion.Howcome younevertoldme?”
Isigh,“WhenIrealizedthatIlovedyou,you werebusywiththebandandothergirls.I wasafraidthatifItoldyouandyoudidn’t feelthesame,thatitwouldendour
friendshipandthatwasmoreimportantto methananythingelse.Then,ourfriendship gotcloserandmoreimportantandIknewI couldn’tthrowthataway,soIkeptitto myself.”
“Whataboutafterwebecamea
couple?”
“Ididn’twanttorushthingsbetween us,andhonestly,ittookmesometime beforeIactual ybelievedwewereacouple.
Ididn’twanttotellyouthatIlovedyouand haveitbeonesided.”
Ilookdownatmyfeet,“whydidn’tyoutell me?”
“EverytimeIgotthecourage,you wouldstarttel ingmeaboutsomenewguy, soIpusheditaway.”Hegrabsmyarmsas hestands,hepullsmeintohim.“Katy.I loveyouandhaveforalongtime.I’mglad we’retogether.”
“Iloveyoutoo,andI’mgladwe’re togethertoo.”
&
nbsp; “Thereisonemorething.Doyou
carewhatpeoplesayaboutmeorus?”
“Yeah,Ido.Why?”
“Look,people,reportersespecially wil writeal kindsofgarbageaboutme,you thegroup.Whatevertheythinkwillsell.If youeverhaveanyquestionsregarding anythingyoureadorhear,promiseyouwil askmefirst,beforejumpingto
conclusions.”
“Iunderstandthat.IpromiseKel.”
Thatnightweshoweachotherjust howmuchweloveeachother.Wespend thenexttwodaystogether.Mostlyinbed, buthel ,I’mnotcomplaining.
Thistimewhenthebandleavesfor tour,Igowiththem.Wearegoingtobeout fortwoweeksthenhomefortwoweeks.I amsoexcitedtobewithKellan.Ihatewhen heisaway,alwayshave.Theguysaresweet andletmehavethebedroominthebackof thebus.Theyinformedmethattheywould
taketurnswiththeotherroomontheother bus.Ilaughed,Ilovetheseguys.