Faulty Tales, Page 3
Ralph Lante
Basil
(Interrupting) Sybil!
Sybil
What is it?
Basil
Happy anniversary, dear! (He gives her a kiss on the cheek)
Sybil
What?
Basil
You heard!
Sybil
Are you trying to tell me you remembered?
Basil
No need to try, my little dumpling, the facts speak for themselves. Manuel, can you please bring the gift for my darling wife.
As Manuel fetches the gift Basil keeps talking
Basil
You see, I thought wouldn’t it be wonderful to celebrate this happy occasion in front of all these fine people here.
Sybil
Yes. It’s quite romantic in fact.
Basil
Romantic… yes… exactly my thought. But if I told you, wouldn’t that spoil the surprise.
Sybil
Yes… I agree this is a wonderful surprise, Basil.
Basil
I think sometimes you greatly underestimate me, you know.
Sybil
What I underestimate is your ability to act. You showed absolutely no sign you were planning a surprise like this.
Basil
My dear, just thank God you have found yourself a man with style.
Manuel hands Sybil the box.
Sybil
This is beautiful, Basil
Basil
Ladies and gentlemen, please… a round of applause for my wife, in celebration of our anniversary.
As the audience claps, Basil gives his wife another short kiss on the cheek and looks very proud of himself. Sybil opens the gift.
Sybils face changes as she looks in the box, while Basil is still smiling like a Cheshire cat.
Sybil
Flour?
Basil
What?
Sybil
You bought me, flour!
Basil
Yes, of course, your favourites, I hope!
Basil grabs the box and looks inside. He lifts out a paper flour bag, shakes it, smells it and then licks it. He looks underneath the bag in the box. Basil glares at Manuel, raises a fist at him and shakes his head. Manuel looks scared and runs back stage.
Sybil
(Angrily) Basil, why on Earth did you buy me flour?
Basil
Hmmm… I noticed we were a bit short?
Sybil grabs the flour bag and breaks it over Basil’s head. He is covered in flour.
Sybil
Now that's what I call a good anniversary present. Thanks Basil!
Sybil walks off stage, laughing. Basil is standing there, dumbstruck, covered in flour. After a few seconds he regains his composure and turns to the audience, as if nothing happened.
Basil
Thank you for coming tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Please join us again, and don’t forget to tell your friends!
Pause
Basil
Actually, it’s probably best you don’t mention this to anyone. Mum’s the word…Thank you.
End of show.
