Barrie, J M - Quality Street, Page 5

  MISS SUSAN. Charlotte, you terrify me. At least, please to put this cloak about your shoulders. Nay, my dear, allow me.

  (She puts a cloak around CHARLOTTE, who departs vindictively for the shrubbery. She will not find LI WY there, however, for next moment MISS PHOEBE darts in from the back.)

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  PHOEBE (in a gay whisper). Susan, another offer Major Link water rotund man, black whiskers, fierce expression; he has rushed away to destroy himself.

  (We have been unable to find any record of the Major's tragic end.)

  AN OLD SOLDIER (looking up from a card table, whence he has heard the raging of BLADES) . Miss Livvy, ma'am, what is this about the moon ?

  (PHOEBE smiles roguishly.) PHOEBE (looking about her). I want my cloak, Aunt Susan.

  MISS SUSAN. I have just lent it to poor Charlotte Parratt. PHOEBE. Oh, auntie !

  OLD SOLDIER. And now Miss Livvy cannot go into the shrubbery to see the moon; and she is so fond of the moon !

  (MISS PHOEBE screws her nose at him

  merrily, and darts back to the dance,

  but she has left a defender behind her.)

  A GALLANT (whose name we have not succeeded

  in discovering). Am I to understand, sir, that

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  you are intimating disparagement of the moon ? If a certain female has been graciously pleased to signify approval of that orb, any slight cast upon the moon, sir, I shall regard as a personal affront.

  OLD SOLDIER. Hoity-toity.

  (But he rises, and they face each other, as MISS SUSAN feels, for battle. She is about to rush between their undrawn swords when there is a commotion outside; a crowd gathers and opens to allow some officers to assist a fainting woman into the tent. It is MISS PHOEBE, and MISS SUSAN with a cry goes on her knees beside her. The tent has filled with the sympathetic and inquisitive, but CAPTAIN BROWN, as a physician, takes command, and by his order they retire. He finds difficulty in bringing the sufferer to, and gets little help from MISS SUSAN, who can only call upon MISS PHOEBE by name.) VALENTINE. Nay, Miss Susan, 'tis useless calling for Miss Phoebe. 'Tis my fault; I should not have permitted Miss Livvy to dance

  82 QUALITY STREET [ACT

  so immoderately. Why do they delay with the cordial ?

  (He goes to the back to close the open- ing, and while he is doing so the incom- prehensible MISS PHOEBE seizes the oppor- tunity to sit up on her couch of chairs, waggle her finger at MISS SUSAN, and sign darkly that she is about to make a genteel recovery.)

  PHOEBE. Where am I? Is that you, Aunt Susan ? What has happened ?

  VALENTINE (returning). Nay, you must recline, Miss Livvy. You fainted. You have over-fatigued yourself. PHOEBE. I remember.

  (BLADES enters with the cordial.) VALENTINE. You will sip this cordial. BLADES. By your leave, sir.

  (He hands it to PHOEBE himself.) VALENTINE. She is in restored looks already, Miss Susan.

  PHOEBE. I am quite recovered. Perhaps if you were to leave me now with my excellent aunt

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  VALENTINE. Be off with you, apple cheeks.

  BLADES. Sir, I will suffer no reference to my complexion; and, if I mistake not, this charm- ing lady was addressing you.

  PHOEBE. If you please, both of you. (They retire together, and no sooner have they gone than MISS PHOEBE leaps from the couch, her eyes sparkling. She presses the cordial on MISS SUSAN.) Nay, drink it, Susan. I left it for you on purpose. I have such awful information to impart. Drink. (MISS SUSAN drinks tremblingly and then the bolt is fired.) Susan, Miss Henrietta and Miss Fanny are here !

  MISS SUSAN. Phoebe !

  PHOEBE. Suddenly my eyes lighted on them. At once I slipped to the ground.

  MISS SUSAN. You think they did not see you?

  PHOEBE. I am sure of it. They talked for a moment to Ensign Blades, and then turned and seemed to be going towards the shrubbery.

  MISS SUSAN. He had heard that you were there with Captain Brown. He must have told them.

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  PHOEBE. I was not. But oh, sister, I am sure they suspect, else why should they be here ? They never frequent balls.

  MISS SUSAN. They have suspected for a week, ever since they saw you in your veil, Phoebe, on the night of the first dance. How could they but suspect, when they have visited us every day since then and we have always pretended that Livvy was gone out.

