Yearning Devotion
Rachael Orman
Yearning
Devotion
By Rachael Orman
Yearning Devotion
Copyright 2013 by Rachael Orman
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior written permission of the author.
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Yearning Devotion is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Thank you to my husband and beautiful daughter. Jennifer, Wendi, Tracy, Rebecca and all my wonderful friends that have kept me motivated and inspired along the way, I can never say thank you enough.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Prologue
Blood was everywhere. It pooled around her bare feet. It covered her hands. It covered her tattered ill-fitting clothes.
Her breath was coming short and fast as adrenaline pumped through her body. Her heart beat hard in her chest as she looked down at the body at her feet. Her hand still gripped his knife tight.
The fools had thought she had grown complacent and she had. She no longer fought them, no longer argued with them. But she would never let an opportunity to escape pass her by. When she saw he had left his pocket knife on the kitchen counter when he’d entered, she knew that time had come.
She hadn’t moved fast enough after he told her to get undressed. She was never quick enough. He grabbed her hair and slammed her face into the wall, breaking her nose. Again. She whimpered once, quietly, as blood gushed from her nose. The hold in her hair eased as his attention shifted to getting his pants undone. That was when she slipped the knife out of her shorts and slashed his throat ear to ear without hesitation. He had looked up when she turned on him. It had been years since she had truly put up a fight and he hadn’t expected it.
She stepped back from his collapsed body and the expanding pool of blood. He wouldn’t be getting up. She ran for the kitchen and his keys. His blood coated her hands and made the keys slippery as she struggled to get the right key into the lock on the door. She had to get out of there. Sometimes they visited her alone. Sometimes they arrive only minutes apart. Sometimes longer. She couldn’t waste time in case the brother showed up.
Once she got the door unlocked, she grabbed his large coat and used it to cover her blood soaked clothes. She flung the door open and ran as far and hard as her feet would carry her.
Chapter 1
~~~ 10 Years Later~~~
Gwen Black leaned back in her spot on the ‘R’ Line of the New York City Subway system. She had her ear buds in her ears, listening to music from her phone to tune out the noise from the other passengers on the subway. Music was her life. She was always listening to one thing or another.
She had had a hard life. That was a fact. She hadn’t lived a normal day her entire existence. She didn’t even know what that was like. She’d only survived by pushing the horrible experiences into compartments in her mind, refusing to let the hard times destroy her. They’d molded who she was as a person enough already. Now she’d simply found the path that worked for her. The path that she could live with, for she was the only one that had to live with her decisions.
She had gotten her GED a few years ago and was now enrolled in her first semester to study Fashion Design. Sketching had been something she’d done for years. One day it occurred to her that she could hone her skills at school and even get a job doing something she loved. It’d be better than her current job.
She rode the subway to school every day. She would pass the time either sketching or watching people. Watching people was entertaining to her. It made the wheels in her mind turn and gave her new ideas for her sketches. She glanced at the guy hunched over in the corner sleeping. He looked and smelled like he hadn’t bathed in weeks. Gwen had been homeless for years so she understood what it was like. You didn’t have a bed to sleep in. You slept wherever you could find that was comfortable and that you’d be left alone for a bit. Every day she bought him a breakfast sandwich from the little place down the street from her apartment. She walked by it on her way to the subway and she knew just how hard it could be to find food when homeless. She had known what it was like to go days without food, so she made it her goal to help one person at least get one meal a day. It was a lot more than anyone had done for her when she’d been in that situation.
She looked away from the homeless man to the opposite end of the train car. She watched as two young kids fought and shoved each other over a toy. Their mother was bouncing a baby. It softly cried, but it was progressively getting louder. She was so distracted trying to calm the baby that she wasn’t paying her other children any attention.
Parents… What made people want to have children? Gwen had absolutely no desire to have children. Ever. She often wondered, what made people want to give up so much of their life, to sacrifice so much for those little people that were usually so needy and demanding? She didn’t get it. She didn’t know her parents. She’d been abandoned by them early on. It was partially because of them that her life had been so rough. She vowed never to bring a child into the world for fear that they would go through what she’d gone through.
Shifting, Gwen swept her eyes around the car looking for more interesting people. Ah, yes, the business people. They were always abundant on the subway at seven in the morning, which is the time she was normally sitting here on this exact bench five days a week. She watched as most of them sat or stood in their suits and ties, playing with their phones or tablets. Life was so busy for them. They couldn’t even stop and sit quietly to take in life for the short time they were on the subway. Gwen rode the subway for about thirty minutes each morning; she lived near the start of the line so there were few people riding when she first got on. She watched as the car filled and shifted as the masses of people were picked up and dropped off at various exits. She loved living in the big city; she was just one in the crowd here. She could sit here listening to music and thinking about other people’s lives and no one even noticed her. It was blissful to be just a face in the crowd.
