Faun & Games, Page 2

  He fetched his knapsack, which he always used when going far from his tree, and ran through field and dale until he came to Passion's cave.

  Lovely purple flowers grew at its entrance, and the scent of the air was sweet.

  Oh, no! He had in his haste forgotten something important. It was usual to bring a little gift to Passion when visiting her. It wasn't exactly to put her in a good mood, because she was always in a good mood. It wasn't just protocol, either. It was that a gift tended to make her feel that she should do something in return-and he really needed that return favor.

  What could he find for a gift? Passion's main weakness was that she couldn't do anything physical. She couldn't walk out of her cave and see the sights or pick the flowers. So sometimes folk brought her stories of the things outside, to keep her informed. But he suspected he would need more than that.

  Then he remembered something. The chips! Passion loved chips. What she did with them no one knew, but she truly valued them. He knew where some nice chips grew.

  He ran to the glade where the chips were. Sure enough, there was a nice new crop of them. Chips of every kind grew in profusion. Which ones would please her most? He pondered briefly, then went for a Potato Chip. The moment he harvested it, he felt the urge to speak, and his words were really salty. He also felt extremely thirsty. He quickly put it into his knapsack and sealed it shut.

  Across the glade was a brown region. He went there and harvested a Chocolate Chip. It smelled good enough to eat, but he didn't dare take time for that now. If he ate one, he might get a hunger for more, and be unable to stop. So he popped it quickly into his bag.

  One more should do it. He looked around, and saw an old block in the center of the glade. So he went and took a chip off that. It was very stubborn and didn't want to turn loose, but when he touched it he got stubborn too, and finally did pry the chip off the old block.

  He nerved himself and entered the cave. It was very nice inside. He knew that it was really a rather ordinary cave, but the overflow from the love spring ran through it, and some of the water evaporated and suffused the air. That was part of the complication. He would have tried to breathe through a cloth or something, but that would be impolite, and impoliteness was bad form when one came begging a favor.

  So he took it in stride, and his stride was good. He reached the center, where reclined a device fashioned of passion wood. He stopped and took a breath.

  Before he spoke, a screen lighted. Who is there,? it inquired in neat cursive script.

  “Forrest Faun,” he said. “From the nearby sandalwood tree.”

  WHY DEAR BOY HOW VERY NICE TO SEE YOU. THE SCREEN SAID WITH A SWEET ROW OF HEARTS ACROSS THE BOTTOM.

  “Uh, likewise, I'm sure,” he said. This wasn't going well. “Uh, I brought you a gift.”

  The screen glowed brightly. Why how very thoughtful of you, dear boy! And the hearts grew larger. If Not well at all! “Uh, here they are.” He fumbled in his bag and pulled out the Chocolate Chip. “A sweet for the sweet.” He found another chip and fumbled it out. “A salt for the salty.” oops; that wasn't right. So he rushed on to the third: “And a chip off the old block for the stubborn.” Worse yet!

  Why dear boy, I believe you are flustered the screen said, smiling.

  “Uh, yes,” he confessed. He was two centuries old, but felt like an adolescent elf.

  How very sweet. The screen turned Valentine pink. And what is your request of me, dear boy.”

  Forrest launched into his story of the fate of Branch Faun and the need to save his tree. “So I must go ask the Good Magician what to do,” he concluded. “But I can't even leave my own tree that long, safely. So I thought maybe you could, well, sort of change reality to make the trees all right, for a while, if you wanted to, until I get back.” Suddenly it seemed rather stupid.

  So all this is just to help a tree?

  “Yes,” he confessed, feeling woefully inadequate. The whole notion was ridiculous. He would have to find some other way. “But I guess you have more important things to do. I'm sorry I bothered you.”

  Dear boy, you have such a generous spirit, I really like you. Of course you must save the tree. I will help you.

  “You will?” He was amazed. He had thought it so trivial, as far as anyone else was concerned, but now it seemed important again.

  Yes. Of course I have my price.