  PHOEBE. Should they see my face it will be idle to attempt to deceive them.

  MISS SUSAN. Idle indeed; Phoebe, the scandal ! You a schoolmistress !

  PHOEBE. That is it, sister. A little happiness has gone to my head like strong waters. (She is very restless and troubled.)

  MISS SUSAN. My dear, stand still, and think.

  PHOEBE. I dare not, I cannot. Oh, Susan, if they see me we need not open school again.

  MISS SUSAN. We shall starve.

  PHOEBE (passionately). This horrid, forward, flirting, heartless, hateful little toad of a Liwy.

  MISS SUSAN. Brother James's daughter, as we call her !

  ^

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  PHOEBE. 'Tis all James's fault.

  MISS SUSAN. Sister, when you know that James has no daughter !

  PHOEBE. If he had really had one, think you I could have been so wicked as to personate her ? Susan, I know not what I am saying, but you know who it is that has turned me into this wild creature.

  MISS SUSAN. Oh, Valentine Brown, how could you ?

  PHOEBE. To weary of Phoebe patient, lady- like Phoebe the Phoebe whom I have lost to turn from her with a 'Bah, you make me old,' and become enamoured in a night of a thing like this!

  MISS SUSAN. Yes, yes, indeed; yet he has been kind to us also. He has been to visit us several times.

  PHOEBE. In the hope to see her. Was he not most silent and gloomy when we said she was gone out ?

  MISS SUSAN. He is infatuate (She

  hesitates.) Sister, you are not partial to him still?

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  PHOEBE. No, Susan, no. I did love him all those years, though I never spoke of it to you. I put hope aside at once, I folded it up and kissed it and put it away like a pretty garment I could never wear again, I but loved to think of him as a noble man. But he is not a noble man, and Livvy found it out in an hour. The gallant ! I flirted that I might enjoy his fury. Susan, there has been a declaration in his eyes all to-night, and when he cries 'Adorable Miss Livvy, be mine/ I mean to answer with an 'Oh, la, how ridiculous you are. You are much too old I have been but quizzing you, sir.'

  MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, how can you be so cruel ?

  PHOEBE. Because he has taken from me the one great glory that is in a woman's life. Not a man's love she can do without that but her own dear sweet love for him. He is un- worthy of my love; that is why I can be so cruel.

  MISS SUSAN. Oh, dear.

  PHOEBE. And now my triumph is to be

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  denied me, for we must steal away home before Henrietta and Fanny see us. MISS SUSAN. Yes, yes.

  PHOEBE (dispirited) . And to-morrow we must say that Livvy has gone back to her father, for I dare keep up this deception no longer. Susan, let us go.

  (They are going dejectedly, but are arrested by the apparition of MISS HENRIETTA and MISS FANNY peeping into the tent. PHOEBE has just time to signify to her sister that she will confess all and beg for mercy, when the intruders speak.)

  MISS HENRIETTA (nottriumphantbutastounded) . You, Miss Phoebe ?

  PHOEBE (with bowed head). Yes. MISS FANNY. How amazing! You do not deny, ma'am, that you are Miss Phoebe ?

  PHOEBE (making confession). Yes, Fanny, I am Miss Phoebe.

  (To her bewilderment HENRIETTA and FANNY exchange ashamed glances.) MISS HENRIETTA. Miss Phoebe, we have done you a cruel wrong.

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  MISS FANNY. Phoebe, we apologise.

  MISS HENRIETTA. To think how excitedly
we have been following her about in the shrubbery.

  MISS FANNY. She is wearing your cloak.

  MISS HENRIETTA. Ensign Blades told us she was gone to the shrubbery.

  MISS FANNY. And we were convinced there was no such person.

  MISS HENRIETTA. So of course we thought it must be you.

  MISS FANNY (who has looked out). I can discern her in the shrubbery still. She is decidedly taller than Phoebe.

  MISS HENRIETTA. I thought she looked taller. I meant to say so. Phoebe, 'twas the cloak deceived us. We could not see her face.