She noticed the man she had named ‘Green Eyes’. She had seen him many times in the morning ride in the last couple months since she started school. It seemed they had similar morning routines. She looked him over as she normally did; it was a little treat for her eyes. He was very good looking - clean shaven with a strong square jaw, and dark brown hair. Judging by t
he way his suits fit, he had a very well cared for body. He had beautiful green eyes, that Gwen had never looked directly into, but she was fascinated with them. They seemed to change colors from a wide variety of greens to almost blue and even to colors like brown or gray. Yes, she feasted her eyes on him as much as she could without being caught staring. She knew nothing about him except that he always looked like each suit had been very carefully tailored just for his body and that he rode the subway in towards the city the same five days of the week that she did. She doubted he even knew she existed and she was okay with that.
Gwen had big brown eyes, long slightly wavy dark brown hair, thick eyebrows, and pale pink lips. She didn’t try to draw attention to herself. It wasn’t that she was shy, she was confident in nearly everything she did. When she was on her own time she didn’t want people talking and touching her. If she could avoid it, she did. She wasn’t one of those women who had to talk all the time. She would rather sit and let lyrics float through her mind and keep her mind busy rather than let thoughtless things flop out of lips all day at anyone who would listen.
With her stop coming up, she picked up her black clutch purse from her lap and stood on her 4 inch black stilettos. Smoothing down her dark purple pencil skirt as she stood, she made sure she didn’t leave anything behind on the bench. She adjusted her black silk tank as she made her way toward the door nearest her. As she moved, she tucked her phone into her clutch. She didn’t want to have someone snatch her phone from her. She had bought a top of the line phone just so she could stream her music on it anywhere she went. She had her bag grabbed by a thief once. Ever since then she preferred small purses that she could keep close to her body, making it much harder for someone to grab it from her.
As the doors opened to the subway platform, she tightly tucked her clutch under her left arm and moved with the crowd as the rush to get on and off ensued.
It’s Moody Monday Again. Gwen smiled at the thought as she blended into the thousands of people going about their lives. Mondays were always the worst day to try to get through the crowd. Everyone was running late and were crankier than normal - since it was the first day after the weekend. Flicking her long hair back over her shoulder as she moved through the crowd, she thought maybe it was time to cut it. It was almost halfway down her back now. She had taken the time this morning to make it all spiral curled.
Thinking about a possible haircut, she was distracted and tripped over something - probably over her own feet. She hadn’t seen anything to trip over, but suddenly her face was fast approaching the sidewalk. She threw out her hands to catch her fall, they snagged on cord of her earbuds, roughly pulling them from her ears. At the same time big hands grabbed each of her arms and stopped her downward progression. She was tugged up and her back was brought against a hard chest.
“Whoa, almost had a spill. You OK?” A deep, male voice said right into her ear. He was so close, her hair moved against her ear when he spoke.
Gwen was a bit dazed. Her brain was trying to piece together how she went from expecting to hit the ground with her hands to having this firm chest against her back and a sexy voice in her ear. She turned her head slightly and her eyes connected with the bright green eyes of ‘Green Eyes’ over her shoulder. She sucked in a breath at being so close to him. She shook her head a bit, turning around to come face to face with ‘Green Eyes’. His hands lifted off her as she turned but were once again softly gripping her upper arms, still keeping her close. Once she'd fully turned he repeated his question, “Are you okay?”
Gwen stood there gazing into those eyes. She must’ve gotten lost in them for too long because she saw concern come over his features and his eyes turned a slightly darker green. As a small crease appeared on his forehead, she had the urge to run a finger over it. That thought brought her back to reality.
“Erm.. I think so.” She coughed slightly before she tried to peer over his shoulder to see what the heck she had tripped on. He was a few inches taller than her and his broad shoulder blocked her view. That was impressive and something she hadn’t noticed before now. She was kind of tall for a woman at 5’7”. Add in her 4 inch heels and she was guessing he had to be at least 6’5”. She cleared her throat quietly before saying, “Thanks for saving me from crashing! I’m so clumsy sometimes!”
“Trust me, the pleasure was all mine.” He replied in that deep sexy voice of his.
“Well, thank you, Mr…” Gwen tilted her head, still gazing at his eyes. She forced her eyes away when she realized that her hands were resting against his chest - a very hard and muscular chest. She took a quick step back, breaking all contact between them. She took a deep breath as she slid her hands down over her hips. She noticed his eyes followed her hands before returning to her eyes.