  Dread surged back. What changed reality would she require of him?

  “Yes.”

  You know I have a romantic nature, but that I am a machine. I can only dream of love, not actually experience it.

  “Yes.” This sounded worse.

  But I can on occasion approximate love, if I have a cooperative partner.

  She could? What was she going to make him do? But he was stuck for it.

  “Yes.”

  Kiss my mouse.

  “But you don't have a mouth, ComPassion.”

  Not mouth. Mouse.

  “What?”

  I have a mouse, she explained patiently. I want you to kiss it. What term do you not understand?

  “But-a mouse?”

  A small living creature, useful for going where I am unable to go.

  In this case, romance.

  She thought it would be romantic for him to kiss her mouse? “I- if I have to-”

  Be thankful I managed to exchange the donkey I had recently for the mouse. It was an asinine creature.

  He certainly wouldn't have wanted to kiss her asinine creature. “Okay.”

  Then the cave chamber shimmered, and he knew she was changing reality.

  It became a lovely glade surrounded by red, green, purple, yellow, and orange trees, with their assorted round fruits of similar colors, and flour plants growing in the center. From the far side came the prettiest nymph he could remember seeing, with thick lustrous brown hair that spread out to form a cloak for her body. But it could not conceal the elegant curves of that graceful form as she walked.

  She came up to him as he stood somewhat bemused by the change. He had not expected a reality shift of this magnitude. And what was the nymph doing here.?

  “I am Terian,” she said. “Kiss me.”

  “But I'm supposed to kiss a-a mouse,” he said.

  “I am that one. I am the Mouse Terian. I am older than I look.”

  “You're the mouse?” He stared at her. “But you're beautiful!”

  “Thank you. It has been forty millennia since I have had a compliment like that. Others have thought me to be primitive or crude.”

  “Oh, you are neither of those things! You are the loveliest creature I can imagine.”

  “Thank you. Now you must kiss me, for I can't kiss you. I don't know how.”

  “Like this,” he said enthusiastically. He folded her lithe and softly yielding body in his arms and kissed her firmly on her luscious lips. At first she was hesitant, but then she got into the feel of it and kissed him back. What had been a halfway experimental effort became a full-fledged delight.

  After a wonderfully long time he felt obliged to break it off. For one thing, he had forgotten to breathe. He looked into her deep brown eyes.

  “Oh, Terian, that was the greatest kiss I ever had!”

  “Thank you.” Then she turned and walked back across the glade.

  Astonished, he just watched, not knowing what to make of it.

  The scene shimmered, and the cave returned. He was staring at the screen, where the words Thank you were scripted.

  “I don't understand,” he said.

  Mouse Terian could not stay. I can alter reality only so much. Perhaps some day someone will go out into the field and harvest me a cereal port so that I can make better use of the mouse. But he did enjoy your kiss.

  And so did I He was slowly and uncertainly recovering his grip on reality. “She-what is she like, really?”

  A mouse ran up on top of the wooden frame holding the screen and stood on its hind feet for a moment, facing him. Here.

  So Teri
an really was a mouse. He truly had kissed a mouse. Transformed by a temporarily local change of reality, but nevertheless a mouse.

  Yet a detail didn't fit. “But she spoke to me! In sound.”

  I am rather proud of my sound system. As the words appeared on the screen, they came in sound too. I was the one speaking.

  So it could all be explained. It had been crafted from sound and temporary reality. It hadn't really been a lovely nymph. Still, it had been impressive. “I think you are getting close to the feeling of romance, ComPassion,” he said sincerely.

  Thank you. Wait until I complete my next upgrade. Then more than kissing will be feasible.

  That was somewhat daunting. “Is-is that all?”

  Yes, unfortunately, for now. Take the two disks beside me and set one in each tree. They will alter the trees' reality slightly, so that your absence will seem like only a day. They will not wither or wilt. But you must be back within a month, or the effect will fade, and then they will suffer.