  PHOEBE (beginning to understand). Cloak? You mean, Henrietta you mean, Fanny- Miss FANNY. 'Twas wicked of us, my dear, but we we thought that you and Miss Livvy were the same person. ( They have evidently been stalking CHARLOTTE in MISS PHOEBE'S cloak. MISS SUSAN shudders, but MISS PHOEBE utters a

  in.] QUALITY STREET 89

  cry of reproach, and it is some time before they can persuade her to forgive tJiem. It is of course also some time before we can forgive MISS PHOEBE.) Phoebe, you look so pretty. Are they paying you no attentions, my dear ?

  (PHOEBE is unable to resist these delight- ful openings. The imploring looks MISS SUSAN gives her but add to her enjoyment. It is as if the sense of fun she had caged a moment ago were broke loose again.} PHOEBE. Alas, they think of none but Livvy. They come to me merely to say that they adore her.

  MISS HENRIETTA. Surely not Captain Brown ? PHOEBE. He is infatuate about her. MISS FANNY. Poor Phoebe !

  (They make much of her y and she purrs naughtily to their stroking, with lightning peeps at MISS SUSAN. Affronted Pro- vidence seeks to pay her out by sending ENSIGN BLADES into the tent. Then the close observer may see MISS PHOEBE'S heart sink like a bucket in a well. MISS SUSAN steals from the tent.)

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  MISS HENRIETTA. Mr. Blades, I have been saying that if I were a gentleman I would pay my addresses to Miss Phoebe much rather than to her niece.

  BLADES. Ma'am, excuse me.

  MISS HENRIETTA (indignant that MISS PHOEBE should be slighted so publicly). Sir, you are a most ungallant and deficient young man.

  BLADES. Really, ma'am, I assure you

  MISS HENRIETTA. Not another word, sir.

  PHOEBE (in Jier most old-maidish manner). Miss Fanny, Miss Henrietta, it is time I spoke plainly to this gentleman. Please leave him to me. Surely 'twill come best from me.

  MISS HENRIETTA. Indeed, yes, if it be not too painful to you.

  PHOEBE. I must do my duty.

  MISS FANNY (wistfully) . If we could remain

  PHOEBE. Would it be seemly, Miss Fanny ?

  MISS HENRIETTA. Come, Fanny. (To BLADES.) Sir, you bring your punishment upon yourself.

  (They press PHOEBE'S hand y and go. Her heart returns to its usual abode.)

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  BLADES Bewildered) . Are you angry with me, Miss Livvy? PHOEBE. Oh, no.

  BLADES. Miss Livvy, I have something to say to you of supreme importance to me. With regard to my complexion, I am aware, Miss Livvy, that it has retained a too youthful bloom. My brother officers comment on it with a certain lack of generosity. (Anxiously.) Might I in- quire, ma'am, whether you regard my com- plexion as a subject for light talk.

  PHOEBE. No indeed, sir, I only wish I had it. BLADES (who has had no intention of offering, but is suddenly carried off his feet by the excellence of the opportunity, which is no doubt responsible for many proposals). Miss Livvy, ma'am, you may have it.

  (She has a great and humorous longing that she could turn before his affrighted eyes into the schoolmistress she really is. She would endure much to be able at this moment to say, 'I have listened to you, ENSIGN BLADES, with attention, but I am really MISS PHOEBE, and I must now re-

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  quest you to fetch me the implement. 9 Under the shock, would he have sur- rendered his palm for punishment? It can never be known, for as she looks at him longingly, LIEUTENANT SPICER enters, and he mistakes the meaning of that longing look.)

  SPICER. 'Tis my dance, ma'am 'tis not Ensign Blades'.

  BLADES. Leave us, sir. We have matter of moment to discuss.

  SPICER (fearing the worst) . His affection, Miss Livvy, is not so deep as mine. He is a light and shallow nature.

  PHOEBE. Pooh ! You are both light and shallow natures.

  BLADES. Both, ma'am ? (But he is not sure that he has not had a miraculous escape.)

  PHOEBE (severely) . 'Tis such as you, with your foolish flirting ways, that confuse the minds of women and make us try to be as silly as your- selves.

  SPICER (crushed). Ma'am.

  PHOEBE. I did not mean to hurt you. (She

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  takes a hand of each and tries to advise them as if her curls were once more hidden under a cap.) You are so like little boys in a school. Do be good. Sit here beside me. I know you are very brave

  BLADES. Ha !

  PHOEBE. And when you come back from the wars it must be so delightful to you to flirt with the ladies again.