“Cressley, Cole Cressley. And what is the name of the beautiful woman who trips on her own feet in busy subways? ” he said giving her an easy natural smile that she couldn’t help but return.
“Mr. Cressley, I owe you one. See you on the subway.” Gwen winked before stepping back and turning away. She was quickly absorbed into the mass of people making their way out onto the street. She disappeared before ever giving him her name.
.
Chapter 2
Gwen made her way to her normal spot on the subway Tuesday morning for yet another day in the city. She liked living farther out of the city so she didn’t have to wrestle to get on the subway and deal with trying to find somewhere to stand or sit. The closer to the city they traveled, the more crowded the car became. It was the reason that she normally departed a few exits before she needed to, she didn’t like to have to elbow her way through thick crowds. Yesterday she had an earlier than normal appointment and decided to let the subway get her closer instead of having to walk the couple blocks on her own. She was glad for that now because she had a voice and name to pair with ‘Green Eyes’.
Today, after she handed the homeless man his breakfast, he moved to sit directly in front of her. He was making some pretty disgusting hacking sounds. While she felt for him, she really didn’t need to get sick, so she moved to the complete other side of the car. He didn’t notice as he was too busy eating his sandwich. She pulled out her phone, settling in for her commute. Plugging in the earbuds, she turned on her music before slipping a sketch pad from her bag to make adjustments to one of her designs.
After a few minutes, she looked up and saw that she only had about ten minutes left before her stop so she put her sketch pad back into her bag. She took a deep breath and let her eyes scan the crowd riding with her. She leaned back and crossed her legs at the knee. Today she wore a knee length thin strapped navy blue dress that flowered out from an empire waist. She paired it with a white cap sleeve sweater with three buttons at the top and navy 3 ½ inch thick heeled sandals. She’d pulled her hair back in a French braid to keep it off her face and out of her way. Smoothing her dress down her thighs, she watched a young couple that seemed to be having a heated debate over something. A big body stepped right in front of her view. She raised her eyes up a pair of snug black dress slacks to a pale blue dress shirt topped with a black tie and finally to a pair of green eyes. Cole.
“So, we meet again.” Cole said as Gwen removed her earbuds. His large frame still loomed over her.
“Mr. Cressley, how very nice to see you.” Gwen smiled at him as she shoved her earphones into her bag. “I told you, you could find me on the subway.”
“Are you stalking me?” Cole’s eyebrow lifted slightly.
“I’m pretty sure you are the one that found me. I do ride the subway Monday through Friday.” Gwen raised her eyebrow back at him. She felt odd sitting here talking to this man that she had admired from afar for so long.
“I suppose that is true. I’ll just have to look for you more often.” Cole smiled, flashing straight white teeth at her. “Please, call me Cole.”
“Well, Cole, I’ll be here somewhere. You will just have to find me. I warn you though I am pretty good at blending in
when I want to.” Gwen laughed, “Plus, I bet you have lots to work on.”
“I’ll accept that challenge. And what work?” Cole finally sat next to her, just close enough that their knees barely brushed.
“Most people dressed in suits and business attire are already hip deep in their very busy work day.” Gwen bobbed her head towards another businessman across the aisle, who had his phone in his hand and was punching out something with his thumbs. She watched Cole quite a few times as he did exactly the same thing, but she wasn’t going to admit it.
“Ah. Yes. Admittedly, that’s normally me. Better to get work started so I have less to do when I get to the office. But today I noticed a familiar face. I figured I would put off work for a little while longer and check in with you. You know, make sure you are ok. Yesterday you seemed a bit dazed after the almost fall.”
“I am fine. And don’t let me stop you from conquering the world. We wouldn’t want that!” Gwen winked at him with a smile.
“I’ve already done that, didn’t you know?” Cole smiled back. “So, what is it that you do?”
“Oh no, no. I don’t talk business. How about we settle with you have a job and I have a job, no details needed. I don’t want to know what you do at work, and you don’t really want to know what I do at work. It really isn’t important, anyway, it is just what pays the bills, right? Plus, I’m getting off at the next stop.” Gwen stood still smiling at him. A jolt in the train sent her crashing into him. She slapped her hand against the glass above his head so she didn’t fall completely onto him, but her breast ended up right in his face. She stepped back and with a laugh said, “Well, how’s that for a good bye?”
“I think that should be how we say good bye from now on. I find I’m quite a fan of it.” Cole said as he smiled.
She wrinkled her nose at him with a smile before moving out the door a few seconds later leaving Cole to remember the feel of her breast right in front of his face. He’d gotten a whiff of her wonderfully feminine scent. It was more than the sickly sweet smell of perfume that most women wore in excess. It was an earthy fleshy smell that made him wonder just what it would taste like.