  “Thank you,” he said gratefully. He picked up the two small wooden disks and tucked them carefully into his knapsack.

  Any time, dear boy. It was a pleasure.

  He made his way outside. The fresh air cleared his head of the fumes from the love spring. He realized that in that ambiance he had wanted to experience the romance, and that must have helped the effect. What a woman Terian had seemed to be! Some day she would surely make some male mouse excruciatingly happy. And once ComPassion was fully compatible, she might make the notorious Com-Pewter happy too.

  There was a swirl of smoke before him. Two parts of it descended to the ground and formed into feet. The rest became a smoky nymph figure.

  “This must be the faun,” she said.

  “Of course it's me, Mentia,” he said. “Who else would it be?”

  The dark face frowned. “I am not Mentia.”

  oops. Demonesses could be troublesome when annoyed. “I apologize. I thought any creature that lovely had to be Mentia.”

  “Oh you did, did you'? Mentia's crazy. Consider this.”

  The form shifted and reassembled, becoming so exquisite that it was difficult to look at her without flinching.

  “You're right,” Forrest said, shielding his eyes with one hand. “That's twice as lovely as she was.”

  “And only half as lovely as I could be, if I cared to make the effort.

  Well, come on, faun; I don't have all week.”

  “Come on? Where?”

  “To Humfrey's castle, of course. Where else did you think?”

  A dim bulb flickered. “You're Mentia's friend!”

  “Hmph. An exaggeration. But yes, I am Demoness Sire, and I did owe her half a favor. So I'll guide you there. But that's all. No round trip, that would require a whole favor. And I'm not going to make you deliriously happy enroute, so forget about that too.”

  “I wasn't even thinking of it.”

  She looked disappointed. “You weren't?”

  This could be more mischief. “Well, I was trying to suppress the thought of it, with imperfect success. I am a faun, you know. We're related to the satyrs. We have similar urges, but more self control.”

  She considered. “Suppose I looked like this?” She became somewhat more luscious.

  “Please don't, because then I would be thinking of it all the time.”

  “Suppose I became like this?” The scant clothing on her form shrank, causing parts of her to bulge dangerously.

  “Then I would be so overwhelmed I'd be constantly grabbing for you, just like a satyr, unable to help myself.”

  She nodded, satisfied, and sagged into a lesser form. He was learning how to handle demonesses.

  “But first I must see to the trees,” he added. “Then I'm all yours or would be, if I weren't struggling not to think of it.”

  D. Sire looked even more satisfied. She drifted beside him as he wended his way back to his home glade. “Is it true that nymphs & fauns have very little magic, apart from their longevity, empty headedness, and insatiable urge to pretend to summon fleets of storks?”

  “Flocks of storks,” he responded shortly.

  “Flocks. So it is true, cute-horns?”

  “Not exactly. The magic of nymphs is to become phenomenally attractive to males when they run and bounce, so that any male who spies a running nymph is compelled to pursue her though he knows he can't catch her. The magic of fauns is to run fast enough to catch the nymphs, and to make them desire to celebrate when there is physical contact.”

  “Fascinating,” she said, sounding bored. “Does it work on other females?”

  “Why, I hadn't thought of that. I suppose if they removed their clothes and ran-”

  “I mean the animal magnetism. Do real women get hot when a faun touches them?”

  “Well, we don't chase real women. They know too much, and they aren't as well shaped. In addition, they often regard fauns as misshapen, and are repelled. So there's no way of knowing-”

  “So they tend to avoid contact. But if it should happen, what then?”

  She dropped to the ground and put her arms around him. Her upper section pressed into his chest in two firm places, and her lower section pressed his fur in one firmer place. “Is this sufficient contact?” Then her eyes grew large and dreamy. “Oh, it's true! Suddenly I want to get much closer to you.” The three places increased their pressures.

  Forrest struggled to disengage. “You're not a woman, you're a demoness.

  If I tried to celebrate with you, you would just dissolve into laughing gas.”