  SPICER. Oh, ma'am.

  PHOEBE. As soon as you see a lady with a pretty nose you cannot help saying that you adore her.

  BLADES (in an ecstasy). Nay, I swear.

  PHOEBE. And you offer to her, not from love, but because you are so deficient in conversation.

  SPICER. Charming, Miss Livvy.

  PHOEBE (with sudden irritation). Oh, sir, go away; go away, both of you, and read improving books.

  (They are cast down. She has not been quite fair to these gallants, for it is not really of them she has grown weary so much

  94 QUALITY STREET [ACT

  as of the lady they temporarily adore. If MISS PHOEBE were to analyse her feelings she would find that her remark is addressed to LIWY, and that it means, '/ have en- joyed for a little pretending to be you, but I am not you and I do not wish to be you. Your glitter and the airs of you and the racket of you tire me, I want to be done with you, and to be back in quiet Quality Street, of which I am a part; it is really pleasant to me to know that I shall wake up to-morrow slightly middle-aged' With the entrance of CAPTAIN BROWN, however, she is at once a frivol again. He frowns at sight of her cavaliers.)

  VALENTINE. Gentlemen, I instructed this lady to rest, and I am surprised to find you in attendance. Miss Livvy, you must be weary of their fatuities, and I have taken the liberty to order your chaise.

  PHOEBE. It is indeed a liberty. BLADES. An outrage. PHOEBE. I prefer to remain. VALENTINE. Nay.

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  PHOEBE. I promised this dance to Ensign Blades.

  SPICER. To me, ma'am.

  PHOEBE. And the following one to Lieutenant Spicer. Mr. Blades, your arm.

  VALENTINE. I forbid any further dancing.

  PHOEBE. Forbid. La !

  BLADES. Sir, by what right

  VALENTINE. By a right which I hope to make clear to Miss Livvy as soon as you gentlemen have retired.

  (PHOEBE sees that the declaration is coming. She steels herself.)

  PHOEBE. I am curious to know what Captain Brown can have to say to me. In a few minutes, Mr. Blades, Lieutenant Spicer, I shall be at your service.

  VALENTINE. I trust not.

  PHOEBE. I give them my word.

  (The young gentlemen retire, treading air once more. BROWN surveys her rather grimly.)

  VALENTINE. You are an amazing pretty girl, ma'am, but you are a shocking flirt.

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  PHOEBE. La !

  VALENTINE. It has somewhat diverted me to watch them go down before you. But I know you have a kind heart, and that if there be a rapier in your one hand there is a handkerchief in the other ready to staunch their wounds.

  PHOEBE. I have not observed that they bled much.

  VALENTINE. The Blades and the like, no. But one may, perhaps.

  PHOEBE (obviously tfie reference is to himself). Perhaps I may wish to see him bleed.

  VALENTINE (grown ster
n). For shame, Miss

  Livvy. (Anger rises in her, but sJie wishes him to

  proceed.) I speak, ma'am, in the interests of

  the man to whom I hope to see you affianced.

  (No, she does not wish him to proceed. She

  had esteemed him for so long, she cannot

  have him debase himself before her now.)

  PHOEBE. Shall we I have changed my mind, I consent to go home. Please to say nothing.

  VALENTINE. Nay

  PHOEBE. I beg you.

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  VALENTINE. No. We must have it out.

  PHOEBE. Then if you must go on, do so. But remember I begged you to desist. Who is this happy man ?

  (His next words are a great shock to her.}

  VALENTINE. As to who he is, ma'am, of course I have no notion. Nor, I am sure, have you, else you would be more guarded in your conduct. But some day, Miss Livvy, the right man will come. Not to be able to tell him all, would it not be hard? And how could you acquaint him with this poor sport? His face would change, ma'am, as you told him of it, and yours would be a false face until it was told. This is what I have been so desirous to say to you by the right of a friend.

  PHOEBE (in a low voice but bravely). I see.

  VALENTINE (afraid that he has hurt her) . It has been hard to say and I have done it bunglingly. Ah, but believe me, Miss Livvy, it is not the flaunting flower men love; it is the modest violet.

  PHOEBE. The modest violet! You dare to say that.

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  VALENTINE. Yes, indeed, and when you are acquaint with what love really is

  PHOEBE. Love ! What do you know of love ?