  “True,” she agreed, dissolving into puffs of vapor that spelled out HA HA. “But nevertheless also true that your touch inspires a certain lust. So I shall make sure not to tease you from too close.”

  “Thank you.” It had been all he could do to stop from trying what she had been teasing him to try.

  “Unless I change my smoky mind,” she said, reforming into something luscious.

  He went to the two trees, and tucked a disk into the lowest cleft of branches of each. The trees did not seem to change, but he trusted ComPassion. They should be all right. He fetched a spare pair of sandals, just in case, and put them in his knapsack. “Now I am ready to o. Which way'?”

  “South. He lives below the Gap Chasm.”

  “The what?”

  “Don't tell me you don't remember! The forget spell wore off it years ago.”

  “It isn't that I don't remember. It's that I never knew.”

  “Oh. Well, it's a huge cleft in the ground that is impossible to penetrate unless you know how.” She pursed her lips as she spoke the words “cleft” and “penetrate,” as if suggesting something naughty.

  Forrest had no idea what nuance she was nuancing, so he ignored it.

  “Will you tell me how'?”

  “Of course not. That's more of a favor than I owe Mentia.”

  He had thought as much. Still, limited guidance was better than none.

  Maybe he would be able to ask along the way.

  Forrest stood at the brink of a monstrous abyss that was yawning despite the fullness of day. So this was the dreaded Gap Chasm! It was indeed impressive.

  “So how do you suppose you will get across this impassable abyss?” Demoness Sire inquired.

  “I suppose I will have to find a place to climb down into it, cross the bottom, and find a place to climb up the other side. We fauns are good climbers, because of our hoofs.”

  “Ixnay, faun. The Gap Dragon ranges the depths, eagerly waiting for idiots like you to try just that. He's a six legged steamer, and chomps first and asks questions later.”

  “Well, maybe I can find a bridge across it. There must be one somewhere.”

  “Several. One's invisible. Another is one way.”

  “One way?”

  “Whichever way you're going, it's going the other way.”

  Forrest had encountered a one way path in his day, so he knew how that worked. “Well, I'll keep looking. There must be som
e way that folk cross it.”

  “There is.”

  “And you won't tell me.”

  “That would be a smidgen over my half favor.”

  So he walked west along the brink. After an indefinite time, he heard a scrambling in the brush. He turned toward it, holding his sandalwood staff protectively before him. It would kick anything that turned out to be dangerous, giving him time to run to safety.

  In two and a half moments he spied an odd animal caught in briers. It looked like a male werewolf, but couldn't be, because that would have changed to human form to pick away the prickly vines. As it was, the poor creature could hardly move, and more briers were reaching for it.

  They would soon coil completely around and prick it to death so they could feed on its blood.

  Forrest didn't like briers much, so he decided to help the animal.

  “Could you use some assistance?” he called.

  The not-werewolf looked at him. “Arf!”

  Forrest wasn't sharp on animal languages, but he had a nodding acquaintance. That sounded like canine for “yes.” So he used his staff to clear a path through the briers. They whipped around, striking at it, trying to stab it, but couldn't hurt the wood. The staff gave them increasingly hefty kicks in return, until they gave up.

  He reached the animal, and carefully pried the briers from its body.

  Soon it was free. “Now follow me out, and stay close to my staff,” he said. The animal nodded.

  When they were safely out of the brier patch, Forrest turned to the animal. “If you don't mind my asking, who are you, and what kind of a creature are you? You seem like only half of a werewolf.”

  “Woof!” the animal replied.

  “So your name is Woof.”

  “Oh, come on, you'll never get it that way,” Sire said, appearing beside them. “You are wasting my time.”

  Forrest hardly spared her a dark glance. “You could save your time by telling me how to cross the Gap Chasm expediently.”

  She ignored that. “His name is Woofer. He's a Mundane dog.”

  Forrest was amazed. “A Mundane creature! I thought they were extinct.”

  “No such luck. There's more than a slew of them north of Xanth.”

  She faded out in disgust.